Raising a six year old boy. How to raise a boy to be a real man

Raise a real man - strong, purposeful, who will become an excellent husband and father. Just as in a complete family there is every chance of raising an insecure person who is unable to respect women.

Incomplete families are not those in which there is no father or mother, but those in which parental love is lacking.
Igor Kon
Author of the book “The Boy is the Father of the Man”

How to raise a boy for a single mother

1. Be aware of your gender a child starts at one year old. At this moment, the boy needs a certain ideal to which he will strive, copying his behavior and character traits. Of course, it is better for this to be the father, but this role can be successfully performed by a grandfather, uncle or friend’s husband. When the boy grows up, it is worth giving him to sports section, where he will learn skills to communicate with men and where he can have a role model in the person of a strong and courageous coach.

2. If the child's father is a father-hero, the ideal for the boy may be the image of a father-hero. If the parents divorced and the mother harbored ex-husband offense, you should not tell your son about this: in the eyes of a child, dad must remain a good person. Explain to the boy that his father loves him very much, but circumstances are such that they cannot see each other. If your father wants to communicate, do not prohibit him, no matter how strong your resentment may be. Do not create an image of a monster father in a boy’s head - this will push him away from all men.

3. What is important is how the mother herself treats men. If she experiences fear, aggression, shame or other negative emotions in the presence of men, then the child will feel them too. This will lead to difficulties in communicating with men.

4. Read books to the boy about brave knights, choose films in which men are courageous heroes.

5. Do not try to compensate for the father's love by surrounding the boy with care 24 hours a day. Independence is one of the most important male qualities. A boy must be able to do everything: wash dishes, clean the apartment, hammer nails. There is no need to stand over his soul, controlling his every move: it is very important to trust your son.

6. Common mistake The problem that single mothers make is that they decide to devote their lives to the child, and then, naturally, expect mutual return. The child does not need these sacrifices. You shouldn’t forget about your personal happiness and give up on your own life. You shouldn’t tell a boy that for his sake you are exhausting yourself at two jobs, not getting enough sleep, limiting yourself in everything: this will create a feeling of guilt in him.

7. Mom should be caring and affectionate, and not an iron lady who solves all problems. It is important that the boy understands that a woman must be taken care of. At the same time, one should not go too far and turn a child from childhood into a responsible man who must completely take care of a weak and defenseless mother.

8. Praise your child more often. Say: “You will succeed!”, “You are my protector,” etc. For a boy growing up without a father, this is especially important: this way you strengthen his confidence that he is significant to you.

9. When a man appears in a mother’s life, you need to be prepared for jealousy on the part of your son. The rapprochement of the two dear to a woman people should be gradual, tactful, unobtrusive.

10. Don't expect your son to fill the void caused by the absence of the main man in the house. Remember: first of all, he is a child who always needs your love and support. The boy will become the owner of the house only after creating his own family.

11. Don't expect a boy to approach life the same way you do. Men and women have different emotions and ways of thinking. Listen to his opinion with respect. Learn to be interested in his world, which is far from yours.

Do not believe psychologists who claim that defective boys grow up in single-parent families. This statement is factually incorrect, but acts as a self-fulfilling prediction
Igor Kon
Author of the book "The Boy is the Father of the Man"

12. Always come to your son’s aid if he has been offended and needs your support. Do not yell at him or scold him in case of mistakes or misdeeds. He must be sure that you are on his side and believe that this misunderstanding will not happen again. This way the boy will develop a sense of security, which will help him walk confidently through life.

13. Women who raise sons on their own risk falling into one of the extremes: giving all of themselves without reserve to the child or being emphatically dry with their son, trying to fill the gap of harshness. male education. Both positions form a distorted picture of the world. In the first case, the child will most likely grow up indecisive and weak-willed. In the second, he may lose faith in people because he did not receive enough parental love in childhood.

Very often mothers are left alone with their sons. How to raise a boy without a father? Raising a son is within the power of a mother alone; believe in yourself and don’t think that the absence of a father will lead to educational failure. You can raise a real man from your child if you know how to properly raise a son without a father.

Someone came up with the idea that boys don't cry, and this is firmly rooted in people's minds. There are many studies that have proven that the habit of hiding and restraining one’s feelings leads to unpleasant consequences, ranging from neuroses and depression to psychosomatic diseases. Oncologists say that internalized stress causes cancer.

It is very important to teach a boy to recognize his emotions and cope with them. Many men have problems building close relationships precisely because in childhood all their feelings were denied. The ban on tears causes numbness in other senses, and a person loses the ability to empathize and care.

In today's society, the most competitive are those who feel people, are capable of empathy, and know how to recognize the danger emanating from others. Physical labor is often replaced by intellectual labor; professions require developed intuition, ability to build relationships and make contact.

How to help a boy understand the complex world of feelings and be in harmony with himself? There is a great teaching technique: name the feelings. Talk through your child's emotions. For example, he fell and is crying in pain, at this moment you hug him, stroke him and say that it hurts a lot, it’s a shame, he fell, his knee hurts. My son came home from school with a bad grade, you can see that he is angry. Your reaction: “You’re very angry that you got a bad mark!” Such behavior, firstly, builds contact between you and the boy, strengthens trust, the child feels that he is understood, and secondly, it teaches the little person emotional literacy, helps him figure out what he feels and why.

Refrain from denying feelings! This is very important rule. In the same situation with a deuce, the denial of feelings will be: “Yes, this is nonsense! Why are you worried about something stupid?” With a fall: “You didn’t really fall, it didn’t hurt you!” The child will not stop feeling pain and annoyance, but there is a high probability that he will not come to you with this anymore, will learn to hide and will no longer be aware of his feelings. Let the child rejoice, cry, laugh and get angry, give him this right.

Down with templates

Provide your son with any toys, not just for boys. It is important for him to reproduce life situations, invent role-playing games. Great gift there will be a doll that looks like your son. Not even a baby doll can spoil a boy. You're not afraid that he will become a good father in the future, are you? On the contrary, we would be happy about it. Don't put it into his head that "it's for girls" as if it's something bad. Allow your child to explore the world in its diversity.

There is no need to protect the boy from household chores. A single mother has an even more difficult time in everyday life, and her son should be a help. Children have a natural desire to help their parents, do not suppress this. You can buy sets of dishes and household appliances for your boy. There is a wide variety of such things in the toy departments. Let him have his own responsibilities around the house. Never redo your child’s work in front of his eyes, or pull the scoop out of his inept hands. Give him the opportunity to learn to take care of you and your home - this will be useful to him in life, and will give you help and support.

Taking care of mom

Women often forget about themselves while raising children without a husband. Of course, it is difficult to raise a boy without a father, and a girl too. But try not to live as a child, take care of yourself. You can honestly tell your son that mom is tired, so she will sleep for an hour and he needs to play alone. You may not buy the tenth car because mom wanted something for herself. The child must understand these things and appreciate his mother. If you instill empathy for you in your child from childhood, then you will receive true friend, care and protection, and not an adult guy on his mother’s neck.

His attitude towards you is his attitude towards his future wife. If you wish for your son happy family, teach him to take on housework, respect other people's work, sympathize and care. If conditions allow and the child shows a desire, you can have pet and entrust the son with the care of him due to his age abilities. Walking with a puppy early on Sunday morning will teach you to understand that there is not only pleasure in playing with your pet, but also responsibility for it.

Wise mentor

It’s good if there are men in your family with whom the boy will develop relationships. An uncle or grandfather may become good example for boy. If these people deserve your trust, encourage them to communicate with your child, let them take him with them on business, to nature, to training. If there are no such people in your family, pay attention to teenage clubs, clubs and sections in your city. Any child closer to him needs an adult, not a parent, who can pass on his experience, teach something, and become an authority. Even an ordinary school teacher can become such a person.

When raising a son, it is important to pay attention to his physical, creative and intellectual development. If he shows interest, take him to a wrestling or martial arts section. Be sure to consult with your child, find out what he himself wants. Look up the history of the sport on the Internet. Many of them have their own philosophy, which is important for spiritual development person. Sport, which develops fortitude and determination, will be useful to the boy in the future.

It happens that a boy flatly refuses to fight. No need to insist. Choose something else. Perhaps he likes dancing or gymnastics. The easiest way to make a choice is to have full information about options. There is no need to decide for the child and present him with a fact. Take a trial class at different places, discuss with your son what you liked and what you didn’t. By doing this you will show respect for him, he will answer you in kind. Pay attention to teachers, look for a strong and charismatic personality who can capture the attention of children and interest them.

Human education

One of the problems single-parent families is that the child does not see models of human relationships between husband and wife, . In the future, this leads to the fact that a person does not know how to behave in his family, what it should be like, and rushes around for a long time in search of his other half. It is very important to tell the boy about friendship, honor, and conscience.

Choose good ones good books, where heroes experience adventures, test their strength, cry, laugh, love and make friends. They will tell you how. Try to find time to read them to your son before bed. You can’t teach someone to love books through shouting and violence. Many families even bargain and pay money for the pages they read. But you can only teach to love books personal example. The child will be drawn into the story read in his mother’s favorite voice, and when you don’t have time, he will start to find out what happened next. And what an incentive for little ones to learn to read!

Personal space

Some parents are very sensitive to the child’s growth and distance. Single mothers experience this especially acutely. You cannot make a child your partner, grow together with him. This is very dangerous for both him and you. While he is small, his mother is the center of the universe, but this will not always be the case, and that’s normal. Respect your son's personal space! If he asks not to go into school with him, but to accompany him to the gate, there is no need to be offended and insist. Make him feel like an adult, even if he is a second grader. Let the child have the right to his mistakes and their consequences, for example, if he wants to collect his briefcase himself, so be it. He forgot his notebook and received a reprimand - this was his offense, he will learn to understand cause-and-effect relationships. Another advantage of this approach is that the child feels his mother’s trust in him and his strength. If mom trusted him to assemble the briefcase himself, then he can handle it. Of course, in at different ages there will be different degrees of freedom, but they should be there. Overprotection interferes normal development personality.

Younger schoolchildren usually do not yet outline the line of personal space, but after 10 years this becomes important. There is no need to check your pockets, read the notes, letters, or personal diary found. By doing this you will undermine trust and undermine your relationship with the boy. If you have managed to become not only a parent for him, but also a friend, he himself will tell you what you need. But he has the right not to tell. Show interest in your son's life, but don't be intrusive. If he sees that you are persistently meddling everywhere, this will prompt the teenager to close down and begin to hide his life more carefully from you.

No war

No matter how badly the child’s father treats you, do not drag your child into adult disputes. Your phrase that “dad abandoned us” can become a real trauma for the boy. Children tend to blame themselves for everything that happens in the family. The baby will begin to ask himself questions about why exactly his dad left him, why he didn’t like him, and this is fundamentally wrong. The father will always be a father, and the child will carry pain and resentment toward him throughout his entire life, including for his mother.

Try to behave neutrally, do not pour out all your emotions about this on your child. For kids, mothers come up with a story about where dad went, and you can have a heart-to-heart talk with a teenager, avoiding harsh assessments of the father. A grown-up child is already able to draw conclusions and decide how to approach the situation. Dad is part of the child. By calling your father unflattering epithets in the presence of your son, you seem to transfer them to your own beloved child without thinking about it at all. Do not involve the boy in your war, do not share your pain with him.

If there are relatives or paternal grandparents who love the child and want to communicate, there is no need to forbid them to see each other without good reason. It will only be better for the child if there are more people who love him. If you want to discourage communication, weigh the pros and cons. Ask yourself why you are doing this. If the reason is resentment ex-partner, irritation with his relatives, then perhaps you should step over yourself. A woman who is alien and hostile to you is to your son - loving grandmother. Moreover, while she is busy with her grandson, you can relax or go about your business. Don't refuse help, you need to take care and love yourself. Raising a boy without a father - hard work, but you can handle it.

In this article:

At the age of 6-7 years, children are already quite independent. This is the time to go to first grade, which means real “adult” life begins. In terms of their temperament, boys are already very different from girls. They are interested in outdoor games, cars, fights, football, etc. Well, it's not so bad, right?

Now is the time for the boy to begin to develop his masculinity. It is important that at this moment there is a man nearby from whom you can take an example. The best fit is the father. Raising a boy is not the best simple task for parents. It is imperative to choose one line of behavior so that it does not turn out that the father scolds for something, and the mother forgives everything and isolates the child from everything. Parents will benefit from advice from a child psychologist. Choose the right games, books and cartoons. This is the age when only the most courageous, honest and just heroes should always be before your eyes.

How to raise a child

Your son is joining a new era life. School, friends, and communication with new adults await him. Now he needs slightly different parental support, education and correct example. Both parents should do this. Of course, the ideal situation is when a child has both parents. Then his father can show him what it is like to be a man, to take responsibility.

Family is the best example

When in the family harmonious relationships, it is much easier for a child to understand the roles of men and women. It is important for a boy to see how parents communicate, what they do together, how they solve problems. Maternal and fatherly love have absolutely different character, teach the child different things. It is important that parents know how to maintain a balance.

Who's the boss in the house

It is very important who is in charge in the house. This affects how the child perceives himself and his gender. Where there is an overbearing father, “real men” do not necessarily grow up. Rather, he may grow
unsure of himself, always complex. It is important here that the boy has a healthy example before his eyes.

If the mother decides everything in the family, then children often grow up spineless. Especially if you are having a boy. This situation is not only non-standard, it can even be dangerous for the proper formation of personality.

Certainly, perfect option- golden mean. A situation where mom and dad contribute equally to raising children and taking care of the home.

Who should raise the boy?

Often what is missing is good behavior- conversation with father. The father must act as an authority for his son. One can and should take an example from him. It is important that father and son build
trusting relationship. Let's not forget that the mother's role in education is also very important.

Before teaching or punishing anything, parents need to agree on the style of raising the boy themselves. Parents need to adhere to one line of behavior, otherwise the child simply will not understand when and who to obey. It shouldn’t be that mom scolded her for fighting, and dad praised her.

Three rules for healthy raising a boy

If you ask a child psychologist to give advice, he will offer three simple rules. They will help you solve many problems in raising your baby. Great for ages 6-7 years old.

Dad must become good example for imitation.

Dad has a child
learn masculinity. You have a son, which means that he will soon understand that he is a boy. He will begin to copy his father's behavior. At first it will be funny when a 1-2 year old baby tries to behave like dad. At the same time, it is no less important. The desire to be like your father is logical and normal. For this, the father himself must be a worthy example. Actions, speech, clothes, hobbies - the child will want everything to be like his dad. So yours little man will take the right guidelines for life.

Mom raises her son to respect his father.

A mother should not transfer her personal problems with her husband onto her child. Did you quarrel with your spouse? No need to talk little son that dad is bad, worthless, doesn’t care about you. This confuses the child and gives him the wrong ideas about family life.

Maybe dad comes home late and doesn't have much time. Or you get a divorce, and dad will live far away. The son must respect his father in any case. What the father does right or wrong, he will still have time to figure out later. Now this is his first and main role model. By respecting his father, the son learns to be a man.

Mom and dad together teach their son to respect women.

Respect for a woman
- this is what parents should teach their boy. Girls, girls, women need to be protected and protected. This will not make your son weak or vulnerable. This will make him a man. Respect for a woman comes from the family. Firstly, the son perfectly sees the father’s attitude towards his mother. Secondly, you should definitely talk to him about this topic. At 6-7 years old he will go to school. There will be boys and girls. He will even sit at the same desk with someone. He must understand that he has a special role in this world.

"It's not manly"

Let's not forget that men also have the right to be weak sometimes. Raising him from childhood in unprecedented male severity is also not an option. Parents need to be wise here. For example, you saw how your 6-year-old son tried on his sister's clothes or even painted his nails with his mother's polish. This is not a reason to grab your head and think that your son is “not like that.”

Children have a normal interest in our world. They are still just learning to be someone. And sometimes they play at someone. For example, now he was interested in what it was like to be a girl. He tried on his sister's dress. This does not mean that there is something wrong with his sexual orientation. Of course, if his behavior suddenly changes, he begins
to claim that he is a girl is another matter. Go with him to child psychologist.

Often the answer lies on the surface. In families where the mother is the head of the family, the strongest, most confident and aggressive, this can happen. For the boy they shift gender roles. To be strong for him is to be like his mother.

Or maybe your little man has a younger sister? Then all attention to the baby. However, he also wants to be the center of general delight, as he was before. So he tries on bows and rubber bands. There's nothing wrong with that either. He does this unconsciously, but for parents this behavior is a signal. Pay attention to your son no less than to your little daughter. Now he especially needs you.

Education through fairy tales and games

A little man needs manly games. Dad should be here to take Active participation. You will not make your son aggressive and pugnacious if you jokingly fight with him. Do you see any interest in fighting? Take me to boxing and karate classes. Let him learn from an early age to control his strength. Then you can always practice with dad, but with knowledge of the matter.

Choose appropriate toys. Give a boy 6 years old Teddy bear- not the best good idea. He's most likely already
he himself will not want to play with them. Now he is interested in cars, robots, soldiers, and construction sets. Offer to build a house together or learn traffic rules.

Fairy tales, books, cartoons also select appropriate ones. They must have some kind of role model, for example, a hero who knows how to defeat enemies with ingenuity, show courage, and be able to stand up for himself. There is no point in showing senseless shootouts and fist fights. Now it is important to form an understanding in your son: power should be used only wisely. You can't use your physical strength or superiority to force those who are weaker than you to do something. You cannot be cruel, angry, cynical, or laugh at the suffering of other people.

Discuss with your son what you read and saw. Ask him why he likes the cartoon he watches. Try to understand which heroes attract him and why. You can educate not only with moral teachings and prohibitions. Through games, fairy tales and cartoons, many everyday problems are solved more easily, and the child becomes clearer about how our world works.

It will be useful

What can and should be done to proper education your son:

This way you will instill in your son the correct concept of values.

There is no need to do this

This is best avoided, especially with a child 6-7 years old:

sleep in your bed;
ignore the manifestation of his Self, personality and character;
leave without normal household duties;
choose which children you can play with and be friends with, and which you cannot;
prohibit the manifestation of initiative;
protect your son from any conflicts with teachers and other children;
make concessions where it is not necessary, patronize beyond the norm.

These manifestations parental care only harm correct formation character.

You need to punish correctly

Punishment is also part educational process. You need to educate and punish correctly. It’s hard to get used to the fact that now the child has become older. A boy of this age can no longer be punished in the same way as at 3-4 years old. Now you are not just prohibiting something, but clearly explaining why you are doing this. There certainly must be punishment. But always discuss the situation with your son before doing this. Simple rules will help you figure out what to do.

Without aggression

Aggression in words and actions will not benefit education. There is no need to hit, spank, or pull a boy without a special reason. You can only teach him that all problems can be solved by force. Who is stronger is right. The stronger one can hit the weaker one. Such methods of punishment only bring the opposite effect. Don’t be surprised if the child himself begins to show aggression towards relatives, other children, and animals. This is the expected outcome of such punishments.

Slap on the butt
Of course, sometimes it has an effect. Especially if a 6-year-old child does not pay attention to your words at all. But again, there should be no aggression, no desire to hurt. This is your "emergency button". Punishment for an offense, a mistake or a bad word should not be associated with pain. Such methods form incorrect psychological guidelines in children.

It's understandable that parents might be angry. Bad behavior, disobedience makes me very angry, sometimes I want to shout loudly and spank. Even just your appearance can be aggressive and frightening. Still, this is still Small child. He still makes mistakes and learns, experiences the world, communicates, interacts with it. Now there is still an opportunity to teach and correct. Intimidating with punishments is a bad idea.

Without humiliation

Humiliating a child, especially in public, is the worst thing a parent can do in any situation. At 6 years old, children, on the one hand, understand your words well. On the other hand, they cannot always distinguish what is said in the heat of anger from the truth. Leave all moralizing for a calm environment. If at school, visiting or on playground the boy has done something wrong, then tell him about it. Be sure to say that you are not happy with the behavior, then discuss it at home.

Now the one
the age when important psychological mechanisms are formed in boys and girls. Their psyche changes, and their personality changes. They grow up and gain experience. The boy already knows and can do a lot. Insults and humiliation can greatly affect the psychological and emotional development. For example, they will make you believe that he is worse than others, that he is not good enough. This breaks your opinion of yourself, your view of yourself, your sense of self.

There may be punishment for an offense, but it should not harm the child physically or psychologically. Only then will your actions produce results and not harm. Your upbringing will benefit, and will not ruin the situation even more.

The child is already 6 years old, don’t forget

Remember that it is important for a boy to feel like a man. Your upbringing should be structured so that he feels his masculinity. He is the future defender
head of the family, your support. He must be able to feel his role. Even if he is only 6 years old.

Your punishments should not harm his thoughts that he is a small man. Therefore, think carefully about your line of behavior. Assess how the child is developing, what he can and cannot do. Think in advance about how and for what offenses you will punish him, and where you can get by with a conversation. Somewhere you can shame a little, hint that men don’t act like that. In some situations there will be prohibitions and restrictions. Again, they should not affect his sense of self and self-determination.

Questions for a child psychologist

A child psychologist is often asked to comment on whether parents are raising a child correctly. Of course, every baby is unique. He has his own character, habits and needs. You cannot impose any general model of upbringing without paying attention to the son’s individuality. Here parents need to decide for themselves what they would like their child to be like when he grows up.

Below are the psychologist's answers to the most common questions from parents.

My son is 6 years old, but he prefers to play only with girls on the playground. This is fine?

Here main question why is he doing this? Have you tried asking your son why he likes to play with girls more than with boys his own age? The point may not be that your son is somehow “different.” Girls are more emotional and even at 5-6 years old have greater empathy. Perhaps your child has a hard time making friends with other boys. It's easier to make friends with girls; they accept him into the game. At this age of play
Girls and boys are different, but children can easily be in such mixed company.

It is also important who is raising the boy. If mothers, grandmothers and aunts do this, then everything is clear. He's just used to sorority. He is looking for the same friends for games. Of course, I would like a 6-year-old boy to be able to easily find mutual language with all the guys on the site. But you shouldn’t worry too much, especially if he still has male friends.

My son (6 years old) is having trouble making friends at school. How can I help him?

Perhaps he's just shy? New environment, new people, new conditions. Wait until the first grader adapts to school. And who said that friends appear just like that, in 1-2 weeks? On the other hand, if you raise your child very harshly, he may become withdrawn. At the age of 6, children are still highly dependent on their parents' opinions.

Your words may upset him, especially if you often mention that he is stupid, unkempt, awkward, bungled, and confused. This lowers self-esteem. The son may be afraid that new people his age will not accept him or will reject him because he is “a slob, awkward and unkempt.” It is better to remove such negative definitions from your communication with the boy. They do not increase confidence in their abilities.

I don’t allow my wife to punish my child, a 6-year-old boy. I only punish myself, is that right?

Main,
It’s not who punishes, but how. And why? If you think that only dad can spank the butt, then this is a controversial statement. So far, both parents have the same role in raising their son. Punishment in any case should not be humiliation. Dad or mom, it doesn't matter.

On the other hand, mother can be very soft and often cannot be strict when necessary. Then you better talk to your son together. Show him that you both share the same opinion about upbringing and rules of behavior.

Is it possible to spank my son as punishment if he is already seven years old?

It's better not to do this. By the age of 7, children already understand quite well why they are going to be punished. They have already learned many rules of behavior, even if they do not want to follow them. Now try to talk and discuss more. Of course, if the situation requires it, you can spank the child. But it's better to avoid this. Now the boy needs to be raised so that he begins to feel like a man.

A 6-year-old boy hit a girl on the playground. What should I do? Is it necessary to punish?

Depends on how you want to punish him. Spank in front of everyone? Hit him back? Aggression only breeds more aggression. The first thing to do is figure out why he hit the girl. Is it acceptable in your family to raise hands against each other? When your son is wrong, do you hit him or spank him? If he sees such an example of conflict resolution, then the parents are most likely to blame.

You need to punish, but wisely. Be sure to make sure that the son apologizes to the girl and asks for forgiveness. Then talk to him. It’s better to let your father or grandfather talk, or uncle if there is no father. Here you need to simply but clearly explain: you are a man, albeit a small one. Hitting a girl who is weaker is not right. Even if she was wrong, she called her names, she was the first to start.

✔ In the absence of a father, there must be a model of masculine behavior in the son’s life. Mom doesn’t need to change the countless number of men next to her (this also happens, and it’s of no use). A grandfather, uncle, brother, coach, teacher, etc. can act as a model or ideal. How more men will be present in the child’s life, the better. Enroll him, for example, in a section for some “male” sport;

✔ In this case, however, the mother’s attitude towards opposite sex also plays great importance. If in the presence of men, having to necessarily communicate with them, the mother feels awkward, aggressive, anxious, uncomfortable, then the son can intuitively grasp this and experience mixed feelings in the company of men. Therefore, if you have problems communicating with the opposite sex, give preference to one or two men who will be significant for both you and your son: your father or brother, for example;

✔ Role models, in the case of being raised without a father, need to be shown outside real life. These can be books, cartoons, feature films and TV series in which there are brave heroes, knights, musketeers who protect the world and women who will show and tell how to be a real man. In childhood, you can use a little idealization and fairy tales, adolescence- maybe a little good films about men, but not stupid action films.

✔ Be on an equal footing - don’t coddle with your son, but don’t put pressure on him with your authority. An overbearing mother has a son who lacks initiative, and an overprotective mother has a son who begins to rebel as he gets older. Show love in moderation, do not suffocate the child with it. A boy who is emotionally dependent on his mother will not be able to psychologically separate from her when he grows up, and will live with you for a long, long time, without marrying or giving you grandchildren;

✔ When raising a boy without a father, do not spoil him, trying to compensate for all the love. Teach your child to be independent. In this regard, I always remember James Herriot, the British veterinarian and a writer who, in his book “Notes of a Veterinarian,” wrote that when he was 3-4 years old, his mother left him 3 km from home (this happened in the suburbs in the 50s of the twentieth century), and he got to the house on your own. Could you do this?! So don't try to do your child's work. But don’t accustom yourself to purely women's responsibilities. It is better if he knows how to wash dishes and clean up after himself. But it’s even better if he learns how to hammer nails and repair a simple device (not at three years old, of course).

✔ When trying to accustom him to these responsibilities, do not stand over the guy’s soul and do not peek furtively from around the corner. Give him the opportunity to deal with the problem himself. And don’t run to him after every “I can’t do it” or “I can’t”! In a calm voice, encourage him to “try again.” As I already noted in the previous article, the most important thing for a boy is the trust that you place in him. By constantly waiting for your help, the boy will not learn anything; you will have to do everything yourself.

✔ When communicating with a boy, take the position “ weak woman" This does not contradict the previous advice at all. Be gentle, caring, vulnerable, feminine, affectionate, loving. Don’t show him that you are strong and replace both his parents, that you are God and solve all problems. Thanks to the fact that your son can help you, sympathize, and feel sorry for you, he learns to be a strong, caring man. Do not brush off the kisses and hugs of your five-year-old son (as a teenager you will miss them so much), do not take away the bag when he tries to help carry it, etc.

✔ Praise your son more often. Repeat endlessly to him “You will succeed!”, “You are the most wonderful!”, “You are my protector,” etc. This is especially important for a boy raising without a father. Your words confirm its significance in your eyes. After all, very often a mother for a child raising without a father is the only truly close person, for which he is capable of much. And compliments, praise, approval are what motivate him to “deeds.” Just do it in a masculine manner - briefly and to the point, “Great, well done!”, and not “You’re my little bunny, baby doll, what kind of person are you…”.

✔ Trust your son and give him freedom. This means that you don’t have to force him to listen to you unconditionally, you don’t have to forbid him to play with boys (even those who seem bad to you), you have to give him the opportunity to figure things out on his own. conflict situations. Treat abrasions and bruises, but do not cackle or lament.

Advice on raising a boy without a father is quite contradictory, if you noticed: on the one hand, a woman needs to be weak and feminine, on the other, strong-willed, calm and confident. Don't try to combine feminine and male roles, be yourself!

All these rules apply exactly the same “while the father is alive,” i.e. in a complete family. It’s just that in this case, the presence of a father is another reinforcing, significant factor in raising a boy.

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So that a son grows into a man, good father, a worthy member of society, it is important to know how to raise a boy. Representatives of the stronger sex, capable of action and recognition, self-confident, courageous and courageous, grow up from little boys whose mother and father have found the right pedagogical approach. There are many subtleties and nuances that you need to know in order to grow good man, comprehensively developed personality, a real man.

Raising boys

IN Ancient Rus' believed that women should not raise sons. This is a man's task. Tutors were hired for noble children, and children from the lower classes moved in a male environment thanks to their early introduction to work. Since the 20th century, boys are less and less often brought up under male attention; care for children is shifted to women’s shoulders. Flaw male influence affects the behavior of the adult son. Men become lacking initiative, cannot fight back the offender, and do not want to overcome difficulties.

Psychology of raising boys

Courageous, strong and brave men are not born immediately with such a set of human qualities. The character of the stronger sex comes from childhood. The correct actions of parents, based on the psychological characteristics of boys, are the key to success, the answer to how to raise their sons correctly. Boys and girls need a different approach, because their psychology is different. For a son to become a worthy member of modern society, it is important to build respectful, trusting relationships with him.

Rules of education

Each family's methods of education may vary, but if the parents' task is to form a strong, responsible personality, then it is worth raising their son by following the following few rules:

The baby should have self-esteem, and not just follow the orders of his parents.
Even a preschooler, not to mention a teenager, must clearly understand that everything started must be completed.
Let the boys play sports. This is needed not only for physical training, but also for the emergence of self-discipline.
It is important to cultivate perseverance in a child in the face of defeat, and difficulties must be overcome by any means.
Boys need to be taught a sense of responsibility and mercy.

Male education

The role of the father in the task of raising boys is difficult to overestimate. If up to 4-5 years higher value for the baby he has a mother, then after that he reaches out to his father. Only through communication with his father (or other men) does a boy learn male behavior. Children copy the behavior of their fathers, because his moral principles, habits and manners are the embodiment of the standard of masculinity, an example to follow. The authority of the father and attitude towards the mother determine how much the boy will love and respect his future family, wife.

How to raise a boy to be a real man

A man's character is formed due to the various actions of his parents. Some people focus on studying and books, others believe important stage For the formation of personality, playing sports, for others it is important to raise a child who loves work. Whatever path you choose, the main thing is to show the baby positive example. Only your hard work, love of sports, and responsibility will be able to demonstrate and cultivate the same qualities in your child.

Sex education

Not less than psychological aspects upbringing, physiological ones are important for a boy. From birth, monitor the formation of the genitourinary system; if problems are detected, contact a specialist. The cause may be weak or overdevelopment genital organs, narrowing or inflammation of the foreskin, and other disorders. Hygienic habits are established in childhood. For boys, uncleanliness can cause inflammation, pain, and swelling. Parents are obliged to form and instill healthy habits in a timely manner.

In addition to hygiene, sex education touches on other aspects as well. The task of the mother and father is to help the son understand his belonging to male, teach him to behave adequately in relationships with the opposite sex. Children should receive information about sex life from parents, not from peers or via the Internet. At 7-11 years old, boys should already be aware of reproductive function and childbirth, the onset of puberty and the changes that await them. After 12 years of age, teenagers need to know:

about the existence different forms sexuality;
about sexually transmitted diseases;
about sexual violence;
about safe sex.

How to raise a boy to be brave

If a boy is afraid of everything from childhood, there is a high probability that with age these fears will only intensify. Parents should make a lot of effort to develop courage in their future man. To help mothers and fathers who want to see their baby fearless, here are some recommendations:

For confidence, cultivating masculinity and courage, a child needs harmony in the family. When mom and dad cannot come to a common opinion, the child is confused and confused.
You cannot praise and set other children as an example. This comparison can lead to uncertainty.
Guardianship and worries about your son should be shown in moderation.
To develop courage you need to play sports.
You can't call a child a coward. You need to teach your child to fight his fears, for example, with the help of a sense of humor.

How to raise a good son

Parents want to raise their son to be responsible, proactive, strong, but at the same time loving, caring and attentive. It is difficult to realize these natural desires of mom and dad, but there are several rules of upbringing that will help with this:

support manifestations of independence, activity and other male character traits;
be an example for your son always and in everything;
teach your son to work from an early age;
treat it with reasonable demands.

How to raise a boy correctly

When deciding how to raise a boy, it is important to take into account the characteristics of the child’s age. You need to start from birth, and as the baby grows up, you will have to make more and more efforts. At the right approach your efforts will be rewarded good results. At certain stages, the role of the mother or father becomes more significant, but both parents must equally make efforts to educate.

Raising a boy from birth

In raising a child under 3 years old, gender does not matter. A child at this age spends most of his time with his mother, with whom the connection is very strong. The father plays a secondary role during this period. Parents should behave in such a way that the baby feels safe. A baby, surrounded by the love and care of his mother, grows up confident in himself and his abilities. Experts recommend not visiting for children under 3 years of age. kindergarten. Children who feel abandoned often show aggression and anxiety. To raise self-esteem, it is important to hug your child more often and punish less often.

At 3-4 years old

After 3 years, children begin to distinguish people by gender. Raising a son at this stage should take place with an emphasis on his masculine qualities - strength, dexterity, courage. Boys need to make more effort to develop speech. To improve communication skills, parents should talk and play more with their baby. For comprehensive development crumbs do not limit him when choosing games and toys. If a boy wants to play with dolls, this will not affect his social role in any way.

At 5-7 years old

At this age, raising boys differs little from the previous period. Surround your child with affection and care, give him confidence and awareness of his own strengths. Let your baby feel safe. Remind him of important masculine qualities, allow you to show tenderness and your own emotions. Towards the end of this period, the boys move a little away from their mother and begin to get closer to their father.

At 8-10 years old

In order to raise his son correctly, at the stage from 8 to 10 years old, it is important for the father to actively participate in his son’s life. It is important to form trusting relationships that will clearly manifest themselves in adolescence and adulthood. Dad should not be too strict, as the child may withdraw into himself and begin to be afraid of his father. Boys are interested in men's affairs, activities and actions of their father. Even during this period, the son may begin to defend his opinion or territory by force. Don't hinder expression negative emotions. Explain that you can achieve what you want using other methods.

teenager

Raising a son who has entered teenage years, means instilling responsibility in him, teaching him to see the consequences of his actions, and correlating desires with reality. These are the main goals that parents of a teenager should set for themselves. The role of the father is still high, but the matured child needs communication with school friends and peers. Receive masculine energy, you can also get acquainted with behavioral characteristics by communicating with older men close to the teenager’s family.

How to raise a hyperactive boy

When a child finds it difficult to sit in one place, he is constantly distracted, acts quickly and impulsively, and there is a high likelihood of hyperactivity. Seek advice from a child psychologist and engage in independent study of the issue in order to properly raise such a special child. When raising a son with hyperactivity, pay attention to organizing the daily routine, find a hobby he likes, support and praise your child. It is important to show tenderness, affection and care to sons with such a problem.

How to raise a boy without a father

Single-parent families – common occurrence V modern society. Mom should not feel guilty about the current circumstances. To raise a boy to be a real man without a father, try to compensate for the absence of a second parent in life with the attention of close relatives - an uncle or grandfather. Time spent in male society will allow the child to achieve self-identification and will contribute to personal development, will strengthen faith in yourself and your own capabilities.