Transitional age in boys. How should parents behave? Teen Crisis

“He is rude, snaps, does not obey, dresses defiantly” are typical upsets of parents during the period of growing up of their children. How to find a common language with a teenager and not slide into banal flirting and connivance? Where is the golden mean that will allow the child to grow up and not burn tons of nerve cells in the parents.

It is very good if the family is complete and the parents live in harmony. That is, they are able to discuss and develop a course of action. Discuss a competent reaction to unthinkable tricks and quirks.

But the reality is that incomplete families are the sad reality of our time. Dad separately, mom and child separately. And there is rarely agreement between parents. It is not necessary to count on the help of the father of a single mother. And here transitional age and a catastrophic inability to keep the situation under control.

It is insanely difficult for a single mother not to lose connection and understanding with a teenager child during his growing up. Yesterday he was still an understandable little man, touchingly caring for his mother. And suddenly incomprehensible explosions of protest and aggression out of the blue.

Mom has a life and work (often not one) and passionate desire sleep casually. Dreaming about vacation. The needs of the family are growing and it is becoming increasingly difficult to feed, provide everything necessary or desired "baby". Yes and teach favorite child quality is necessary, and therefore - for a fee.

And it, this very thing, “beloved child”, refuses to understand that the mother is straining for him. She herself could do with less expenses, without additional earnings.

Tired, always preoccupied with something, the mother causes a protest in a teenager. Harmonal volcanoes are raging in him, and the mother here climbs into personal space with her teachings, restrictions, requirements, and advice. He does not hear, and does not want to hear anything that comes from his parents.

“Ancestors in general from the last century, what can they know and understand!”
He doesn't want to live the way they do. He will live differently: freely, widely, freely.

The question "for what" - he still does not care. The main thing is to become free as soon as possible. From what? From guardianship, prohibitions, study and, in general, from all duties.

It has been noticed that in a family where parents and children are connected by common interests, there are no wars of adolescence. Everything is calmer and smoother.

It is more difficult for a mother to cross paths with a teenage boy in some areas of activity than for a father with a girl-girl. But it is possible, if desired. And it’s better to start thinking about it not when the thunder struck and the “war” broke out, but much earlier.

Common interests can be extensive: from Internet projects to membership in an equestrian club. Or mom is an experienced motorist and her driving authority is generally recognized. Then the teenage sons naturally accept mother as a partner or like-minded person.

In any case, it was possible or not to acquire common interests, parents need to understand the following:

It is very good that the child strives to become independent. You have raised not a weak-willed amoeba, but a person who will be able to achieve success in life and become your support.

Remove petty guardianship. Discuss rules and boundaries cohabitation and behaviour. There is no need to separate rooms with barricades, but it is necessary to exclude parental intrusion into personal territory, whether it be a room or a desktop with a computer.

Catch every moment when your child is ready to talk to you. Listen more - talk less.
Never say phrases like “here I am at your age.” The teenager will slam into his shell and there may be no more joint conversations.

Teenage maximalism, transitional age, hormonal explosion - believe me, all this was once in every family. In more or less degree. Although it seems to you that there has never been a nightmare situation and you are unique.

Learn from other people's examples. Someone overcame this period hard and the consequences affected the future fate of the teenager and the parent too. Try not to repeat the mistakes - at a distance and over time they are obvious. Someone, on the contrary, managed to get close and make friends with the child in this difficult period for him. Perhaps you can benefit from a positive experience.

The transitional period of adolescence doesn't have to be a parent's nightmare. You may be lucky and you will not notice global changes in behavior. So, by the way, it happens in large families and families united by one common cause.

There is no time and no one to “get out of it” - you have to do business. And a teenager understands this, despite the hormonal and psychological problems of growing up.

Related materials:

How to raise a girl to be a leader

Girls are more likely than boys to be born with a clear spark of leadership. Such girls are active and cheerful, which can already be seen in junior groups kindergarten or when communicating...

Practical Tips for a teenager: how to quickly memorize material

The period of preparation for exams is so dense that it baffles even those who conscientiously studied and did not allow gaps in the study of the subject. As a teenager faster...

The biggest difficulty of adolescence is the simultaneous very powerful restructuring of the child's body and psyche. Quality adult life largely determined by how successfully a person went through the teenage crisis.

Adolescence is usually called the period from 10-11 to 15-16 years. It is called transitional, since at this time the child moves from a child's model of behavior to an adult. There is a change in self-esteem, perception of oneself in society. There is an ability to perceive the environment critically, to analyze and draw one's own conclusions, to consciously appropriate certain moral values ​​offered by society.

In addition, during this period, the teenager is experiencing serious physiological changes.

Age features of adolescents

• Physiological processes hidden from the eye cause a feeling of anxiety, discomfort, constant voltage and emotional fatigue
• Psychological changes, in turn, lead to emotional imbalance, internal and external conflicts, the solution of which requires the energy of internal strength.
• To the described problems of a teenager, a significant increase in the teaching load in high school, increased pressure from parents is added.
• All this creates a feeling of confusion in a teenager: old landmarks are lost, new ones have not yet been found.
• The natural processes of growing up cause feelings of catastrophe and loss of oneself in the world around
• The social skills of a teenager are not yet formed, personal life experience is too small to independently find solutions in difficult situations.
• Constant internal disharmony leads to increased conflict and aggression, which only reinforces the negative perception of the situation.
• As a result, a teenager becomes isolated, withdraws into himself, acquires unnecessary complexes, instead of solving problems, he is looking for easy ways to escape from them.
• At worst teenage problems can break a person as a person

The first signs of adolescence

Outwardly, the beginning of the transitional age is manifested in the following:

• The child begins to grow rapidly, the increase in height is more than 10-15 cm per year
• Secondary sex characteristics develop
• Teenage acne and skin rashes appear
• The child becomes too vulnerable, offended by things that he did not notice before
• Shy about showing parental affection in public
• Arguing and being rude more than usual

Physiological problems of adolescence.

• There is a serious restructuring of the endocrine system. Teenager's body transition period develops unevenly and disproportionately. By the end of puberty, disproportions in most cases disappear
• The central nervous system undergoes significant changes, the result of which is excessive emotional excitability teenagers. The processes occurring in the cerebral cortex provoke an increased reaction of nerve endings and at the same time reduce the inhibition reaction

• In the transitional age, the final formation of adipose tissue and fiber, bones and muscle tissue occurs. The body takes on finished forms. During this period, proper healthy nutrition and metabolism are especially important.
• In area gastrointestinal tract problems often arise during adolescence, as digestive system very sensitive to physical activity and emotional swings
• Physiological changes of cardio-vascular system and respiratory organs lead to disorders in the heart, lungs, frequent weakness, dizziness and fainting. It is very important to choose the right sleep and rest regimen for the child, as well as to carefully consider the definition of permissible loads on the body.

The main features of adolescence in girls

• The body gradually takes on the forms characteristic of female figure: round hips, bulging buttocks, Bottom part body becomes wider than the top
• There is a growth of the mammary glands, often the process is accompanied by painful sensations and a feeling of discomfort. The breast may grow unevenly, the mammary glands may differ in size from one another, but by the end of puberty, the difference practically disappears
• In adolescence, girls begin to grow hair in the pubic and armpit areas, at the same time sebaceous glands begin to work more intensively, body odor becomes sharper. At this age, it is necessary to reconsider hygiene issues and develop an individual body care regimen.
• The formation of the genital organs is completed. Often during this period, violations of the microflora and associated complications (irritations, fungal infections). It is necessary to teach the girl to be attentive to health in the field of gynecology and to properly care for this part of the body

The main features of adolescence in boys

• During adolescence, boys begin intensive growth bones, and then the muscle tissue, and the bones usually grow faster than the muscles. Hence the frequent excessive thinness in adolescent boys. Sometimes this lagging of muscle tissue can cause pain and temporary discomfort
• Teenage breaking of the voice is the growth of the larynx, during which the boy has an "Adam's" apple, and the voice drops by several tones to the timbre characteristic of adult men. During this period, boys are subject to frequent complications and diseases of the throat, since with the growth of the larynx there is a fairly strong blood flow to this area
• A very subtle and delicate issue of puberty in boys is wet dreams (involuntary, usually nocturnal, ejaculation associated with excessive sexual arousal)
• Changes on the face caused by hormonal changes: facial features become sharper and more masculine, childish roundness disappears. Vegetation appears on the face and neck. Juvenile acne in boys is usually more pronounced than in girls.
• Hair growth on the chest, in the armpits, in the groin, change in the smell of sweat. It is important to teach the boy to daily hygiene and use cosmetics body care products (deodorants, lotions, creams)

Reorganization of hormones. What to do with problem skin?

Acne on the face in adolescence is almost inevitable due to the global hormonal changes in the body. Since teenagers are very sensitive to their appearance and assessment of their appearance in the eyes of others, acne on the face is not only a physiological but also a psychological problem.

At puberty, the sebaceous glands of the child begin to work in an enhanced mode. The fat secreted by them creates ideal conditions for the development of pathogenic flora on the skin, which leads to blockage of pores and the development of pustular lesions.

With the right daily care can significantly reduce the level of bacteria in the pores and prevent excessive acne on the face.

What to consider when treating acne in teenagers:

• Teenage skin is very sensitive and prone to irritation, so you should choose products that are gentle, designed specifically for teenagers.
• "Adult" remedies can lead to serious irritation and allergic rashes, which will only aggravate the physical and psychological discomfort of the child.
• Better suited funds based on natural ingredients, you can wipe your face with decoctions when washing medicinal herbs with antiseptic action
• Do not use alcohol-based preparations, as alcohol dries out the skin, which in turn causes even more active work. sebaceous glands and excretion of fat
• Acne can be exacerbated due to improper digestion, so it is important to eat a healthy and balanced diet.
• It is important to remember that not only the skin should be clean, but also the towel, bedding and underwear. Teach your child to avoid touching their face unless absolutely necessary, to wash their hands more often, and to use clean handkerchiefs.
• Teenage skin is more prone to pollution than adult skin, so you need to wash your face several times a day, at least in the morning and evening.

Social problems of adolescence. Adaptation in society

The main motivation of a child in society in adolescence is gaining respect in the eyes of others, especially peers. The opinion of classmates begins to prevail over the opinion of parents and teachers. Adolescents are very sensitive to the slightest change in their position in the circle of their peers.

Hence, sudden actions are frequent, uncharacteristic for a child, designed to demonstrate to peers his exclusivity and eccentricity: hooligan antics, rash risk, extravagant details of appearance.
It has been noticed that the weight of a child in the eyes of a teenager directly depends on his emotional well-being and microclimate in the family.

Psychological problems of adolescence

Main tasks personal growth that the child decides for himself in adolescence:

• Ability to analyze, compare, draw own conclusions
  Independent decision-making based on the conclusions drawn
  Awareness of personal responsibility for their decisions and actions
  Awareness of oneself as an individual and a subject of society
  His status and position in society

An important aspect for a teenager is self-respect as a person. Having learned to perceive the world critically, children begin to see too many shortcomings in themselves, especially in comparison with other peers. They also painfully perceive any hint of disrespect from the outside.

Often, a teenager's depressed state or increased aggressiveness is caused precisely by an imbalance between the child's internal need for respect and its insufficient manifestation on the part of parents and peers.

Problems of interpersonal relationships in adolescence

• In respect of interpersonal relationships in adolescence, there is a decrease in the importance of adults and a high dependence on the opinions of peers. That is, a teenager from the position of a subordinate moves to a position of equal value
• If there is a serious distance and subordination in the relationship between an adult and a child, then in a relationship between a child and a child, a teenager can fully realize his main needs for this age: to feel like an adult and gain respect in the eyes of others
• The main problems interpersonal communication adolescents are the unwillingness of adults to accept the reduction self-importance in the eyes of a child, and the inability of a teenager to form harmonious relationships based on equality, since the skill of communication in childhood was based on obedience to adults and fulfilling their demands
• Frequent conflicts of adolescents with each other are caused precisely by attempts to build new relationships based on old skills. In early adolescence, the child is not picky in friends, he is interested in communication as such and the development of the necessary experience.
• By their late teens, children tend to be well versed in their choice of permanent friends of interest, clearly define their role in their company, and have sufficient skills to maintain smooth relationships over a long period of time.

Problems of learning in adolescence. How can you help your child cope with school?

Most teenagers, in addition to all of the above difficulties, have another one - loss of interest in learning. Each child may have his own reason, they have one thing in common: adolescence filled with emotional and physiological experiences, which inevitably affects all aspects of the child's life.

Possible reasons for poor performance

• In early adolescence, the child moves on to high school, where the organization learning activities significantly different from the original. Instead of one teacher, many teachers appear, each with their own requirements and attitudes. The ways of presenting the material are becoming more academic, the emphasis is shifting towards theory and complex conceptual structures. The child needs the help of parents in order to timely and correctly adapt to new conditions.
• IN high school the increased requirements of parents to the quality of grades and the level of knowledge are added to the complexity of the material, since there is a question of entering professional educational establishments. There is increasing pressure from teachers interested in the quality of passing the exam. The teenager himself is experiencing natural fears about the upcoming exams and admission to the university.
• All this leads to a serious psychological burden, which can affect the quality of academic performance. Help your child to evenly distribute the load during the working week, to correctly alternate the mode of rest and work. Try not to escalate the situation, cheer up the child, help him gain a sense of self-confidence and his strength.

• Conflicts with teachers and lack of motivation. Adolescents are very sensitive to criticism, especially to its public manifestations. The most natural reaction of a teenager is aggression, which only exacerbates the conflict. Failure in individual subjects may be associated with negative relationships between the teacher and the child. Try to find out the causes of the conflict and help the child build contact
• Personal problems. For a teenager, relationships with peers are much more important than academic performance. At the moment, this is his biggest pain point. If a teenager is not adapted in a team, experiences difficulties in communication, this may be the cause of general apathy, including in relation to studies. It is very important not to dismiss the problems of a teenager, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you.
• Recognize its importance, try to call the child to straight Talk and give him real help, otherwise next time he is unlikely to share the problem. Remember that independence is important for a teenager, so do not try to solve his problems by force, do not lecture his classmates. Help the teenager find a worthy way out of the situation or change the team

The problem of conflict in adolescence

In adolescence, the features of the development of the psyche and body develop in such a way that the child experiences several serious internal conflicts at the same time.

• The desire to be an adult is a denial of the values ​​of surrounding adults
• Feeling like the center of the universe - self-criticism and rejection of oneself as a person
• The desire to be "like everyone else" - a deep need to declare one's individuality and exclusivity
• Puberty - fear and rejection of changes occurring in the body
• Attraction to the opposite sex - inability to build relationships

It is difficult for a teenager to cope with such an influx of emotions, experiences and physical sensations, in this period. Internal conflicts are inevitably reflected in external life.

Relationships with parents and relatives of a teenager. How to behave to the older generation and what to expect?

• In adolescence, the child leaves the custody of the parents. If in childhood he perceived parental assessments and requirements as correct by definition, in adolescence the child begins to evaluate what is happening around him from the point of view of his personal perception. He is aware that he has his own preferences, sympathies and aspirations, which do not always coincide with the opinions of adults
• In relation to parents, a teenager during this period seeks to distance himself from their guardianship and patronage, to demonstrate his adulthood and independence. However, this does not mean that a teenager is ready to refuse communication with parents in general. It's just that his communication during this period goes to a qualitatively new level.
• It often seems to parents that the child is showing unreasonable aggression and stubbornness, and the only thing that drives him is to do everything out of spite. But the misunderstanding is rather caused by the inability of the child, due to age, to express his true emotions, and the unwillingness of his parents to understand him. As a result, the child has a feeling of loneliness, isolation
• It is important to understand that the child emotionally suffers from conflicts no less than the parents. But, not having enough experience in adult relationships, a teenager is not able to understand the cause of mutual dissatisfaction, does not know what to do to resolve the conflict.

It is also necessary to understand that the hormonal revolution teenage body causes uncontrollable outbursts of emotions that the child is not physically able to control.

Personality of a teenager in the period of transitional age. New hobbies and world views

Psychologists share teenage years into two phases: negative and positive.

• Negative phase- this is the withering away of the old system of values ​​and interests, the active rejection of the changes taking place inside. The child feels that changes are taking place, but psychologically he is not yet ready for them, hence his irritability, apathy, constant anxiety and discontent
• IN positive phase the teenager is ready to accept and realize the changes taking place. He has new friends, interests, he is able to communicate at a new qualitative level, a feeling of maturity arises, emotions become more stable

It is during the period of a positive phase that a teenager has stable hobbies, creative talents are clearly manifested. If at 10-12 years old teenagers choose friends according to the territorial principle (they study together, live nearby), then in older adolescence the circle of acquaintances is formed on the basis of common interests and hobbies.

Cognitive development of a teenager

Cognitive development is the development of cognitive skills.

• In adolescence, a child is able to assimilate abstract concepts, analyze hypotheses, build his own assumptions, reasonably criticize someone else's point of view. A teenager discovers a logical way of learning objects, in addition to the mechanical memory used by children of preschool and primary school age.
• With mechanical memorization, the material is reproduced in the sequence in which it was memorized: verbatim retelling of the text, strictly sequential execution of physical actions
• Logical memory focuses not on the form, but on the essence of the subject being studied. The subject being studied is analyzed, the most important points are singled out, their logical relationship is established, after which the studied material is stored in memory
• In early adolescence, it is difficult for a child to understand in which cases to use certain acquired skills. Some school subjects lend themselves well to the logical method of memorization, some subjects can be studied only with the help of mechanical memory ( foreign languages, complex formulas and definitions). At the age of 10-12 years, children often complain of memory impairment and inability to understand this or that material.

By late adolescence, the child is usually fluent in the acquired skills and their use does not cause difficulties for him.

Generational conflict: to resolve or not to resolve?

Conflicts between parents and teenagers can be the most different reasons, but if you do not try to manage the conflict, any minor detail can lead to very serious consequences for both parties. What to do if there is a conflict?

1. The first step is to listen to the arguments and arguments of both sides. Teenagers do not perceive categorical prohibitions, it is important for them to understand what is behind your “no”. Give your child the opportunity to express their point of view. Firstly, he will learn to formulate explanations for his actions (he does not always understand them himself), and secondly, you will let him know that you consider him an adult and respect his opinion. This will significantly reduce the intensity of passions
2. After you have carefully and respectfully listened to the child's position and expressed your arguments, try to find a common compromise. Indicate to the teenager the boundaries in which you are ready to give in, invite him to refuse part of the requirements. So you teach your child to find a middle ground in conflicts with other people.
3. If you find a solution that suits both parties, do not try to revise it under the influence of external circumstances. Be logical and consistent in your desire to speak to your child from a position of mutual respect.

How to build a relationship with a child so as not to harm him?

The parental family is the first and most important model of relationships between people in a child's life.

Possible distortions and disharmony in family relationships are most acute during adolescence. A few examples of inharmonious behavior of parents and their consequences for a teenager.

How can I help my child accept himself as a person?

• Excessive criticality with which a teenager analyzes me and others fully applies to himself.
• All adolescents are, to one degree or another, dissatisfied with themselves, their appearance, their achievements and success among their peers. Girls are more prone to low self-esteem than boys
• Help your teen see their strengths to understand what makes him attractive and unique. Celebrate his real successes, try to raise his self-esteem in your own eyes
• Teenagers have a very great need to communicate with their peers. To become one's own, to be a full member of a social group, a company of friends is the main dream of any teenager
• Help your child build relationships in a team. Find time for a heart-to-heart talk; Tell your child about your adolescence, about your first love, friendship, first fights and mistakes. By analyzing your stories, it will be easier for a teenager to make decisions regarding their own problems.
• In search of his own “I”, a teenager may begin to behave shockingly, dress in strange clothes, listen to unusual music, and so on. If the child's behavior does not pose a threat to himself and others, let him "go crazy"

• Do not make fun of his new hobbies, do not forbid self-expression. Make it clear that he is still appreciated and loved regardless of his appearance.
• Let your teen make mistakes. This does not mean the absence of parental control. On the contrary, allow the child to do it in his own way, but warn about possible consequences, in your opinion.
• Lessons from own experience learned much better than parental instructions. Of course, such experiments are appropriate in those matters where a child's mistake will not lead to critical consequences.

Video: Problems of a teenager in adolescence

Your child grows up and one day begins to be offended if you did not carefully call him a child. This means that the time has come when he is ruthlessly and courageously ready to part with his childhood. Do not prevent a teenager from growing up - it is better to help, given some very important features adolescence...

Features of adolescence are not only defiant behavior and the first acne on the face. During the period of growing up, the child is forced to experience colossal "overloads", especially psychological ones, and it is the parents who must help him pass this test "without loss" ...

Who are teenagers?

Domestic psychologists consider children from 11 to 15 years old as teenagers. Has yours grown up yet? Even yesterday’s baby, who asked, or maybe demanded attention and constant participation, becomes closed, laconic in communication with you, sometimes even allows himself “bad words”. He already has secrets from you, and it is possible that they are really very important, which can affect the rest of your life - both his and yours, by the way.

As an expression, he cultivates external symbols - bright strands in his hair, "strange" clothes, perhaps even symbolic jewelry or tattoos, and you never know what else. Perhaps, and study became worse.

Transitional age is a period of great excitement for parents. Almost all families go through them sooner or later. So do not despair - you are not alone, which means that you can find a suitable way out of any situation.

Your child "transitions" from childhood to adulthood. Well, any time of change is disturbing and ambiguous. Only one thing is certain - he still, and maybe even more, needs your love and understanding.

In adolescence (especially at 14-15 years old), children become especially secretive and detached. Don't be afraid of this! And in no case do not blame the child for coldness, indifference and betrayal. Just let the teenager adapt to the new features of the "adult" world for him, but at the same time do not let him forget that you are always ready to support him, and that you love him no less than before ...

Features of adolescence to be aware of

The first feature. In early adolescence (11-13 years old), creative and logical thinking still "recruits" in mental activity. And in school curriculum the percentage of tasks of a logical nature that require creativity, - essays, abstracts, reports, speeches, etc. Before writing, say, a report, you need to think about its structure and find the information you need. It is quite difficult for a teenager to cope with this, he has not yet developed the ability to pre-plan. And often a desperate parent, showing the above skills, writes an essay for his child.

If you see that it is easier for a child to dodge than to cope with such a task, take the time and just help the child make a plan, as well as find sources of information - textbooks, dictionaries, encyclopedias, articles on the Internet. Then it will be much easier for him to cope with the task, and at the same time interest will awaken.

The second feature. Your teenager is actively developing, and, accordingly, the motivation for actions and behavior in general changes. Previously, it was enough to ask “make mom happy” or the peremptory “it’s necessary” for the child to meekly visit music school, and now he openly refuses to “strum” or simply starts skipping classes. The same situation can arise in relation to academic subjects.

Only when your child begins to realize the significance of this or that occupation for himself personally, it will cease to be burdensome for him. However, it is precisely her - the significance - that a teenager will not always be able to evaluate on his own. What can you do, his life experience is still extremely small! Your task is to present with a share of ingenuity and imagination the prospects that, quite likely, will become a sufficient argument for the continuation of one or another activity of the child.

For example, colorfully explain that the ability to play the guitar will allow him to easily get used to any company, and drawing skills will amaze the teenage community with some unusual graffiti...

The third feature. An often annoying adult feature of adolescence is the instability of the child's interests. Parents sometimes do not have time to track how often their child changes hobbies. Last week I played the guitar, yesterday I asked for money to buy videos, and today I want to learn German - please come here for a teacher. It's okay - the more he tries, the easier it will be to make the right choice in the future. Every time the chosen business turns out badly, most teenagers easily and unpretentiously change their area of ​​​​interest. They don’t care that you paid a German teacher for six months in advance ...

So be careful. Help your "frivolous" child choose an activity that he would be able to do. Maybe you'll get lucky and avoid frequent shift his expensive hobbies, and at the same time he will develop confidence in his abilities. And in this case, do not forget about the peculiarity of the second - the visible prospect of work will give the teenager an additional incentive.

The fourth feature. At this age, a new image of the physical "I" is formed. Interest in one's appearance increases exponentially, all its flaws are acutely experienced - most often imaginary. For a teenager, it is extremely important to assess his appearance by others, especially peers and, of course, compliance with fashion trends. Maximalism and enthusiasm for creative searches in transforming one's appearance sometimes horrify parents and teachers. Calm down and become more tolerant - a teenager is very vulnerable.

It is during adolescence that children for the first time (and so far, alas, excessively) closely study their appearance. And often they are unforgivably critical of themselves ...

Contemptuous or mocking statements are unacceptable, especially since they are mostly unfair. A careless remark by adults or friends about appearance - and these experiences will occupy the thoughts and feelings of the child for a long time. It's not about studying. And therefore, your help in choosing the image of a teenager will be invaluable if you leaf through with him fashion magazine, voice the merits of his appearance and think about how to emphasize them. At the very least, you'll have a fun time.

Fifth feature. We hope that you are not very traumatized by the desire of the child to communicate more with peers than with you. At this age, the need for communication with their own kind is extremely significant.

And the entry into adulthood in the overwhelming majority of cases is accompanied by the first love sung by poets more than once. Adolescents cannot resist the onslaught of new feelings, desires, sensations, they have not yet worked out cultural norms of behavior, self-control is not sufficiently developed.

Your understanding, tactful advice, heart-to-heart talk in new and emotionally difficult situations for a teenager are simply invaluable. Well, if they are just as understanding school teachers, but this is not to be expected today. And if your “baby” invited a whole class to his birthday, you will help both him and yourself, and also save the apartment from a pogrom if you tactfully help him plan this wonderful holiday and set boundaries in advance.

Feature six. A teenager is characterized by personal instability - he oscillates between blind obedience and rebellion against any pressure, between optimism and pessimism. The child realizes that he is a person, a person capable of being responsible for his life and making responsible decisions, but he is objectively not yet able to be truly responsible. Therefore, control is necessary, but not rigid and directive, otherwise the child will do everything out of spite. Do not push, because he sublimates his independence with an unproductive struggle against the "ancestors".

Fear for one's "blood" is understandable - there are indeed many dangers in the world. But the only one effective protection from them - to learn to be responsible for their behavior, to see these dangers and avoid them. Even if the child makes a mistake, he will have his own life experience. This is the very path by which everyone has grown wiser and matured, and you too.

Your control is permanent trusting relationship participation in the life of a teenager. Always be ready to listen to your child. Offer him your advice, but leave the right to use it to the teenager. Your passionate attempts to convince the child of the infidelity of his decisions will not lead to the desired result - he will see this as only an attempt to impose his opinion and subdue his will. But it is not superfluous to tell the child that you are worried, worried about him and worried. And don't forget to tactfully point out those possible consequences his actions that you see.

Feature seven. The combination of external rudeness and internal vulnerability is another feature of adolescence. Parents, concerned about the problems of the child, show him increased attention with a negative charge. It can be condemnation, and criticism of his appearance, and just expressing your dissatisfaction. Very often, in response to our excessive anxiety, a teenager becomes withdrawn and rude, and this, by the way, is a natural defensive reaction.

Do not force your maturing child to defend yourself from you, do not forget to praise, notice all his good luck. If he made a decision and turned out to be right, it is necessary to appreciate his perseverance and independence. Please don't display your really ephemeral adult superiority, always maintain a friendly and respectful tone. When you're worried, frustrated, angry, you're more likely to act impulsively. Note that the result is null. If you express confidence that your child understands and accepts everything correct solution, that would be the best move. Don't forget, however, to offer advice.

If a teenager trusts you, then he will definitely take note of your own plan of action. Just tell him frankly how you would act in this or that difficult situation, but be sure to let the child know that you leave him the right to make the final decision.

Feature eight. If we do something wrong, we are punished by life. The child also has a unique chance - he can choose the reward and punishment. This is so very adult game. When children make reward and punishment choices, they become more aware of the consequences of their behavior, and this increases their responsibility. It is always better to use promotion, and it is important that the promised reward is received. What can she be? In fact, you will be surprised, but children do not always strive to receive only material rewards.

In a survey conducted among students in grades 7-8 of a school near Moscow, to the question “Most desired encouragement”, teenagers for the most part chose not clothes and fashionable gadgets, but kind parental words addressed to them and ... completely childish desires - to pat on the head, hug , Pat on the shoulder. For some parents, this was a revelation - such a child's desire to get the whole family together, have a sweet tea party or a country picnic. Isn't this a revelation for you?

The world of a teenager is complex, and it can be difficult for us adults to penetrate it. Try to assess how real your ideas about your own child - your "prickly", so beloved and unbearable teenager. Play a survey game with your child at home. The questions are very simple, but they require absolutely honest and frank answers without fear of censure or condemnation from your side:

• What do my parents like about me?
• What do my parents not like about me?
• What would I like to change in my relationship with my parents?

And then be sure to address the same questions to yourself: what do I like in my child, what do I not like, and what would I like to change in our relationship with him? And compare your answers. Believe me, the most unexpected discoveries are possible that will help you become closer, understand each other, experience a new "attack of love", and this is the best of all that a teenager's parent can wish for...

"Normal pathology". This is a little frivolous, but very capacious name, it was no coincidence that it was assigned to adolescence. Even yesterday, calm and obedient, your child suddenly changes dramatically, becoming stubborn and unpredictable. He has new interests that are not always clear to you: the circle of acquaintances, hobbies, appearance undergo changes. How to behave with your teenager?

Looking for a reason

Despite the fact that at first glance the changes that occur to him may seem like a bolt from the blue, they are subject to strict age patterns and are quite understandable from the point of view of psychology. Adolescence is marked drastic changes, both in the psychological and physiological sphere of your child. Significantly increased activity of the endocrine glands leads to a significant increase in the level of hormones in the blood. As a result, the mood becomes extremely unstable and changeable. Started puberty, falling on the younger adolescence, is marked by the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics, increased attraction to the opposite sex, and active development of one's gender role. The crisis falling on this period can manifest itself in two forms. In some cases, the child begins to experience a hypertrophied need for independence and self-realization. He rejects authorities and seeks to fight them with all his might, becomes rude and stubborn. In others, he seems to be afraid of the upcoming growing up, becoming meek and conformal, infantile and dependent, avoiding decision-making in every possible way and hiding behind his parents. Speaking about the time frame of this period, we note that adolescence in boys lasts from 13 to 18, in girls - from 12 to 17 years.

How to behave with a teenager?

How fast will this crisis pass? First of all, it is worth noting that adolescence is nothing more than an indicator by which you can judge your relationship that preceded it. Think about it: have you always been sincere with your child? Were his interests taken into account, were his opinions taken into account? If you were able to give a positive answer to most of the questions, it is quite possible that even such a difficult stage of your relationship will go quite smoothly and without complications. If not, try to take on board the tips, following which you will surely be able to find a common language with a teenager.

Useful tips and ... prohibitions

Adolescence - dangerous period when you should be doubly careful about what you say and how you behave with your child. A careless act, an accidentally thrown word can undermine his trust and not have the best effect on his life in the future. Treat a teenager like an adult. Consider his opinion, demonstrating the ability to support him both in word and deed. Encourage the desire to connect with peers and get to know them yourself. Let the phone numbers of his friends be recorded in your phone, the house will always be open for them. Adolescence is a time of change. And, of course, it will be better if your child knows what is happening to him.

Relationships built on trust and mutual understanding will always be a guarantee happy life your teenager.

Time is running fast. Recently, the family brought from the maternity hospital a small package with a peacefully sleeping baby, years passed, the boy grew and developed. As a result, the moment comes when yesterday's baby begins to prepare for adulthood. In the article you will find out what is the transitional age in boys, its duration, symptoms and signs.

When a child reaches adolescence, he encounters difficulties. Physical state, consciousness and attitude changes. The growth of the body occurs simultaneously with puberty. These changes affect nervous system teenager.

The child becomes irritable and aggressive. Parents are lost and do not understand how to behave with their son. To help a teenager, you need to know what changes are undergoing children's body during the transition period.

The transitional age in boys passes at the age of 11-16 years. On initial stage gender differences appear. By the age of 17, the boy's personality is fully formed.

Features of adolescence

• Transitional age is a special stage in the life of any person, accompanied by puberty, physical development and continued growth. At this point, the formation of systems is completed and internal organs. In the body begins intensive production of hormones.
• In boys, puberty begins a little later than in girls. Around middle school, girls begin to turn into girls, and boys still look childish. Literally a year later, the differences disappear.
• The transitional age in boys is not distinguished by clearly defined boundaries in terms of time. In adolescents, the features of the period are manifested differently. Each organism is characterized by individual rhythms. Therefore, it is problematic to say how long the transitional age lasts.

Attentive and caring parents should pay attention to the signs and symptoms of adolescence, which signal its onset.

Signs and symptoms of puberty in boys

During the transitional age, the appearance and psyche of the boy change. The period is accompanied by hormonal changes and puberty. A teenager begins to be self-critical about appearance and worry.

Practice shows that boys who are exposed to heavy physical exertion and use alcoholic drinks, reach puberty later than peers who are engaged in physical education and do not kill health bad habits.

Knowing the signs and symptoms of adolescence early stages identify the beginning of change and provide support to the child.

1. At the age of ten, the boy's genitals begin to grow. A year later, vegetation and pigmentation of the scrotum appear above the genitals. On next year the sex organs continue to grow, and the vegetation becomes longer and denser.
2. At the age of 14, the voice changes. This is due to an increase in the vocal cords, the development of the throat muscles and cartilage. The voice starts to get rougher. Usually the formation of the voice ends in 24 months.
3. Armpit hair starts to grow upper lip covered with the first fluff. Over time, vegetation appears on the face, legs and arms. The formation of the bodily hairline ends by the end of the transitional age.
4. By the age of 14, the young man's muscles begin to develop, his shoulders expand, and growth increases.
5. Almost all boys in their teens have wet dreams - nocturnal ejaculation. Doctors consider this phenomenon normal.

As you can see, the transition period is characterized by distinct signs and symptoms.

Psychology of transitional age

During the transitional age, the behavior and character of the young man undergo changes. The boy begins to worry a lot about him appearance.

He tries to look good, and perceives criticism extremely aggressively. Constant dissatisfaction with appearance is a natural manifestation of growing up. Against this background, uncertainty and shyness may appear, which together often leads to isolation.

• The growing up of the boy is accompanied by a radical change in behavior. This is due to physiological factors, including greasy hair, acne, intense sweating. The young man awakens interest in girls. And the ultimate goal is to find a soul mate.
• Against the background of dissatisfaction with oneself, sudden aggression and high nervousness appear. The transitional age is accompanied by a manifestation of rudeness to the people surrounding the boy - parents, teachers, peers.
• A surge of emotions is an integral element of the stage, caused by the restructuring of the body. The hormones responsible for the puberty of a boy are called androgens.
• During this period, young men position themselves as adult men. They strive to prove their independence to others. Under the influence of emotions, they do things without thinking about the consequences.
• Boys become actively interested in intimate relationships and are strongly attracted to sexual intimacy. This is a worrying time for parents, because the acceleration of puberty is often accompanied by the appearance of violations in sexual behavior.
• Often, the transitional age is characterized by the manifestation of sexual attention to other boys. This is due to unconscious sexual desire at the time of the rapid development of the body. Usually after the start of the "correct" intimate relationships deviations disappear. Otherwise, you need to take the child to a psychologist.
• At this age, thoughts of suicide sometimes appear. According to statistics, the number similar cases among teenage children is growing rapidly. Suicidal behavior is considered to be the result of activation defense mechanisms, tribute to fashion, imitation of friends. Such an act has different motives: poor academic performance, physical abuse, loneliness, revenge, drug addiction.

If your son's behavior has changed, help him navigate the situation.

How to behave to parents

Physiological changes, combined with mental problems, make adolescence a difficult period for boys. Helping a child takes effort.

It is unfortunate, but there is no universal approach, each case is individual. Stock up on patience and endurance, move towards the goal, following the advice of practicing psychologists.

1. Friendship. The environment plays a significant role in the life of a boy, so parents will need to try to enter it. This is not easy to do, because the son is sure that you are unable to understand him. Try to open up to him and show that you also have complexes and shortcomings. By becoming a friend to your child, you will have access to everything that happens in his life, and if necessary, help.
2. Showing Interest . During the maturation of the boy, the system of worldview and values ​​changes significantly. By showing interest in your child's hobbies and supporting him, you earn trust. Talk to him regularly, be interested in reasoning and life, involve him in solving family issues.
3. Liberty. A teenage boy needs personal space and his own room. The child should be given freedom and the right to choose. You should not control all his actions, eavesdrop on conversations and revise things. If the child is severely restricted, it will increase the likelihood of trouble, since the forbidden fruit is sweeter. Communicate, find compromises and direct him in the right direction.
4. Lack of criticism . There are times when criticism is indispensable. In this case, it should be constructive. Direct it not to your son, but to his behavior, actions and mistakes. Adolescents are sensitive to comments, it is recommended to express dissatisfaction gently, and in some cases accompanied by praise.
5. Personal recognition . The boy is a full-fledged person, with certain interests, views and personal opinions. Do not try to change your son or impose your opinion on him.
6. Praise. Expressing words of approval and praise to the boy, you contribute to the emergence of strength and desire to conquer new heights. If a child has done a small good deed, praise will be an incentive for development and improvement. As a result, the son will be better.
7. Showing patience . If the son is rude, do not go beyond. Remember, high emotionality is a consequence of adolescence. A violent backlash will lead to a scandal. To make the conversation more effective, conduct it in a calm environment.

Finally ladies little advice. If you want to ease the transitional age, enroll the boy in some section. It is important that the child is carried away by a new activity before the onset of a responsible period. Swimming, football, martial arts will help keep the body in great shape, distract from bad thoughts and stabilize the hormonal storm.