What to do when you cheated on your husband. then angry and irritable. What to do if the husband wants to change

Upon learning that the beloved man has gone “to the left”, women behave differently. Someone is ready to arrange an unforgettable showdown for the lovebird, while someone prefers to remain silent and pretend that nothing happened. How not to behave when you are being cheated on? simple rules shared with AiF.ru expert on interpersonal relationships Elena Tsedova.

1. Martyrdom

Sometimes a woman takes on a kind of martyrdom. What do I mean by this: i.e. she knows about cheating, practically owns complete information(who is this woman, where and when the husband meets his mistress), but at the same time is silent. She does not say anything, thus she humiliates herself both in her eyes and in his. Even if the marriage eventually manages to be saved, then this happens with a huge moral loss on the part of the woman, and no longer about any family happiness and there can be no talk. You can't be silent. Often a woman is afraid that if you start to sort things out, especially if you give an ultimatum, your beloved will leave. But according to statistics, if a man does not leave the family six months after the start sexual relations with another woman, then out of 100 cheaters only eight leave the family! Men really don't like cardinal changes they are afraid of them. Moreover, out of the eight who left, four come back. Therefore, there is no need to experience wild fear that he will leave and never return.

Of course, if a woman begins to suspect betrayal and puts a lot of pressure on her beloved, throws tantrums and scandals, a man will want to leave not even from her, but from these scandals. Most of all, men value comfort and tranquility in the family. You don’t want this, you want to build relationships further, you have the strength to step over a difficult stage in your life. life together? Then you need to behave calmly, benevolently and confidently.

According to statistics, if a man does not leave the family six months after the start of sexual relations with another woman, then only eight out of 100 cheaters leave the family! Men extremely do not like cardinal changes, they are afraid of them.

2. "Kind people"

Often, women learn about the betrayal of a loved one from “well-wishers”. In order to understand how to act in such a situation, you need to decide what you will do if it is really true. Replay the situation in your head, discarding the emotions of resentment as much as possible. Are you ready to understand and forgive betrayal? If you are ready, then all gossip and denunciations should be treated accordingly. Few people say anything? In such a situation, a woman should never express her concerns to a man, because she has made a decision that she stays. And if you stay, what difference does it make whether he had anything with a secretary or not? It is much easier to live with the thought that nothing really happened, and in time you will simply forget about this situation.

If you are not ready to forgive and stay in the family, then before blaming your loved one, be sure to clarify some points, that is, you don’t have to take the word of people who told you about treason, you only need reliable facts. The fact that, for example, someone mistook your husband's colleague for a mistress does not yet mean that he is sleeping with her, perhaps it's just flirting. Let's not forget that many women also like to flirt, but this does not lead to anything. So don't beat yourself up.

3. Meeting with a homeowner

Such meetings make absolutely no sense, especially if you want to tear out a tuft of hair to your mistress and show who is the boss in the house. Men are so arranged that they are bound to feel guilty. Oddly enough, it invigorates them. If there is a wife and a mistress, he will be especially guilty before one of them.

Feeling guilty before a mistress is the collapse of a marriage.

When his wife escorts him to work, kisses him on the nose, gives lunch, a little son who looks like him immediately runs out, blinks his eyes and says: “Daddy, I'll be waiting for you,” he feels guilty before his wife and family. When, after all this, he comes to his mistress, he will even have sex with her with a sense of guilt before his wife, and, in the end, such meetings will come to naught. But if a woman says: “Listen, where are you going? To be at home at 8, ”she gives him a negative charge. This is what a mistress needs, who, after such “gentle” instructions, will tell him affectionately: “Don’t worry, it’s okay, she just doesn’t understand you.” And if his wife also calls him to check, and the “caring and sensitive” mistress, without showing displeasure, quietly helps to open the window, as if he is driving in a traffic jam, at that moment he will begin to feel guilty already in front of her. It is this woman who helps him in everything, accepts him as he is, and therefore loves him. Feeling guilty before a mistress is the collapse of a marriage.

So, if the wife still comes and starts tearing her hair out on the lover, then at the moment when the husband arrives in Once again to her passion, she, with torn hair and sad eyes, will tell him: “Nothing, nothing, Kolenka, I understand everything, I’m a woman.” That's it, his mistress is a hero for him, she's done well. And you can forget about the hysterical wife in general.

4. Treason for treason

Such a reaction reminds me of the expression: to spite the conductor, I will buy a ticket and not go. In the pursuit of revenge, in most cases, you will only punish yourself. Cheating on a husband or loved one is always a very great tragedy because it's a betrayal. But you need to understand that when a woman leaves, for example, for a resort in order to forget herself and start, as they say, in all serious ways, in fact, at that moment she does not need sex, but to feel that someone needs her, that she is still a woman, that she is sexy, that she can be loved and can be wanted. As you understand, a short affair will give all this for a very short time. When the woman arrives after the experience holiday romance or just some dubious relationship back home, she will have apathy, because she will understand that her husband left, and her lover just used her. A woman rarely, after short novels, has the feeling that she used a man for her own purposes, usually the realization comes that he used her as a toy. Therefore, there is no need to go for such an experiment, it will not help solve the problem, and perhaps only exacerbate it.

5. Forgiveness must be earned.

When you immediately forgive a man for cheating, he understands what is the main value of your life, which means that he can once again go left, and you will forgive him again. Therefore, you need to arrange a grandiose theatrical performance in order to hang guilt on the cheater, and he really deserves it. As I said, the main thing is to do it without scandals, quietly and calmly. You can roar and speak out with your mother or girlfriends, but then come and calmly say: “You know, dear, you think about it and do something for our relationship.” It is necessary to bring a loved one to the fact that he again began to seek you.

Men love to say the phrase: "Let's start all over again." So tell him: “Come on, courtship, restaurants, flowers, serenades under the window, but I still can’t come on a date because my mother didn’t let me go”

Men love to say the phrase: "Let's start all over again." So tell him: “Come on, courtship, restaurants, flowers, serenades under the window, but I still can’t come on a date because my mother didn’t let me go,” and so on. If you decide to start all over again, then you should happen again candy-bouquet period. Let the guilty spouse give gifts, win attention, kneel. But after you have forgiven him, never remember this case of betrayal again. Even in comic form: "Hee hee hee, where did you go, to Zina?" - Forget about it. You have to make a decision once. Forgive - it means that everything is with clean slate without reminders of the mistakes of the past. If you don't forgive, break up and file for divorce.

There are different circumstances and reasons for betrayal, but in any case, the most relevant questions are: “What to do?” and “How to behave?”.

Family psychologists have developed a number of typologies, based on which, you can choose the most the right tactics behavior, and most importantly, they described a number of signs by which one can understand that the husband has changed.

How a man behaves if he cheats on you

Signs of male infidelity:

Previously, the husband was sloppy, but now every day he changes his underwear, began to shop for clothes more often, changes his style. Of course, all these signs are relevant if the man has not undergone any significant changes, for example, an increase in the career ladder or attending courses on personal growth.
Increased secrecy. before him mobile phone was always available to you, and now it is constantly with him or a password has appeared. The same applies to a personal computer: password, clean browser history, constant change mail access code.
Relationships. A man is often annoyed, does not want to communicate, constantly finds a reason for nitpicking, tries to spend as little time as possible next to you. intimate life has come to naught or has become a fairly rare occurrence, provided that the husband has no health problems. Change sexual temperament, it seems that he just cooled down or lost his passion.
Diseases most often transmitted through sexual contact are sexually transmitted diseases. This item may indicate that a man does not have a permanent lover, he perceives infidelity as a game with which he proves to himself that he is still capable of much.
Another woman influences habits and manners, so if a meat-loving husband suddenly becomes a vegetarian, this should alert you.
Salary hiding, cuts family budget. If earlier you always knew what and why your husband was buying, now he not only stopped telling, but also blocked access to his card. After all, a mistress, as a rule, needs to be sought, given gifts, pampered, and without finance it is impossible to do this, the husband can only hide his accounts.
The most classic sign is being late at work. Emergency jobs, business trips, emergency meetings, provided that earlier work did not provide for all this, there was no promotion. Perhaps, they have not yet come up with a brighter sign of betrayal, because in this way, a man tries to spend as little time as possible within the walls of the house, where he is likely to face a scandal or another quarrel, and in this case, unfortunately, part of the blame lies with the woman who could not create comfort in the house.

But you should understand that these are only signs. Until the husband’s betrayal is confirmed, you should not make scandals and showdowns, otherwise you can, on the contrary, push your loved one to this act.

What to do if you find out about treason, how to find the right words?

The first thing that comes to mind is to make a scandal, but this simplest way does not always help solve the problem, and often only exacerbates it. Calmness and a clear mind are the keys to success. In no case do not blame the man, try to find out what caused it.

In any case, it is important to solve this problem, no one forbids expressing their emotions, but not more than three days, because then it can become a habit and instead happy life, will have to constantly play the role of the victim. Throw out your emotions and start making a plan for what to do next.

One popular psychologist advises first of all to accept this situation, because in fact there is no way to fix it, but to torment yourself, trying to find a mistake Right way to self-destruction as a person. The next step is to understand what you want to get in this situation: save the marriage or start building a new relationship. It is this choice in this situation that is the most important, starting from it, it is worth building a dialogue, choosing the right words.

The husband continues to cheat and lie, but does not want to leave the family

Perhaps one of the most controversial situations is when a husband walks, but by no means wants to leave his family. In this case, there are several reasons for this behavior:

love for both women
treason - as satisfaction of needs

Both the first and second options are quite complex and have a rather negative effect on a woman's self-esteem. But if she wants to save the family by forgiving her husband, it is important to get together and understand what the man lacks, what the two of them missed in their relationship. Build a tactic of your actions that will exclude possible mistakes and bring the man back to the house.

If a decision is made, end the relationship with the husband who cheated.

Psychologist's advice: a woman finally and irrevocably ends communication, analyzes the current situation, can attend courses personal growth, but in no case blames himself and does not give up.

How to behave after cheating

First of all, you need to determine the reasons why the spouse could change. You need to act for these reasons!

As a rule, a man cheats and deceives if there is a problem in the family or a number of difficulties that do not suit him. Sometimes, when leaving, a man voices what prompted him to commit an act, but not always.
Therefore, after analyzing family life, it is important to highlight this weakness and try to change it.
Perhaps the feelings are gone?
Try to recall how it all began, what your union was striving for. The solution might be romantic evening, a joint trip, a trip to places that are significant for your couple.
Intimate life - often this is the reason for treason.
Try to add variety: games, new underwear, a man will appreciate it.
Try to show that your feelings are alive, and you are ready to forgive his act.
Together trying to return well-being and love to the family. Especially if the spouse repents.
Don't give up and don't let yourself go.
The main advice of experts is to perceive this situation, as a reason to take time for yourself, put yourself in order, expand your circle of hobbies, update your wardrobe. To a woman who, even in this case, does not give up and continues or begins to move, a man is likely to want to return.

Only by loving yourself again and regaining your own respect, you can not only return your husband, but also radically change your life.

Common Mistakes

The woman who finds out that her husband is lying or on a spree , due to his emotional state, he can make a lot of mistakes.

Here is a list of possible errors:

A pity.
The girl, feeling sorry for herself, begins to literally seek the same reaction from the people around her.
Blame shifting.
A husband who commits an offense becomes the cause of all the failures of a woman.
Self care.
Unwillingness to leave the house, lack of desire to do anything, depressed mood - a reason to turn to a psychologist, because being in this state, a woman is prone to thoughts of suicide.
Showdown with a mistress.
Such actions lower a woman in the eyes of her husband, a rival is a motivation to strive to become better, it is in this vein that it is only worth perceiving her.

Cheating on a pregnant wife

Pregnancy is the most beautiful, but rather difficult time, both for the girl herself and for her husband. It is during this period that short, one-time betrayals occur, which in some cases develop into a romance.

The reasons for such manifestations of infidelity are quite simple: a man does not have enough intimacy, he has a fear that everything will change and he will no longer be loved. After all, a pregnant woman changes a lot and a man is simply not ready for such changes.

If you believe the statistics, then the betrayal that occurred during pregnancy is not repeated.

A man, having taken his child and his beloved from the hospital, is simply no longer able to repeat his act.

A woman who finds out about her husband's infidelity during her pregnancy should show all her wisdom, try to forgive her husband, but only if, after the birth of the baby, the man sincerely repented and stopped his romance.

Is divorce worth it?

If a man cheats, then the woman decides to save or dissolve the marriage, on which, in this case, much more depends than on her husband. After all, it is in her power to return him or push him away forever, but how to make this choice and what to rely on. Psychologist's advice on when you should not save a marriage:

If treason is not the first, then the last is unlikely to appear. Such a man is unlikely to stop, because for him infidelity is a game, entertainment.
A man blames his wife for his actions. Inability to take responsibility for an act, a guarantee that a man can repeat it.
Unwillingness to change anything, inability to compromise.

If you don't want a divorce no matter what

Having become acquainted with the factors described above and not finding your own, you need to evaluate the pros and cons of your marriage, analyze the actions of a man, when and why did he cheat, when did he find out that his beloved was aware of what he was doing? If he sincerely repented, asked for forgiveness and is ready to change and work on relationships, then marriage must be fought for.

But it is not uncommon for a woman to be ready to forgive her beloved for anything, the main thing is that he be there, such love is called “sick”. Often an experienced psychologist can help in such a situation.

Then the woman must end the relationship through pain, turn to a specialist if necessary for help, work on her self-esteem. And loving herself, the world, she can find her true love that won't hurt her.

How to live on

In the event that the marriage nevertheless broke up, it is useless to advise anything to a woman, she herself must understand her value and uniqueness. The only thing that psychologists recommend is to turn Special attention for a set of rules:

A woman is unique and unique, if a man has not noticed this, then most likely he is simply not the one who is needed.
Every situation is a lesson. And betrayal, including, because it is she who teaches how to behave so that her husband does not change. And this is a great experience, which will certainly come in handy in the future.
If a girl loves herself, then others simply have no choice. That is why it is important to always take care of yourself and remember that no man is worthy of her giving up.

Thus, we can conclude that situations are different: some allow you to restore a family, others are a reason to start something else completely new, the main thing is to solve any problem only with a cold mind and remember that everything will be fine, one way or another.

What to do if you cheated on your wife

Cheating in a relationship

What to do if you cheated on your wife

You love your wife or girlfriend, but you are completely confused in the relationship. Remember that losing the love of your life is one of the hardest blows you can ever get. Especially when you know that only you are to blame.

But, nevertheless, there is always a way out, even from such difficult situation. It is worth adhering to a number of principles, and then, perhaps, your wife will forgive you for treason. Why is it possible? Because not everyone can forgive betrayal.

Be honest with your wife. When your wife finds out about the infidelity, you need to be clear and consistent. No need to get confused in your words, no need to come up with some kind of additional facts. Ideally, you yourself should tell her this, and not someone else. There should be only one story, no more and no less. Don't blame your wife, even if she's wrong. You made a mistake, and it doesn't matter what it is: betrayal or unwillingness to solve problems with your wife. Trust can only be restored with the truth, even if it is not so easy to speak.

Apologize to her. Say you're sorry and ask for forgiveness. So get ready for the fact that this will not be the most pleasant and welcoming reception in your life. But this is the most logical step in this situation.

It is also possible to close and be proud if all the power and financial resources are in your hands. But then there's the possibility nervous breakdown your wife out of desperation. It is also worth noting that if this is not the first betrayal, then either the wife does not care about you, or she will never forgive you.

Get rid of your mistress. If you haven't done it yet, then do it right now. All your truth, apologies, honest eyes and gifts will turn into empty place if your soul mate sees a couple of SMS messages from another woman. Yes, this step looks obvious, but, unfortunately, many men forget about it. Be smart, do it right now. But do not forget that not only the wife has feelings, but also the mistress. She can harm your relationship with your wife in every possible way. Get ready for it.

Communication. Your wife is unlikely to be as nice to communicate with you as before. So if you want to return a good disposition to yourself, you will have to sacrifice your interests and become more loyal.

If she wants to get access to mail and passwords, then show her this. If she wants you to come home after work, then you will have to come. However, there is one addition. Never agree to show your wife your mistress. If the mistress is slimmer, taller, more voluminous than your wife, then comparisons and reproaches will follow. And phrases like: "It's because I'm fuller ..." will haunt you for a very long time.

Get ready. Your wife will be very hurt. There is not a single person who would not worry about the betrayal of his spouse. So if she wants a big cake at three in the morning, then buy her this cake. If she wants to be alone, then you need to give her space. If, on the contrary, she wants to control and see you, then do everything possible that depends on you. Show how willing you are to change. Remember, although you do not say that the wife is to blame for everything, she will think so anyway. She needs your support.

Fight for your happiness. Yes, you cheated on your wife, you made a mistake, big mistake. But if you are sure that your love is mutual, then you can return a good relationship. You can recall the happy moments in your life. Give her favorite flowers. Become a little romantic and that energetic guy she fell in love with. But know the measure, confidence and despair are always there, and their border is invisible.

Adviсe:

You don't need to shield yourself. Remember that you must ask for forgiveness, and not explain "coincidence" and "arrangement of the stars."
Her friends will be against you. And their every word will call for divorce and separation. But you don't have to argue with them. Just let your wife know that you know it. And you understand their position. Nothing more.
The mood of the girls changes quickly. Therefore, take the time to wait out her angry impulses. Behind them will always be compassion and understanding.
If they don't want to talk to you, give her time to think. If she loves you, then sooner or later she will give you a second chance.

Additionally:

Reconciliation will take a long time. Be prepared for the fact that until the end of her days she will remember this. But over time, the bad is forgotten, and only the good remains. So patience and more patience.

If you are sure that you have enough strength to keep it inside, and your wife will never know about the betrayal. It makes sense to hide it from his wife. Mental torment sooner or later they will leave you, and your wife will be saved from unnecessary depression. This is a lie, but this is what saves many marriages.

This will help:

WIFE CHANGED HOW TO RETURN: forgive and return

Imagine that the phone suddenly rings. You look at the phone and see that your wife is calling. You are absolutely calm and confident. You know in advance what she wants to tell you. You know she wants to get back to you. She admitted her mistake and regrets what happened. You have already forgiven her. You're glad she wants to be with you again. And this is not a joke, you can really achieve this!

Short description

Having spent hundreds of men's consultations on the topic female infidelity, we realized that most men want to forgive their wife, forget the pain of infidelity and improve family relationships. But often this cannot be achieved, as anger interferes with sound reasoning. The wife decides to leave and go to another man.

And we'll be honest, cheating changes men. She makes some insecure, weak and emotionally unstable, while others, on the contrary, she makes them change their lives for the better.

And we know for sure that women do not return to those who become weak, broken and embittered. Women return only to those who show strength and self-confidence. And this book will help you become just that strong and confident. You can get your wife back and start a new life with her.

Wife after treason can be returned! Change can be forgiven! It is possible to restore happiness in marriages! You can do it!

Need to act right now

After parting with his wife, many men panic and begin to take chaotic actions. Someone fills up with gifts, someone kneels and begs to return, someone begins to threaten his wife and blackmail with children, and someone even sits down on a glass.

All these actions only worsen the situation and every minute reduce the chances of getting his wife back. However, if you follow our instructions, you will not only be able to get your wife back, but you will also get along with her. strong relationships. She will want you again, she will call you her man again, she will no longer think about other men.

Therefore, do not waste your time on useless activities. Take our instructions and act on it. So you can get your wife back with a 100% guarantee. It really works!

So what's the point

The return of a woman is achieved by new emotions and sensations that she receives from her "old" man. But in order to achieve these emotions in such a difficult situation, you need to apply methods that seem illogical and wrong at first glance. In our book, we describe these methods and explain why they work.

Your task will be to strictly follow these methods. And so you can bring your wife to the right emotions, and she will want you again. Everything is very simple!

P.s. Did you change it yourself? Order - we will help

Advisor to Laymen.ru

The largest male psychological portal, which operates with the aim of supporting and mutual assistance to men. You can always get competent advice, a good guide and live support from us.

I think that I, like no one else, can help to understand this issue, because I have accumulated unique experience. I myself have been a cheater, but I am also a clinical psychologist, accustomed to analyzing the motives of human actions - both my clients and my own.

I studied the psychology of infidelity not from textbooks, but from own experience. I went through the unbearable pain of losing a loved one, my wife, and the subsequent divorce from her. It was long haul, which allowed me to soberly and honestly answer myself the question: “Why did I do this?”

I was lucky, my wife Julia believed me, and we became husband and wife for the second time. Now I can admit to myself what reasons pushed me to infidelity.

I believed that I did not obey the general rules. Yes, I told my clients right words: if you are not ready to openly discuss the accumulated problems with your partner, then do not expect that he will fix everything alone, without your efforts. As a therapist, I found many reasons to think that this was not the case in my case. I expected a lot from my wife, but I myself remained emotionally distant.

I identified own importance with professional success and turned into a workaholic who believed that Julia loves me only because I can provide her with a comfortable life. These thoughts tormented me and at the same time gave me the right to behave as I please.

Even in my youth, I treated sex as a drug that helped me forget many difficult episodes of my childhood and distract myself from problems.

I decided that my wife was making me unhappy. I felt sorry for myself and blamed Julia for feeling such an inner emptiness. And having tried on the role of a victim, you immediately begin to justify any of your behavior.

I replaced love with sexual fantasies. Even in my youth, I treated sex as a drug that helped me forget many difficult episodes of my childhood and distract myself from problems. Later, when difficulties arose in the marriage and it seemed to me that Julia turned her back on me, paying all her attention to the children, I returned to him again. I started going to strip clubs and watching pornography. All this in the end only aggravated my condition, because a real relationship cannot be compared with a sexual fantasy.

I didn't care about my state of mind. To love someone means to rise above your grievances, heal wounds and become strong in order to take responsibility for yourself and your loved one. I long years I denied my depression, which had not let me go since my youth. I failed to become a person capable of receiving and returning love. I expected Julia to have a relationship that we couldn't have because of my inability to open up to her.

This is my story, but everyone who cheated on a partner has something to internal cause. Only by realizing it, we gain a chance to save relationships with those who are truly dear to us.

Types of change

Summarizing the experience of my clients and my own, I can say that the answers to the questions “Why did he change?” and "Will he do it again?" largely depend on the type of change.

1. Fantasies and dreams

Most are hostage to trying to hide in a new feeling from pain and unresolved problems with a partner. random person, which elicited emotions reminiscent of rollercoaster climbs and descents, seems to be a close friend.

Random change. It is typical for people who do not think too much about their feelings and needs, deny obvious internal problems and are not ready to honestly admit to themselves what they lack in a relationship. Often it is they who decide to cheat under the influence of alcohol and surging emotions.

"Soul mate". The unmet need for understanding and emotional connection is mistaken for true feeling. The belief that “I met a close soul” allows you to justify the lie to your partner and lead a parallel life.

A romantic meeting with a man 20 years younger seems to return to the state when they were full of plans and hopes

Feel young. Often those who are faced with age crisis. Life guidelines are blurred, they feel lost. A romantic meeting with a man twenty years younger seems to return to the state when they were full of plans and hopes. Cheating turns out to be an attempt to hide from new questions.

What will happen next? Despite the pain, with such a betrayal, the prognosis for the couple is the most optimistic. If the cheater finds the strength to honestly face his internal problems and he still cares about the relationship with his partner, it is likely that the couple will be able to overcome this crisis. The betrayal will be nothing more than an episode and will not happen again.

2. Cheating as a pathology

“Not everyone is born to be monogamous,” such cheaters justify themselves. Often the reasons for their behavior lie in childhood. Perhaps the child has not been able to experience attachment and, as an adult, cannot establish trust and strong relationship. Such betrayals are not the consequences of mutual mistakes of partners, but the result of unresolved internal problems the one who changes. And no matter how attentive and sensitive the partner is, little depends on his actions and reactions.

Narcissus. People of this psychological type completely devoid of empathy, true rapprochement with them is impossible. Cheating for them is a way to assert their ego and get the most out of life.

This type of cheater will stop being a cheater only by agreeing to a long and serious therapy, which is extremely rare.

A sociopath, in fact, is the same narcissist, but with a maximum concentration of egocentrism and a cynical attitude towards others - including those who were not lucky enough to fall in love and get closer to such a person. From any situation automatically tries to benefit. If it is in his hands to maintain the illusion of a permanent relationship and at the same time cheat, then the partner will face lies, irresponsibility and the ability to make himself a victim of circumstances. A sociopath will easily make you feel guilty.

Sexual addicts. Sex addicts are unable to experience a true connection with a person unless they experience an orgasm. This often causes them to substitute superficial sexual desires love.

What will happen next? If, in spite of everything, you have forgiven and hope for further relationships, the prognosis is unfavorable. This type of cheater will stop being a cheater only by agreeing to a long and serious therapy, which is extremely rare. As a rule, they are quite satisfied with this lifestyle. Without outside help, an alliance with such a person is doomed to a series of disappointments.

3. Cheating with the intent to hurt

Man with low level emotional intelligence, who is not accustomed to honestly discussing the accumulated problems with a partner, is trying in this way to take revenge on him for insults and disappointments.

passive aggression. He internally devalues the relationship, symbolically sending a message to the partner: “You didn’t understand me and didn’t accept me, so I will do whatever I want. If you find out about it, you deserve it."

Sabotage. For one reason or another, he does not dare to open confrontation and rupture. In treason, he wins back the fantasy that the other side finds out about this and decides to end the relationship, removing all responsibility for the consequences of this step from him.

Revenge. IN this case betrayal is the last straw for a person who himself feels betrayed and humiliated. He does everything so that the other half finds out about this and experiences painful feelings.

What will happen next? Such people are not distinguished by psychological maturity and with great ease shift the responsibility for the development of relationships onto other people's shoulders. At the same time, under certain circumstances, they are able to rise above their grievances and find the strength in themselves to internal growth. And if your feelings and desires to keep the relationship are mutual, there is a chance that you will overcome this crisis.

4. "Polite" treason

The partner is valued, respected and least of all they want to hurt his feelings. And yet betrayal happens when, over time, everyone withdraws into their lives. One focuses on children and the home, the second is only interested in a career. Intimacy and understanding disappear from relationships.

Business partners. Your life is filled with responsibilities, you began to perceive your family as a joint venture in which you share rights and responsibilities. Meeting a new person for a while helps to stop feeling like a driven squirrel in a wheel.

Loss of dialogue. Women often think that their infidelity is justified by the fact that they are in love. Men, on the contrary, justify cheating by saying that it is not connected with a deep feeling and they are only interested in sex. In both cases, the partners do not receive permanent relationship what they need. Both sides tend to seek attention and full human contact, which for women is more emotional connection, and for men - sexual.

Third parties receive all the fullness of feelings, time and energy, and the partners themselves end the relationship with a divorce or betrayal.

Only guardians. This sad story, because in such a family there is often a lot of love. However, it is directed only in one direction: to children or elderly relatives. Third parties receive all the fullness of feelings, time and energy, and the partners themselves end the relationship with a divorce or betrayal.

What will happen next? Such cheating, as a rule, is associated only with false priorities in relationships, and not with psychological features character of the changer. If both parties find in themselves spiritual strength and an inner willingness to return to what once made them happy, they have a great chance of doing so.

about the author

Jay Kent-Ferraro Clinical Psychologist and Family Relations Specialist.

Every woman hopes that her partner will be faithful to her and never look sideways.

But, unfortunately, he reports that many men are prone to intrigues on the side.

If, nevertheless, the husband has changed, then what to do? Psychologist's advice help you get through this difficult situation.

Causes and psychology of infidelity

How to understand why my husband is cheating on me? Let's name the most common reasons for cheating by husbands:

What is looking for married man on the side? The real reasons for male infidelity:

What does a man feel after cheating?

Most often, immediately after the betrayal, a man experiencing euphoria and joy, even some inspiration. But when this wave descends, he begins to think whether he did the right thing.

And here a feeling of guilt can appear, although not for everyone. A man can even imagine the reaction of his wife if she suddenly finds out about his betrayal.

But if a man decides to cheat again, and then again and again, then soon he ceases to experience both joy and guilt. He gets used to this situation, it becomes completely normal for him.

What if he himself confessed?

What to do if the husband nevertheless told you about his adventures?

First of all, calm down. No need to immediately throw a tantrum and drive him away. Think, because if he is unfaithful to you, then he repented.
Stay on your own. Think about whether you can live in peace further, knowing that this man was with another? No hidden resentment. Know that it's not easy.
Now talk to your husband again. Find out from him and ask how he sees the future.

How to make your husband fall in love with you again? help you!

Walks and does not recognize: what to do?

What if the husband is cheating and lying? If you somehow found out about the betrayal, but you just can’t get recognition from your husband, then pay attention to the following points:

What to do if a man cheats? Psychologist's advice:

How to behave and what to tell him?

Such a conversation does not go unnoticed for both sides. Both you and the man will difficult and painful to discuss this topic . But it cannot be avoided either.

No need to make a scandal, pour accusations and insults. First of all, let him know that you have doubts about his loyalty or evidence of infidelity. And give him the floor.

After he confirms what he did, in a calm tone, ask why he did it, what he lacked in your relationship, and how he sees the future. Listen carefully to him answer, and then tell how you feel and what you think about your relationship now.

I hate my husband for betrayal

and recover after her husband's infidelity?

Keep yourself in control and adequately treat your man after you find out about the betrayal - extremely hard.

Therefore, the first thing to do in order not to break firewood is to retire and think about everything. Are you ready for it? Can you temper your hatred? Or will every time you look at your husband imagine him on the other?

Take a break for a few days. Get together and decide for yourself everything. And if you decide to put an end to the relationship, then you should not be afraid and worry. You have every right to do so.

If you decide to have a family, then you will have to make a lot of efforts to return the relationship and trust to the previous level. To do this, you will need to talk a lot and discuss the problem, as well as treat your husband with understanding.

It will be necessary to drive away every negative thought regarding his betrayal or hatred towards him.

And only after long and hard work over yourself, you will be able to treat your spouse well again.

What should I do if my husband has a mistress? Primary actions:

Is there family life after what happened?

Real stories:

If your husband cheated on you or close person, what to do? Personal experience:

How to restore relationships?

How to get your husband back after cheating? If you still decide to return your husband to the family, then use the following tips:

How to learn to trust? The most difficult thing after treason is to restore relationships. It takes a lot of effort. But you must understand that there will still be no former trust between you. But you can try to work on this:

Understand that treason will not be forgotten at the snap of a finger. This can take a lot of time and effort. Get ready to work on yourself.
Talk to him. For a long time and a lot. Discuss everything, express your feelings. This will help you get closer.
Contact a psychologist. He will teach you how to forgive your husband, help you sort out your feelings and start trusting your husband again.
Tell your spouse that you don't trust him the way you used to. But you can try to learn this, only you will need his help and support.
Focus on the positive. It will be difficult, but you need to constantly celebrate his actions that show him good attitude to you.

I can’t trust my husband again after infidelity: what should I do? Not all women can continue to live with their husband after they find out about the betrayal. What should I do if I can't trust my husband?

Together, learn to build your relationship. Your husband needs to be patient and teach you to trust him again.
Contact a psychologist. If you can’t cope on your own, then a competent specialist will work on your grievances and help you move on.
disperse. Yes, it's hard. But if you can't trust your husband, then why family life?

What should I do if my husband is constantly cheating? How to improve family life?

Understand that constant betrayal won't stop. One thing is a one-time affair, and another is a regular mistress. So you can either accept this state of affairs, or disperse - the choice is yours.

What to do so that the husband never cheated?

Stick to the following tips:

look after yourself. Men love to make their wife pleasant to look at;
take an interest in his affairs. Sincerely ask how his day went, what was interesting, how his parents are doing. If he is not in the mood, ask what happened and, if necessary, give advice. Support him in everything;
watch your emotional state . If you are constantly grumbling and offended, then who will like it? Also, you do not need to overly control it, follow every step;
don't be dependent on it. Men do not like it when a woman completely submits to their will. It must have a stem. So let you have your own interests, time to meet friends and various hobbies. Don't give your all free time husband
diversify your intimate life. Try new poses, costumes and experiments.

Forgive betrayal or not- it's up to you. But be sure to make your choice consciously and deliberately.

Husband has changed! What to do if you find out about cheating? Sexologist's advice: