Why does a former lover want to communicate. Why does an ex-lover want to rekindle a relationship?

The happiest and saddest memories are associated with them. They teach us important life lessons. They are the mistakes of our past. They are those who should have left our heart for a long time, making room for others in it, but who for some reason still continue to stir our soul. They are our exes!

Any woman has someone ex: a fan, a husband, a lover ... And although women rarely admit what they think about ex-partners, this is true. Realizing deep down that the past cannot be changed, most ladies continue to stubbornly try to turn back time. It's nice to think about past romances, no matter what. Therefore, on the Woman.ru forum, the topic of former lovers always causes a lot of responses.

Breaking up a relationship suggests that a woman must permanently cut a man out of her life, but in practice this rarely happens. The world is small, and if the connection with a man was close and long, then common friends and acquaintances, common places of leisure (bars, nightclubs, gyms, etc.), and sometimes common places of work are added to this factor. After the break, you have to divide the "spheres of influence". But constantly avoiding those streets where you can run into the "former", stop communicating with everyone who maintains a relationship with him, it is impossible. In order for life to return to normal after a breakup, you need to build a civilized and mutually beneficial relationship with someone who until recently was considered “true love”!

How long and painful this process will be depends on how the woman feels towards the ex-lover. There are many options for the further development of events, including the most negative ones, which I don’t even want to mention. Here are the most favorable and most common ways to work things out with your ex:

1. Friendship. The most desirable and most difficult option for mutual communication. Many women like to keep warm friendly relations with the person with whom they have associated pleasant moments of life. Whatever happens between the partners later, the former man once shared his girlfriend's views on life, was close to her in spirit. Love relationship rarely connect people who are not interested in communicating with each other. A former lover is also the person you could always count on. Any woman would like to sometimes take the opportunity to call her ex-lover as if nothing had happened, when the car has a flat tire, the computer is broken, when there is no one to go to the cinema with or just want to talk.

In order to make friends with an ex, at least two things are needed: a fundamental belief that friendship between a man and a woman exists, and parting without conflict, according to mutual consent. When both parties are not against the evolution of relations in the direction of platonic communication, the only thing left is to get rid of the sense of ownership so as not to be jealous of the ex-lover for his new girlfriend.

2. Polite ignore or iron neutrality. A kind of relationship when, after parting, former partners begin to tactfully avoid any meetings. Accidentally colliding head-on, they only greet affably or lead small talk something as neutral as the weather.

3. Love. Many women like to amuse their pride with the warm feelings of a former young man. They are flattered when the memories of them do not fade, and the emotions in the soul of the ex-lover do not burn out. For this reason, many women, who themselves initiated the breakup, play cat and mouse with their former lover for a long time, either luring him closer, then releasing him on all four sides.

But this rarely happens. A more common situation is when the ex-man has already gone headlong into a new relationship, and the woman continues to have a secret for him. ardent passion. human feelings- not a faucet. They cannot be opened and closed at will. Therefore, most often, relationships with a man are already ending, but love remains. What if the past does not let go and does not allow you to start building the future?

Help me forget

Dear forum members! I need your help. We were in a relationship for two years. It was true love. He is 4 years younger than me. I was sure that this was not serious and not for long, that he would soon find someone younger. But every month I became more and more convinced that we are suitable for each other and that together we can be just fine. We made plans for the future. He conquered me with his perseverance. He assured me all the time that everything would work out for us. We made each other very happy. But before the New Year, everything changed. Maybe I was blind with my love. But his negative confessions rained down on me. For example, he said that he hates children. During this period, a man older than me just appeared in my life, ready for a family, loving my daughter and me. I went to him. My ex said that he finally got the life he dreamed of: seventeen-year-old girls, a lot of time that he devotes to cars and tomfoolery with friends. He admitted that he was glad that I found my happiness with another. He said that he told me about his plans and assured me that we would be together all our lives, because he himself believed in this, and now everything has fallen into place. And here I am with another, and he with another. He cut me out of his life for good. And I take it VERY hard. Although I understand that this is right and I need this life. HELP TO FORGET IT! Tell me, how much time do I need, what should I do to not think about him? I love him very much. I filled my daily routine with chores, work, friends. This does not help, I began to look terrible, although I continue to take care of myself. Two months have passed. It only got worse inside. Help me fall in love, please!

Parting with a loved one is always difficult. It is even more difficult to come to terms with the idea that now he has a different life, new perspectives, plans, friends and acquaintances. The man, whom the woman considered almost her property, was out of control, and it is also difficult to get used to this.

Breaking off a former serious relationship, a woman suffers from pain and sudden loneliness. In such a situation, it is difficult for her to somehow define and classify her feelings. When a woman says she loves her ex, she may mean something else. Love is too complex, irrational concept that is easy to replace. People are accustomed to calling love many feelings and emotions that have nothing in common with each other. Experiencing the pain of separation, women often equate it with unpast love.

In addition to longing, the reason strong feelings there may be the following circumstances:

The incident greatly hurt the woman's sick pride. It is hard for her to realize that the former could so easily forget her and build a relationship with another, while she herself has not yet recovered from the breakup and does not feel ready for a new relationship.

A woman painfully experiences sudden loneliness, not knowing how to fill the resulting void.

On the basis of the breakup, the partner is deeply disappointed and distrustful of male gender. After parting, it begins to seem to her that all men are the same, that she is a loser in love and she cannot find her happiness.

A break with a loved one undermined self-confidence, and a woman's self-esteem has ceased to be adequate.

In order not to become a hostage to these circumstances, it is necessary to objectively understand the causes of unrest. Only by understanding exactly what feelings and emotions make her suffer, a woman will find a way to get rid of them.

There were many posts on the forum that testify to the validity of this judgment.

Solar

Or maybe you feel bad precisely because you cannot let go of this relationship? Sympathize with your unreasonable, unlucky, frivolous ex and let him go on all four sides. Do you really want to revel in your suffering all your life? People like your ex will not bring happiness to anyone, they are destroyers. And think about your daughter, why does she need such a stepfather who hates children in general? No one knows how long it will take for you to forget your ex. For example, I suffered for three years. My ex-boyfriend has GENERALLY disappeared. He himself stopped calling and coming: he disappeared, as if he had never been. But, unfortunately, not from my memory. I also woke up every morning in tears: I often dreamed of him. Everything reminded me of him. A new feeling helped me cope with my depression, new person. And I also kept a diary, “spoke out” and cried over it. Believe it or not, but now, reading it, I laugh at how naive I was.

Understanding the reasons for strange, offensive behavior on the part of a former lover is even more difficult than understanding yourself. But this does not need to be done. Digging into the past is worth it only if the woman faced with a similar problem is by nature an analyst who loves to delve into the causal relationships between people and events. In other situations, trying to figure out for yourself why the ex behaves this way and not otherwise is meaningless. For a woman, it is more important to learn the LESSON that any completed relationship contains. To give your future life a new positive direction, you need to calm down, stop worrying about the feelings of the ex and puzzle over what he meant, what he wanted to say, etc. Instead, it is preferable to ask yourself what you can get from the breakup with such a partner, what mistakes should be avoided in the future, etc.

Many girls, after parting with a loved one, deliberately do not let go of the situation and continue to experience it. Constantly mourning the passing of a loved one creates the illusion of maintaining a connection with him. It is important for such a woman to throw out her negative emotions. It does not matter who this flurry of feelings will fall on: a friend, a psychologist or a diary. The main thing is to quickly digest the experiences and get rid of the obsession at all costs to return the man.

Putting experiences on paper great way deal with emotions. Describing all the details of a relationship and a break with a partner on paper, while embellishing reality a little, adding funny details to it, over time you begin to perceive it as fiction. After this experience goes away. I know from experience how useful it is to turn your emotions into art. The diary I kept at the time of my first love later formed the basis of my book.

But this form of self-improvement has limitations. Getting rid of pain and resentment should not turn into their repeated "grinding" and cultivation. No matter how bad and difficult it may be, one should not revel in suffering. The rehabilitation process will go slowly if you do not connect a sense of humor and self-irony to it in time! Only positive attitude will speed up the healing process.

One of the most difficult moments parting is an attempt to balance the mind and feelings. Sometimes a woman understands with her mind that it is necessary to part and that these relationships have no future, but her heart stubbornly refuses to obey the verdict of reason ...

And I still have the situation is more difficult. I have been dating my MCH for more than six months. We are planning a wedding this summer. I feel good enough with him: it's easy, it's nice to be together. I feel completely relaxed. But for some reason there is no feeling of happiness. I keep thinking about my ex. He was 12 years older than me.

Our relationship could be called "friends-lovers." We did not see each other very often, but at each meeting my heart fluttered, and from each call I wanted to sing and fly. Of course, there were many tears, as he constantly repeated that he would never marry me because of the age difference. Then I met the current MCH and simply changed my phone number, and deleted his number so that there was no temptation to call. I decided to build my life anew with a man who truly loves me. Only now my ex can’t get out of my head: I constantly dream about him, I always compare him with my new MCH, I remember what holiday my ex-lover gave me. And with the current boyfriend, we just have a family: a TV, a kitchen, relatives, repairs, mutual understanding and, probably, even love. He loves me very much, dreams of our wedding, and I have already postponed it twice ...

Passion and love are not the same thing. Liz Bourbo believes that passion is “affectivity, sensitivity, strong and lasting emotions, sometimes dominating even over common sense and mind." Passion is based on the desire to be loved. Therefore, a woman burning with passion for her lover feels happy only in his presence. As soon as he leaves for the office on business or to visit relatives for the weekend, she begins to consider herself deeply unhappy.

A certain amount of passion is inherent in any relationship on initial stage. But when the period of "love exacerbation" subsides a little, there will be prerequisites for the development true love.

True love is the ability to gladly accept a person as he is, even if you do not always understand him. True love is the ability to give without expectations, to do something for the man you love, not because he can give you reciprocal attention, but simply because you want to do something nice for him. True love It is the ability to love another person as much as oneself.

True love theoretically does not contradict passion. But to develop this feeling for a partner that evokes only strong affective emotions, a lot of patience is needed. To love is to "think with the soul." Passion is dangerous because both women and men lose the ability to think because of it. But passion can be recognized. In a situation where a woman is torn between love and "calculation", she will have to choose for herself what is more important: strong emotions and thrill or warmth, comfort, tranquility and harmony.

Daisy

The male lover and the male husband are two big differences. In my opinion, all the men of the world can be divided just into these two types. Some make excellent lovers, others make good husbands. You can sing and fly with the former, and then (most of the time) cry into the pillow, with the latter you can live calmly and moderately happily and raise children (sometimes while dreaming of being next to your lover). When making your choice, it is very important to remember: a man is a lover a good husband WILL NEVER! In love, reason is sometimes just as important as feelings ... In my opinion, it's just great when a woman finds the strength to make a reasonable choice. The main thing is to rejoice in your decision later, and not to regret ...

A man-husband is a decent, smart, kind and positive person in every sense. Young people of this type always want to be introduced to their parents as soon as possible. You can call them in the middle of the night to cry into your vest. Such people can be trusted when they say: "I love you" or: "You are the only one for me." A man-husband combines reliability and devotion, fidelity and gentleness.

A male lover is one who awakens an unbridled passion in a woman. The one because of whom she loses her head, the one who gives unearthly bliss, drives us into a frenzy and because of whom the ladies then shed tears. A male lover is one who will never belong to a woman wholly and completely. It doesn't matter if he is handsome or ugly, rich or poor, successful or unsuccessful - a piece of his soul always remains unsolved by a woman. He knows how to awaken strong emotions, but does not allow them to be controlled.

The only thing that consoles is time - the best healer for all spiritual hardships! Whatever passions burned before, months and years after parting with a loved one, they turn into ordinary nostalgia. Some women completely forget those whom they met before, skillfully deleting them not only from their lives, but also from their memory. Life goes on as if the relationship never happened... until a woman suddenly runs into her ex on the street or on a website. How to behave in such a situation? How to respond to an unexpected "call from the past"?

Making sure on own experience in how small the world is, a woman is puzzled. What to do when the opportunity to renew a relationship with ex-husband(lover, etc.)? Run? Ignore? Smile and say "Hi!"

Girls, I have a question! What do you do when you unexpectedly meet your ex? I was surfing the Internet and on one site I came across his profile. I saw photos of him with his wife and child. And now I think: is it worth appearing on its horizon? Does he need to write something? I have good family. I love my husband. But now I'm having doubts. I haven't heard from my ex for many years. Is it worth reconnecting? To stir up or not to stir up the past? What would you do in my place?

Desire to communicate with ex-man quite natural. There can be many reasons for it: eternal female curiosity, lack of communication, or a desire to remember the past. But in this case the reason is not important. The only thing that matters is what goal a woman pursues by renewing friendly relations with her “ex”. Answer options could be:

1. The woman remembered how fun she once spent time with this man suddenly looming on the horizon, how much they had in common (besides love and sex), how interesting it was to chat. She realized how much she missed this man all the time, and that, having parted, she had lost in his person not only a lover, but also a good friend. The desire to learn more about how the fate of an old friend turned out is an understandable and harmless goal.

Relations between a man and a woman often do not add up due to sexual incompatibility. Otherwise, people can get along great, having a wonderful time everywhere except in bed. The spiritual attraction to the ex-lover, which arose even years later, in this case is all the more easily explained. From the position of the experience of the past years, the woman realized that this was not just her ex-man, but native person with whom you can try to become good friends.

2. Having met with the former, a woman almost always realizes at least briefly that she missed him. But boredom is an abstract concept. Longing may be associated with a desire to resume romantic relationship. Catching yourself thinking that you miss not a friend, but an interesting and desired man, you need to carefully weigh all the pros and cons. “To enter the same river twice” may turn out to be an unrealizable goal in principle. Much in such a situation depends on the reasons why people broke up. If the point of contention has disappeared or no longer seems so significant, you can try to start over. Readiness for new (or rather, well-forgotten old) relationships is determined by the ability of a woman to forgive, let go and forget the disagreements that arose before. But even in this case, problems and misunderstandings can arise again, and a woman is at great risk of stepping on the old rake. The emotions that make her think about returning to her former partner may turn out to be a “memory game”. She has many wonderful memories with her ex-boyfriend. As soon as he saw how all the good that was associated with him stirred up in the soul. The best way take a sober look at him and assess the chances of resuming a close relationship - remember the reasons that once were for parting with him. If the cause was complete incompatibility, you should not spoil those rosy memories that still remain with obsessive attempts to glue the broken cup together.

3. The desire to communicate with the former can provoke an emotional emptiness. If a woman is calm on the personal front and her heart is open to Cupid's arrow, she will easily inflame feelings for her former partner. But these feelings are unlikely to be deep. Ex in this case is a substitute for love, an intermediate option that can very quickly turn out to be unnecessary and even superfluous. If there is no one to spend days and evenings with yet, it is better to focus all your efforts on finding a new love, and not on resurrecting an old one. It does not matter that for some time you will have to live alone. It is better to be in harmony with yourself than in disharmony with another person. Being alone is not as scary as enduring oppressive, confusing and unpromising relationship. You can not deceive yourself and imitate love, which has long been gone. By clinging to the past, it is impossible to find the future. Especially if the past consists of memories of inflicted grievances and defeats.

Many years later, I found my first MCH, with whom we parted very badly. When we met, I went crazy from his erudition, and nobility, and tact. And it all ended with the fact that he simply threw me “in English” and left without saying goodbye into the morning fog. All these years I thought that if I met him again, I would not restrain myself and immediately pour wine on his head. Or maybe I’ll just look him in the eye and ask: “Well, why did you do this to me?” But when life pushed us together again, I barely recognized him. My ex has changed a lot the worst side. He is 32 years old: no family, no children. His entire social circle is some kind of youngsters. I almost felt sick. Perhaps he has never been so outstanding. And all my feelings for him, in general, were naive and childish. As in the song: "I blinded him from what was, and then what was, then I fell in love."

Having met your first love years later, it’s nice to say to yourself: “I already had great taste then.” If, over time, the beloved has become more beautiful and successful than he was, his ex-woman has every reason to praise herself for her insight. It turns out that she already knew then that there was something in this man! But this is not always the case.

It often happens that women, having seen a man years later, are perplexed: what could I find in him? How could I suffer so this man? Was it even worth one tear of mine? Don't beat yourself up for being blind. Falling in love is irrational, it defies logic and does not obey laws. But the mistakes of youth can serve as an excellent lesson for the future. If the relationship did not bring satisfaction and joy, if the woman had to cry more often than laugh, you need to draw the appropriate conclusions and try to avoid such relationships in the future. And the meeting years later is the final chord, helping to finally understand: the man who caused so much trouble was not worth the worry.

This problem also has a universal aspect - the ability to forgive inflicted insults and humiliations. You can’t gloat when things are not going well for an ex-man. Sympathy and compassion enrich a woman as a person and help her adequately cope with life's trials.

When former relationship exhausted, the pain subsided, it's time to build a new relationship. If the previous stage is passed with dignity, if a woman has managed to learn all the necessary lessons from it, she deserves happiness and new love - one that will oust all feelings, thoughts and memories of her former lover from her soul. A woman will definitely meet a man who will make her lose interest in the ex and his current life without her...

I will say an absolutely correct phrase: if you have thoughts about “see how my ex is doing there”, then this means only one thing: you are not indifferent to him! You're just afraid to admit it. Most likely, in your family (or new relationship), everything is not too smooth, or maybe love has completely passed. I was madly in love with the same person for six years. And then, when we broke up, I fell in love with another man even more. After that, I have no desire to be friends, to communicate - in general, I have no feelings for the previous man. No hatred, no indifference - nothing, as if it never existed. This is what is called "forgotten". And if, despite the new relationship, you are curious and not indifferent to how the ex is doing, then most likely there is still something left for him.

Sometimes the pain of parting is so strong that a person subconsciously blocks, cuts off memories of the past that traumatize the psyche. Something similar happens with severe physical trauma, such as a fracture. The first reaction is a painful shock, when the body loses the ability to feel anything. This defensive reaction aimed at enabling the reserve forces to launch human body. If a lot of time has passed since the breakup, and the woman still has no emotions about the loss of the once beloved person, this may mean that she simply “burned out”. Burning with passion, people spend emotions violently and generously. If the relationship was rich and dramatic, with crazy love and extreme despair, unearthly bliss and suicide attempts, it means that the woman, without stint, gave away stocks of both positive and negative experiences, and now the limit of her feelings towards her loved one has dried up. In this case, she really will not care how he lives without her.

And for me, many former - now Good friends. Maybe it's because they were in love with me. For men it is easier: they are not shy. If they want to chat with an ex-girlfriend, they just call her or write an email. As if nothing had happened, they ask how the family is: husband, child, how are things in general, etc. These are envious women. They are simply rushing when something does not stick to the former. And if he has a family, then they rage as if after parting with them, the men should have gone to the monastery ... Be simple, give the former men the right to a happy personal life without you, and people will be drawn to you!

Many women are not connected with the former by anything other than possessive instinct. Such people are usually called "dog in the manger" ("neither to themselves nor to people"). While the former is lonely and no one needs him, the "dog in the manger" does not need him either, but if some girl pays attention to him, or worse than that: as soon as he falls in love with someone else, she instantly activates and begins to win back lost positions.

Such girls continue to communicate with the former and even build such close and close relationships with him that the ex-partner does not have the opportunity to build new love with someone else.

Liz Burbo believes that “possessiveness is the desire to take possession, possess, dominate; the need to keep something or someone for oneself."

But a man is not a toy. He does not belong to a woman either during the relationship or after they are completed. A person cannot belong to another private property. So there is no need to deceive yourself. A woman's attempts to act as if a man belongs to her indicate her emotional dependence on him.

This need to control former lover often occurs due to inadequate self-esteem in women. The possessive instinct can manifest itself in another way: a lady does everything in order to former partner felt that without her he was nobody, zero without a wand. Such a woman is not always a bad, selfish person. She herself is a victim, experiencing constant pain and mental discomfort.

Communication with ex-lovers is a delicate moment (especially if this problem is superimposed on relationships with a new partner). If a woman decides to maintain a friendly relationship with an ex-man, a serious dilemma arises: whether to report this to the current young man? Someone prefers not to injure the fragile male psyche with spicy information about friendship with an "ex", others believe that loving people there should be no secrets from each other. And if the relationship with the former does not go beyond the friendly, it turns out that there is nothing special to hide ...

Having paid enough attention to the situation when a woman maintains contact with her former lover, it is impossible not to mention cases when a man expresses a desire to maintain a relationship with a former lover. It happens that the man himself has nothing to do with it: he did not take any decisive steps, and the ex pursues him, bombarding him with calls, messages and emails.

Attack of the former girls!

Dear forumchanki, help, please, to understand. I'm very beautiful, no, don't think... really beautiful. I have never had problems with suitors and male attention. My appearance has always impressed men, and I had no reason to doubt my attractiveness. But my young man for some reason does not appreciate me at all. He constantly calls his ex-girlfriend, and when we quarrel, he immediately slams the door and goes to her. For a while he disappears from her. But she apparently does not agree to take him back for good, and he returns to me. I can't help myself. I love it and always take it back like nothing happened. What do you think it lacks? I am smart, beautiful, self-sufficient, I have many friends. Hundreds of men want to be with me, but I only need him. WHAT ELSE DOES HE NEED??????????????

“What men want” is the same dilemma of all times and peoples as “what women want”.

The simplest, most obvious reason why a man leaves his current girl for an ex-lover again and again is his feelings that have not yet cooled down. A man will be blind and insensitive to the charms and beauty of one girl while his heart and thoughts are occupied with another. This situation develops when a man acts according to the old proven method of "knocking out with a wedge." Trying to forget one woman, he finds himself another. He fails to fall in love with her, no matter how hard he tries. But also break vicious circle Relationships where everyone is unhappy do not work.

You know, for men, not always everything rests on the notorious "I love - I don't love." Maybe he didn’t have feelings for the ex-girlfriend, but she is unavailable, and therefore desirable and interesting for him. But, most likely, on the contrary: he wants to be with her, but since she does not allow, he again and again returns to you under the flank. Personally, I was like that. I lost the girl I really loved, and then lived with "just a nice, sweet, available girl" for quite some time. It was a mistake! Even sleeping with the unloved was unpleasant for me. So my condolences.

There are other reasons why, when dating a beautiful, loving and caring girl, a man continues to look for an excuse to meet with his ex. Forum members, as always, do not skimp on advice and generously share possible versions.

free cheese

Author, no offense, but it's not about appearance! Meeting at least with Miss World herself, you will soon stop noticing her beauty. Habit. And then, anyone can leave and betray: a top model, a movie star, and ordinary girl. Most likely, your MCH is with you from hopelessness. Until the ex calls and accepts him, he is killing time with you. Are you willing to be a fallback? Or maybe not worth wasting time on it? Good luck!

A woman who finds herself in the position of a spare, who is being used as a “temporary substitute for true love,” has several options for how to proceed.

The first step is to let go of anger and resentment towards a man. He gets angry and punishes himself with his ambiguous behavior. Worrying about this will not give a woman anything but wrinkles, and scandals and showdowns will only push her partner away from her, who already does not love her.

If you decide to win back your loved one, you need to radically change your mindset from negative to positive. Relationships are a game. In such a situation, she resembles a gambling competition with another woman. A valuable trophy is at stake - a beloved man. Instead of wasting time thinking about why he goes to her, what doesn’t suit him in me, what else he needs, you should clearly define your advantages, understand how and how you can beat your opponent. Abandoning the role of an unfortunate victim, which is used by a beloved man, in favor of a vamp, a fatal beauty, a smart and cunning intriguer, you can achieve much more success. Excitement and self-confidence will help to become the most desirable and only for a man. If a woman is not an adventurer by nature and is not disposed to join such a game, it is better for her not to torture herself and find more the right man"without baggage" in the face of a former lover.

A stupid girl evaluates herself by compliments, a smart girl evaluates the one who speaks. You never know what compliments other men, or girlfriends, or relatives give you. How does your man rate you? Are you his type? Are you the girl of his dreams, satisfying all his needs? Even more important is how you evaluate yourself. Everyone tells you that you are beautiful and smart. What do you think about yourself?

Self-sufficiency implies independence. My advice: don't try to quit. It's hard. And most importantly, the harder you try, the harder it gets. It's better to start by finding some interesting activity or hobby. There are so many things in life. Look around and stop focusing on your young man and his ex. So it won't take long to go crazy...

Most women can't get the unlucky, confused man out of their heads and ask themselves, "What do I really want?" If a man is clearly neglecting his current partner, she should not worry about his mental well-being. Let the other - the former, who does not go out of his mind in any way, take care of this.

Communication of a man with his ex-love is like walking on thin ice or minefield. If a woman allows a young man to maintain a relationship with an ex-girlfriend, this is a sign of mature and trusting relationship, female wisdom and self-confidence. But feelings are not easy to manage, and in such slippery matters as relationships with ex-wives, mistresses, etc., there is always some risk. This is clearly evidenced by some sad stories from the forum.

Here is my husband (now ex) once talked with his first love, and then packed up and left. She also left her husband for him. Now they are vacationing together abroad, and I was left to “vacate” with two children after seven years of married life.

And I have just the opposite. My husband's "ex" gets me. My husband, when I told him, did not even want to talk about it. And she can't let go. She has no family, no children. Just recently I tried to persuade my husband on a date. I even called his relatives and cried. I get on well with my exes. We often call each other and meet in a friendly way. So think after this ... Some can after parting normal relationship support, others do not.

Constant interference in the relationship between a man and a woman of their former companions is serious reason to think. Relationships between a man and his ex-girlfriend can develop in different ways. In one case, they pose a direct threat to the couple, in the other they are harmless, but they make the woman nervous and commit rash acts, which also seriously affect the attitude of her current partner towards her.

1. A man and his ex-lover remain just friends. Since the man himself does not see anything “criminal” in such relationships, he will not hide them from current woman, which in such a situation should show prudence and loyalty. hinder platonic relationship no need. If a woman starts to openly resent and protest, a man will have to hide his communication from her, and this is a reason for the development of distrust in a couple and additional factor risk. Perfect option- to keep the former lovers company, then the man will no longer need to do something secretly, and everyone will be satisfied.

2. The ex-girlfriend continues to pursue the man. She calls, writes, makes appointments with him and tries in every possible way to renew the relationship. In this case, you need to understand the reasons for her behavior: is it not a consequence of the fact that the young man gives her reason to hope? Does the former belong to the type of women "dog in the manger"? Perhaps the man, leaving, did not clearly enough explain to her that it was all over. Watching how a beloved man is being hunted, it is difficult not to get annoyed, not to panic and not fall into negative experiences. But this only exacerbates the situation. It is very important to talk frankly with your beloved man, explain to him that the calls of the ex-lover are unpleasant and you need to somehow resolve this issue. If, despite all the efforts of a man, the former does not want to disappear from the horizon, you need to start simply ignoring her. If there is mutual understanding and trust in a couple, obsessive fans of such a relationship are not a hindrance.

3. A man himself cannot forget his ex-lover. He continues to maintain relationships, write, call and meet with her secretly or defiantly, ignoring the dissatisfaction of the current partner. Unlike the situation with friendship between ex-lovers, a man prefers not to advertise a close relationship with his ex. If there is anxiety symptoms an ongoing affair with an ex-lover, a woman needs to honestly answer herself the question of whether she needs this particular man. Fighting for him, winning his heart and captivating his imagination can be a thankless task. Most often, it is much easier to start a new relationship in which the ghost of a former lover will not hover.

Everyone has a past. ex girls, wives, mistresses, almost every man has. This is neither good nor bad. This is a fact that cannot be ignored. You can not judge either men or yourself for what was once. Life experience is valuable and unique. Who knows how the puzzle of fate would have turned out, pull out at least one small piece of it personal life? If it wasn’t for that hated ex, a man could simply not meet the current one who became truly beloved for him. The past, along its thorny paths, leads people into the future, placing them in certain positions in current relationships. The sexual past of a man and a woman deserves equal respect. Each had a very different experience: good and bad, wonderful and terrible, strange and funny. Any experience is equally important and valuable.

It is impossible to change the past. But you can and should change your attitude towards him. The perception of the passed stages of life affects how the future will be. If only negative experiences of past years emerge in a woman’s memory: lovers who rejected her and men abandoned by her, this will not positively affect her self-esteem and worldview. Memories need to learn to recode, turn to your advantage. In any sad experience, if desired, it is easy to find funny and bright moments. A love tragedy can always be turned into a farce or a sitcom, and time will put everything in its place anyway.

Each person has his former lovers whom he once met, loved, could not build a relationship, slept several times or just had fun without any feelings. Sometimes former lovers remind of themselves, and this can be a question not only of men, but also of women. Often, the former reminds of themselves on holidays: they congratulated you on your birthday or Happy New Year. Why does he want to reconnect? For what purpose did he remind himself? How to react to his appearance? A woman can get confused in her own thoughts.

It is very important to understand what is going on free woman who already misses serious relationship and is ready to rush into the arms of the first one that comes across, and married lady, who already has a stable relationship with her husband, she just sometimes feels longing for passions, freedom and knows how jealous her husband is. In any position, a woman becomes vulnerable when one of her exes reappears in her life. And here it doesn’t matter who this ex was - first love, a former contender for the role of a husband, or an ordinary lover with whom there was only sex.

If a reader of a women's site site, without understanding, rushes into the maelstrom of past relationships, allows her fantasies to flood her, while the reality will be completely different, then she may lose either the already established relationship with her husband, or again face the suffering through which she once then went with this person.

After all, what's wrong with the appearance of a former lover? The fact that a woman begins to fantasize to herself that he loves her, so he returned, showed up, called or wrote. All this is complemented by memories from the past. Moreover, the woman recalls what was pleasant in their relationship, and not about the suffering she went through with this man while parting with him or trying to win his love.

Former love can come unexpectedly. Why she returned and what to do with her, we will discuss further.

How good are exes?

There are positives in every situation. If in your life reappeared former lover, then let's consider what it's good for, no matter what you do with your man from the past:

1. You know him well. You no longer need to learn, look closely, try to find positive and negative qualities character. You already know this person. Undoubtedly, he could change in some way, because his life did not stand still, forcing him to change. However, these changes are not significant. By nature, he remained the same.
2. Quick recovery of past feelings. And the woman falls in love again with a half-turn. A man no longer needs to try and conquer a woman. He has only to see her, to hint that he missed her, as she winds everything up herself. If these feelings are mutual, then all is well. If the lover returned only for a while, then the woman will suffer again.
3. Intrigue in new changes. Since you broke up, everyone has had their new lovers. Surely something in everyone has changed. It will be interesting to learn and learn, to face these changes, especially if they are those that a woman counted on even when she met her ex.
4. Opportunity to show off better side. Because you, too, have changed. Surely you will want to show what you have succeeded in, what you have achieved, how interesting and self-confident you have become.
5. An opportunity to free yourself from feelings of guilt if a man left you last time. If he wanted to renew a relationship with you, then you have a chance to discuss the situation because of which you suffered in the past, if you still feel resentment.
6. An opportunity to reconnect with someone you never forgot. If the man himself came, then you can take advantage of the moment.

However, this story has back side. The minuses of the return of a former lover are no less than the pluses. And the main disadvantage is that the couple will pass quickly candy-bouquet period, bringing the relationship to the stage at which it ended last time.

What do "reminders" mean about yourself?

Why are exes coming back? If every woman understands what is happening, then, most likely, she would never allow herself to be twisted again by her former lover. But everything is so prosaic and unpleasant, which is worth talking about.

The most common reason why men come back is sex. Here, a man can come back because he enjoyed sex with his ex-partner. He may come back because he doesn't have anyone to sleep with yet, so he calls his exes, seeing who pecks at his "reminder" about himself. He may just want to diversify his sex by remembering the former.

Sex is what can push a man to reconnect with former passion. Moreover, he is not mistaken in his miscalculations, because the woman herself winds up for herself that she is loved, and he can only see her, do nice gift and bring to bed, to which she will agree, since all significant stages have already been passed ... in the past.

• Situation 1. A man calls and writes, but does not offer the woman to restore the relationship. What does it mean?

Here, most likely, the man simply does not want to take responsibility for restoring the relationship. He simply gives the woman a chance to take the initiative herself to reconnect. He reminds of himself, and she will do the rest herself.

Also, a similar situation can unfold when a man already has another passion, but he pretends that he cannot forget the former. In such a situation, he is engaged in increasing his own pride, as well as demonstrating that everyone loves him and wants to be with him. He will not abandon his current passion, while he offers to see an ex-woman, who may eventually begin to offer him to restore relations. This will really appeal to a man who simply in this way may want to take revenge on his ex, if in the past she left him, leaving for another. Now he will leave her, making a choice in the direction of the current partner.

• Situation 2. A man calls and talks on the phone, but does not invite you on a date. How to evaluate it?

For some men, it is quite normal behavior to communicate with ex-women without the desire to see them and restore relationships. This is the so-called friendly conversation, which does not oblige you to anything.

However, sometimes men may not ask for a date for a long time, so as not to be refused, which will hit their pride, or to test the soil in order to know what to count on. When a man understands everything for himself, he can invite a woman on a date, being sure that he will not be refused.

• Situation 3. A man congratulates a woman only on holidays, without calling up at other times and without inviting her on dates. What does this mean?

He can simply remind himself in this way without any serious intentions. With the same success, he can send congratulations to all his former women showing no initiative or activity. And if one of the former wants to see him, then he will not mind, but it will be her initiative.

A woman should understand that a man who is serious about rebuilding a relationship with her will do it daily. He will not be limited to SMS and calls, he will want meetings and more. However, here one should be careful, because some men return for a while, and very rarely someone returns because they really love. It's worth knowing about it.

Is it worth bringing up the past?

Exes come back often enough. It remains only to understand whether it is worth stirring up the past. In fact, it is very rare that the situation develops in such a way that the former create a new relationship in which both become happy. Often, relationships simply unfold like this:

1. Partners meet, quickly move on to the bed scene.
2. Then the relationship immediately returns to the stage at which it was stopped.
3. If the partners do not solve the problem that caused them to break up last time, then they break up again. And if the problem is solved, then it is possible to continue the relationship (which becomes a rare occurrence).

Usually, partners again face the problem that caused them to part last time, and again become unable to solve it. This can happen a week or a month after the ex has been reconnected, as they will initially bask in their feelings, which new force broke out, and have sex.

A woman needs to remember how she went through the separation stage in order to understand what awaits her again. If the ex left the woman, then most likely he will do it again. However, often a woman herself comes to understand that her ex-partner is no longer so beautiful, interesting and sexy for her, so she herself decides to break all ties with him.

If the former parted amicably last time, without mutual claims, then their connection can be restored again. However, in order for the relationship to last for a long time, you need to change something in your relationship so as not to come back to indifference and the desire to leave.

However, there are also cases when men return to women when they feel that the relationship is incomplete. This happens when women break up with men. Over time, gentlemen again declare themselves, sometimes they become very annoying and even talk about their feelings. But in fact, a man just wants to part with a woman himself when it is convenient for him. To do this, he needs to give time ... If a woman does not want to be abandoned, then she needs to speak frankly with her ex and even apologize for the fact that she broke up with him, so that he would let her go inside himself.

Do you end up going back to your ex?

Every woman should understand that the appearance of the former on the horizon rather indicates that he is bored, he is nostalgic. Very rarely a man comes back because he loves. A woman can return to her ex, but only if he cares for her, helps, shows care and attention, in other words, shows that he wants to be with her and loves her. In other cases, it is better not to return to the former, since all this will end with another breakup.

Why shouldn't you go back to your ex? This question becomes relevant only for those people who left past relationships, not understanding whether they are doing the right thing or not. If you love, are sure that you are ready to face the problems again and survive them, to save the relationship at the very critical moment when it seems to you that you are not loved, then come back. But if you are not ready for difficulties, then it is better not to do this and just live on.

Why shouldn't you go back to your ex?

1. Because people do not change, which means that, having returned the relationship, the problems that they could not cope with last time also return.
2. Usually they come back out of habit, not out of love. A person simply did not want to let go of the past, so he returns it. Although he is ready to part with him as easily as he did it the last time.
3. The next breakup usually happens much faster than the last time. If for the first time it is always scary and unpredictable, then in subsequent times a person already knows what to do so that it does not hurt him.
4. Quite often they come back because you are the most the best option of all currently available. They don't like you, that's why they broke up with you in the hope that there will be a better option. But since this did not happen, then you continue to be the best. And they come back to you in order not to be lonely, to “lick their wounds” from an unfinished relationship, and then leave again in the hope of finding a more suitable and beloved partner.

If people love, they do not disperse. They go into seclusion for a while, but they don't break up because they don't want to lose each other. Why break up and then get back together? Adults either break up, realizing that they don’t love each other, or they don’t break up, because they don’t play with feelings. If you feel that you love, then do not leave, so as not to return again later. But if you find that you don't love, then go away and make it your final decision. Otherwise, parting and reconciliation are just your games that you didn’t play enough while you were children.

As a rule, the reason for his activity may be a desire to cause you mental suffering, not allowing you to start a new relationship, or he really wants to make peace. Therefore, before making a final decision, you need to find out which of these two reasons is driving your ex-lover.

Reconciliation with all the consequences

The fact that the lover wants reconciliation, first of all, is evidenced by what he was able to realize and is trying in every possible way to correct the mistakes that caused your separation. Also in this situation, the main thing is that he not only shows interest, but also tries to become useful. But here it is worth revealing the fact whether the basis of his activity is a banal sense of politeness. In other words, you ask him for help, his response is far from a reason for reconciliation. Well, if you notice that your ex-lover has completely changed and he is trying in every possible way to behave in such a way that you like it, he courtes you exquisitely, pleasantly surprises you, you can be sure that the man realized how dear you are to him.

If you are one hundred percent sure that the lover wants to resume the relationship, admitting that he was wrong, you have to make a decision. Think about whether you are ready to forgive him and let him into your heart again, resuming the relationship. If so, don't waste your time. Talk to him seriously, which will not only give the man a chance, but also help you check the seriousness of his intentions. If a man wants to see only you in his plans for the future, then his feelings are sincere. Of course, he will not directly express what he feels. You just have to follow his hints and reservations.

Long awaited return

Remember that you should never rush to a man with the words: “How bad I felt without you!”. A lover came to make peace - meet him with dignity! You should never show tears at a meeting, but appearance must meet all standards. Take a whole week to restore beauty, surprise your ex-lover with the fact that you are irresistible in any situation. By the way, put off passionate hugs for later, but just touch his shoulder with a friendly gesture when you meet. Show the man that he has yet to earn your favor!

If long-awaited meeting"reconciliation" takes place on your territory (at your home), invite the man to sit in the place where he always felt comfortable. So you can draw a parallel between the real state of affairs and your feelings. Show your lover that his place is still free, both in the house and in the heart.

It’s worth giving a second chance to a lover when your heart is really free and there is no other man in your life who has real feelings for you, trying to make you happy. You should also understand whether you want this return and what exactly you expect from it. After all, making peace with a man is one thing, but seeing yourself next to him in the future is quite another. There is no need to return to the one who feeds with promises, because if it was so once, then it is not a fact that it will continue to be so. Don't make excuses for your ex. Remember that tearful remorse may not always come from the heart.

A man who wants to renew a relationship will not talk about his current relationship and other romances. He will try to avoid this topic. Finally, think about whether your ex-lover is guided by the fact that, having reconciled with you, you will become his “fallback option”. So, before you throw yourself into the pool with your head, think a hundred times, weigh all the pros and cons, and only then make the final decision.

We all dream big, and most importantly, mutual love. No matter how much you want to live like in a fairy tale with one person until the very end and “die on the same day”, only a few get it. The majority, who exchanged rings, are looking for love on the side. And they don’t even look for it, it always comes unexpectedly. Life is a multifaceted thing in all respects, and in personal affairs she can take her anywhere. What if the former married lover want to reconnect? Is it worth it to start over?

Men tend to find it easier to rekindle relationships with women they've already dealt with. They know the nature of the partner, they know what she likes and dislikes, what to say and how to respond to questions. That is why, having decided one day to leave their mistress, after a while they again want to resume past feelings. But what should women do if a former married lover wants to rekindle a relationship? Is it worth throwing yourself into the pool with your head?

Most often, men want to return to their mistresses because of sex. He liked sex with his ex-partner, he knew exactly her preferences. No need to adjust again to the desires of another woman, no need to look for her sex points and erogenous zones. He knows everything. Another reason may be the usual male self-sufficiency. It is important for a man to know that he has not been forgotten, that he is missed and loved. It is important for him to be needed, desired, without this his self-esteem drops sharply.

Ex-married wants to meet - what to do

Psychologists say that there are no "former" lovers. If people at meetings were good with each other in terms of communication and sex, then sooner or later these relationships will resume again. A woman can become vulnerable to male attention, not only unmarried, but also married. Most often this happens due to the fact that the lady lacks the usual male attention, she begins to yearn for freedom of choice, passions and crazy sex.

To understand whether it is worth renewing a relationship, you should weigh all the pros and determine the cons. So, let's first pick out the benefits of resuming a relationship with a former partner:

• “well acquainted” - you know each other, you can recognize the mood of your partner by voice and facial expressions, you are able to guess his desires. With the former, it’s a little easier, you don’t need to look closely again, look for positive and negative features. There will be no need to be afraid to seem ridiculous or feel awkward because of a phrase or action, as it will be with a new person;
• “ignition of relations” - former feelings of love and passion do not fade away, they are reborn again. Men no longer need to conquer a woman, to win over. This he had already done, and now he knew how to remind her of himself;
• "new changes" - certainly, during a break in the relationship, both the woman and the man had new connections. And these connections may be able to change the current relationship. A woman can show her “old” partner her success in business, but a man can prove to her that he has also changed for the better.

The disadvantages of resuming old relationships are also many, and the most important of them is that, having gone through all the stages of a flower-candy romance, the relationship can fade again. If a former married man wants to meet, you should ask your heart, talk to your mind and understand the meaning of your future life.

Together, but apart - this can be said about couples who continue to work together after a breakup.

Anamnesis: office romance. Working together after a breakup?

Office romance is not uncommon. But, like any other relationship, it can end. This raises the question: how to work with the former together? How can a woman get through this difficult ordeal?

To work as hard labor

Just yesterday, this man was for you, firstly, your beloved, and only, secondly, a colleague. However, the relationship did not work out, and now you are forced to see him at work every day. For any woman in this situation, it is simply unbearable, especially at first. Not only is it painful to stay all day near the object of love (or former love), but also the attitude of your colleagues around you to everything that happens. Among them there are always those who will gloat, smirking and asking you questions about your breakup. The problem will be deeper if this colleague is your ex-husband. How to act so as not to aggravate the situation?

Whether to ignore?

For most women in this situation, the decision immediately comes to mind to write a letter of resignation and start looking for a new job. She has no idea how to work with an ex-husband or boyfriend at work. However, not everyone can afford to be left without income for at least short term.

Can also hold good salary, to which you are unlikely to be able to grow on new job in a short time, as well as the team you are used to. The woman decides to stay in the same place, and in order not to suffer from the presence of her former lover, she simply begins to ignore him. But is this the right decision? Ignoring is not a way to protect. This is a sign of weakness.

How to communicate with an ex

The main thing in this situation is to choose a manner of behavior and communication that will clearly demonstrate your self-confidence, calmness and professionalism. By showing your self-sufficiency, you emphasize your independence.

Remember that now he is not your husband, lover or boyfriend, he is just a colleague and nothing more. And the fact that you communicate with the former means only one thing - this is your official duty. Do not discount the fact that he is in the same position as you, because he is forced to communicate with an ex-girlfriend.

There would be no happiness...

Any experience, no matter how negative, is very valuable. Now you will be able to tell from your own experience whether you need such relationships in your life at all and whether it is worth starting novels with colleagues. After all, if such relationships do not end in marriage, then they simply end, and then in the eyes of other colleagues you look like a “thrown”. Especially if you are acutely experiencing breakups and the situation has become unbearable for you. Let the office romance become a taboo for you, and then you will never repeat this mistake again. After all, from cohabitation for several hours every day after breaking up - it's very difficult!

wedge wedge

In an attempt to forget the "old" love, women begin to intensively look for a "new" one. On the one hand, this is correct, it helps to switch from dreary thoughts to positive ones. But you should not deliberately demonstrate your new relationship in front of colleagues, because they can interpret everything in their own way and rumors will reach your ex-man that you “went into a rage” out of grief. Such rumors should not be allowed in principle. Just be yourself.

Shouldn't start new novel with another colleague to offend an ex-man.

Zero Attention

It is possible that your ex will start mocking you. This can be expressed in ridicule, gossip about you, details about your relationship. It can even turn into bullying. Whether you can handle it depends on the strength of your character. In some cases, being fired can be a real lifesaver. But try to pass this test with dignity.

Don't take credit for a single word your ex says if it's unflattering. Be glad he showed his true face, because if you connected your life with him, you would get not just experience, but, possibly, a broken life. As for the rest of your colleagues, this situation can be used as a filter: those who have shown great interest in your romance and breakup cannot be trusted. More tactful and delicate colleagues will prefer not to comment on this in any way. You do not owe anything to your former lover, even if he is your boss.

And again betrayal

If parting with a male colleague was restless, with mutual reproaches and even scandals, then be prepared for revenge on his part. A man feels that you are still not indifferent to him, and can recoup on this. The most painful thing in this difficult situation is not his absolute indifference to you, but a new romance with another colleague. After all, you will find yourself in the position of the former, and she - the current one. He can too clearly demonstrate his attention to her, flirt, often visit her office, call her the same affectionate words what he called you. But do not take it seriously, because that woman is in the role of a weapon of revenge. What they have is real sincere feelings, they still have to prove.

Remember: smart person cannot be offended, insulted, or humiliated. Be ABOVE the situation, not IN IT.

If he is a former spouse

It happens. We work together, get married, and then get divorced, and no one wants to change jobs. What to do and how to behave with an ex-husband in this situation?

• Firstly, at work for all colleagues you are a professional, and not ex-wife. Surely, even in those days when your colleague was your husband, you tried to treat him not as a husband during working hours. So now behave the same way, reducing everything to the performance of your work duties.
• Secondly, do not decide at work with him any common personal matters: division of property, upbringing of children, alimony.
• Thirdly, do not notify colleagues and your ex-husband, including new events in your life.
• Remember that you are at work.

The relationship will be incomplete if you continue to sort things out with your ex-husband. If conflicts begin to become frequent, and you are unable to control it, then try to at least transfer them to outside working hours.

No one is safe from failure office romance. And if after the breakup you have nothing left to do, how to work with ex-boyfriend or your husband, then be patient and courageously overcome this situation.