How to survive a divorce from your husband: advice from a psychologist for wise women. How to survive a divorce from your husband during pregnancy? Condition of a woman after divorce

A loved one left you, you got divorced. Surviving a divorce from your husband is very difficult, it is not just parting with the person to whom you experienced a feeling of love. Divorce destroys all plans, deprives self-confidence, as well as the ability to trust, because often its cause is betrayal, betrayal. A woman faces a lot of questions, in particular, to agree to a divorce or to make every effort and save the family? Especially when there are children, how in this case not to injure them and bring up harmonious personalities from them. How to cope with the consequences of a divorce, improve your life and set yourself up for a new relationship?

For many women, family breakdown is serious. psychological stress which not everyone can experience. Often after a divorce, a woman falls into deepest depression, which is very difficult to get out of, sometimes it takes a lot of time and the help of a professional psychologist. If a woman (children) remains in the care of a woman and at the same time she is engaged in professional activities, it is simply impossible to ignore the state of stress in which she is. It is necessary to immediately solve the problem, otherwise it threatens the development of serious consequences. Therefore, in given period life, it is advisable to seek the help of a psychologist who will help restore spiritual harmony and normalize personal life.

It just seems that the question of how to survive a divorce from a husband is an insoluble problem. In reality, every woman can cope with this, you just need to gather your strength, want happiness and clearly achieve this, not for a moment despairing and not succumbing to weakness.

We get rid of negative emotions.
At the very beginning, it is important to get rid of all the negativity that has accumulated inside you. No need to hide your emotions, experience pain, resentment and disappointment within yourself. This will only lead to a worsening of your condition and to the fact that you become isolated in yourself, as a result there will be an unpleasant feeling of uselessness, which can ruin you quite a lot. future life. Therefore, do not accumulate emotions and experiences, but splash them out as they arise: cry everything out, scream, beat the dishes, but best of all at home, and not in in public places, alone, in the absence of children (if any), because it is not easy for them either. As a "vest" you can use a very close friend.

In order not to withdraw into yourself, communicate more with your loved ones, relatives and friends, they will help you overcome difficulties. Do not be afraid to seem intrusive by sharing your experiences with them, they will definitely understand you and support you, perhaps they will give you useful advice.

It is very important to keep yourself busy on the way to overcoming depression after a divorce. It can be a long-forgotten hobby, a new hobby, walking with children (if any), going to the theater, cinema, exhibitions, discos, bowling, dancing, aerobics, swimming in the pool, meeting friends, meeting new people, etc. In a word, try not to be sad and have fun, fill your life with bright events that will distract you from dark thoughts about her husband. In addition to having fun, you need to increase your physical activity. Enter into your daily routine morning exercises that will energize you and good mood all day. During the day you can go to the gym.

I note that if you have children, never speak badly about your husband in their presence. After all, in any case, he remains their father, it is very important that between them a good relationship. There is no need to prevent their communication or set them against it. At the same time, after a divorce, you do not need to devote your life to children. In the future, you will reproach them for their own personal life that did not take place.

If all of the above does not help, depression does not want to go away, then you should change the situation. If you are working, take a vacation and go on holiday. Children can be left to their mother or other close relatives. New experiences, different surroundings, and other worries will help bring you to your senses. You can go alone, or you can invite friends to keep you company.

Don't dream of revenge.
After the collapse of relations with her husband, I really want to take revenge, somehow annoy him, say a bunch of bad things about him, disgrace him in the eyes of friends. Often this happens reflexively and unconsciously, however, in any case, sink to the level of gossip about ex-husband not worth it. Speaking about the shortcomings of your ex-husband, you thereby expose yourself far from better side, as a result, you are more likely to lose your reputation than he is. Plus, you will add to yourself these experiences and unnecessary troubles, which will only further aggravate your already unimportant condition. In addition, you must agree, because once your relationship with your husband was not so terrible, once in your life with him there were pleasant moments, of which there were quite a few. You just need to remember them and mentally thank them. ex-spouse for delivered happy moments. And then take and just let him go, forgetting all the insults and wishing him well and happiness. Only after getting rid of thoughts about him will you feel real relief.

If there are children who are trying in every possible way to reconcile you with your husband, then they should thoughtfully and calmly explain that this makes no sense, because what was already impossible to return. If you do not get rid of the accumulated resentment and anger in time, they can lead to the development of quite serious problems with heart and gastrointestinal tract, because they are the ones who suffer from constant stress in the first place. Just forgive the once loved one, leaving only positive memories of him in your memory.

Try to understand the reasons for divorce, which can be a lot. Once you understand your mistakes, next time you will not repeat them again. By identifying the causes of failure in family life, you will be ready for new relationships and acquaintances.

Looking for our own way to find peace of mind.
The state after a divorce resembles an illness, only a mental illness. For its treatment, you can use the following methods:

Try to read esoteric literature (for example, books by authors: Louise Hay, Sergey Lazarev).
Try to think exclusively in a positive way, influence your own subconscious every day, setting yourself up for a brighter future. This can be done with the help of certain mantras, which should be pronounced while standing in front of a mirror.
Listen to music if you wish at maximum volume, you can dance and sing to the beat.
Pamper yourself more often delicious meals(but do not get carried away, otherwise it will affect the figure) and watch your favorite comedies, but not romantic ones.

Do not rush to look for a replacement ex-husband.
You do not need to immediately after a divorce rush to search young man, thinking that a new relationship will help to say goodbye to thoughts about the former spouse. This judgment is erroneous. You will begin to think even more about your ex-spouse, constantly comparing your current relationship with the previous one, which will negatively affect the relationship of the present. Short-term novels and light intrigues will not do you good, it takes time to restore peace of mind. Only then can you think about a new relationship.

material difficulties.
It is worth noting that if a woman, being married, was completely dependent on her husband, then after a divorce her emotional state is aggravated by material problems that inevitably arise, especially if there are children. It is good if there are parents and a relative who will provide support. And if not? In this situation, you will have to rely only on yourself. There is no time to loosen up. You need to find a job, if necessary, you can even go to retraining courses. You can ask for help from acquaintances and friends, maybe one of them will help with the work.

By the way, this position has many advantages. A woman can rethink some views on many things, realize her real needs and desires. It should be noted that according to statistics, it was after a divorce that women most often achieved success. The presence of children and the need to provide for them and oneself shows a lot of hitherto hidden talents and opportunities in a woman. Once in a difficult situation, women are forced to show extraordinary perseverance and energy, which in the future will lead them to the top of their careers. By the way, in most cases, women are later grateful to their ex-husbands for divorce, because it was he who made it possible to devote himself completely to his career and achieve success.

New life. We think positively.
A woman, after a divorce from her husband, seems to be taking the ground from under her feet, she loses the meaning of her existence. It is important at this moment to rid yourself of emotional attachment to your ex-husband, because you definitely don’t have love left. If you realize that each of you now has your own path and accept this by letting go of your partner, it will become much easier for you. And then you need to try to imagine the future as you would like to see it and believe in it. After all, now it does not depend on the former spouse. Imagine your future chosen one, how he should be. It's no secret that thoughts are material. Our thoughts and ideas completely create our future. Negative emotions, constant depression in which a person is, provoke the development of negative events, which further lead to a depressive state. Learned vicious circle from which it becomes more and more difficult to escape. Therefore, watch your own thoughts, think less about divorce and how to survive it, and more and more imagine a wonderful, bright and happy future that lies ahead of you.

Divorce is always parting with a loved one or a once dear person. Some women come out of this painful situation with mental and mental trauma, while others suffer from physical illnesses. This is a test of strength and endurance. Those who are thinking about how to survive a divorce from their husband are already halfway to the gate to a new life. It is very important to accept yourself and come to terms with the fact that a new streak has begun in life. You should not go back to the old, you need to survive it. It is necessary to understand that the door is closed and will never open again. The separation must be completed. Do not be afraid to be alone and survive the tragedy with dignity.

Divorce is the collapse of plans for further life together, the loss of hope for the future and the loss of trust. And trust is what family relationships are based on. Often the reason for divorce is betrayal by the husband, his betrayal, which is difficult to survive and forgive. Women in such a traumatic situation face many issues that will have to be addressed in the future. If the divorce has not officially come, they are tormented by thoughts about how to save marriage with her husband, how to protect children from getting psychological trauma, how to continue living alone, how to behave with men and whether it is worth entering into a new relationship.

How the breakup goes depends only on the woman. You can survive a divorce with your husband with less loss for yourself. Having passed a difficult test, you will become stronger and better: the struggle for a new life will temper your character. Perhaps in the future you will thank your husband for leaving you.

Psychological stages of divorce

What does a woman who is in the position of a divorcee feel? It is interesting that psychologists compare the feelings of a woman after a divorce with the feelings experienced when a loved one is lost or died. But everything can be experienced.

First stage

At first, the psyche of women gives a defensive reaction. The brain is in a daze. So it is easier for the body to adapt to changes, to survive them. Others may take this state for indifference and indifference. But it is not.

Behind external composure hides deep stress and the inability to fully understand what is happening and survive the process of divorce from her husband. It is the body's natural defense against mental pain. That is why many women are so drawn to a divorce: by any means they try to avoid breaking off relations with their husbands. In the meantime, resentment, tears and distrust accumulate and accumulate.

A woman's denial of what is happening has the effect of anesthesia. The purpose of this psychological moment is to realize the loss important person In my life. Much later comes the understanding of the situation. A woman comes face to face with real events that have already happened, and nothing can change. It remains only to accept and experience them.

Second phase

Characterized by the manifestation of such feelings as resentment and anger. A woman will remember the events that led to the divorce, scroll through them in her memory and suffer. She will start looking for answers to many questions, trying to understand how this could happen. The feelings of anger and resentment that have arisen will be directly directed towards the ex-husband and those who are indirectly involved in this. For example, for a mistress, if there was one, for children, parents, girlfriends.

A woman will try with all her might to find the culprit in her troubles. It will seem to her that it is easier to survive the break with her husband. But this will not lead to anything good. On the contrary, experiencing feelings of anger, discontent, anger towards your close relatives, especially children who are definitely not to blame, can completely ruin your relationship with them. But in vain. Indeed, during this period, the support of relatives and friends has great importance. Thanks to them, it will be easier for a woman to survive the process of divorce from her husband. The main thing is that relatives understand that her behavior is defensive reaction organism. Accumulating resentment, being offended and looking for the guilty is much easier than seeing your helplessness.

Third stage

The next step is the test of guilt. A woman can convince herself that if her behavior had been different, then there might not have been a divorce. A woman will definitely find flaws in herself, she will scold herself for the wrong attitude towards her husband. In the end, he will make himself completely guilty of the breakup. This is true even in cases where the husband himself committed betrayal, left his wife and left.

There is no point in these thoughts and torments. It will not be easier to survive a divorce in this case. You can't turn back time. It is necessary to go further, to draw conclusions. At this stage, you can bring your condition to deplorable. Therefore, if the case becomes difficult, it is better to agree to the help of psychologists, listen to their advice and recommendations.

Fourth stage

This stage of divorce is no less difficult than the previous one. Stage - depression. Parting with her husband becomes so painful that the emotional pain from the experience can develop into physical. This normal condition a woman who has failed in family life. A natural reaction to the loss of a loved one that anyone can experience. But depression, stretching for years, requires the intervention of psychologists. At this point, the state may be different:

some may cry all the time;
others will outwardly behave calmly, but inwardly deeply experience parting.

During this period, the woman will be all possible ways trying to keep in touch with your ex-husband. Perhaps it will prove love for him. By this behavior, she postpones the beginning of a new life, does not allow herself to recover and survive the separation from her husband.

Therefore, if you are at this stage of a divorce and express your emotions in the way described above, then this is considered absolutely normal. We must always remember that if depression is prolonged, then you may not know how to become happy after a divorce. for a long time. How to live and enjoy further? How to survive a divorce, despite the fact that your husband left you, having committed a betrayal?

Remember, when one door closes, another opens. The main thing is to survive and let go of the situation.

Fifth and final stage

Dear readers! Our articles talk about typical ways to resolve legal issues, but each case is unique. If you want to know how to solve your particular problem, please use the online consultant form on the right or call the free hotline:
8 800 350-13-94 - Federal number

8 499 938-42-45 - Moscow and Moscow region.

8 812 425-64-57 - St. Petersburg and Leningrad region.

It is an emotional acceptance of loss. The woman gets better. She is trying to start a new life, survive and forget the divorce. Looking for advantages in parting with her husband. Being alone is not so scary. Its main goal is to recover from past negative emotions. The woman received valuable experience as a guide to action in the future.

Pregnancy and divorce

It is not easy to endure a divorce with a husband, but to survive it while pregnant is a hundred times more difficult. The woman will have to pull herself together and find ways to survive. The first thing to do is to forbid yourself to think about abortion. Human life priceless. She cannot become the subject of revenge on her husband.

The child is not to blame for what happened. Moreover, abortion will not guarantee that it will become easier to survive the gap. Rather, on the contrary, it will lead directly to a prolonged depression, and you will regret your deed for a long time. You can't have an abortion. This must be remembered.

The child will change the life of a woman after a divorce. He will give her new meaning. It will help you get through what happened. Therefore, it is very important that all your actions during pregnancy are aimed at maintaining the health of the baby. You must act in the best interests of the child. A divorce will pass, but you will not be left alone, your child will become the answer to the question of how to survive a divorce during pregnancy. Treat it like a precious gift.

But this is all theory, practice is important. What to do to survive this difficult moment:

accept help from loved ones, their advice. It is imperative to find someone who will listen and give practical advice on how to survive a divorce. It will be easier if someone hears you;
do not stay alone in the apartment, do not withdraw into yourself. If you have a hobby, take it up. If you don't know how to sew, knit or crochet, this is beautiful time in order to learn how to do it. Make time for enjoyable and positive activities.
learn all available information about childbirth, advice on caring for a newborn, read books on child psychology. This will distract from unnecessary thoughts about divorce and husband, and will simply be a useful pastime;
you should not always turn to the past, remember betrayal. The past is the past. Tune in to the fact that only good things await you ahead. Thoughts are material.

Imagine how you will live with your baby, how you will spend time. So he took the first step, said the first word "mom". These moments are wonderful. They will definitely come true in your life. Tests are given so that we can adequately survive them.

Quick marriage after divorce

Many women feel that new novel save them from loneliness, it will become easier for them in a new relationship, this is the so-called ambulance after divorcing her husband. The depression will go away. Time will be busy. It will not be necessary to stay alone in the apartment for a long time. Women hope that with a new man it will be easier to go through the process of divorce from her husband. But this approach is wrong. Don't do it new error when the old one was not yet able to survive and let go. A new relationship will not come to the rescue and will not help you easily forget your ex-husband.

Women tend to quickly enter into a new relationship when their husband left them, went to his mistress, committed a betrayal. They want to annoy their ex-husband more than to build a family and survive a divorce. To start life anew, it is not necessary to immediately attract a partner. We must wait until the depression goes away, stabilizes state of mind.

If you plunge headlong into a new romance, you will constantly compare your partner with your ex-husband. You don't need to do this. Yes, and comparisons may not be in favor of new relationships.

"Therapy" with alcohol

No one has yet been able to survive the process of divorce with her husband easily and painlessly - this is understandable. You are not the only one who has experienced similar feelings of loss and disappointment. Left alone in an apartment, you will not find help in alcohol. With alcohol it will not become easier, but it will only make it worse to survive what is happening.

Alcohol will not be the answer to the question of how to forget your husband after a divorce and live happily ever after. If the state of depression has not passed, then it will not help you behave with dignity, but will only aggravate the situation.

Euphoria after taking a large dose of alcohol quickly passes. The next morning, the same feelings that were before will return. They return not alone, but with a hangover. Further it will be worse. Psychological trauma will increase, and the help of psychologists will be needed. Jokes with alcohol are bad. You can sleep, become an alcoholic. Nobody is immune from this. Then you won’t get a new life, you will have to be treated for alcoholism.

Start of a new life

An ex-spouse after a divorce is associated with the word betrayal. He abandoned you. You have suffered the betrayal of a loved one. You were assisted by a psychologist. You certainly have a psychological trauma - a not very joyful reason to take steps and start building your life alone. But you can’t close yourself off from everyone in the apartment and continue to blame yourself for past mistakes.

Life does not stand still. She changes and you change with her. You can’t dwell on the past, otherwise you may not know how to become happy after a divorce from your husband to the fullest.

In all the events that happen to you, you need to look for positive sides. Help to recover interesting hobbies and hobbies, watching movies, reading books. Over time, it will become easier, depression will go away. Everything will not be painless, but life goes on after a divorce from her husband. Accept the help of loved ones, listen to their advice.

You should not sit all day in an apartment alone: relive your husband's betrayal again and again. Go out into the street to people, do not withdraw into yourself, communicate and enjoy communication. And you will be able to survive the divorce!

You may want to return your other half after listening to incompetent advice. And this despite the insults caused to you, betrayal, betrayal, humiliation, and, maybe, beatings. You think when you love, you forgive everything easily, even cheating on your husband. Emotions speak in you, you don’t need to follow their lead. Try to bide your time. Wait six months. You will see, this desire will pass.

It is important not to sit idle: start repairs in the apartment, rearrange. Or maybe you will find yourself in charity, you will help orphanages. Mercy will help to recover and survive the betrayal of her husband.

Women should take care of themselves in this free time. Improve your appearance or change it. It can lose weight, recolor hair color, change the image - this must be done. External changes lead to internal changes. Your transformation will be appreciated by others. And raising the level of self-esteem is a very important argument in order to adequately survive the gap.

Do not tell all the neighbors who know that depression covered you, about your husband's betrayal, how hard it is for you, how he left you. They will pity you, console you. You don't need pity. It will not make it easier to survive a divorce. Need support, help, advice, which will be directed to right direction the flow of your thoughts.

It will be easy to survive the betrayal of your husband if you delete this person from your life once and for all. Remember: everything will come, but not immediately, time must pass, it is the most the best medicine in such cases.

Attention! In connection with latest changes in the legislation Legal information This article might be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write a question in the form below:

What are the reasons for divorce? Divorce or keep the family? How to survive a divorce?

Husband left. The wife left. Surviving a divorce is much harder than parting with a person with whom only love connected. Divorce is a collapse of plans, trust in oneself close person. Often this is a betrayal, treason. Divorce is the hardest test for self-confidence. Many difficult questions arise. Divorce or go to any lengths to save the family? If there are children, how to reduce the damage to them, how to bring them up as harmonious people? How to establish a bachelor (unmarried) life after a divorce? How to overcome the consequences of divorce and mature for a new relationship?

habit of suffering

Difficulties, dead ends, uncertainty are a normal, natural part of life. In general, the expectation that is present somewhere in the depths of the soul that life should be easy and comfortable is a big delusion that will constantly disappoint as it does not correspond to reality ...

Divorce can be compared without exaggeration to a small personal Apocalypse. The earth is leaving from under your feet, dreams and plans for a joint happy future are burning in a flame, before your eyes the building called “family”, which you have been building for so long and lovingly, turns into a pile of rubble. How to get out of this hell unscathed? How to find the strength in yourself to survive a breakup with your husband, not give up, mired in tears and memories, and again, brick by brick, begin to raise your life from the ruins? Do not give up! You have two strongest allies on your side: Time and yourself.

People meet, people fall in love, get married...

And then they get divorced. Although they swore all their lives to love each other reverently. Although until recently they had everything in common and everything for two. Why?

It’s one thing when a woman herself becomes the initiator of a breakup - the fair sex tends to fight for the family to the last, pulling out the most hopeless relationships, and if the “keeper of the hearth” has already filed for divorce, then the couple has really serious problems.

It is not so difficult to survive a breakup, the idea of which the spouses come together. It happens: people converge on the basis of passion or because of their youth, eventually they realize that they have nothing in common, and the marriage itself creeps with a creak and crash to the quite expected ending. It's annoying, annoying, but mostly not that painful.

According to statistics, half of weddings these days end in divorce.

It is quite different when the idea to run away comes from a beloved husband. Such news falls on the head like a bucket cold water, even if until now everything has not been smooth between the spouses, and consciousness is drowning under a barrage of desperate questions. Why? What is my fault? What did she do wrong? “Getting fired” for a woman who put her soul into a relationship is extremely difficult. This undermines self-confidence, makes you doubt your worth as a wife and mistress of the house, casts a shadow on the future.

It is even harder if the spouse does not just go to all four sides, but goes to a specific woman. It's doubly painful. Because it's a betrayal. There is no such person who would manage not to raise an eyebrow, having received a knife in the back. Because in an instant your world is collapsing. And because it is impossible to avoid comparison with a homeowner, which, of course, will not be in your favor. Even if you have three higher educations and the title of "Miss World" behind you, the idea that the other one turned out to be more desirable for your beloved has a devastating effect on women's self-esteem.

So how do you get over a breakup? You can rely on time, which, as you know, heals any wounds. But it is too sluggish physician! So do not expect favors from nature: gather your courage and, like the legendary Baron Munchausen, pull yourself out of the swamp of depression by a scythe. It is difficult, long, painful at times, but no one but you will do it.

Time spent on longing and tears can be used with much greater benefit!

It is impossible to divorce correctly and painlessly in one day. This process, if the woman herself did not initiate the break, is long-lasting. But the experience of all psychologists in the world is at your service.

Step One: Forgive and Let Go

Bitterness, resentment, even a thirst for revenge are natural feelings for a divorced woman. I want to curse my ex-husband, myself, my rival, if there is one, tear and throw with anger ... Stop! Negative thoughts, like weights suspended from your feet, will quickly drag you into the very abyss of despondency. All they can do is destruction, and you have a long creative and amazingly exciting job ahead of you: to rebuild your life. So forgive me.

Former husband. For quarrels, rude words, inattention, sleepless nights, change. For choosing to go your own way. For not being able to become your soul mate, not appreciating it, not making enough effort to save the marriage. If you can’t let go of your resentment, try your ex-wife ... regret it. Think about it: after all, he will no longer have a chance to see how wonderful yours could turn out. living together. Have pity on the poor fellow, forgive and let go.
Myself. Many women tend to put all the blame for what happened on their fragile shoulders: it was she who was not affectionate and homely enough, made harsh remarks to her husband, allowed herself from time to time to feed the breadwinner and protector not with her own baked pies, but store-bought dumplings! Nothing like this. There is no such person who, alone, without the active support of his spouse, would ruin strong marriage. The blame is always on two. Therefore, analyze your mistakes, make a note for the future so as not to repeat them again, and then forgive yourself. Completely.
Happy companion. Did your marriage collapse because of her, or did your husband get new girlfriend long time later, this case doesn't matter. You don’t need to love this woman, but you don’t need to think about her regularly, tell everyone you meet about the villain who encroached on someone else’s, and run around psychics with a request to damage the lover snake. It is you who will suffer the most in this situation: the rival has been establishing her personal life for a long time, and you are wasting your days.

The aerobatics of forgiveness is to see the former with a new passion and mentally wish them happiness

Step two: go public

Close the house, lock the door with all the locks, turn off the phones and, sitting on the windowsill, hugging the photo of the ex-spouse, cry for a long, long time ...

Wrong scenario! With it, you run the risk of stretching the stage of getting used to a new status to infinity. If you need to cry, do it. But not alone. Go to your mother, sister, best friend- any person next to whom you can, without hesitation, give vent to feelings. Weep out loud on a friendly shoulder, express all your claims to fate, cut it into small ribbons together old suit ex, forgotten in your closet. Also a good way to throw out negative emotions! Some psychologists suggest for this purpose to arm yourself with an old hockey stick or a bat and, somewhere in a wasteland, smash the service that was presented to you for your wedding to smithereens. Or a radio receiver miraculously lying around in the pantry. Or another unnecessary thing, which can be broken with a roar, ringing and pleasure.

Give yourself 2-3 days to moaning and fits of rage, and then "come out of the dusk." Visit relatives, go on a visit, visit theaters, museums and exhibitions. Sign up for a cooking class or a Japanese language class. Get out to the festival of Antonov apples, Suzdal cucumber, Vologda lace ... Any idea is good if it takes you away from an empty apartment.

By the way, about the status. Who do you think you are now? A divorced aunt with eternally bent shoulders, a tear-stained face and resentment for the whole world in her soul? Or maybe a free woman with light gait and shining eyes, aimed only at the best?

Step three: make room for the new

A dried rose from a first date, a wire heart won in some stupid Valentine's Day lottery and other more romantic trifles that 9 out of 10 women keep, you absolutely do not need. Each glance at them will irritate the soul and return you to the past. Walk around the apartment with a large box and collect in it everything that reminds you of your husband. The ex-spouse's favorite mug, a photo frame bought together, a pillow with a print in the form of his smiling face, worn slippers, a bathrobe ...

By updating the space around you, you will update yourself

The most creative young ladies in such circumstances start a rearrangement so that the transformed apartment is as little as possible reminiscent of the former life. And the most resolute go headlong into repairs. Wouldn't you like to change your boring wallpaper for something fresher and more modern? Shouldn't you match the curtains to them? Is it possible to drag the upholstered furniture on which the missus hung for hours in front of the TV? How more change, all the better.

Connoisseurs of subtle matters say: by getting rid of old rubbish, you make room in your life for the new and beautiful. Do everything so that the shadow of a man who no longer plays a role in your life does not overshadow your present and does not scare away your future.

Step four: find something to do

Repair is good not only as a means to change the situation, but also as a reason to occupy your head with something other than worries. And since you are now a free lady, it makes sense not to limit yourself to putting things in order in the apartment, but to find yourself two or three more exciting activities. Beloved husband complained about the smell of paint, and you abandoned your adored drawing? Remove the easel, brushes from the closet, and go to nature to write a masterpiece. Have you been thinking about trying rock climbing for a long time, but could not find time between washing, cooking and cleaning? Buy sports suit and for business! Your spouse's allergies prevented you from having pet? Do it now. Another devoted friend at your side and the need to take care of someone will not hurt you now. Just do not forget that an animal is a big responsibility and you can take a charming fluffy into the house only after thinking it over well.

An indispensable condition: your new hobbies must be pleasant to you. Of course, you can load yourself with work so that you only have enough strength to drag yourself to bed in the evening and collapse into it. But then in a couple of months you will have to be treated for a breakdown and nervous exhaustion. Do you feel like you have lost your taste for everything in the world? Take a vacation and travel. New places and new people - the most the right way unwind. No wonder they say that there are two ways out of depression: the train station and the airport.

There is simply no time to indulge in sad thoughts along the way.

Step Five: Boost Your Self-Esteem

Few events can so undermine women's self-esteem as a divorce. Urgently take measures not to acquire complexes! Fortunately, now you can cut through the apartment in anti-cellulite pants and a mask of cucumbers, without fear of catching the eyes of your spouse! Take a look at the hairdresser and solarium, refresh the contents of your makeup bag, go shopping for clothes. Do not forget about the gym, where it is so convenient to polish the minor imperfections of the figure. Well, for those who are on a budget, there is always a city park and jogging tracks, where it doesn’t cost anything to meet another handsome sports fan.

In no case do not give up on yourself: flirt, flirt, accept compliments. You can even start a small but passionate romance if your soul demands it, and not the desire to annoy your ex-husband.

Aggravating circumstances

It's easier to bounce back after a divorce when you're young, you haven't had kids yet, and you can plan your life the way you want. Go in for sports, run around beauty salons, travel, make new friends, fall in love - what is not a dream? But in reality, divorced spouses often have a trail of problems that cannot be solved so easily.

What if…

... you love your husband very much

When a loved one leaves us, the world loses all its colors and colors. No hobbies, no friends, no desire to live; I want only one thing - to cover myself with a blanket and never get up again.

Try the old tried and true method: write down your experiences on a piece of paper. Do not choose words, do not try to build a narration logically, just throw out the bitterness, resentment and fear that have accumulated in it from the soul. Write as long as you feel the need, then crumple all the sheets and burn them. You can even turn it into some kind of liberation rite by scattering the ashes to the wind.
Find someone worse off than you and help them. Boarding schools for orphans, nursing homes, animal shelters - there are plenty of places in the world where you can show your kindness. So you will keep yourself busy not just interesting, but bringing real benefit work, the results of which you will see immediately. This is very motivating not to quit what you started, it allows you to feel your importance, and at the same time make sure that your problems are not so terrible compared to the problems of others.
Do not rush to start a new romance on the principle of "The wedge is knocked out with a wedge" or "He will understand what treasure he has lost and will return." First, it will not help you build a relationship with your spouse. Secondly, a hasty connection with a person unnecessary and uninteresting to you is guaranteed to end in another break, inflicting new emotional wounds on top of the existing ones.

It will be a long time before your spiritual wounds heal.

... You divorced because of infidelity or betrayal

Once having experienced betrayal, it is difficult to learn to trust people again. But the attitude “all men are like that” can greatly spoil your life, unless in the heat of resentment you are going to go to a monastery or join the camp of ladies gay. Tastes have remained the same and there is no desire to move away from the world? Then get down to business.

First of all, give yourself time. Accept it as a fact that such pain does not go away quickly; it takes several weeks, or even months, for the memories of betrayal to fade and stop causing you mental anguish.
It is especially important for you to forgive your spouse, otherwise you will automatically transfer your resentment and bitterness to any man who has shown interest in you.
Learn to judge potential fans by their actions, not your expectations. By carefully looking at the behavior of a man, you can always understand whether he respects you, whether he sincerely tries to make your life more pleasant, or considers your communication as an accidental affair.
Consider the mistakes made in the first marriage. Sometimes the fair sex does a lot to make the faithful stumble. Haven't you turned for your husband into an eternally dissatisfied bitch with a hundred venomous remarks on your tongue? Were the spouses so jealous that the sky became hot? Have you given up on your appearance?
Improve yourself. Read, communicate, develop. The more interesting your companion will be next to you, the lower the chances that one day he will be drawn to sexual exploits on the side.

…Do you have children

Whatever your relationship with your spouse, the child must be firmly aware that he is still loved by both parents, and dad has not disappeared from his life forever.

Do not use babies as a means of blackmail to return your husband to the family. No one has been able to grow happy child in a house where father and mother barely tolerate each other.
No matter how much you want to take revenge on the former, do not turn the children against the father and do not prevent their meetings. You don’t think that a few unpleasant emotions delivered to the ex-spouse are worth it to cripple the psyche of your child?
Find the strength in yourself to talk with the child and explain to him as correctly as possible why the parents can no longer live together. Without reproaches towards her husband, accusations and revelations. It happens that adults sometimes disagree. Nobody is to blame for this. Both me and dad love you very much. All.

Do everything so that your children do not suffer because of your separation.

... Ex-husband is an alcoholic

If the reason for the breakup was the drunkenness of a man, do not for a moment doubt that you did the right thing. With the phrases “Without me, he will be lost”, “I could help him stop drinking”, “It’s all vodka, he’s not like that” the road to family hell is paved. Believe me, not a single woman has ever pulled her husband out of the alcohol pit, who himself did not actively try to get out of there. Let the ex scream that you betrayed him, let them swear that they will tie no later than Monday, let them tear the vest on their chest. No one - neither moral laws nor conscience itself - obliges you to devote your life to serving a drunkard.

... The man hits

Run. You can only lower the first blow inflicted in passion, and then on condition that the spouse repented, asked for forgiveness and tried to make amends. After the second hit, you must leave immediately. Take the children and run away, it will only get worse.

If you left the aggressor with many years of experience, it would be useful to completely disappear from his horizon so that the bully, who has lost his usual victim, does not go to you to “restore justice”. Buy a ticket to the sea, go to another city for a while, change your apartment. Let your place of residence remain a secret for the imminent reprisal of the former spouse.

... the decision to divorce was made during pregnancy

According to the laws of our country, a husband does not have the right to leave his pregnant wife until the child is one year old. True, for a wife who herself expresses an ardent desire to run away, they will make an exception, so the decision to divorce is up to you. However, this should not be done for several reasons.

You are pregnant, which means you are susceptible abrupt changes moods that will not allow you to soberly assess the situation.
A child becomes a serious test of strength for any couple. This year is given for reflection not by chance - wait, see what happens. Perhaps both of you will still cope with difficulties and will get out of a difficult period with honor.
If you decide to divorce, be sure to enter the father on the birth certificate. And file for child support.

Most importantly, do not make hasty decisions!

... This is not your first marriage

When the first, and the second, and the third attempt to build a family goes to waste, not for long and give up. Here you have two options:

recognize yourself as a self-sufficient woman who permanent partner not needed in principle - she is better off alone, calmer and more pleasant;
understand that you have problems and contact a specialist. A professional psychologist will analyze your behavior by bones, help you look at yourself from the outside and identify those mistakes that prevent you from achieving success over and over again. family idyll. Most importantly, do not give up and do not record yourself as a loser.

… you are over 40

For some women, the number "40" serves as a kind of milestone, after which it is too late to hope for something. That's right, you are no longer as fresh as before, not as carefree, and the list of places where you could meet a representative of the opposite sex is reduced after 40. But experience is on your side, you are no longer so categorical in your judgments, as it happens in your youth, and you know how to find compromises. Surely you are a good hostess and interesting companion. In a word, you have everything to interest a man, especially since your peers often already stop chasing purely external data and choose a girlfriend not by the date written in the passport, but by how good and comfortable they are with this woman.

Throwing a cosmetic bag, a subscription to a fitness club and certificates to a beauty salon out the window with a cry of “Who needs all this now!” early. You can look well-groomed and fit at 40 or 50, but now you will need more time for it. Work on yourself!
Realize that the “terrible” figure is not yet a sentence, only despair and wrong behavior can become a sentence. Download all seasons of Sex in big city”and see how four far from young ladies are looking for their love, regardless of time and circumstances. And at the same time, mentally sort out your relatives and acquaintances - for sure there will be one or two women among them who met their happiness when they were already aged.
Do not wait for the prince on a white horse to ride under your windows. Look for it yourself, but do not make this search the meaning of your existence. Live, enjoy every day, enjoy the opportunities that the status has opened for you free woman and firmly believe that your new and true love will definitely come to you.

You can find your happiness at any age

... You are not adapted to life

There is nothing wrong with a woman choosing the path of a housewife. Especially if the beloved with both hands is “for” and gladly takes on the role of a breadwinner, while his lady of the heart begins to build a family nest. However, after a divorce, such a wife finds herself in an extremely disadvantageous position. She has no source of income. Often lacks work experience. And especially gentle representatives of the fair sex are at a standstill even in front of such a trifle as paying utility bills - after all, before that, the husband did all this! It is not surprising that divorce becomes a real disaster for them.

Consider what happened to you as a chance given by fate to show your best qualities. Do you seriously think that you will not survive without the protection of your spouse? This is wrong. Many women have been in your shoes and found out with surprise that they are capable of much more than they thought.

For a week or two, ask to visit friends or visit your parents - loved ones will help you survive the first, most difficult period after a divorce.
Raise old connections to find a job within your power. Let it be not too prestigious and promising for now, the main thing for you is to start. If it allows financial position, go to refresher courses, master a computer, improve your knowledge of the language. This will increase your value in the job market, leave no time for soul-searching and worries about a vague future, and expand your social circle.
Constantly set yourself small everyday tasks that your husband was in charge of solving: call a plumber to a leaking faucet and make sure that he really comes; deal with an incomprehensible bill for light; to persuade the seller in the market to drop the price of a piece of beef that you like ... Not everything will turn out right away, but the first victories will inspire you. And there, you see, it turns out that you are able to be an independent, confident, self-supporting woman!

Who knows what peaks you can conquer?!

How to get a divorce and not go crazy: reviews of women

I'm currently going through a divorce, but to my surprise, I feel pretty good. But it’s easier for me - I no longer love this person and have already decided everything for myself a long time ago. At first, of course, there was depression, but I set priorities for myself - I need health to raise my daughter, and therefore I won’t worry anymore (after all, all diseases are from nerves). I give all of myself to the child, work and parents, there is no time to miss the past.

Verik
https://www.u-mama.ru/forum/family/independent-mom/458129/index.html

People get divorced not because of a good life, but in order to improve it. And if you have a place to live, have a child - this is already a reason not to hang your nose. Post-divorce is great! Feel free, live for yourself, arrange gatherings with your girlfriends, go for a walk with your child for the weekend, work and work at work to forget. Lost weight, probably from experiences - again, a plus.

Guest

Don't worry, everything will be fine. I've been separated from my husband for almost a year now. To say it was hell is an understatement. Without housing and money (even there was no bread). Survived, forgiven, calmed down. The sky is full of worthy fans, new friends have appeared, old ones have dropped out. Life is slowly getting better. The sooner you let go of the pain and the past, the sooner new life.

Chantal
http://www.woman.ru/relations/marriage/thread/4362504/

She left at the 5th month, pregnant with twins .. And forever! And you know, it's been 2.5 years.... And I have no regrets! Shake it up! Count again all the pros and cons of your new position. But don't get depressed, it won't do you any good! Remember, closing one door, we open another!

Adeline
http://www.divomix.com/forum/kak-perezhit-razvod-s-muzhem/

I suffered very hard. I went through the same horror, fear of loneliness, remorse in front of a child. It seemed that all good things had come to an end. Now I think with horror that I could have given up before all this, retreated, not divorced, endured and lived life with that husband. And no matter how miserable, flawed, thrown down the drain, my life would have turned out. And I wouldn't have a wedding with wedding dress and loved, understanding and appreciating. You will have everything, believe me. And happiness, and love, and a family with a loved one. Just be patient now, like in the dentist's office.

https://psycheforum.ru/topic73864.html

Video from Irina Khakamada: Husband left. What to do?

Remember the wise saying: "Everything that is done is for the best"? Try applying it to your divorce. If a man left your life, he probably was not the person with whom you could live soul to soul until old age. But somewhere in this world another walks - someone who is able to understand your needs, share desires and make you yourself. happy woman on the ground. Do not think that after a divorce, life ends. It is often just the beginning.

Survive a divorce with your husband without consequences for mental health- this is how a woman should be set up when parting. Negative, painful emotions for the first time after a breakup are a natural reaction of a person in connection with the loss of someone else you love. Divorce of spouses is not a global tragedy. You can and should survive it. The most important thing is to know how to act, believe in yourself and your strengths, and remember that this is a chance for a new, happier life.

Leave, you can't stay

Love - wonderful feeling, but it often happens that the further life together of spouses who used to love each other seems impossible. The initiator of the divorce can be both spouses, or maybe one of them. Most often, men leave the family. There can be many reasons for doing this. Most often, this is a new love in the face of another woman or simply a desire to gain freedom.

Women can stop too family relationships, but they do it less often than the representatives of the stronger sex. Following the advice of psychologists, you can survive difficult times and restore emotional balance faster. It is worth analyzing the reasons for the divorce, drawing conclusions and drawing up a plan for further action.

How to survive cheating husband

Painless divorce most often does not work. If it becomes clear that without outside help it is impossible to cope with all the difficulties associated with divorce, a woman should consult a psychologist. The specialist will help her look at the situation in a new way, "from a different angle." The advice of a psychologist will allow you to quickly survive a difficult stage and properly tune in to the future.

To get rid of negative thoughts and experiences and take the first step towards emotional recovery, you can now follow some recommendations from professionals.

This advice may seem inappropriate to many. It's hard to forgive someone who betrayed you. Resentment and pain in this case completely take over the mind of a woman and can last for years. But it is important to make an effort on yourself. The representatives of the weaker sex, who managed to forgive their ex-husband, recover much faster after parting, find new love and create new families than those ladies who have been holding evil and resentment against their former partner for years.

2. Get rid of negativity. You don't have to be afraid of loneliness. It is simply necessary in the first time after a divorce. This respite is needed in order to recover, understand the reasons for what happened, get rid of negative experiences and calm down.

If it’s really hard, you can turn to a close friend, to your mother. A woman in this situation should be supported by a person whom she absolutely trusts. It is necessary to release the negative outside, to process your negative emotions.

3. Communicate with people. In this not the easiest period of life, a woman should not lock herself within the walls of a house or apartment, limit communication with people. On the contrary, no matter how hard it is, you should try to make contact with friends and relatives. This will allow at least for the time of communication to distract from their problems and experiences, to prevent the manifestation of signs of depression.

You can go to the cinema, theater, cafe or restaurant, just to visit close friends. If time and finances allow, it is advisable to go with the company out of town or to the sea, arrange a joint photo session. Positive emotions received from such events will favorably affect the mental and emotional state women. It is important to understand that divorce is not the end of life, but in most cases it is a new, happier stage.

4. Don't take revenge. Many women after a divorce set a goal - to take revenge on their ex-husband. But this is not the best way out of the conflict, besides, in a fit of emotions, a woman can overdo it and provoke a situation with unpleasant consequences for herself. It is better to remember all the good things that happened during the time spent with a man, and be grateful for it.

5. Tune in to a new relationship. experiencing difficult period, a woman should not inspire herself that happiness and love in personal life will never be again. After painful breakup With her husband, many ladies refuse to start a new relationship for years, fearing a repetition of history. They simply avoid all communication with men. But just because one doesn't work out doesn't mean it won't work out with the others. All men are different. There will always be someone who will be the perfect life partner. It's just a matter of time.

But do not rush to the other extreme and start a new relationship immediately after a divorce. As a rule, this does not lead to anything good. A new acquaintance may end in a fleeting romance, and in the end it will lead to even greater disappointment and pain. light flirting with other men will make you feel attractive again to people of the opposite sex, but you should not get carried away with them. new man on a short time will help to forget the ex-husband, but this is not a panacea, but only a "pain pill".

6. Wait time. As you know, this is the best doctor. After a few months, the pain will subside, and the resentment against the ex-husband will disappear. It will not be so painful to remember past relationships. There will come an understanding that everything that happened is only for the better.

That is why psychologists advise not to rush to start a new romance. It is possible to build a truly harmonious relationship only when a woman has found emotional balance. On average, this takes about six months.

7. Do not drown out emotions. Sometimes a woman tries to get rid of bad thoughts and hard memories by throwing herself into work. It will not help to experience emotions qualitatively, but you can easily ruin your health and completely shake your psyche in this way.

This applies not only to work, but also to food, entertainment and other ways in which a woman tries to distract herself. You need to try to take a bold step and go into your pain to the end: cry, grieve, and not repeat to everyone around that the ex-husband is not worthy of tears. This is the only way to heal and get through a difficult stage qualitatively.

Children and parents' divorce

If there are children in the family, everything possible must be done to ensure that the divorce does not affect their psyche. It is necessary to try so that hard times affect the son or daughter to the least extent.

Here are some tips:

1. If the child is already old enough, you can try to explain to him the reasons for the divorce. Make it clear that mom and dad will no longer live together, but they love him the same way as before. The child should be spoken to as an equal, as with an adult.
2. It is not necessary to forbid the communication of children with their father. They should feel the love and care of both parents. Joint meetings of the father and children are needed so that in the future the latter do not feel guilty about the divorce.
3. One should not use a child as a means of keeping or returning a husband or insisting that without a father it is impossible to raise happy children. defective family much better than a house in which scandals constantly occur.

Husband is a tyrant

To make the difficult stage of life as soon as possible in the past, a woman can do the following:

Change image. New hairstyle, clothes, makeup will give a woman self-confidence, improve mood and self-esteem. Divorce time is the right time to take care of yourself. Take care of yourself during this period more than ever.
To have a pet. A family without children can be sad and lonely. There is a way out - to get a cat, dog, parrot or any other pet. In addition, it can help a woman expand her circle of acquaintances, for example, join a local dog club or chat on thematic forums.
Workout. Divorce is the right time to join a gym, improve your health and work on your body.
Go on a trip. New positive emotions help you get over a breakup. While at the resort, you can safely flirt with men, increasing confidence in your attractiveness.
Throw away unwanted or old items. It is especially important to get rid of items that remind you of your ex-husband. If the hand does not rise to throw away valuable or memorabilia, it is enough to put them in a place where they will not be seen.
Make repairs in the apartment. You can radically change the situation so as not to face every day with a reminder of a past life.
Get a job new job. After a divorce, it is important for a woman to stand firmly on her feet and be able to provide for herself. This is the best time to reflect on your career.

Conclusion

After a divorce, absolutely everything changes in a woman’s life, and this is a huge blow to her psyche. There is no one else to wait from work, no one to spend weekends with family holidays. The environment is also changing. Often, mutual friends disappear with the husband. Relatives and acquaintances ask many painful questions.

During this period, it is important to understand that a new life has come, to which you need to get used to and accept it as it is. Before building new relationships, it is necessary to change internally: try to understand what was wrong in marriage, what reasons led to the divorce. Responsibility always lies with both spouses. By analyzing past mistakes, you can avoid similar situations in the future and become wiser.

And some secrets...

The story of one of our readers Irina Volodina:

I was especially depressed by the eyes, surrounded by large wrinkles plus dark circles and swelling. How to remove wrinkles and bags under the eyes completely? How to deal with swelling and redness?But nothing ages or rejuvenates a person like his eyes.

But how do you rejuvenate them? Plastic surgery? Learned - not less than 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - photorejuvenation, gas-liquid peeling, radiolifting, laser facelift? A little more affordable - the course costs 1.5-2 thousand dollars. And when to find the time for all this? Yes, it's still expensive. Especially now. So for myself I chose a different way ...