What to do with a tantrum in a child. Hysteria in a child - what to do. Prevention and treatment of hysterical neurosis

Child developmental psychology: child behavior, fears, whims, tantrums. I don't know about children's tantrums, but mine can only be stopped in this way. Those. tub cold water or a dose of a sedative.

Discussion

Tantrums happen to adults too. I understand this is not normal. when you get hung up on some idea of ​​thought and you can’t get away from it.
How do you get an adult out of a tantrum? give an external impetus. slap for example. and man emerges from the collapse. all the local advice can prevent hysteria, but words will not get through. unless of course this is a real hysteria and not a concert of a spoiled child.

You know, we did not let the child cry until the age of 3 (doctors forbade it), i.e. they simply fulfilled all his reasonable desires, but he didn’t ask for anything unreasonable :) So, after that, his nervous system got stronger and he didn’t have tantrums from scratch, there was always a reason - most often fatigue and inability to control his emotions. I couldn’t foresee the beginning of the tantrum (or rather, I couldn’t always), so I just hugged him, trying to pronounce his emotions, if he didn’t have enough words and we, as a rule, found mutual language. But we thought that we had it because the child was spoiled (by non-refusals to him until this age), and then I found out that regardless of this, children have tantrums, which means it’s not about being spoiled, but that we don’t understand desire child .. and I don’t think that this is some kind of performance, well, let it be a performance, but it is not performed for the sake of pleasure, because the child in this situation is also bad. So here The best way bringing a child out of hysterics - do not bring him to this, no matter how trite it sounds, believe the mother of a hysterical child :)

Children's tantrums, "Naughty". The girl is 2 years old, sometimes she throws tantrums. Children's tantrums are one of the most unpleasant aspects of parenting. How to deal with child tantrums. Tantrums don't just happen.

Discussion

the doctor advised us to give glycine, the sweets work quite well at the same time she ate: _)))

I was advised by Bai-Bai. Drops, you need to rinse your mouth with 5 drops. The label says that to adapt the child to school and kindergarten. The composition is good, homeopathic, the taste is normal.

The content of the article:

Hysteria in a child is a kind of signal for action, an active way to express inner feelings (resentment, unwillingness to do anything, disgust, pain) and show them with the help of the child himself. effective method. First of all, he wants to attract attention to himself. Otherwise, he would just come up and express his position, opinion or dissatisfaction. Very often, children's tantrums begin quite suddenly and in the most inappropriate place (in medical, educational and other institutions, in public) and when you least expect it. Unravel the reason for this behavior specific case it is far from always possible, so parents need to know how to calm the child during a tantrum.

Causes of tantrums in children

An emotional reaction in the form of crying and screaming is one of the most effective signals of discomfort that a child can send. In some cases, such a reaction indicates not only direct needs, but also reveals other desires that the baby is used to realizing in this way.

In general, several immediate causes of tantrums can be identified:

• The only way to express. This reason is found in crumbs up to the 1st year of life, when they do not know how to express their discontent, discomfort, pain, emotions in any other way. Babies are too small to react differently to what is happening, so they often throw such tantrums. Most often this happens if teeth are cut, the tummy hurts, the head hurts. The child perceives such sensations as a strong threat, and often cries.
• Immaturity of the emotional system. A little older children gradually learn to speak and can, in some cases, say that they do not like it. Often a child from 1 to 3 years old, despite the fact that he can express his feelings differently, throws a tantrum, since this method is more familiar to him. This also happens at an older age. This is due to the fact that the emotional component of the psyche is still maturing. Many processes are not developed at a sufficient level to ensure normal reaction to stress or otherwise express inner feelings.
• Manipulation. A child begins to learn this peculiar art from the age of 3. In some cases, children can be manipulated with tantrums at an earlier age, but this is rare. Until this period, almost all the needs of the baby were immediately satisfied, so it is very difficult to accept a refusal for the first time for a child. In addition, for the first time, children are confronted with the concept of compromise and reasonable choice. At this age, they quickly realize that with the help of a tantrum, you can achieve more than just words. Often this indicates that the child is given very little attention and his words are not listened to, so he is forced to choose a louder way of expressing his own feelings and emotions.
• A change of scenery. For almost every baby, it is very important to feel the stability of the external circumstances that surround him every day. established way life provides him with a sense of well-being, which can disappear with a change of circumstances. The birth of a second child in a family, moving to another house / apartment, starting visits to a preschool institution, divorce of parents and other causes of tantrums in a child seriously affect the psyche of a small person. Often even adults are unable to cope with such news, and for children they become shocks. It is on them that a hysterical emotional reaction can often develop.

The main signs of hysteria in a child

There are several forms that can be components of a child's emotional outburst:

1. scream. It is often the first reaction that sets off a cascade of others. It indicates acute indignation, resentment, pain or other sensation that acutely worries the baby at a particular point in time. That is, the child suddenly begins to scream, while frightening not only the parents, but also the surrounding adults and children who are in a hurry to help him. During a cry, the baby may not see or hear what is happening around, so the words addressed to him at that moment are rarely useful.
2. Cry. The usual emotional reaction in the form of loud shedding of tears most often occurs in public and with the expectation of a response. defensive reaction parents who immediately rush to calm the baby. Simply crying attracts the attention of other children and puts the child in an advantageous position. Adults pay attention to him and try to quickly satisfy the wishes of the little tantrum. Sometimes such crying really indicates physical or psychological pain that worries the child.
3. Sobs. Often the baby cries uncontrollably, managing to choke on his own tears at the same time. This is a sign of unfolding hysteria, which is only gaining momentum. At the same time, tears flow in streams, and sobs add drama and bitterness to a sad image. In children with asthma, such sobbing can cause a feeling of shortness of breath. If this crying is plausible, it can be harmful to health and even cause problems with the nervous system in the future. This form of hysteria lasts long enough until the parents (others) take action to allow the child to calm down. Surging emotions take a lot of strength, so the child, even in the middle of the day after such sobs, can fall asleep, taking away night sleep.
4. Behavioral changes. A frequent companion of tantrums in children are various motor and motor reactions, which can even be aggressive in nature. That is, in the easiest variants of the course of such behavioral tantrums, throwing things around, stomping feet, throwing toys on the floor is observed. The child will expend energy on his own to calm the inner emotional storm. Sometimes he breaks, breaks toys, breaks some parts, beats his fists or head against the wall and may even get hurt. Aggressive behavior poses a threat not only to the health of the baby, but also to the surrounding children, adults. By breaking glass objects, the child risks injury or harm to someone else. At the time of such outbreaks, children often do not feel pain, it comes later with the realization of what has been done or with the appearance of blood coming out.

Ways to deal with tantrums in children

Definitely a tantrum in a child requires intervention from the parents, and sometimes the help of a third-party specialist. Very often, such behavior may indicate the presence of internal psychological problems that can manifest themselves in adulthood. It is important to provide the baby with timely assistance and make sure that such a reaction does not become the main one in the future. Proper upbringing and instructions from parents will save him from psychological childhood trauma and an immature psyche in adulthood.

There are a few important aspects such education, which will save children from hysterical explosions:

• Setting limits. For example, a child from the first years needs to be told that you can’t behave the way you want, absolutely everywhere. There are specially designated places where you can frolic, play, jump. These are playgrounds special points entertainment in shopping malls, a park. If your mother, for example, did not allow you to run in line at the cash desk at the bank, then this is normal, since you cannot behave in this way there. The kid must understand the difference between a public place and a house from the first years and behave accordingly. It is categorically impossible to justify unrestrained behavior by the fact that this is a child and he must play. Not in time well-behaved child- This difficult teenager and troubled adult in the future. Therefore, in order to socialize the baby as much as possible, it is necessary from an early age to accustom him to the rules of society and polite behavior at home.
• Conversations and rejections. Be sure to talk to the child, asking his opinion about different things. For example, what he would like for dinner, where he wants to go for a walk today, what he prefers to wear. It is necessary that he felt the importance of his "I" in the eyes of his parents. Only in this way will he be able to assert himself without throwing tantrums. Be sure to explain to him why at one time or another the baby was not bought a toy. Usually parents refuse or say that there is no money for such purchases. This is tactically incorrect, as the child will feel disadvantaged due to the failure of his father and mother. It is important to explain that he already has enough toys, and a new one can only be bought in next month or later. That is, the argument for refusing a child should not be financial family crisis, and the powerful authority of the words of parents. Only by teaching a child to respect his own opinion, you can count on understanding on his part.
• Learn to express emotions. Naturally, the child's psyche develops over time and comes to generally accepted norms. If a child is prone to tantrums or similar outbursts of emotions, parents need to help the baby respond correctly to a storm of feelings within themselves. It is very important to help verbalize those feelings that inside a small person cannot find a way out. For example, a baby cries because he accidentally broke / tore / lost his favorite toy. It is necessary to establish visual contact and speak out the feelings that overwhelm the child: “I know you loved this toy very much and you are offended that you can no longer play with it. You are very sorry that it was lost / torn / broken, but you are not to blame for this, you could not do anything. Besides her, you have other toys you can play with.”

How to calm a child

First steps to calm:

1. Maintain equanimity and calmness. It is necessary not to give an annoyed look and not be even more nervous than a child. This will cause the parent to behave worse than a baby. You should control your emotions and not let them out.
2. Talk. It is necessary to go to a conversation with the child, convincing him that during a tantrum he cannot be understood. If the kid had said more specifically what he wants, perhaps his request would have been granted.
3. The ban on aggression. In no case should you scream and break down on the child. Even if his behavior has put you in an uncomfortable position, you should keep your emotions under control. With the help of a cry, nothing can be achieved except to aggravate the situation.
4. Insulation. It is important to give the child time to subdue the inner storm. If he reacts negatively to attempts to talk, you need to take him to a secluded place (if he is outside) or leave him alone in the room. Over time, he realizes the futility of his tears and calms down.
5. Copy Behavior. It is extremely common for children to look at their parents or loved ones and then act in the same way. If the baby suddenly began to behave aggressively, you should figure out where he could see such a model of behavior. First of all, you can’t quarrel with a child, show aggression and other bright negative emotions. The kid will absorb such a template and will use it for his own purposes.

Important! If such behavior is not eliminated for a long time, you should contact a child psychologist. The specialist will help to find the root of the problem and correct the child's behavior.

This will help a few simple tricks which are based on the basics of child psychology:

• Abstraction. This method works only at the beginning of an emotional attack and does not always work. Many parents use it quite often, not fully realizing the importance of such a technique. Children's attention very easily distracted, and the dominant thought or experience can quickly change to another. Therefore, parents can show the child beautiful toy, a bird in the sky, a car or another person to distract him from a hysterical outburst. Literally a fraction of a second of an interested look - and the baby will already behave more calmly, since the emotional storm was stopped in time.
• Warning. A lot of tantrums can be avoided if the child is told in a timely manner what awaits him. For example, the appearance of a second child in a family is always stressful for the first. Therefore, before this, it is necessary to talk with the baby and tell what awaits him, what changes will affect his life and what exactly will change with the advent of a sister / brother. Then the new favorite of his family will not be a surprise for him. He must understand before his birth that there will be two of them, and on equal rights. The same warning scheme works with kindergarten, and with visiting a public place, and in any other case.
• Tactics. It is very important that parents do not change their minds because of a child's tantrum. If the baby sees that mom or dad can give in, one has only to burst into tears, one should expect such a reaction every time it is needed. Any tantrum should end with an explanation to the child of his wrong. Therefore, it is categorically not recommended to back down and allow what was previously forbidden. Tantrums should not be allowed to become a new tool for manipulating the baby. Excuses that he is still very young age and does not understand the word "no", they do not make sense at all. The child begins to understand the prohibitions from the first year of life. The parent will not allow the baby to poke small items into the socket just because he is small and does not yet understand the danger. The same applies to prohibitions on unrestrained behavior in a public place, whims and other actions.
• Choice. In addition to the attention that the child must necessarily receive, it is also important to provide him with some freedom. It consists in choosing the elementary conditions of life. For example, if a toddler throws a tantrum every time a toy is handed to him, the next time you need to ask him. At the same time, it is necessary to indicate the options for choosing from the available ones so that the baby can decide among them. This also applies to tantrums about not wanting to eat a dish. If you directly ask the baby whether he will eat something, he may answer in the negative, and nothing can be achieved in this case. You should give him a choice of several dishes. He must make his own choice, choosing the best available.

Due to a weakened nervous system, children are often capricious, expressing their dissatisfaction with crying, stamping their feet, etc. Hysteria in a child is a common problem, it is important to approach its solution correctly.

Capricious child: norm or problem

Children's hysteria is a common phenomenon. Even the most modest peanuts, whose quiet behavior their parents do not stop admiring, can arrange scenes with screams and crying. Parents, on the other hand, are always familiar with the behavior of their baby, and they rarely notice any problems.

Only when the tantrum of their child begins on the street, in front of strangers, do they pay attention to the behavior of the baby, because. arranged by a child scenes can make mom or dad feel embarrassed. It's all about the obsessive thought that the hysterical crying of the little one will strangers wrong opinion: these people do not raise their child this way.

For the last 5–7 years, psychologists have begun to talk seriously about the problem of hysteria in children. The research results were surprising. Seizures disturb more than 80% of babies under the age of 6 years, more than half of them are naughty all the time, 1-3 times a day, 2-3 days a week.

Psychologists are sure that it is not difficult to distinguish children's tantrums from ordinary rare whims. The first appear suddenly, have a certain frequency and duration.

In addition to the usual crying and screaming, seizures are often accompanied by uncontrollable behavior when the baby harms himself (scratching his hands and body, banging his head against walls, etc.), so they have terrible consequences.

It is important for parents to identify pathological condition own child, because, in addition to the risk of harming himself, he can influence adults with his behavior.

When a baby is hysterical with or without reason, many fathers and mothers are ready to do everything to calm him down. Therein lies the error. Parents themselves allow their child to manipulate them, which only exacerbates the problem.

Causes of hysteria in children

The physiological cause of hysteria lies in the violation of the development of children. As children, we were all impressionable, hyperactive, dependent on the actions of our parents.

A child, like a sponge, absorbs any information received during the day. But he still doesn’t know how to use it rationally, so any harsh noise, scandals in the family, scary heroes of fairy tales, and even compulsion to eat an unloved dish lead to a stressful situation. The result of vivid impressions is hysteria with all its manifestations.

This reaction is a manifestation of self-defense, a way to relieve nervous tension during stress. But her reasons often seem ridiculous to adults: the mother disappeared from sight, another child took away her favorite toy, an unfamiliar uncle appeared in the house.

This is due to the fact that unpleasant memories associated with certain situations have formed in the subconscious of the baby. Parents often miss such important details.

To overcome frequent whims, adults should still pay attention to all the little things that can affect the change in the emotional state of their child. And only after identifying them, you can work with the child's emotional state, imagination and perception of the world by the baby.

stressful state

First and most common cause hysteria is stress. From 4–5 months. children are taught to be independent. He is taught to take a spoon correctly, drink from a bottle, play with others, etc. Children often willingly fulfill the wishes of their parents, but this costs them a lot of effort, not only physical, but also psychological.

The nervous system is still unstable and with any, even the smallest load, it can react to any situation in different ways. It is also important that the consciousness of a newborn matures every month, he often changes his interests, but reacts sharply to changes in external conditions.

When the baby is busy playing, he does not understand that the parents are tired, they have their own activities, etc. A mother or father often tries to convince his child with displeasure that he needs to go home, do some important things. Usually the situation ends with the fact that the elders forcibly take away the toys from the children.

This becomes stressful for the baby, so you should not behave like this. It is important to distract the child from games by any means, to persuade him, but not to force him. The first attempts will require effort. But growing up, the child will become more accommodating, and will not throw tantrums for any reason.

Parenting Mistakes

Every family has its own rules for raising a child. Some parents cherish their child, they allow him everything, etc. Others treat any whims of the baby strictly and act at their discretion, believing that it is right to do so.

Without realizing it, parents create a child according to self-interest. And because of the weakened psyche, excitable nervous system, such attempts often end in the same thing - the child begins to hysteria.

Constant actions to please the child will lead to the fact that the whims of the little one will develop into more serious problems. Psychologists advise adults to work on mistakes, because constant psychological pressure on the child will lead to serious problems in future.

The baby will continue to hysteria, at the age of 5-7 years. Such problems often appear in school age. A hysterical neurosis created by the hands of adults can progress and act to the detriment even in adulthood. It will be more difficult for a teenager to deal with such a problem.

Nervous and physical stress

This cause is most common at the age of 3-7 years, and parents are to blame for its appearance. In an effort to grow from your child creative personality or a successful athlete, a kid with early years give to different circles and sections. Such activities take away a lot of strength, which is difficult for a growing body to replenish. A tired child begins to hysteria for any reason.

It is important for parents to prioritize correctly: what is more important - the health of the baby or his success in creativity or sports. Children's body weak and demanding have a nice rest after any load, without giving it, parents risk breaking the psyche of their child, and this threatens with a variety of consequences.

Lack of physical contact

The need for physical contact is built in from birth. To soothe crying baby, the mother takes him in her arms, and the baby calms down from the warmth of her body. Contact with a parent becomes for him reliable protection from any fear. Growing up, the child still needs such support and, without receiving it, experiences stress.

• read fairy tales;
• play outdoor games;
• walk hand in hand together.

The main thing is touch. Getting them in abundance, the baby will be less excited and will not cause problems for adults.

Features of tantrums at different ages

Growing up, the baby gains experience, his nervous system gets stronger, he becomes more independent. But the mistakes laid down at the age of 1–2 years often lead to problems in the formation of personality. Hysterical manifestations are only one of the many symptoms of possible psycho-emotional problems. It is important to learn to understand them so that the child grows up mentally healthy.

Tantrums occur both during wakefulness and during sleep. Because of their own susceptibility and developmental characteristics, children often suffer from nightmares. It's easier with this kind of tantrums. They usually resolve on their own by age 7 or 8. But if the behavior of the little one with crying and screaming constantly disturbs parents during the day, it is important to find ways to eradicate them.

It is important to consider hysterical manifestations by age:

• 1-2 years: the psyche is still being formed, and any overstrain or fear can lead to hysteria; the baby only learns independence, forms his impression of the world around him, but the contact does not always go smoothly; psychologists call this period “the age of the first stubbornness”: constant hysteria is often replaced by periods of calm, the child begins to demand something for the first time and reacts to refusal with tears;
• 3-4 years: at this age, growing up occurs most quickly, the baby begins to think more rationally, learns to understand his personal and social role; hysteria can be part of the manifestation of discontent, impracticable whims of parents; the youngest member of the family develops his own opinion, which adults must reckon with;
• 5-9 years old: subject to right upbringing a baby by this age, tantrums appear very rarely, but if the authority of the parents is broken, and the preschooler knows how to outwit them for the benefit of realizing their own whims - the elders still have to work with the child, because a strict parental “no” should not be discussed, but by 9 years of hysterical manifestations should not be at all.

The advice of psychologists to calm the baby is most common for children at the age of 3 years. Experts even introduced such a term as "crisis three years of age". This period in a child's life is characterized by a restructuring of the personality and social role. He begins to understand himself as a separate person, and his actions may not always coincide with parental desires.

The symptoms of such a crisis can be different. In addition to bouts of hysterical crying, the baby can show his stubbornness, devalue the actions of others, show self-will and protest reactions.

Methods for dealing with child hysteria

Universal and fast ways there is no proper way to comfort children. The approach to each baby is individual. There are only a few rules of conduct for adults that will make life easier not only for them, but also for their children:

• no matter how an adult is annoyed by the child’s tantrum, it is important not to raise your voice to the child, all problems are solved by a quiet dialogue: you need to ask your child to calm down and find out what the problem is;
• it is important to be calm: a parent should express concern about the problems of a son or daughter, but subsequent actions should be aimed at explaining that it is important in a family to talk to each other, and not fight in hysterics;
• if the tantrum occurred in public, you need to pick up the baby and isolate him from others, all problems will be solved when the adult is left alone with his child;
• the reaction of the parent to all subsequent hysterical manifestations should be the same.

If an adult could not restrain his emotions, yelled at a child or hit him on the head, you need to apologize for what you did. If the baby is very offended by the parent, you will have to explain your emotions and feelings to him, making it so that he understands that mom and dad did not want to harm him, this is just the “wrong” reaction to the current situation.

Most of the causes of hysterical behavior in children are related to the actions of adults. This may be the wrong reaction to the whims of the baby, unhealthy relationships in the family, etc. It will be possible to eradicate the child's tendency to hysterical manifestations if the main factors influencing this are removed.

In order for the child not to fall into hysterical crying for any reason, a long and fruitful work of adults is required.

It is important for parents:

• learn how to respond correctly to whims: you can’t indulge them, otherwise they will continue to manifest themselves;
• eliminate emotionality in communication, swearing in the family or with strangers: you need to talk with the baby strictly, but calmly, avoiding raising your voice; by violating this rule, parents run the risk of hearing the same statements (and in the same tone) from their four-year-old child in the future;
• not allow assault: thinking that this is how parents show their rightness and authority, they cause fear in the baby, which is often the cause of hysterical seizures; so the confidence of the baby in adults is undermined;
• follow the threats expressed: if the baby cries when trying to assemble a picture from puzzles, and you threaten that you will throw away the object of concern, you need to get rid of it; if the threats are not carried out, the child will soon realize these are all empty words;
• eradicate "double standards": the upbringing of a child by both mother and father should follow the same pattern, it is impossible for dad to allow his child to do something that mom does not welcome (and vice versa).

Given all these tips from psychologists in dealing with a child, it will be easier to deal with hysterical manifestations. The kid will be aware of the authority and rightness of the parent, that he wants to help, not harm.

Preventive measures

preventive measures, they general rules prevention are to minimize the risks of hysterical manifestations in children. So that problems with tantrums do not have to be solved at a consultation with a psychologist, parents need to prevent them. The following features of prevention will be important:

• minimizing the risk of situations favorable for the emergence of hysteria: this concerns the organization of pastime, calm communication with all family members, moderate visits to creative and sports sections;
• adherence to the regime: maintaining the daily rhythm of wakefulness and rest, proper nutrition, etc .;
• teaching the child to be independent: by developing the ability to make decisions independently and self-care skills, parents will help the baby to better endure stressful situations, and the risk of hysterical manifestations in the future will decrease;
• establishing parental authority, upbringing: a child from an early age must understand the importance of adult authority, it is not necessary to indulge the desires of a younger family member;
• learning to counteract their own experiences: if a child cries, you need to tell and even convince him that this is not worth doing; show by example how to deal with such situations.

Adults should listen to their child, give him the opportunity to make an independent choice. If everything is done correctly, the baby will soon realize that he is satisfied with the new attitude of loved ones, and such problems will occur less often.

Conclusion

Hysterical manifestations in childhood are caused by peculiarities of physiological development. The nervous system of babies is weak and reacts sharply to any stimuli. To avoid constant tantrums, it is important to change the attitude towards the baby, to reconsider the features of his upbringing.

The more time loved ones spend with the child, the less he will be irritable. The main thing is to solve all problems through dialogue without raising your voice, assaulting and indulging whims.

With age, children have more and more desires and needs that are not always possible to fulfill. They begin to violently show a strong emotional reaction to the prohibitions of their parents. The desired is unattainable - the child is hysterical. What causes such behavior: mistakes in education, the nature of the child or serious illness? And how to deal with the tantrums of the child?

Causes of tantrums

There are certain critical periods in a child's life when parents are required to Special attention. "Hysteria" from the point of view of medicine - nervous excitement, seizure. Accompanied by tears, screams, convulsions.

Physiological causes

In a child under 3 years of age, hysterical seizures are due to the immaturity of the brain. A 2-year-old child has insufficiently developed speech and gestures. He still cannot adequately assess the situation and take the right actions. However, he tries to defend his position, negatively relates to the requirements of his parents. IN critical period such emotional states like anger, rage builds up very quickly. The child ceases to control himself and does not hear the words addressed to him.

Attacks of uncontrollable behavior can provoke:

• discomfort from hunger, thirst, pain, stuffiness and overheating;

• overwork after too active games, long walks, trips;

• overexcitation after holidays, shopping trips and other emotional events;

• feeling unwell, when the disease is just beginning, malaise.

Particular attention should be paid to attacks of uncontrolled behavior in infants when they are difficult to calm down. Sometimes tantrums without apparent reason associated with the manifestation of mental or nervous disorders. Consultation with a doctor will help to identify the cause of the violation and start treatment on time.

Mistakes in education

The older the child becomes, the more aware of his behavior. He has new interests and a desire to be independent. It becomes not enough for him what was allowed before. He perfectly understands that it is possible to achieve the goal if you “throw a tantrum”.

The mistakes of parents, because of which the child deliberately begins to hysteria:

• very strict prohibitions, often completely unfounded, abuse of parental authority;

• parents allow everything, and the child does not know the word "no";

• lifting the ban after the onset of a fit of hysteria;

• a conflict situation when one of the parents forbids something, and the other immediately gives permission;

• lack of attention, affection and love, dismissive attitude from relatives or ordered threatening intonation;

• quarrels and scandals in the family;

The nature and temperament of the child

Often the tendency to tantrums is explained by the peculiarity of the character and temperament of the child. Some children are easily excitable, short-tempered and aggressive. Others cry and hysteria for any reason. There is the concept of "hysterical character" and hyperactivity. This behavior is often used to get attention. Trying to be more visible. One of the ways is a violent tantrum, which ends quickly if there are no “spectators” nearby, and the mood changes very quickly.

Babies with high nervous excitability, subject to various fears and phobias, often exaggerate their experiences.

Causes of tantrums in children:

1. Increased excitability;
2. unstable mood;
3. Excessive impressionability;
4. Suggestibility;
5. Selfishness.

What is the difference between tantrums and

Capricious, the child expresses his displeasure or desire. So he tries to reflect his physical state- Hunger, fatigue, lack of sleep or sickness. Crying, screaming, pushing parents away with their hands - all this mild form indignation. With this behavior, the baby is able to control his emotions, he can be negotiated with, distracted and reassured.

Hysteria in children differs from whims in that it is involuntary and is a severe form of behavior. Usually this violent reaction is accompanied by sobs, very loud screams and stomping. The kid scatters toys, rolls on the floor, can even beat his head and tear his hair. In some cases, a child's tantrum is accompanied by convulsions, seizures, and arching. Sometimes a very strong attack is accompanied by vomiting, trembling, salivation, urinary incontinence. In young children, respiratory arrest may occur due to spasm of the larynx.

It is important for parents to distinguish a child's tantrum from an epileptic seizure, when the child falls sharply, loses consciousness. Strong convulsions begin. Foam starts to come out of the mouth. With such symptoms, you should immediately consult a doctor.

Stress. Reaction to outside influence

Some parents, raising a child, resort to very cruel methods, not realizing that the child's psyche is not as “hardened” as that of adults. scary bullying fairy tale characters, evil doctors and cops, etc. develop fear in children. In the future, meetings with these or similar characters cause a strong fear in the child and, as a result, breakdown and nightmares.

Children have a very rich imagination. After watching a movie not intended for children, he begins to think that someone is hiding in the closet or under the bed. Afraid of noises and darkness. Any little thing that he cannot explain to himself turns into a strong fear.

In addition, severe stress and a nervous breakdown can cause:

• In children with an unprepared and too sensitive psyche, fear can arise from any unexpected situation. For example, a dog or clowns in a circus suddenly ran up.

• The threat of a belt and assault leads to extreme irritation of the nervous system and stress.

• Serious and unforeseen circumstances that a small person has witnessed or participated in are accidents, natural disasters, fires and catastrophes.

• A difficult divorce of parents, when each of them seeks to humiliate the other in the eyes of the child. Prolonged separation from beloved parents or one of them.

• Incorrect explanation by parents of any life circumstances and situations.

• A change in the usual environment and environment, for example, during the first visits to child care facilities. Changing sleep and eating patterns.

How to relieve nervous tension

How to help your child develop coping skills nervous tension? First of all, it is necessary to remove the causes that cause a stressful state:

Ask about what is going through and how the child feels. Frankness and trust when talking about what the child is afraid of, what annoys him and what he achieves. Consider his wishes.

For any action and difficult situations show your love openly. Take the child in his arms, hug him tightly, whisper in his ear how he is loved.

A clear distinction between the actions that a child can do and what should not be done. Excessive control over each step will lead to a breakdown. Help to recognize the limits of what is permitted. Allow to be independent and teach to be responsible for their actions.

Distract, find an activity that he will be happy to do. Promote the interests of the child. Do what he loves to do with him. Monitor the information that comes to the child when watching programs and programs on TV

Control your behavior. In difficult situations, try to remain calm so that the child is confident in the protection of adults.

Developing rational thinking, to convince that fantasy and reality are different things. Explain the reasons for actions and their consequences.

Mode, proper nutrition and sleep.

The need for physical contact

The child is very excited or nervous tantrum for him a kind of means to relieve excessive stress. Hugs, stroking, light massage will help the child relax and fall asleep peacefully. The child needs to be touched by his mother, he wants to cuddle up to her.

With a lack of affection and attention from the parents, he will seek such contact from his parents by any means. How smaller kid, the more he needs to wellness and proper development.

Manipulation of others

Hysterical seizures, with the help of which a child tries to get something of his own from loved ones, usually begin at the age of 1.5-2 years. If the child previously had tantrums due to fatigue, nervous breakdowns and discomfort, now the baby understands that in this way he can get what he wants or refuse to fulfill the requirements that he does not like.

In these cases, moms and dads should never go on about the child. Otherwise, he will constantly achieve his goal, starting a scream and a tantrum.

At the age of 3 years, the child already feels like a person. He tries to show independence, self-willed and showing stubbornness. Do not focus on his behavior. You need to behave in such a way that the baby understands that they love him, but do not want to communicate when he, watching the reaction of loved ones

trying to manipulate them. To the conclusion that he will not achieve anything by such behavior, the child must come by himself. It is best to create the illusion of choice by avoiding direct orders, by not allowing the answer "no".

Manipulating your loved ones by throwing tantrums is a dangerous habit. It negatively affects the formation of character and will give rise to many problems in the future.

Whims and children's tantrums pass when the child learns to express demands and desires in words.

Hysteria in a child - what to do

Dr. Komarovsky advises: to respond correctly to the whims of the child

very important. At this point, the child is in an unprotected mental state. Everything that happens to him at this time remains in the subconscious and determines his behavior in the future.

In order to correctly decide how to deal with whims, what to do during a tantrum, you need to adequately assess the situation, find out its cause. Basic principles of parental behavior:

Calm yourself down. Do not get angry and do not scream at the child, but calmly wait out the attack. Don't go after the child. Do not scream or scare with punishment.

Hysteria in the store, on the playground, with a large crowd of people - do not pay attention to the advice and discontent of others. Try to take the baby out of their enclosed space as soon as possible. Better for air. Wash your face and give to drink.

Hug, hug, put on your knees, or pick up and let him cry. If he does not allow this to be done, hold his hand, stroke his back.

Convince that mom is here and loves him very much. Name his feelings: “you are scared”, “you are tired”, “you are angry”, that is, describe aloud what is happening to the child and let him know that you are his support.

Do not try to reason with the child. He will not listen to any reason. Try to switch his attention.

All methods have already been tried, and regular frequent tantrums continue. If the child is not sick and there is no threat to his health, leave the child alone to cry and just ignore the cry for a while. There is no need to scold and lock the child, but to make it clear that it will be possible to do something interesting together when you get tired of crying.

No need to be afraid of children's tantrums. You just have to respond to them in the right way. Understand that the baby has the same emotions and feelings as adults. He just doesn't know how to express them correctly yet. Feelings cannot be controlled. You can only control behavior.

When a child has a tantrum, parents experience complicated feelings: from guilt and shame to anger and impotence. I would like to have with me instructions “how to deal with children's tantrums step by step?” Because frequent tantrums and the struggle and conflicts that follow them create tension in relations between children and adults. And no, the baby does not specifically arrange scenes, it is also very difficult for him to endure them.

If tantrums happen often, parents may assume that the child is not healthy and go to a neurologist or psychiatrist, but hysterical neurosis in children without developmental features is a rare diagnosis.

For children under 4-5 years old, hysteria is a crisis reaction to an unbearable situation that cannot be stopped and accepted. The nervous system does not withstand stress in order to survive anger, rage and despair - the body throws a tantrum.

In this state, the child does not perceive information from the outside; he, as it were, “reboots the system” and is “temporarily unavailable”. After strong emotions find a way out, and the hysteria subsides, the stage of mourning begins, when a person seeks comfort and support from loved ones, goes to put up and wants to be handled.

In any case, tears, screaming and other violent reactions always have a reason. Below are the most common causes of children's tantrums.

Crisis 1 year

Up to a year baby crying easily explained by physiological needs and discomfort. crying baby easily distracted and occupied with a toy. And closer to the year the child becomes smart, wants to do it himself, imitating adults, wants to feel useful. So a small person learns the rules of behavior in the family and society, learns important skills.

But one year old baby may endanger himself or others. This worries parents, they set the rules and prohibit many things.

Faced with limitations, the child experiences frustration. His need cannot be met right now. Oh, how annoying!

To survive the anger, the baby screams and falls to the ground, blushes, kicks the floor with his feet, demolishes the walls with his forehead, fights.

Crisis 3 years

A three year old looks like little teenager. He gradually separates from his mother and already has his own opinion about everything that happens, he wants to make decisions himself, he wants his opinion to be taken into account.

Protecting his "I" a three-year-old person refuses previously loved and familiar things just because it was suggested by adults - he shows negativism.

Simultaneously with negativism, the child shows stubbornness never seen before. If he asked for sweets, he would not refuse this desire. Even if he has long wanted candy and wants soup, he will never admit it and will continue to demand sweets.

Lev Semyonovich Vygotsky said about three-year-olds: "A child is at war with those around him, in constant conflict with them."

Family conflicts

When they quarrel significant people, the child experiences severe stress, even if the conflict is sluggish and does not manifest itself in any way with the child - tension accumulates, and discharge occurs in hysterics. It happens that a child unconsciously "distracts" adults from the conflict with unbearable behavior and tantrums.

Changes in the usual way of life

moving, kindergarten, illness, loss of friends or loved ones - at such moments the child needs more attention and care.

Need for love and attention

If the time spent with parents is not enough, or it passes without high-quality and active communication. Such hysteria is a manifesto: "Notice me, I'm here, I need you!" how to calm a child's tantrum caused by a lack of attention? A simple game together, a heart-to-heart conversation, reading or a walk is enough to feel close to your parents. But some children need the constant involvement and attention of adults, this should be taken into account.

Photo and daughter of Yaroslava Matveychuk

Inconsistency in education

Mom allowed cartoons, and dad forbade it. Mom said that sweets are after meals, but dad often gives sweets before meals. If the prohibitions and rules are the same for all family members, then the child will simply accept them and there will be no room for manipulation. Adults need to agree on the rules adopted in their family.

The development of a single line of education often becomes the cause of family disputes, because everyone has their own experience and idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhow "it is necessary." Psychological counseling for parents can be useful at the stage of finding one's own and acceptable for all style of raising a child.

Children's tantrum at night can occur due to severe stress during the day, nightmares, or sharp pain. It is important to stay close, hug, try to find out the cause and eliminate it.

Hysteria can happen to any child, but there are especially sensitive children, their nervous system is easily excited, and inhibition processes are poorly developed, because the neocortex, which is responsible for conscious actions and logic, matures by only 6-7 years of age.

Photo and daughter of Yaroslava Matveychuk

Can tantrums be prevented?

Stopping a hysteria that has already begun is as difficult as stopping an electric train at full speed. But there are a few ideas on how to respond to children's tantrums:

1. Make sure that the child eats and rests when he wants. Find a rhythm in which he feels calm and confident, when everything is predictable and understandable. Maintain this rhythm. Do not take a tired, hungry or sleepy child to shops, for long walks, for activities that require concentration.
2. Give the child the right to say "no" if this refusal does not infringe on the interests of other people and does not entail dangerous consequences. It teaches you to take responsibility for your decisions.
3. To pronounce the desires of the child and his emotions, especially if he is still small, in order to voice and realize them. “You want the eighteenth car”, “You are very angry with your mother”, “You are sad that your father left”, “You are hungry and that is why the mood is so bad.” Description of what is happening helps to relieve general tension, gives a sense of security and confidence in an adult, helps prevent a surge of uncontrollable feelings.
4. Allow safe expression of anger. Allow the child to scream and swear, tear and crumple paper, hit a beach ball, run and jump when he is angry. Do not scold for anger: “Don’t behave so horribly, stop yelling!”, But understand the causes of anger, and later talk about this feeling, you can even use examples from personal experience, to tell what happened to my mother when she herself was four. Perhaps the idea that this little man is just learning to cope with difficult negative emotions, but not all adults know how to do this, it will be useful.
5. Play. any real conflict situation you can later play with the child and his toys. Sample different models behavior, release accumulated emotions, let go of control and imagine any development.

The game provides an opportunity to change roles, acquire the necessary skills of self-regulation and understand others.

How to help a child stop a tantrum?

A tantrum in a child can happen on the street or in a supermarket, on a bus or in a crowded subway car. What can a parent do?

1. Make sure the space is safe. Remove dangerous objects or take the child to a safe place, if possible.
2. Shut up. It is impossible to calm the baby at the moment of strong tension. There are studies showing that coaxing, punishing, and swearing only prolongs tantrums.
3. Sometimes it seems to outsiders that they better than parents know how to deal with children's tantrums, and people genuinely try to "do good". If a person does not provide help and support, but puts pressure on the child with his own: “Now the uncle policeman will pick you up,” then it is better to ask him to leave. The child is extremely vulnerable at the moment of hysteria and the loss of connection with an adult, even such a symbolic one, which is perceived by adults as a joke, can increase children's anger and fear.
4. Wait patiently until the fit of rage passes, and there comes a stage when the child wants to be pitied. It is possible and necessary to regret, this makes it clear that the hysteria did not spoil your relationship. But it’s not worth encouraging or reinforcing calm with gifts, especially with the things that caused the tantrum, this can reinforce an undesirable behavior pattern. Enough love and attention.
5. After a tantrum, the child will calm down and may feel weak, want to sleep, drink or eat. Well, if he gets the opportunity.
6. You can discuss what happened with the baby after some time. You can mark the boundaries, explain what happened to him: “You were very angry with your mother for not buying a chocolate bar, crying loudly and lying on the floor.”

It will be perfectly natural to express your dissatisfaction with such behavior, but not by the child himself.

Photo and son of Vasilisa Rusakova

How to respond to hysteria?

When a child is in a state of passion, he does not control himself and he is rather ill. A parent can “get infected” with an affect and get angry, feel despair, and then this one: “well, how much can you start again?”. Some parents are ashamed of the "such behavior" of the child. Feeling annoyed and even angry at a child because of his tantrum is quite natural. What to do with children's tantrums?

1. Think about yourself at this moment, find support in the body. If you manage to notice your emotions, track bodily sensations, and concentrate on them, then you will be able to remain for the baby the same adult who will protect and take care. It's not easy, it's a whole skill that takes effort, but it's important to try. Where does it pull, where does it whine, what hurts? Maybe a migraine happens, or clenched teeth? Notice these reactions of the body, observe them - and now you can breathe deeper, calmer.
2. If there are two parents, or nearby close people to whom the child is attached, then it makes sense for the most angry and confused one to simply step back, leave and calm down away from screams and tears.
3. Accept your helplessness. It happens that despair makes the parent panic and fuss, create unnecessary noise, which only increases the child's tantrum. "Wash you? Blow? Hug?". Sometimes you can give up. Well, he lies and cries on the floor. Maybe it's more comfortable to cry and suffer. And did you get on well? If you lie down next to me and whine quietly, the world will not collapse. And the child will be surprised.
4. It seems to many adults in such tense moments that all other children in the world are beautiful, that they never behave so creepy, that this particular child simply scoffs and acts up on them “for evil”.

If it was not possible to restrain parental anger, then it is worth explaining to the child later why the parents were angry, saying that it was not his fault, that he would grow up and such situations could be avoided. Almost certainly.

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