What connections exist between people. Interpersonal relationships: types and features

According to Tantric teachings, when a man meets a woman, an exchange of energy begins between them.

It is natural for a man to be charged with energy from above (ideological), and for a woman - from below (power energy). To bring the idea to life, a man needs to "charge" female power. And a woman, since she is a “bank” of energy, is not able to spend it for action, but only gives it away, because she receives the kind of energy she needs only in the process of interacting with a man.

There is always an exchange of energy between the stronger and the weaker sex. As soon as the boy was born, he already has a mother who inspires him, gives him her maternal love. Then he meets his first, second love, a pretty employee at work - in all the fair sex, a man seeks to find the very source of energy, filled with strength from which he can successfully realize himself in life.

Then, when between a man and a woman are tied love relationship, a woman gives herself (not only physically, but also taking care of her beloved, morally and intellectually), and a man, receiving feminine power able to create and perform active actions in life.

With this, everything is clear, but this is only initial stage, during which energy does not yet flow, because the exchange itself does not occur. Filled with the necessary feminine power that allows him to embody his ideas, a man should return energy to a woman (in the form of gifts, financial care, physical assistance), in such quantity as to inspire your lady for the subsequent return.

And this interaction is constant.

Energy connection between a man and a woman

In the case when people feel sympathy for each other, they actively exchange their energies and this process gives them mutual pleasure. Upon contact between the biofields of two individuals, channels are formed through which energy circulates from one side to the other.

These streams can differ in their colors and shapes (people with psychic abilities can see them).

Partners are connected through these energy channels through one or another, based on the type of their communication:

• by - family relations;
• by - relationships like lovers, married couple or friends for easy pastime;
• By - family ties, relationships between colleagues at work, bosses, friends in sports hobbies - those people with whom you are forced to compete;
• by - this type of connection will tell about the relationship in which objects interact with each other emotionally - these are the people for whom we feel love. But in order for the relationship between a man and a woman to be harmonious, it is important that they have a well-developed channel of sexual energy;
• by - relationships between like-minded people, work colleagues;
• by - often communication through this channel speaks of copying their idols, leaders of sects and various organizations. The hypnotic channel is well developed, other people's thoughts and ideas are suggested. People are connected to each other by telepathic communication.
• according to - the connection is present only at the level of egregors (collective, family, religious, and others).

And the more both partners show their interest in each other, the more extensive energy channel formed between them. And with tying strong relationship observed.

This is how love relationships are formed, over which neither time nor distance will have power. For example, a mother always feels her child, wherever he is, even if from the moment they last meeting a lot of time has passed.

At healthy relationships between a man and a woman there is a formation of pure, bright, pulsating channels. Then the partners trust each other, they are sincere, but at the same time they retain their personal living space. In this case, one can speak of an equivalent energy exchange, no violations.

And if the relationship is unhealthy, for example, one of the partners becomes dependent on the other, then the channels become dull, heavy. In such a connection, there is no freedom, often lovers over time show irritation, aggression and anger towards each other.

When one of the partners wants to take complete control of the other, the aura wraps around from all sides.

With the death of a relationship, the same thing happens with the channels - they become thinner, weaker. After a long period of time, the movement of energy through the channels stops and people become as if they were strangers, as if nothing had connected them before.

And if there was a separation, but the energy channels were preserved, then people continue to be drawn to each other. There may also be such a scenario when one of the former lovers cut off energy connection and closed itself from subsequent influences, and the second continues to restore relations, breaking through its layer of energy protection.

Energy connection between people during sexual contact

If there were close relationships between people, the channels do not collapse for a long time after parting. This is especially pronounced during sexual contact.

When we have sexual relations with a new partner, a new channel is formed through the sexual chakra. Such channels remain active for a very long time (for years, and sometimes they remain active even throughout life).

At the same time, it does not play a significant role whether sexual partners get to know each other enough or their connection was fleeting (at a party, at a graduation, etc.), the energy channel through the sexual chakra will still be formed and will be active for a very long time.

And if there is a channel, energy continues to circulate through it. And what plan it will be - positive or negative, you can find out about this only knowing both partners well.

An interesting feature is that people living together are characterized by the adjustment of their energy shells relative to each other. For harmonious intimate relationships, synchronization of biofields is necessary. That is why, often in love, when they live together, over time they become similar to each other (often even physical).

When a person does not want to contact anyone, he closes the circuit of his own, as a result of which there is a reflection of all energy flows coming from the surroundings. Then it seems to other people that they are not heard.

Features of male and female energy in a pair

As mentioned above, in the case mutual feelings a single energy field arises between lovers, which will be maintained in the future if the conditions of partnership are observed. The couple will become stronger if both of the partners fill their union with their energy, supporting both themselves and their beloved (beloved).

A very important point - each of the partners must act on the basis of their nature: a man - like a man, and a woman - like a woman.

For example, when a woman develops male energy, appearing in the physical world like a man, then if she lives alone, perhaps this will not affect her well-being in any way. But, being in the conditions of a couple, her man will be forced to develop a feminine demeanor in himself (the same rule applies to men).

In general, in a couple, a man is responsible for the world of material wealth, and a woman is responsible for sensual manifestations and the atmosphere of relationships in general. Therefore, a man gives energy through the material chakra, and a woman receives, and she, in turn, gives energy through the heart chakra.

This was laid down by nature and actions against it will negatively affect the condition of the partners individually and the couple as a whole.

No area of ​​life is complete without interaction with people. Types of interpersonal relationships are manifested in various areas of an individual's activity, and also directly affect almost all areas of his life. Communication is the main component of human life. And the quality of interpersonal relationships directly affects both the standard of living of a person and his psycho-emotional state of mind. After all, it is impossible to live in harmony if quarrels with loved ones constantly occur in the house, misunderstandings arise in relations with friends, and an unfavorable atmosphere reigns in the team at work. Therefore, for the versatile development of personality and successful organization own life, it is extremely important to have an established communicative function.

“The most important meetings are arranged by the souls, even before the bodily shells meet.
As a rule, these meetings take place at the moment when we reach the limit, when we feel the need to die and be reborn. Meetings are waiting for us - but how often we ourselves avoid them! And when we despair, realizing that we have nothing to lose, or vice versa - we are too happy with life, the unknown appears and our galaxy changes its orbit.

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Paulo Coelho

Absolutely all the people who meet on our way are not sent to us by chance. From all contacts, you can either make some benefit, or help another person with something. Perhaps a new acquaintance has been sent to you to gain life experience, or perhaps he is destined to become your companion throughout your life. It is necessary to be able to find out the reason why the Universe arranged a meeting with this or that subject. Different kinds interpersonal relationships imply the presence of people whose meetings can be called fateful.

What are the types of interpersonal relationships? How to achieve harmony in relationships with other people? And what are the methods for developing the quality of communication? The answers to these questions can be found in this article.

WHAT IS INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Interpersonal relationships are any kind of relationship with other people. They usually reflect inner world person, convey his emotions and moods. Interpersonal relationships imply a complex different types communication: verbal and non-verbal, facial expressions, gestures, behavioral features, emotional manifestations and much more.

“Misunderstanding always causes aggression. The degree of aggressiveness, perhaps, can be a measure of misunderstanding.

V. V. Nalimov

The formation of interpersonal relationships begins from the very birth of a person and lasts throughout his life. Initially, the individual learns to build the right interaction with society with the help of parents, educators and teachers. But over time, when the personality of the individual is finally formed, the construction of interpersonal contacts depends purely on the individual qualities of a person and his ability to communicate.

CLASSIFICATION OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS

The classification of interpersonal relationships is quite extensive. They are divided by purpose and by nature, and are also distinguished into types and styles.

• By purpose, there are primary and secondary interpersonal relationships. Primary is called such a type when people interact with each other on equal rights, without any specific need. Secondary relations are carried out when there is a need for certain assistance, the provision of services by one person to another.
• By the nature of interpersonal relationships are official and informal (informal). Formal interactions between people are based on the observance strict rules and boundaries of communication. There is no right to choose a partner independently. Most often it is the relationship between colleagues or business partners. In informal communication, there are no clear behavioral frameworks; the basis of informal interpersonal relationships is a broad emotional base and the right to choose an opponent. In informal relationships, personal preferences dominate both, in fact, with whom to communicate, and in the choice of topics and method of communication.
• By style social contacts can also be official (for example, interaction with the work team) or personal (this category includes friendly, friendly interpersonal relationships). Personal relationships are more pleasant and varied, richer in emotionally than the official ones.

“To have human relations with someone means to be on an equal footing with him, to speak with him confidentially apart from love; and this is also called friendship.

Françoise Sagan

TYPES OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

The division of interpersonal relationships into types is more specific. There are five main types of human connections:

1. Acquaintance. The first and most extensive type of interpersonal relationships. This category includes very a large number of of people. Even people who are only visually familiar to you, with whom you have never entered into a dialogue, belong to this type of relationship.
2. Friendly relations. This type is based on mutual affection and the mutual desire of people to maintain relationships, craving for spending time together.
3. Friendly relationships. All participants in this category are united by the presence general view activities. People who maintain comradely contacts are united by a common goal, their communication is aimed at achieving it.
4. Friendly relations. In order to achieve them, you need to make a lot of effort and have certain personal qualities. Not all people are able to support friendly relations, many do not know friendship in any of its manifestations. This type of interpersonal relationship brings incredible benefits to a person, both emotionally and in the form of moral support and the provision of all kinds of assistance.
5. Love relationships (romance, passion). Just like friendship, love involves long and hard work to create a favorable background against which such relationships would develop harmoniously. Love is one of the strongest motivations, it is a great driving force. However, not everyone is given to comprehend this feeling. And the point is not only in individual qualities, but also in the fact that you can not find a worthy partner.

It should be remembered that each person has a certain degree of responsibility for any kind of relationship: even if it is interpersonal relationships in the family, even in love or friendship, or relationships with colleagues. Fifty percent of the success of building relationships depends on you, you are half responsible for the final result of communication with a person. This is especially true for such categories of relationships as love and friendship.

“A relationship without responsibility and its awareness is just a hobby, or even worse, a habit. Responsibility cannot show whether you are compatible or not, but it can show the significance of your relationship, well, then it's up to you to decide.

Nathaniel O'Farrell

SYSTEMS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

In addition to the above varieties of relationships, there is also a systematic division into rational and emotional relationships, as well as parity and subordination. Let's consider them in more detail:

• rational relationship. It logically follows that the basis and purpose of this type of relationship is the intention to benefit. A rational system of relations implies a certain mutual benefit for all participants in communication.
• Emotional social connections - based on personal preferences, based on the basis of sensual contacts, which may not always be positive. Together with friendship and love for emotional relationships include enmity, and antipathy, and hatred.
• Parity contacts - the communication of a couple or a group of people of this category is based on equality. The basis of these interpersonal relationships is absolute freedom choice.
• Subordinate relationships are relationships that have a clear hierarchy. For example, it can be communication between the boss and subordinates.

THE ROLE OF FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS IN SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS

All types of contacts between people are very closely interconnected, for this reason it is extremely difficult to distinguish between them. Also, interpersonal relationships are based on human feelings and emotions. The sensory development of relationships is characterized by both positive and negative emotional manifestations.

When we meet any new person in our life, we immediately give him an assessment - whether he is sympathetic to us or, on the contrary, is extremely antipathetic. Based on this, the foundation for future contacts begins to be laid. All types of interpersonal relationships are built on this principle.

People who have a sense of empathy, are able to empathize and rejoice in the success of others, are more prone to building harmonious relationships with others. Such personalities are conducive to communication, it is pleasant to contact with them, I want to continue communication, and also give in return those positive vibes that come from harmonious positive-minded people.

THE BASIS OF CORRECT COMMUNICATION

The main problem of interpersonal relations is a violation of the communicative function. If a person does not know how to communicate correctly, is afraid to establish contacts with people, then any kind of interpersonal relationship is unlikely to develop successfully.

“Everything in a relationship is decided by communication. Solve any problems through dialogue.

Ekaterina Makarova

There are several effective advice How to learn to communicate with people:

There are situations when during communication people cannot pick up the right words do not know what to talk about and how to build a constructive dialogue. As a result, there is misunderstanding in the relationship.

What communication mistakes should be avoided so that the types of interpersonal relationships are not under the threat of unfavorable development?

1. Watch your tone, facial expressions and gestures. Avoid an indifferent tone, a bored look, skeptical assessments - such manifestations discourage the desire to continue communication.
2. The language barrier. This is not only a problem for people who speak different languages. Also, a language barrier can arise between people with different levels of development, age characteristics and culture of speech. For example, it will not be possible to talk with children in the same way as with adults, if only because most of the words and terms that adults use in a conversation may not be known to children.
3. Manifestations of social phobia. It happens that a person, for inexplicable reasons, feels fear of communicating with people. That is why awkward situations and pauses arise when trying to establish contact with the interlocutor. If you are faced with a similar problem, then you need to show inner willpower and stamina in order to work on improving your communication functions.

“The only time in a person's life when he is objectively dependent and when he can be considered a hostage is his childhood and dependence on his parents. It lasts for a relatively short time. In other cases, being in a relationship is the choice of an adult.

Mikhail Labkovsky

Each person is born and lives in society throughout his life. Complete isolation is completely impossible. There are options to cut and shorten the types of interpersonal relationships, leaving only the most necessary areas of social ties. But without the successful construction of social communication links, harmonious personal growth and development is impossible.

Ecology of Consciousness: Psychology. Common mistakes in understanding people's motives cause most conflicts and emotional disorders.

Relationships are something to MAINTAIN

My title may seem like a gimmick. It is clear that no rules can fully define such a complex mechanism as human behavior. But despite this, most people tend to make the same mistakes. These errors are quite frequent and cause conflicts. Knowing these rules will help you avoid such mistakes.

People strive to be nice, friendly, interesting, etc.

In books about human relationships, you can find two statements that are quite distant from each other:

• It is clear that people generally understand the forces that drive them, but do not always manage them well. They want to be nice, considerate, etc.
• Quite complex theories can explain human behavior, but they are difficult to formalize.

Between these two points is visible and contains helpful information, which may be applicable in practice, although this is not always obvious. Frequent mistakes in understanding people's motives cause most conflicts and emotional disorders.

seven rules

Here are the seven rules I'm talking about. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list, or vice versa, these seven rules can be somehow reduced to three, more significant ones. However, seven is a good number.

Rule 1: Do not look for malice in what can be easily explained by vanity

People don't worry or think about you. This is not because they are low or harmful, but simply becausethey are mostly self-centered.

Most of the thoughts and aspirations of a person are directed at himself. His goals. His problems. His feelings. Much less of his focus is on relationships and how they affect him. What does a friend think of me? How did my boss rate my work?

And a person pays very little attention to sympathy. Empathy is a rare case where one person experiences the emotions and problems of another person. Instead of asking myself what a friend thinks of me, I ask myself what a friend thinks.

This small percentage of attention is shared among the many people they know. As a result, each of us occupies a value close to zero in the minds of other people. Even if you are in the thoughts of another person, then this is more likely to apply to your relationship, but not to you personally.

What does this mean?

• All kinds of embarrassment and embarrassment do not make sense. Since others focus a very small part of their thoughts on you,your self-esteem is much more important.
• People who appear low or mean usually don't do it on purpose. Of course, there are exceptions, but most often the resentment you receive from them is side effects but were not the main reasons for their actions.
• Relationships are something to be maintained. Don't expect them to fold by themselves.

Rule 2: Social behavior is rarely obvious

Basically this rule means that most of the intentions behind our actions are hidden. If a person feels depressed or angry, the resulting behavior usually distorts them. true feelings. If I feel that you are treating me with disdain, I can restrain myself now, but ignore you later.

A person can say “fine” while experiencing the opposite feeling.

Hence, in order to be effective, you need to not only hear the person, but also focus on how they feel. Demonstrate trust, build rapport, try to learn it little by little. By focusing on empathy, you are more likely to be able to understand the other person and solve a possible problem.

Another application of this rule ismost of the time no one knows how you feel. So don't get angry when people don't understand you.

Rule 3: Behavior is largely dictated by selfish altruism

To say that everyone is completely selfish would be an overstatement. Of course, there are acts of kindness, sacrifice and love. But most (not all, but most) actions proceed from the principles of selfish altruism.

Selfish altruism is when helping you directly or indirectly benefits me. Here are a few examples of how this applies:

1. Deals- If I buy a car, both I and the dealer get some benefit. I get the car I want. The dealer makes money to improve his life. This is the predominant form of selfish altruism that has no emotional ties.

2. Family- We are arranged so that we are inclined to protect people connected with us by ties of kinship. Sometimes this rule can be transferred to close friends and loved ones.

3. Status Helping someone is a sign of strength. People can offer their help to increase self-esteem and reputation.

4. Assumed reciprocity- Such a relationship can be based on the idea that if I help you one day, someday you will help me.

Sometimes behavior falls outside of these categories. Actions can be completely disinterested. But they are a minority, while most actions can be explained by some form of selfish altruism.

How can this rule be applied? You can understand people's motives and treat them like selfish creatures.Find ways to help people. Don't expect them to offer you help beyond selfish altruism. This is certainly possible, but unlikely.

Rule 4: People don't have very good memories.

A person will almost certainly forget the name of another person who introduces himself very quickly. People rarely remember the details of events after a few days. People tend to remember similarities rather than differences.

Humans are naturally forgetful, so don't take it as intent or disinterest if someone has forgotten about you. The other side of this rule is that you can demonstrate the reliability of your memory either by developing it or by using some technical memory systems.

Rule 5: Everyone is emotional

Perhaps this is an exaggeration. But in general, people tend to experience more strong feelings than they show outwardly. People who regularly exhibit outbursts of anger, depression, or enthusiasm are frowned upon by much of society. This is especially true for men.

As a consequence, one should not think that everything is fine just because no one has nervous breakdown. To be effective and anticipate a problem situation in time, one must be sensitive to the undercurrents of the human condition.

Additionally, you can say that people will assume that everything is fine with you, unless you explicitly demonstrate the opposite.

Rule 6: People are lonely

This seems like a broad generalization. But it's amazing how many people who seem to have a lot suffer from loneliness. As social beings, humans are particularly sensitive to any threat of being taken out of society. Lonely can be even surrounded by many people.

Since loneliness is quite common, in this sense (of loneliness), you will never be alone. Seriously, pay attention to the interests of other people, maybe you will find common ground with your interests. On the other hand, others people are unlikely to find out your interests on their own if you do not tell them about it.

Rule 7: People are self-absorbed

It's kind of like repeating rule number one. Such facts that people tend to be extremely interested only in themselves, that they are often lonely, that they are more emotional and sensitive than they let on, give us food for thought and increase our effectiveness.

I love optimistic, but at the same time realistic ideas about people. People in general try their best, but make mistakes and suffer from unintentional egocentrism. In other words, they basically look like you.published

Andrey Lozhnikov

Dale Carnegie

Let's think, friends, what role does the ability to build relationships with other people play in our lives? I think you will agree that it is very important. After all, this is personal life, which requires ideal relationship with the opposite sex, otherwise there will be no happiness in the family, and the money, for the earning of which we need to build business relations with different people, and friends we can rely on, and connections with useful people who empower us, and much, much more. At the same time, relationships between people are not always smooth and efficient, despite the obvious usefulness of such relationships. And this is due to the fact that people are usually not taught to competently build relationships with each other. In most cases, we learn this skill ourselves, in the process of interacting with each other, guided mainly by everyday experience, and not by some special knowledge that needs to be drawn from special sources, for example, in books on psychology. As a result, many people have problems in relationships with each other, which can significantly complicate their lives. So that this does not happen, so that you, dear readers, competently build your relationships with any people, I suggest you read this article.

Let's start by asking you one of the most important questions for us - what do we want from other people? After all, we all want something from each other, that's why we build with each other various forms relationships, from the simplest to the most complex. Therefore, if you clearly and clearly understand what exactly you need from this or that person, you will be able to determine the form of relationship with him that will suit both you and him. But having decided on what you want from another person, from other people, now think about what you yourself can offer him or them? After all, if you want to build normal, useful relationships with people, you must think not only about what you want, but also about what other people want. Without this, you will not be able to interest them in yourself. Because you, and me, and all of us, are not interested in building relationships with those who do not care about us, who do not want to give us anything, but only want to take something from us. So right? And how often do you think about what you can be of interest to this or that person with whom you want to build a certain relationship? Or let's just say - how carefully do you work on this issue? Based on my experience of working with people on this issue, I must say that they do not pay enough attention to it, and therefore experience various problems in relationship with each other. In other words, diplomacy is lame in many people - they do not think enough about the interests of others and therefore cannot competently link their interests with those of others. And then what kind of relations can we talk about if they do not meet the interests of one of the parties? About violent ones, about those in which one person or a group of people tolerates others? Such relationships, as history shows, are unreliable. So it's better to look mutual language with people, and not to impose their will by force.

So the first conclusion that we can draw, speaking about the relationship between people, will be this: good, reliable, strong relationships can only be built on mutually beneficial terms. However, you and I are adults and therefore we understand [should understand] that the mutually beneficial conditions can be different and not always we are talking about absolutely equal relations between people. Someone in them may be more even, due to their capabilities and their status. Therefore, it is already important to understand what a person has the right to count on, being who he is. And then after all, some people want such an attitude to themselves, which, let's say, they did not deserve. But due to the fact that their opinion of themselves is unreasonably high, they insist on such relationships with people in which few people will be interested in them. For example, an ordinary employee of the company may believe that his boss is unfairly receiving higher wages in comparison with him, although he himself is not able to do all the work that the boss does, since he lacks the competence for this. But the desire to be equal to someone who is superior to you in some way prevents people from objectively assessing themselves and their capabilities. Therefore, different people have different understandings of what conditions are mutually beneficial and what relationships are fair. Because of this difference of opinion, people may have certain problems in dealing with each other. Let's talk about them now.

relationship problems

Relationship problems, no matter what, are experienced by most people. I even dare to say that everyone faces these problems from time to time. And as we found out above, very common cause of these problems is the biased idea of ​​​​people about what their relations with others should be. A lot of people want to be treated like they don't deserve. Here, of course, there is a place for selfishness, and short-sightedness, and the inability to adequately evaluate oneself and others, and even banal childish capriciousness can declare itself when people want the impossible. I often have to work with all this, helping people solve their problems in relationships with others.

But each of you can deal with all these points yourself, thinking about what his relationships with different people are based on. In general, everything is very simple - if you know the objective value of yourself, you will be able to understand what you should count on when building relationships with this or that person. And then you will not ask or demand what is not profitable and not interesting for you to give to another person, to other people. You will receive exactly the kind of treatment that you deserve at the moment. Something will have to be given to you, something people will give you in return. But it is not at all necessary that such an exchange will be absolutely equal. You, I repeat, will get what you deserve. And if you're smart enough, you'll accept it and won't ask for more. Then your relationships with people will objectively be mutually beneficial. Not equal, but mutually beneficial. And then everything will depend on you. The more benefit you can bring to other people, the higher their need for you will be, which means that they themselves will be ready to give you more in order to maintain a relationship with you.

Another cause of problems in relationships is straightforwardness, this is when people say what they think and act intuitively, on emotions, you can even say reflexively - without thinking properly. Well, you yourself know perfectly well what this leads to. This leads to conflicts, and sometimes quite stupid ones. And people often turn to psychologists not before, but after they make mistakes because of their straightforward attitude to a particular situation, problem, people. So let's think with you, what is the problem of a straightforward approach? Basically, it does not take into account the reaction of other people to certain words and actions of yours. If you, for example, tell a person that he is wrong about something, that he is mistaken, then your words will most likely cause a negative reaction in him. Do you agree? Nobody likes to feel stupid, wrong, nobody likes to be wrong. And even if you are objectively right, pointing out to a person his mistakes, then he may simply not accept your criticism. Just think how it is wise man you need to be, so if not positively, then at least neutrally react to criticism, comments, reproaches addressed to you? Do you think most people are just like that - wisely perceiving negative information about themselves, drawing conclusions from it and using it to personal growth? Naturally, no. People are much simpler for the most part. They do not react with their head to criticism, but with their emotions. Then, one asks, why behave with them in a way that is unprofitable to do so? Why be direct? The answer is simple: many people do not know how to control themselves and are used to doing something first, and only then thinking. As a result, their straightforwardness often prevents them from building normal relationships with people. I want to tell a person everything as it is, but it is impossible, because a person will not understand. So you need to be flexible. And how many people know how to do it? In fact of the matter. It is always easier to swear, scandal, criticize, condemn, it does not require a great mind. But there is little or no benefit from these things, rather only harm.

Let's think about how to learn to build relationships with people using a flexible approach to them? I believe that for this you need to be able to manipulate people. That is, covertly manage them. It is manipulation that allows people to act flexibly, creatively, outside the box and effectively, rather than straightforwardly. With its help, you can play highly effective multi-way combinations that will allow you to find a common language with any person. However, most people have a predominantly negative attitude towards any manipulation. This is due to the fact that most of them do not know how to correctly manipulate others, since they were not taught this, but at the same time they themselves are afraid of becoming a victim of someone's manipulation. Hence the criticism of this psychological tool. But since it happens anyway - people manipulated and manipulate each other different ways, then it would still be better to learn this skill, and not condemn it. Then it will not be necessary to shove like a tank in order to achieve something from people, because a person will have a lot of other opportunities to build the relationships he needs with them. Let me show you one way to build relationships with people through manipulation.

Tuning

Adjustment is one way hidden influence on people in order to gain confidence in them. And having entered into trust with a person, you will lay a solid foundation for your relationship with him. Usually, in order to please people, it is useful to adapt to them, since everyone is pleased to communicate with those who look, think, behave, just like them. But there are very strong personalities in our society who, with their energy alone, force others to imitate them and thus adjust the crowd to suit themselves. There are few such people, but they exist. These are leaders, both by nature and due to a special upbringing. But they, too, sometimes adapt to others if they have enough flexibility. Because this is a necessary quality for a person who wants to enjoy great popularity among the people around him. You can’t always stick to your own line, this is not effective behavior.

You can adapt to people intuitively, or you can quite consciously, only for this you need to undergo special training. Still, tuning is a very subtle art. If you just monkey around, then nothing will work, you need to read people well in order to understand how to become like them and please them. Therefore, before adapting to a person - copying him appearance, behavior, mood, and most importantly - agreeing with his opinion, beliefs, thoughts, you need to carefully observe him. After all, without knowing the true value system of a person, it is impossible to imitate him imperceptibly, and this is very important for naturalness. Therefore, observe, observe and observe a person again, study him, try to notice any little things in his behavior, memorize his every word in order to understand the course of his thoughts and learn about all his beliefs. Some people are inconsistent, they can abandon their decisions without any logical justification, but only under the influence of emotions. Therefore, it is important to notice this and behave in a similar way, skillfully jumping with a person from one thought to another. It can be unpleasant, sometimes it can even be annoying, but the main thing is the result. We are all not perfect, we all have our shortcomings, we need to be more tolerant of this. If you do not learn to accept people for who they are, or rather, if you do not learn to accept their shortcomings, you will not be able to build a relationship with them that is useful to you. Therefore, in order to skillfully adapt to others, you need to be more tolerant of them. So, when you thoroughly study the person you want to adapt to, rehearse your behavior at home in order to get used to a new role for yourself. And only then begin to demonstrate this behavior in the company of this person. In other words, get ready for the actual adjustment ahead of time.

Competent adjustment helps to find a common language with almost all people. And that's because everyone is different. And having found a common language with them, you will be able to build the relationship you need with them. After all, the more understanding between people, the easier it is for them to agree and get along with each other. In the future, of course, you will have to gradually become yourself if you plan to build a long-term and very close relationship with a person. But this is a completely different job. The main thing to lay solid foundation relationships, and only then they can be slowly built properly. Now let's talk about another very important point on which the quality of human relations depends.

expectations

We all have expectations about life and other people. For some they are quite vague, while for others they are quite specific. And after all, what plans we sometimes make for people, what great dreams we associate with them, which, unfortunately, are not always fulfilled. And when our expectations are not met, we often blame other people for this, as if they are to blame for the fact that we invented a lot of things for ourselves. And think, friends, do we really need all these expectations, or is it better to let life surprise us with something from time to time? After all, sometimes people turn out to be dissatisfied with a completely normal life and enough happy relationship With interesting people because they just don't match up with their plans for life. But this is not a necessary condition for happiness, for normal life to be able to enjoy it. Why do we need to carry out our plans at all costs? Why not, instead, adjust them in such a way that they fit perfectly into the reality in which we live?

You know, very often I ask people a question, while solving some of their problems with relationships with different people: why do they think that there should be something in their life this way and not otherwise? Why is another scenario of their life unacceptable for them? Why does another form of relationship with this or that person or people not seem normal to them? And with the help of such questions, we often come to the conclusion that the expectations that a person - my client had and have, those his plans for life that he built for a long time, those dreams that he had and has, are far from so he needed, as he thought. It is quite possible to refuse them and nothing terrible will happen. This is a very simple path to happiness, but it is so difficult to pass. Just think how often we complain about different people because they did not help us fulfill our dreams, that they did not live up to our expectations, that they did not make us happy, as if the whole thing is really in them, and not in us. Note that I say “we” because there is no need to point fingers at anyone here - we all sin in one way or another. And this is a real problem for many people. They do not accept what they have, what life gives them, they want something else, which is not clear where it came from in their head.

And how often people ruin relationships with each other because of some of their outdated plans for life, in which there is not much sense. It often seems to them that everything is always better for others, that another life is more interesting, brighter, happier, that it is only they who are so unhappy, because they do not have something or they lack something. All these harmful thoughts destroy a person from the inside and often harm his relationships with very valuable and even loving people. So the expectation of something, from relationships, from other people, from life, is often associated with a person's dissatisfaction with his life. No need to run away with your thoughts far into the future and draw it in your own way. This occupation can destroy your present. You can plan something in your life, there is nothing wrong with that, it is even useful. But do not count on the fact that these plans will necessarily come true. Life is a tricky thing, it always builds such combinations for each person that he is forced to rack his brains to understand why his affairs are developing this way and not otherwise. And if he does not do this, then he is simply disappointed in his life, believing that it did not work out for him.

Friends, relationships between people are work. And it needs to be done. Such things cannot be left to chance. If you want to normal relationship with people at all levels - you need to learn how to build them and then practice the knowledge gained. How important this is to you, you can understand by paying attention to the quality of the relationships you already have with different people. If they do not suit you, you need to deal with this issue, because it will not be solved by itself. Well, if they are satisfied, I can only be happy for you and wish you to continue to build successful and helpful relationship with people.

Wherever a person lives and works, where he communicates with other people, he has a wide variety of relationships with them: from casual, insignificant to long-term, stable, from purely formal to friendly, intimate. Relationships can be divided into two groups: official (official, business) and personal (friendly, comradely, friendly). Business relationship due to industrial, educational, social activities and its social framework: teacher-student, boss-subordinate, doctor-patient, etc. Personal relationships can also arise on the basis of some specific activity.

The relations of the first group are regulated by legal and (to a lesser extent) moral norms. Among the moral ones, first of all, those that arise from the demands of official duty play a role here. Personal relations are regulated mainly by moral norms and are conditioned, as a rule, by common interests, mutual sympathy, and a sense of respect. To a large extent, they depend on the personal characteristics of people.

IN real life these two groups of relationships are not sharply demarcated. So, for example, in any class there are two systems of relations between students. First, the system responsible addiction , or business relationships (headman, Komsomol organizer, etc.), and, secondly, a system of friendly, or simply friendly, relationships. These two systems are interconnected, intertwined, but do not completely coincide.

The requirements that the participants of one or another type of relationship make to each other are also different, and the motives for choosing, for example, the head of the class or a friend, are also different. So, the headman must be executive, organized and sufficiently demanding. The popularity of a student in the class in the system of personal relationships is usually determined by those qualities and personality traits that are highly valued in this group.

What determines the popularity of the student in the system of personal relationships of the class? Psychological research has revealed various parameters that affect the degree of popularity of a particular student in the class. This is primarily the personality and character of children. So, for example, "collectivists", that is, students with a social, collectivistic orientation, are more recognized in the class, regardless of their position in the system of business relationships, than "egoists", students with an egoistic orientation. People who are more balanced, calm, benevolent can count on greater recognition of themselves in the team. Naturally, the significance of one or another criterion changes with the age of the students, and is not the same for girls and boys. In the lower grades, a student's position in the class is greatly influenced by his academic performance, discipline, and appearance. In the senior classes, these are intellectual qualities, erudition, and sometimes strength and dexterity (in boys), external data (in girls), the presence (or absence) of fashionable and prestigious things.

Psychologists have identified another pattern: the more a student appreciates his class, the higher his place in the system personal relationships, i.e., the team, as it were, returns to him his high appreciation of the class.Often, by who is popular in a given group, one can judge the values ​​adopted in it. So, in a class that is not focused on spiritual values, students who have prestigious things can be popular.

Personal (friendly, friendly) relationships are based primarily on the sympathy (antipathy) of people entering into such selective, informal relationships. What is connected with and on the basis of what does the mutual attractiveness of people arise?

They agreed. Wave and stone
Poetry and prose, ice and fire,
Not so different from each other.
First, mutual differences
They were boring to each other;
Then they liked it, then
Riding every day
And soon they became inseparable.
So people (I repent first)
Nothing to do friends.

Well, what does science say about this now? Let's use some of the data that he cites in his book " Interpersonal relationships» Leningrad psychologist N. N. Obozov. First of all, it should be said that the emergence of interpersonal attractiveness is only the first phase of relationships between people. Such relationships are called "friendly", they do not oblige to anything and can be maintained for a long time without going into deeper ones, intimate relationship- friendly, loving. And to the question of what attracts - repels two people: similarity, similarity or difference - there is no (and probably cannot be) an unambiguous answer; depending on what is the similarity, what is the difference, what is the situation of communication. The results of numerous studies allow us to identify some factors that may contribute to the emergence of sympathy - antipathy. Firstly, great importance has in what "environment" people interact - in a situation of cooperation or rivalry. The first situation leads to an increase in the attractiveness of another person, contributes to the emergence of a deeper and more stable sympathy, the second situation, respectively, reduces the likelihood of interpersonal attractiveness. Further, the coincidence of value orientations (i.e., central, main interests, views, principles, attitudes) has a significant impact. A very large role belongs to the nature of a person's idea of ​​himself and others: this is the correct perception of positive and negative character traits, similarity in the assessment of the main and differences in the assessment of secondary qualities. in in p ideas about oneself, etc. The following data speaks of how ambiguous the influence of similarity - differences for the emergence and preservation of feelings of sympathy - antipathy is.

The influence of similarity is also ambiguous - differences in the temperaments of people. As you know, features nervous system and, accordingly, the characteristics of temperament significantly affect the nature of communication. So, for example, the property of mobility - inertia is combined with the features of communication in the following way.

If we compare the ratio of the characteristics of the temperament of people in friendly couples (i.e., where sympathies for each other are stable and deep) and mutually rejecting couples (with stable antipathy), then a rather complex and ambiguous dependence will be revealed. Melancholic people give the widest range of combinations with other types of temperament: they can be good friends with sanguine people, phlegmatic people, and melancholic people like themselves. Antipathy often occurs in pairs of choleric - choleric, sanguine - sanguine, but it practically does not happen in pairs of phlegmatic - phlegmatic.

Thus, even these brief details show that interpersonal attractiveness, which is necessary condition the emergence and preservation of friendly, friendly relations, arises due to very diverse reasons that are with each other in complex combinations. Therefore, we can firmly say that none of the characteristics of a person (and even more so none of the aspects of his temperament) is an obstacle to establishing friendly relationships, to normal, satisfying human communication with other people.