Nervous Kids and How to Help Them: An ER Doctor's Medical Blog. The child is naughty and very nervous - what should parents do? Recommendations of psychologists

Difficult children are eternal headache parents and teachers. 99% of moms and dads face childish disobedience in one way or another. And no matter how paradoxical it may seem, but in most cases, the bad behavior of children can be overcome, first of all, by radically revising the behavioral reactions of the parents themselves!

Most often, parents begin to complain to doctors and teachers that the child has become naughty, "gets out of hand" and behaves badly, at the moment when this child is "knocked" for 5-7 years already and with his antics and tantrums he has already managed " to bake ”all their relatives - both close and distant. But the methods of education that help to raise an adequate and obedient child, you need to start practicing much earlier - as soon as the baby is a year old. Moreover, these techniques are, in essence, nothing at all ...

The main law of pedagogy of all times and peoples: a small bird does not control a flock

Perhaps the majority of child psychologists and educators around the world, no matter what concepts of education they promote, agree in one opinion: a child in a family should always take the place of a subordinate (slave), and not a subordinator (leader).

The main law of pedagogy says: a small bird cannot control a flock. In other words: a child cannot subjugate (with the help of his cries, tantrums and whims) the will of adults. Otherwise, this obvious and terrible assumption on the part of parents and other household members can harm the whole family in the future, causing significant damage to the psyche of the child himself.

However, parents should understand that “submission to the will of adults” is by no means violence against the personality of the baby or constant coercion of his will by the wishes of adult family members. No! But the child must understand from the very young years that all decisions in the family are made by the parents, and that any prohibition must be implemented unquestioningly - primarily because it ensures the safety of the child himself.

As soon as this family law is turned “upside down” and the child’s voice becomes dominant in the family (in other words: adults “dance to the tune” of the small one) - at this very moment a naughty child appears in the family ...

Where do difficult children come from?

Before learning how to deal with children's whims and tantrums, it is worth finding out how and when cute crumbs generally turn into “difficult” naughty children. In fact, the behavior of a child in a family (as well as the behavioral reactions of a cub in a pack) primarily and most closely depend on the behavior of adults. There are several typical and most common situations when "angel" children turn into "monsters" by sitting on their parents' necks. Children become moody, naughty and hysterical when:

1 There are no pedagogical principles in the family. For example: a parent communicates with a child solely against the background of his own mood - today dad is kind and allowed to watch cartoons until midnight, tomorrow dad is not in a good mood and already at 21:00 drove the child to sleep.
2 When the pedagogical principles of adult family members differ dramatically. For example: at the request of a child to watch cartoons after 21 pm, dad says “no way”, and mom gives the go-ahead. It is important that parents (and preferably all other household members) be united in their positions.
3 When parents or other household members are "led" to children's whims and tantrums. Young children build their behavior on the level of instincts and conditioned reflexes which they catch instantly. If a baby can get what he wants from adults with the help of tantrums, yelling and crying, he will use this technique always and as long as it works. And only in the event that screams and tantrums cease to lead him to the desired result, the child will finally stop yelling.

Please note that babies never act up, scream, cry, or throw tantrums in front of the TV, furniture, toys, or a complete stranger. No matter how small the child is, he always clearly distinguishes - who reacts to his "concert", and whose nerves it is useless to "shatter" with the help of screaming and scandal. If you "give up" and give in to children's whims, you will live side by side with them all the time while the child shares the same space with you.

How to stop children's tantrums: one or two!

Most parents believe that turning a "difficult" naughty and hysterical child into an "angel" is akin to a miracle. But in reality, this pedagogical "maneuver" is not at all complicated, but it requires special moral efforts, endurance and will from parents. And it's worth it! Moreover, the sooner you start practicing this technique, the more calm and obedient your child will grow. So:

The old scheme (this is what most parents usually do): as soon as your baby burst into tears and screams, stamped his feet and hit his head on the floor - you “flyed up” to him and were ready for anything to calm him down. Including - agreed to fulfill his desire. In a word, you behaved according to the principle “I will do anything so that the child does not cry ...”.

A new scheme (those who want to "re-educate" naughty child) : as soon as the baby began to scream and "scandal", you calmly smile at him and leave the room. But the child must know that you continue to hear him. And while he screams, you do not return to his field of vision. But as soon as (at least for a second!) The child stops yelling and crying, you again return to him with a smile, demonstrating all your parental tenderness and love. Seeing you, the baby will start yelling again - you just as calmly leave the room again. And again you return to him with hugs, a smile and all your parental adoration exactly at the moment when he stops yelling again.

However, feel the difference: it’s one thing if the baby hit, something hurts, he was offended by other children, or he was scared by the neighbor’s dog ... In this case, his crying and screaming is completely normal and we will explain - the baby needs your support and protection. But rushing to console, hug and kiss a child who just threw a tantrum, who is naughty and tries to get his own way with tears and screams is a completely different matter.
In this case, parents must be adamant and not succumb to "provocations."

So sooner or later later baby“Realizes” (at the level of reflexes): when he is hysterical, they leave him alone, they do not listen to him and do not obey him. But as soon as he stops screaming and "scandalizing" - they return to him again, they love him and are ready to listen.

famous popular pediatrician, Dr. E. O. Komarovsky: “As a rule, it takes 2-3 days to form a persistent reflex in a child “When I yell, no one needs me, and when I am silent, everyone loves me.” If parents hold out for this time, they will get an obedient baby, if not, they will continue to face children's tantrums, whims and disobedience.

The magic word "No": who needs bans and why

No education of children is possible without prohibitions. And the behavior of the child depends to a greater extent on how correctly you use forbidding words (such as “no”, “no”, etc.). The so-called "difficult" children are most often found in families in which adults pronounce prohibitions "no, you can't" either too often (with or without reason), or do not pronounce them at all - that is, the child grows up in a regime of complete permissiveness.

Meanwhile, parents should use prohibitions correctly and as carefully as possible when raising children. First of all, because the safety of the child and his environment often depends on this.

On how adequately (and therefore - quickly and systematically) the child reacts to the ban, first of all, his safety depends. If the kid rolls on a scooter, carried away by the process, and immediately stops in front of a stream of cars, clearly and obediently reacting to his mother’s cry “Stop, you can’t go any further!” This will save his life. And if a child is not accustomed to “iron” react to prohibitions, you will not be able to protect him from an accident: without reacting to “no”, he will climb into the fire with his hands, jump out onto the roadway, knock over a pot of boiling water, etc.

In a certain sense, the forbidden word “No” has a protective property for the baby. Your parental task is to teach the child to instantly respond to the signal and obediently follow it.

Precisely because prohibitions play so important role in the upbringing of obedient children, parents must know how to use them correctly. There are several rules that will help them with this:

1 The word “no” should be used rarely and only on business (most often - either if the prohibition concerns the safety of the child himself and other people, or in order to comply with the generally accepted social norm - you can’t throw garbage anywhere, you can’t call names and fight, etc. .P.)
2 The child must clearly understand that if something is forbidden to him, this prohibition always applies. For example: if a child has a severe allergy to milk protein and ice cream is not allowed for him, then even if he brings 15 “fives” from school at once, ice cream will still not be allowed.
3 Prohibitions like "no" or "can't" are never discussed. Of course, parents should explain to the baby as detailed and intelligibly as possible why they forbid him this or that, but the very fact of the ban should never become a subject of discussion.
4 It is unacceptable that the positions of parents on the subject of any prohibition diverge. For example, dad said “no”, and mom said “okay, once you can”;
5 Any "no" must be observed everywhere: in Africa after 5 years - it will also be a "no". To a greater extent, this rule does not even apply to children and parents, but to more distant relatives - grandparents, aunts and uncles, and so on. After all, such a situation often happens: for example, you can’t eat sweets at home after 17 pm (it spoils your teeth), but at your grandmother’s on vacation - you can do as much as you like and whenever you like ... There is nothing good in the fact that in different places the child lives by different rules.

If nothing helps

In 99% of cases of bad behavior in children, this problem is purely pedagogical in nature. As soon as the parents begin to properly build their relationship with the baby (they learn to adequately use the prohibitions and stop responding to children's cries and tears), the whims and tantrums of the child will come to naught...

Dr. E. O. Komarovsky: “If parents behave correctly and unbendingly, consistently and on principle, if they keep the spirit in front of children's whims and tantrums and their willpower is enough not to give up, then any, even the strongest and noisiest , the tantrums in the child will be completely and literally in a few days. Moms and dads, remember: if a child does not achieve his goal with the help of tantrums, he simply stops yelling.

But if you do everything right, do not react to whims and tantrums, clearly follow the above rules, but you have not achieved the effect - and the baby still screams loudly, demanding his own, and continues to hysteria - with a high degree of probability you need to show such a child specialists (neurologist, psychologist, etc.), because the reason in this case may not be pedagogical, but medical.

The most important principles of education

Subject child education- immense, multifaceted, multi-layered and generally difficult to perceive ordinary people. Tons are released annually smart books dedicated to raising children, but like a hundred years ago, most parents now and then face the problems associated with the disobedience of their children. And these parents, when solving problems, need some kind of support, some basic principles on which they should be guided. These principles include:

1 Always praise your child generously when he behaves correctly. Alas, most parents “sin” by taking the good deeds of the baby for granted, and the bad deeds as out of the ordinary. In fact, the child is just building his behavioral reactions and models, often there are no “good” and “bad” assessments for him yet, and he is guided by the assessment of people close to him. Praise and encourage his obedience and good behavior, and he will gladly try as often as possible to do exactly as you approve.
2 If the baby is naughty and behaves incorrectly - do not judge the child as a person! And judge only his behavior at a particular moment. For example: let's say the boy Petya behaves badly on the playground - he pushes, offends other children and takes away shovels and buckets from them. Adults are drawn to scold Petya: “You are a bad boy, you are a mean and greedy!”. This is an example of the condemnation of Petya as a person. If such messages become systemic, at some point Petya will really turn into a bad boy. Scold Petya correctly: “Why are you behaving so badly? Why push and hurt others? Only bad guys hurt others, but you good boy! And if you behave today like a bad person, I will have to punish you ... ". So the child will understand that he is good in himself, he is loved and respected, but his behavior today is wrong ...
3 Always take into account the age and development of your child.
4 The demands you make on your child must be reasonable.
5 Punishments for misconduct should be consistent in time (you can’t deprive a three-year-old kid of evening cartoons for spitting porridge in the morning - a small child will not be able to realize the misconduct-punishment connection).
6 Punishing a child, you yourself must be calm.

Any psychologist will confirm to you: any interlocutor, including a child (no matter how small he is), hears you much better when you do not shout, but speak calmly.

7 When talking with a child (especially in situations where he does not obey, is naughty, hysterical, and you are annoyed and angry), always focus on your tone and manner of speaking - would you yourself like to be talked to in this way?
8 You must always be sure that the child understands you.
9 A personal example always works much better than a message about what is right or wrong to do. In other words, the principle: "Doing as I do" brings up a child many times more effectively than the principle "Do as I say." Be an example for your kids, remember that consciously or not, they are in many ways your copy.
10 As a parent, as an adult, you should always be ready to reconsider your decisions. This is especially true for parents of children aged 10 and over, when the child is already able to enter into discussions, give arguments and arguments, etc. He must understand that the decision is always yours, but that you are ready to listen to him and under certain circumstances you can change your decisions in favor of the child.
11 Strive to convey to the child what will be the result of his actions (especially if he does not act correctly). If the baby throws toys out of the crib, do not pick them up, and the baby will quickly learn that as a result of this behavior, he loses toys. With older children and in more serious situations, you can simply say what will happen if the baby does this and that ...

Raising an obedient and adequate child is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. Parents only need to analyze and control their own behavioral reactions - to be a worthy example for the baby, not to “follow the lead” of children's tantrums and whims, to willingly talk with the child, calmly explaining to him one or another of his decisions.

Capricious children have always given parents a lot of trouble. Daily screaming, throwing toys and unwillingness to collect them, completely ignoring the comments of adults, will infuriate anyone. And to live in such an environment means to cripple not only your own nervous system but also the child's psyche.

The first reaction of most parents to the whims and tantrums of the baby is to give a belt or a tangible slap. Such hasty decisions do not lead to anything good. From assault, the child will not become silk at all. Mistakes in upbringing will come back to haunt parents after many years. Many of them will ask: what to do if your child is very nervous and naughty? How to teach him to be obedient and calm?

What to do with a naughty child?

Before you begin to apply some methods of raising capricious, you need to understand the reasons for disobedience. As a rule, there are two types of behavior of a naughty child.

Cyclicity. Despite the constant punishment, the kid commits the same offense day after day. And no exhortations from parents, conversations, and even a corner or slaps do not affect the situation in any way. Psychologists assure that the reason for this behavior of the child is not enough strong psychological and emotional connection with the parents, especially with the mother. This happens in families where parents work, and offspring are engaged only in their free time. Before, when my mother was in maternity leave, she completely belonged to the baby. Now the child is acutely experiencing the impossibility of constantly being with his parents. He attracts attention in every possible way, including by incorrect methods, from the point of view of adults. The disobedience of young children is a way to see that parents will react to an antics. If they reacted, then they are real, not mythical. In this case, parents should triple their attention to their baby, hug him more often, tell him that he is loved, desired, be interested in his problems and joys, no matter how insignificant they may seem to adults.
The second type of disobedience has a different reason. The child was quite adequate, obedient, did not deliver to parents special trouble. And suddenly, he began to behave as if he was still small: he is naughty, distorts words, refuses to eat on his own. Often this happens in families where youngest child, and all attention is switched to him, just because he is small. In this case, the older brother or sister needs to be explained that the baby is still growing and growing before him, and he is already big, he can ride roller skates, and he had to buy a bike that he already wanted, but they see that it’s still too early. After all, he is small. Most likely, the whims will immediately stop.

What to do if the child is nervous?

If a child shows disobedience, and it is small harmless pranks, this is one thing. Another thing is when he openly provokes a conflict, aggresses for any reason. It is difficult for such a child to control emotions, he cannot really explain what he wants. Hence the screams, crying, and even the use of fists.

It's hard to deal with this kind of behavior. But psychologists suggest acting according to the following rules:

Learn to ignore your child's provocations.
Be patient, wait until the baby outgrows this period.
To perceive the child as a person, to consult with him, to give independence in some matters.
When talking with the baby, sink to his level, look into his eyes.

Some parents feed the nervous and restless child sedatives often without even consulting a doctor. The maximum that can be given is a decoction of motherwort. And add soothing decoctions with lemon balm, pine needles, valerian to the bathing water.

Press the keys ctrl+d to bookmark the article.

Most young parents dream that their baby will grow up happy, calm, friendly. Adults imagine what it should be perfect child trying to make dreams come true.

But why, instead of words of love, a sincere smile in response, adults often receive whims, rude words, tantrums, anger, inappropriate behavior? What to do if the child is nervous and naughty? It is important to understand the causes, to understand how to deal with the problem. Find out the opinion of psychologists about raising children.

Why is the baby not listening?

There are many factors that provoke whims and bad behavior. Psychologists identify several main reasons that most often affect the violent expression of emotions in children of different ages.

Attempts to get attention

The problem of today's children is the lack of time that parents devote to their growing child. Often the reason lies in the workload at work, a pile of material and domestic problems.

Sometimes adults are too busy with their own thoughts to delve into the life of the baby not formally, but with sincere participation. Little personalities do not know how to attract attention in another way, they choose crying, tantrums, disobedience.

The struggle for leadership in the family

Children often “stomp their feet”, do it their own way (even wrong), if adults always impose their opinion, do not recognize a small personality in a son or daughter. Commanding tone - no best helper to raise a calm, happy child.

Loss of self confidence

Constant prohibitions, humiliation, lack of praise, nitpicking lower self-esteem. The kid is often told that he is “stupid”, “clumsy”, “worse than Vasya from the second floor”, and so on. The child is naughty, snaps, tries to create a protective "cocoon".

Remember! The longer such an appeal lasts, the more difficult it is for a boy or girl to regain self-confidence, the harder it is to educate a self-sufficient person.

Desire to take revenge on adults

It's not about bad upbringing or bad character. Children do not forgive deceit, they are offended by unfulfilled promises, they suffer because of jealousy for their peers, whom their parents constantly set as an example.

Psychologists advise parents to think about how they offended their daughter or son, if suddenly the behavior deteriorated, the baby began to snap, do everything out of spite, act up. If it is difficult to find the reason in yourself, calmly, confidentially talk with your son or daughter. Perhaps you will find out what triggered the emotional wound in a preschooler or teenager.

Manifestations of childish disobedience:

the preschooler falls into childhood. The main reason is the appearance little brother or sisters, a constant reminder of "you are already an adult." But a baby at 3-4 years old does not always want to be older. An unbearable burden puts pressure on the psyche, a small "adult" behaves like a baby: he starts to write, asks to be fed from a spoon, does not want to dress himself, scatters toys. Often, a "suddenly matured" baby does not want to care for someone who took away the privileges of childhood from him;
the child does everything out of spite. The main reason is lack of attention. Another factor is the desire to be the head of the family. Sometimes the thought of one's own "adulthood" and significance deprives the baby of common sense. At 3-4 years old, it is difficult for children to express their desire for leadership in words, they solve problems with screams, tantrums, ugly scenes in crowded places.
the child does forbidden things, knowing that he will again be punished. After such scenes, parents often break down, scream, put in a corner. But a day later, everything repeats again: the toys are not folded, things are lying on the sofa, in the corner there is a mountain of candy wrappers mixed with cubes and cars. The reason is the lack of trust in the relationship between adults and the baby, a weak psycho-emotional connection. Children are well aware of the lack of affection, the lack of sincere interest in their personality. Conclusion: better than half an hour of trust, sincere communication than half a day of falsehood and pretense;
the child provokes scandals. The reason is the same as when acting to spite the parents. Lack of attention makes you go to extreme measures. And what can little man(even teenagers are vulnerable and defenseless at heart), if attempts to talk lead to nothing? That's right, you have to rebel. How? Manifestations depend on age: kids are hysterical, crying, making scenes, screaming at the whole store or bus. Teenagers are constantly arguing, acting against the rules, ignoring their parents.

Crisis periods

Specialists in child psychology identify several dangerous periods when the balance in the relationship is often disturbed:

from a year to a year and a half. There is a clear discrepancy between the needs and capabilities of a small personality;
from 2.5 to 3 years. Children strive to become independent, but due to age, not everything succeeds, they are always put in the framework of “you are still small”;
from 6 to 7 years old. The child goes to school, often there is a crisis of the first grader. Parents require maximum attention, understanding stressful situation in which the first-grader is located;
from 10 years old. The first manifestations of teenage maximalism. There is no gray, there is only "black" and "white". Children demand sincerity in relationships, respect for themselves, do not forgive falsehood. Teenagers often protest against moral/physical abuse by bad behavior.

How to deal with naughty and nervous children

Helpful Hints:

it is important to remain calm, take into account the interests of a small person when making some decisions related to family life;
you can’t break into a scream, humiliate, and even more so, beat children of any age: you will only cause opposition, tears (or silent protest + hidden resentment). Return trust in you, show that you love your son or daughter as they are;
treat negative manifestations philosophically. Psychologists advise to understand that when correct behavior parents, the storm will gradually subside. Patience is one of the main qualities of good parents;
do not let "sit on your head", explain your position, show personal example respectful attitude to other family members. If you yourself act incorrectly, humiliate your husband / wife, other children, raise a happy, calm child Not sure it's going to happen;
With early age do not raise a tyrant. You can not announce to everyone that the main thing in the family is a child. Often children are capricious, defend their significance with a cry, bad behavior, if they are trying to take away the title of “king” or “princess”;
take into account the difficult periods in the life of a son or daughter. Age crises are inevitable, the main thing is to survive them with dignity. Realize that the young rebel takes no joy in meeting his unacceptable demands. All the same, he will have to come up with new tricks with which his parents are unlikely to agree. And so on ad infinitum. patience, kindness, sincere interest to the individual - a guarantee of preservation good relations.

At the address, find out the rules for using children's Lazolvan cough syrup.

Give your kids more choices. Let even a three-year-old baby feel its importance. One doll or the other, polka-dot or floral pajamas, today a hat with a bubo or with ears - sometimes children have to choose. Important point: do not turn into a slave, asking the baby for advice every minute for any reason;
do not succumb to provocations when a capricious person provokes you into a scandal. Don't waste your emotional energy. If parents behave kindly, confidently, your firmness, calmness will certainly pass to the child. And from explosive, furiously screaming mom(or angry dad with a belt) what to expect? The young prankster does not know, he is even more lost, nervous;
talk to children at their level, looking into their eyes. Wrong position- "posture of superiority": the baby is sitting, the adult is looking from above, emphasizing his importance. Correct position: children and parents sit on the couch, bench and so on, talking, looking into their eyes. You can sit down, kneel down, put a little man next to you, try to talk calmly. The main thing: the eyes are at the same level, plus a confidential, calm tone;
will reduce nervous tension a decoction of lemon balm, mint, motherwort herb, valerian tablets, baths with string and chamomile. You can not get carried away with soothing pills, use drugs without a doctor's recommendation.

Take note:

many "perfect babies" often have psychological problems. A naughty, nervous child splashes out his disagreement with the rules, shows violent emotions;
ideal, obedient children, silently, fulfill all requests, never conflict, do not try to show their "I". Both negative and positive emotions are absent;
remember: the child is not a robot, complete obedience, unconditional fulfillment of any requirements should alert;
visit a psychologist, get a consultation. Perhaps you put too much pressure on a small person with your authority? It is easier for a kid with low self-esteem, a depressed “I” to obey than to start a useless argument;
the sooner you pay attention to such behavior, the easier it is to correct the situation, to teach the baby to show emotions. Otherwise, you will bring up the weak-willed, weak man unable to uphold its principles.

child temperament type

Consider the temperament of your son or daughter:

phlegmatic person. Be sure to explain your opinion, respect the children, calmly offer a plan of action;
choleric. Great option- an appeal to justice;
melancholic. Be sure to praise the children even for minor achievements (without falsehood), gently push them to action;
sanguine. Invite them to do tasks together: children of this type are easily carried away, they need to be interested, not forced.

It is difficult to remain calm when everything inside is seething with indignation, but for the sake of a good relationship, you will have to try. Raising children is not only joy and pleasant emotions but also daily work. It is difficult to argue with this statement. Listen to the recommendations of psychologists, think about what can be done if the child is naughty and nervous. Your patience, benevolent attitude, love for your son and daughter will help.

Every child is an individual, independent of external factors. Of course, upbringing plays an important role in the development of a child's personality, but much greater value has a character that was laid down at birth. Often two grow up in one family different child- calm, balanced and nervous, naughty. How can this be, because the upbringing and attitude of parents is identical? What to do in this case - to break the core of the crumbs or give up on him and not pay attention to his antics? Today we'll talk about bad behavior child - why children become nervous and naughty, how to establish contact with the child and correct the situation in time.

Why does the child become naughty

With the birth of a child, many mothers and fathers decide to raise the baby in an atmosphere of love and trust, especially if they themselves grew up in strictness in childhood. But often excessive awe, love and indulgence in whims does not bring anything good. The child ceases to feel the limits of what is permitted, he often tests the limit of parental patience. Why does the child behave badly, disobey, get nervous? Here are some common reasons.

There are many more different reasons disobedience, which is somehow connected with the above factors. But what if the cause of disobedience is hyperactivity?

hyperactive children

Often, disobedience and nervousness does not indicate gaps in education, but attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. This is not just a characteristic, it is a neurological diagnosis that only a doctor can make. But remember, you can’t attribute a diagnosis to every bully, you need to clearly distinguish between educational problems and disorders in terms of neurology. Hyperactivity usually occurs during prenatal period if the mother was deprived of some vitamins or trace elements, with fetal hypoxia, if the woman was nervous or took potent medical preparations during pregnancy.

Hyperactive children are characterized by restlessness, they quickly change their occupation, clutching at one thing after another. It is hard for such children at school, they cannot sit quietly even for a few minutes. Manifestations of ADHD are already noticeable from infancy - such children sleep poorly and little, constantly tossing and turning. Hyperactive children cannot stand still, they are constantly running, jumping, spinning or jumping. Impatience is their main companion. Such children cannot wait for something or someone, they are very talkative, often interrupting and screaming. Children diagnosed with ADHD react very sharply to criticism, get nervous, and do not listen to adults. If you find in your child similar symptoms You should definitely consult with a neurologist. Understand that your baby is not to blame for the fact that his neural connections work this way, and nothing else. But in order for the child to learn to perceive information and study well at school, the diagnosis must be treated. To do this, the doctor may prescribe medication sedatives that you need to drink in courses. This will not only help you, but also your child. But the most important thing is to work with a psychologist and build an adequate educational process.

If the baby has no neurological health problems, then his behavior is the result of your upbringing or lack of it. Here are some practical tips to help you fix the situation.

Peace, only peace! Tantrums and various manifestations disobedience is calculated on your reaction. Try to always and in everything remain calm and adequate parents. The kid lay down on the floor and threw a tantrum - do not react, because the child is just waiting for this. Keep calmly going about your business until he calms down. Of course, this can be quite difficult to do on the street, but you can only root out such habits by completely ignoring it.
Talk heart to heart. Make time for your child every day. Listen to his anxieties and experiences, build a confidential conversation and do not scold him for the truth. If you scold your baby today for confessing about a broken vase, tomorrow he simply won’t tell you about it. And in adolescence and completely lose a thin thread of trust. In order for a child to listen to you at 15-20 years old, you need to listen to him in early childhood and do not neglect his problems. After all, a lost toy is as important to him as a failed report is to you. Listen to the child, give him advice, experience troubles and joys together. And then the baby will not have unspoken claims and hidden grievances.
Do not Cry! The child cries because he wants you to hear him, often he cannot express his emotions in another way. Do not be like a child, explain everything calmly. If the baby is nervous, tell him that you love him in any way, even when he is angry.
Stick to the established rules. The child should know that there are few prohibitions, but they are unshakable. You can’t play with an outlet, on any day of the week, at any time of the day, neither a child nor an adult can. Be consistent in your decisions. Threatened to give toys to a neighbor if the child does not clean them up? Keep your promise. And then the next time the baby will think a hundred times whether to ignore your request for cleaning. Parents should be soft and hard at the same time.
Do not push, look for compromises. You are an adult who should not follow the principle. The child does not want to eat soup - leave him alone, eat a little later. Daughter refuses to wear Nice dress to visit - let her wear what she likes, not you. Give in to your child too. The kid does not want to collect toys? Offer to do it together or say that after cleaning you will drink cocoa together. The easiest way is to shout and force. But that's not your goal. A child should not be afraid of his parents, he should respect them.
Lead by example. How is a child supposed to follow some rules if you yourself do not adhere to them? The child should look at you and understand that you need to be respectful to people, brush your teeth twice a day, wash your hands after a walk. How can you demand sports from your child if you yourself constantly lie on the couch in front of the TV? If a child sees how mom and dad respect each other, he is unlikely to allow himself to humiliate someone.
Don't overwhelm the child. Very often, aggression is born at the moment when my mother says - it’s impossible, because I said so. That is, the ban is placed only on the basis of your authority. Under no circumstances should you do this. You need to explain to the baby why this is not possible. When talking with a child, be sure to sit at his level - sit down or take the baby on your knees. Only in the “eye to eye” position can you achieve a confidential conversation.
Take the child. Often disobedience occurs against the background of boredom or idleness, when the baby simply does not know how else to entertain himself. Have your child play with something. Drawing, drawing up applications, modeling has an excellent calming effect. Besides, Team work help you get in touch.

The main thing in educational work is patience. Try not to be angry with your child, put yourself in his place. Do not scold the baby for a wet puddle on the floor - she was just trying to correct her mistake and wipe up the spilled yogurt. Raising a child is a whole philosophy. And if you put understanding, patience, care and love into the baby, the child will answer you the same. And he will become a person who can love, sympathize and understand his neighbor.

Don't take out the negativity on a naughty child, even if it's very difficult to do so. Gather your will into a fist and educate, talk, disassemble, make friends. The formation and upbringing of a child is a daily work, but it depends only on you what the baby will become tomorrow, and how he will relate to different people and situations. support, patience and parental love capable of melting even the most callous children's heart. Treat your child with understanding, and he will certainly answer you the same!

Video: how to deal with unruly children

Disobedient child- this is one of the problems that parents most often face in the process of educating a child's personality. At a certain point, adults begin to notice that their child refuses to obey, does not fulfill the requests or orders of adult relatives, or does it partially. One gets the impression that the children are deliberately doing it in defiance, and if they carry out instructions, then under duress.

A naughty child, the reasons for this behavior may lie in the styles of communicative interaction and models of educational influence used by parents. After all, it is the style of upbringing and communication that forms the orientation of the personality of the baby as a whole and the level of his obedience. Today, first of all, fathers gravitate towards an authoritarian educational model, which is an active suppression of the volitional sphere of the crumbs. This model of behavior resembles training, since it does not aim to explain to the kids why they need to perform any action. This leads to tension in parent-child relationships, which may result in childish disobedience.

Childish disobedience is not a tragedy - it's just the need for parents and the rest of the close environment to help the crumbs in determining good deeds and bad ones, as well as pay attention to their own actions.

Naughty child 2 years

Until about the age of two, the problem of child disobedience practically does not arise in front of the adult environment. Indeed, at this stage, the baby interacts with the mother to a greater extent, and also does not yet feel like an independent person. Already after the crumbs have overcome the two-year milestone, actions begin to appear in him, which consist in testing the strength of the boundaries of parental patience and prohibitions.

Such actions should not scare parents. Also, you should not think that something is wrong with the child. Just a baby is on the path of development.

There are also pleasant moments in childish disobedience. After all, if the children do not obey and different ways try to oppose their parents, this means that a strong personality is growing, able to show will and defend their own positions. And if at this stage children's formation parents can become authorities for them, then the kids will grow up to be self-sufficient and independent individuals. Here you need to understand that gaining authority is not based on intimidating children. The acquisition of authority in front of children is based on understanding and partnership communicative interaction. The kid can be forced to do what the parents require. However, without understanding why such actions are necessary, children will perform them exclusively in the presence of their parents, and in their absence, they will do as they please.

According to most experts, it is two years old a personality begins to form, and already at the age of three, the baby has a full-fledged "I". As a result, it is quite important not to overlook the critical moment, otherwise, it will be incredibly difficult to correct the flaws of education later.

How to raise a naughty child, what to do when he rolls up in order to achieve the immediate fulfillment of all his “I want”. One of the methods for getting out of a difficult situation caused by a child's tantrum is the method of distracting the baby. To this end, you can interest him in something while maintaining complete calm. Parental behavior at the first hysteria perpetrated by a child should be as follows - calm response and stamina. You shouldn't go for it. With the repetition of tantrums, tears and screams will be much less, because the baby remembers that the first time the adults did not make concessions to him. A repeated tantrum is a kind of test whether he really cannot influence his parents using this method. Therefore, in cases of repeated tantrums, it is so important to behave in a balanced manner and not succumb to childish provocations and tricks.

Parents need to understand that their children are, in a sense, like chameleons. Since in similar situations, but in the presence of different adults, children will behave differently. You can often meet a family in which kids argue with their mother, and their father's orders are carried out unquestioningly and the first time.

Thus, adults should understand that childish disobedience, which manifests itself at the age of two, may only be an attempt to test the firmness of the parents or probe the boundaries of what is allowed. Therefore, parental behavior must be consistent, well-coordinated (that is, all adults participating in the educational moment must lead a single strategy) and resistant to children's tantrums.

Naughty child 3 years old

Child development proceeds in leaps and bounds. The first jump comes on age three baby and marks the beginning of the crisis stage, which consists in restructuring relations with the adult environment and with the real world. This period is quite difficult for kids. After all, they grow, therefore, change and become uncontrollable. A characteristic feature of the crisis stage is children's negativism, which is children's disagreement with their parents. In other words, kids add the “not” particle to any sentences or parental requests. If parents began to notice that in the conversation of the baby the word “no” is increasingly slipping to the usual request, then this is the first criterion for the appearance of a three-year crisis. So, for example, the baby loves walking on the street, but when his mother offers to go for a walk, he answers “no” or the parent calls him to eat, but he refuses, although he is hungry. This behavior indicates negativism, that is, the emergence.

Usually given period can have a duration of approximately 3-4 months with proper parental behavior, after which the baby becomes more manageable. If at this stage the parent puts pressure on the baby at the same time, denying his will and striving for independence, then negativism can become his feature and in adulthood.

childish disobedience in crisis periods must be perceived as the development of a small personality. The manifestation of disobedience should be accepted with joy, because this indicates that the little man is growing and developing. However, this does not mean that adults should follow childish whims and obey any requirements of their own children. It is necessary to let the kids understand that adults hear and understand them, but fulfill the requirements for this moment can not.

A naughty child, the reasons may lie in a lack of attention, a struggle for power, a manifestation of character.

The reason for the disobedience of a child of 3 years is a lack parental attention. Childish disobedience in this case may be a behavioral strategy to get the attention of the parent. After all, negative attention from parents is better for children than none at all.

Competition for power with an adult environment is also a common factor that provokes the occurrence of childish disobedience. A 3-year-old kid begins to figure out who is in charge family relationships. In this case, disobedience is expressed in the form of open disobedience. A naughty child is not at a crisis stage, he simply wants everything to happen exclusively in the way he wants. Such disobedience must be stifled in the bud. After all, the baby will develop normally only when he knows that in the family main parent. Such disobedience calls for the definition of clear limits on what is permitted in the family.

According to the foregoing, parents should try to understand that a capricious, naughty child is not yet a tragedy, but just one of the stages of formation through which absolutely all babies go.

Naughty child 4 years old

Children's disobedience, in most cases, serves as a basis for parents and other adult environment to think about what could be the reason for such behavior or what the baby wanted to say in this way. So, why is the child naughty, what encourages the baby to behave in this manner?

At the age of four, children, as a rule, have already successfully overcome the first crisis period of three years. Parents seem to be able to breathe easy, but again their child begins to show disobedience. Parents cannot understand what is happening and why the child does not obey?

The cause of childish disobedience at the age of four may simply be a lack of attention. The kid in this way strives to show that he needs parents, that he lacks them.

One more typical cause childish disobedience can be an unfortunate example, which can be either real baby, who achieves his goals by such behavior, or a cartoon character whom the child sympathizes with.

A naughty child of 4 years old requires patience and high stamina from the adult environment. Often, children arrange so-called "concerts" in public to get desired result. After all, they understand that even if one parent scolds them for such behavior, the other will find a reason to protect him. Therefore, in order to correct children's disobedience, it is very important that parents adhere to a consistent educational strategy and comply with uniform requirements. In other words, either the entire adult environment of the baby praises him for certain action, or, conversely, scolds.

Children, especially in such young age are in need of praise. So don't be sorry kind words regarding his own child. However, it must be taken into account that excessive praise can lead to a completely opposite result, as a result of which not a self-sufficient person will grow up, but an ego-centered one with an overestimated sense of self-esteem. Therefore, the baby should be praised not for his appearance or toys, but for real good deeds. The more the adult environment will praise the baby for his good deeds, the more he will try. And in the event of any disagreement regarding educational issues between parents, they should be discussed so that the baby does not hear.

How to raise a naughty child of 4 years? Raising naughty children involves following basic rules. The most important rule is the prohibition of indulging all children's "I want." In other words, one should not obey the unjustified and capricious demands of the child, otherwise, this mechanism for the fulfillment of his desires will be deposited in his head, as a result of which in the future it will be much more difficult to overcome such behavior in him. Also, screaming cannot be used as an educational measure. Since this is useless and can only provoke crying or increased hysteria.

not recommended to discuss childish behavior in a circle of adults in the presence of the originator of such a discussion. A four-year-old baby needs to explain the required rules of behavior, while the tone of the conversation should remain calm.

Naughty child 6 years old

Why is a child naughty at the age of six? Because he is approaching the onset of another crisis phase. Kids start trying to regulate own behavior in accordance with the rules. The wound is docile, they suddenly begin to make various kinds of claims to special treatment to oneself, attention to oneself. Their behavior becomes pretentious. In babies, on the one hand, some demonstrative naivety appears in their behavior, which irritates the adult environment due to the fact that they intuitively perceive it as insincere. On the other hand, the child seems to be too mature, as it imposes its own norms on adults.

For children, integrity and disintegrates. Therefore, this stage is characterized by the presence of exaggerated forms of behavior. The child cannot control his own feelings (does not control emotional manifestations, does not know how to restrain them). After all, the old forms of behavior have already been lost for him, and the new ones have not yet been acquired by the baby.

The basic need of this stage is respect. Any child discovers claims to respect for his own person, to be treated as an adult, to recognize his own sovereignty. In the case when such a need is not satisfied, it is impossible to build relationships with this person based on understanding. Children are open to understanding only on the condition that they are respected.

At the age of six, toddlers begin to learn to satisfy own needs physical and spiritual in ways that are acceptable to them and their environment. Difficulties in learning new ideas and norms of behavior can provoke the emergence of unjustified self-restraints and the supernecessary. E. Erickson argued that children at this stage are striving to quickly discover such behavioral forms that will help them to be included in socially acceptable boundaries. own desires and interests. He formulated the essence of confrontation with the formula "initiative in spite of guilt."

Encouraging children's independence contributes to the formation of their intellectual sphere and initiative. In cases where manifestations of childhood independence constantly accompany bad luck or children are subjected to excessively severe punishments for any misconduct, a predominance of guilt over the desire for independence and responsibility may appear.

A capricious, naughty child at 6 years old may appear due to a mismatch parental relationship desires and potential of children. That is why parents should think about the validity of all prohibitions and the need to give the child a little more freedom to express his independence.

It is also desirable to change your own attitude towards the child. After all, he is no longer the little baby he used to be. Therefore, you need to carefully consider his judgments and positions.

How to deal with naughty child 6 years? The commanding tone at the age of six and moralizing are ineffective, therefore, it is necessary to try not to force the child, but to influence him with convictions, reason and analyze with him the possible consequences of his actions.

Often, simple humor in communication and optimism help to improve parent-child relationships.

Naughty child - what to do

The upbringing of disobedient children, first of all, should be aimed at identifying the cause that provoked disobedience. Since the strategy of educational influence depends on the reasons that caused disobedience.

The most common reason that explains why the baby suddenly stopped obeying his parents is an age crisis. Children go from birth to transitional age in three age crisis, the result of each of them is the appearance of a neoplasm. So, for example, three-year-old children for the first time seek to separate themselves from their mother and consider themselves an independent person, and for the first time they begin to use personal pronouns in relation to themselves.

Starting from the age of six, children experience a crisis of connection between a preschooler and a schoolchild. This stage is characterized by the kids getting used to the new routine, gaining a certain amount of independence along with responsibility, which causes changes in behavioral reactions that parents perceive as disobedience. Therefore, if disobedience originated precisely during periods of crisis, then parents are advised to be patient, try to be gentle with the kids. In most cases, childish disobedience, provoked by the crisis, passes without a trace at the end of the crisis period.

How to raise a naughty child if his disobedience is caused by a lack of parental attention? In this case, the adult environment should try to spend more time with the child, show interest in business, participate in joint games and just spend time with family. After all, the birth of a baby, in addition to joy, should be accompanied by an understanding of one's own responsibility for the upbringing and formation of a full-fledged self-sufficient personality. And for this, the child, in addition to feeding, the minimum necessary care, needs to be given enough attention, otherwise, to cope with negative consequences own inattention will be almost impossible.

Often, parents do not realize that too many things are forbidden to kids. If any action of the crumbs is accompanied by a constant parental “no”, “only not this”, “don’t go”, then resistance becomes a completely natural response. As a result, parents should realize that total control is not the best way to form a harmoniously developed and independent personality.

The manifestation of constant external control at the age of six will lead to the development of a dependent, irresponsible, easily dependent personality, which is not capable of making serious decisions.

Naughty child - what to do? Parents should remember when raising their own children that their goal is to form a physically developed, harmonious and independent personality, and not to live their life for them. The most important task adults in raising little personalities lies in giving them the right direction for development, conveying basic values, and timely stepping aside to give children the opportunity to gain their own experience.

The parent must rely in educational moments, first of all, on wisdom and justice, on love and care, and then peace and harmony will reign in family relations!