Why do men cheat on women they love. The main reasons why men cheat on their wives. Tensions on other fronts

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Why do men cheat on their wives and girlfriends? Take at least celebrities: such personalities as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis ... They have everything - talent, fame, money and wonderful families. And at the same time, even such men manage to look for someone on the side. But why is this happening? What is the reason that men cheat? In fact, according to American psychologists, men give nine of the most common answers to this question.

According to one Kat Hertlein, Ph.D. and professor of human development at the University of Nevada, about 40 percent of men cheat. Moreover, this indicator hasn't changed much since the 1950s when, as a result of one well-known sociological study, it turned out that 50 percent of men cheat at about the same period of marriage. But why do they change?

Why do men cheat? Expert opinion

According to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas, the number one reason is that men crave sexual diversity, because they have developed a desire to be with different women . For men, even the process of reproduction itself looks much easier (just one sexual intercourse compared to nine months of pregnancy in women).

In fact, they are biologically programmed to leave as many offspring as possible after themselves, for which it is necessary to mate with a large number of women. "The child was a kind of reward for a short-term sexual intercourse which is more valued by men than by women Bass says. - Thus, after thousands of generations, the desire for sexual diversity was deposited in the brain of men..

Are there other reasons that can also be considered an important explanation for male infidelity? Men are simply unhappy with their chosen ones, and sex on the side is an easy and inexpensive pleasure, allowing, as they say, to pass the harsh and boring days that men spend in unhappy marriages. According to Professor Bass, this reason is one of the most common causes of male infidelity.

However, let us return to the statement that the wives famous husbands and men in power are also very often faced with the fact that they are cheated on by their chosen ones. "Women are attracted to men who are invested with power and status, since a public figure usually has many possibilities" , - reveals Bass simple secret. However, it does not matter whether your spouse is a born politician, a famous actor, or an ordinary plumber - the reasons why all these people cheat are about the same.

According to Steve Santagati, author of popular publications in the West devoted to the search for causes male cheating, ninety nine percent change occur for one very simple reason - because of ordinary boredom! However, whatever the reason, men are rewarded for this with a very unflattering name - a male. However, we will give the “males” themselves a chance to justify themselves by listening to their opinion on the nine most common explanations for the causes of betrayal.

Why do men cheat? The opinion of the men themselves

1. She is not what she used to be.

An ordinary average man is no better or worse than the biblical character Adam - they are also not able to resist the temptation of a ripe fruit (especially if a woman whom men, in theory, should not change, ceases to follow itself). "If she was so lazy that she gained extra weight, or if she just didn't look after her appearance, it's no surprise that a man looks at other women.", says Santagati.

Santagati confirms the simple truth that a woman who wants to keep a man on a short leash is simply obliged to look at her reflection in the mirror more often and more closely. However, men should do the same! After all, it often happens that a husband has long turned into a shapeless slug, and everything continues to demand perfection from his soul mate! "These are typical double standards" , - Santagati is sure.

For their part, men need to make certain efforts in order to try again to rekindle the spark of relationships at home, and not on the side. "Do so to make her feel lovely, even if you have to lie , advises Santagati. - Tell her how beautiful she is and how you appreciate this trait in her. This will make her feel sexy and she will want you to feel happier too.".

Santagati is confident that such an attitude can lead to a more desirable and pleasant sex, with which one Sue Johnson, professor of clinical psychology, agrees from the University of Ottawa, Canada. "Everything indicates that when a woman feels your reliability and attention, this will lead to a better relationship with a partner", - Professor Johnson confirms another hackneyed truth.

2. She has a grumpy personality

It's probably hard to imagine what can literally push a married man into the arms of another woman faster than his own grumpy spouse. "She's like an annoying mosquito , says Santagati. - He does not want to have sex with his wife, he would like to stay away from her altogether. And the most practical solution is to have sex with a more intelligent woman.".

However, not all men agree with Santagati. One Steven Solomon, who is a Ph.D., calls this approach complete nonsense. "No woman does anything for which a cheating man can be forgiven. Solomon is sure. - No matter how the relationship develops, it is unlikely to be beneficial if in the end everything goes to adultery..

3. She doesn't understand me!

Men who regularly cheat on their wives very often state that they do not feel understanding from their soulmate. However, according to Kat Hartlein, this is not always the fault of women, because very often they are either too angry or simply afraid to make contact. Quite a strange attempt to justify such women, isn't it? However, given that it came from the lips of a woman ...

"It's easier for men to try to build a relationship on the side than it is to work on a relationship with their partner.", says Hartlane. - We often see such a "triangulation". The deep-seated fear of close intimacy is hard to overcome by men. And it is much easier for them to start changing again. Hartlein is sure that in this situation there is no more effective way than visiting a psychologist. I wonder what the professor could advise to those couples in this situation who will never be dragged into the office of a psychotherapist?

4. Cheating turns on...

Many men who like to go left very often fall victim to own desire tickle your nerves, feel the risk, play with fire ... They like to do it, and no one forces them! "It adds a certain level of risk , explains Santagati, and this risk adds excitement". However, if one follows such reasoning, is there anything that can stop such a man, as soon as he firmly intends to go to the left?

Psychologists believe that wives need to maintain a kind of mystery, maintaining the spark of sexual life in the family. In fact, any woman is able to maintain this light in such a way that no man wants to cheat on her. However, according to Santagati, many men also cheat because of feelings of fear, loneliness or aggression. "The cheating partner doesn't deal with these feelings, which leads him to infidelity" he says. I wonder what the professor means?

5. To the side, like hunting!

It often happens that cheating on their wives married men They can't even really explain why they do it. At the same time, with enviable perseverance and constancy spend a lot of time and energy every day looking for something new. In fact, this is akin to the ancient instinct when a man played the role of a hunter and gatherer - after all, this is the role that many lovers of going left now play, the role of a hunter and gatherer of women.

"Perhaps such a man married too soon, suggests Santagati. - Or does he feel like he hasn't tried everything yet?. Women can protect themselves from such relationships, if they can recognize such behavior of their boyfriend. Fortunately for young ladies who do not heed too much other people's advice and the voice of reason, there are several ways to recognize the "male".

Santagati is sure that any woman is able to figure out such a womanizer, carefully observing how a man behaves, being, for example, in a room where there are many very attractive and spectacular women. If a girl fails, as they say, throw the reins on her boyfriend at the beginning romantic dating, there is little chance that it will be possible to do this later. "The first three months are the most revealing", says Santagati.

6. It's all the call of nature, honey ...

"This is our biological nature– be with as many women as possible, says Santagati. - If we have seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace for us. And no matter how beautiful your body is- we get used to it and want to experience something new: new lips, a different figure ... We are monogamous only because we realize that love and friendship are more important things than a random connection on the side".

However, Juliet Williams, assistant professor at the University of California at Los Angeles, strongly disagrees with this statement. "It doesn't matter even the largest number of male infidelities It's still not biologically determined. she said. - There is still a large percentage of men who are monogamous.".

It is difficult to say that this is evolution, biology, or just the pursuit of new sensations, but experts studying the phenomenon adultery, agree that men are really prone to looking for different sexual partners . However, no one dared to say that this process dominates the men. In other words, stronger sex it is quite possible to take control of this process and not change it.

"Most men do not give in to their desires for the simple reason that they do not want to jeopardize their social status, reputation or your marriage, - says Professor Bass of the University of Texas. – Even one of former presidents USA Jimmy Carter, for example, said in one of his interviews that he also has lust in his heart, however, as far as we know, he never followed her lead..

7. It's just sex and nothing else!

For most men, sex and love are two completely different things. “We actually believe that we can love our spouse and still lust after sex with other women. We separate these two concepts in our brain" , - Santagati is sure. This is the simplest division of concepts and allows men to easily cheat on their wives, without feeling any sense of guilt. However, there is one exception here.

“Any sense of guilt that a man may feel after sex is not due to the fact of sex itself, but possible consequences , says Santagati. - Will she continue to obsessively pursue him? Will the wife know anything? If a man is prone to monogamous relationship, he will ask himself main question to betrayal: is it worth it? He must be able to imagine the worst case scenario, which is that his wife finds out and it breaks her heart. Is it worth it?"

8. Not today, honey, not today ...

Let's face the truth. As a rule, men need sex more often than women. And if their wives, tired of worries with children and housework during the day, are not at all inclined to experiments, then even the most intelligent hubby will get bored and start looking to the left. And just more sexy active men Those who have not found a suitable partner will also continue to search after marriage. It's about about the incompatibility of their sexual activity.

9. I change because I can!

As Porthos from The Three Musketeers said - "I fight because I fight!" So it is often extremely difficult for us men to avoid the temptation to rush ... no, not into a fight, but into the bosom of debauchery, especially if this temptation is so accessible! In addition, thanks to the development modern technologies(mainly the Internet), it became easy for men to change literally every minute!

Yes, yes, men cheat all the time - browsing some website on their laptop, or staring at the TV - and they can do it next to their sleeping wife! "We do not mean contact at the level of the genitals, says Hartlane. “Cheating is anything that can break a hole in a relationship, including flirting, sexual communication online, and any secrets from your spouse.” Well, it seems that cheating is not something that happens to a man but what's going on in his brain!

A happy marriage can be overshadowed by various events, but one of the most terrible, which hurts the heart of any woman, is betrayal. You share time, a house, a budget, a bed together - and suddenly he prefers the company of some kind of "flip-tail". How to be? What to do? What actually caused it? Why did he do it? - all these questions attack the confused woman, haunting her.

Let's figure out why men take such a step.

"All men change!"

There is an opinion that men are vile traitors. Well, or not vile, but they change stably and constantly - supposedly this is inherent in nature itself, men themselves are polygamous, you should not expect something more or less serious from them, especially with regard to fidelity in relationships. Whether to agree with this opinion or not is up to you, of course, and we will try to dispel this myth a little.

The fact is that yes, in essence, every person is polygamous, that is, prone to a large number sexual partners. This is due to the desire to leave behind as many offspring as possible, the most viable of which will continue to transfer genetic material further and continue the genus. But, fortunately, we are no longer in the Stone Age, when behavior was determined only by base instincts.

To think that all men are unfaithful is stupid enough. On this moment the decisive role in the fact of treason is played by the personal moral qualities of each specific person. It may seem like something from the realm of fantasy, but a large percentage of men are categorically against cheating, in any form. They explain it simply: a woman next to them, a companion of their life, a wife is their choice. And to change in this case means to change one's choice, and this is a direct disrespect for oneself. It is difficult to argue with such logic.

Therefore, all those who shout about the mandatory polygamy of men, about the fact that " a real man must have a woman on the side", about the obligatory diversity, health benefits and many other reasons why for a man to go "to the left" is the norm - far from the best representatives of the strong half of humanity. In a word, not all men are capable of treason, and the basis of their restraint is in their personal respect to himself, and also to his woman.

However, what to do if a betrayal has occurred? It is worth looking into the possible causes.

Why the husband cheated: let's try to figure out the reasons

So. You are a frustrated woman who found out that her husband cheated. Perhaps he himself came with repentance, he understood everything himself, or perhaps it was just an absurd accident, but knowing what happened is a real stress. Why did he do it? What to do if you love him and are not ready to leave? It is worth thinking about the reason for such an act. We have collected the most common causes betrayals, called unfaithful husbands.

lack of sex

This reason is included in all sorts of tops and charts. One of the most common reasons for the separation of many couples, cheating, quarrels and many other troubles in a relationship lies precisely in this. The discrepancy between sexual desires is generally a very evil, cruel and insidious thing. It's not just about the constant dissatisfaction of one of the partners. Often, the one who is more sexually active in a couple simply does not understand their partner's lesser need for sex. This causes frequent quarrels and conflicts in itself.

Another aspect in this issue are the sexual preferences themselves, as such - someone categorically does not accept any sex other than the classic one with a narrow list of positions, someone cannot be liberated and is embarrassed by light, lack of clothes, his body, and so on ... You can list all the reasons endlessly. And if this may not affect short-term relationships in any way, then with a longer life together this becomes a major problem.

And if a man is not satisfied, he begins to look for a mistress who realizes him sexual desires fully.

Sex as such becomes more insipid over time, boring, and in this case they don’t even save strong feelings. Several years pass, a kind of crisis sets in, when even the most beloved and desired person can no longer excite as much as before. There is a desire for novelty, that very storm of emotions that overwhelmed the head in the first meetings. This is what often pushes men to look for another woman.

Difficult home environment

It often happens that the house becomes not a stronghold of peace and tranquility, but a place of warfare. If you, as a woman, prefer to resolve all issues solely with the help of screaming and moral pressure - be prepared that after a long period of patience, one day your husband will have "hands on", "business trips", and the boss will become just a "beast". At the same time, it’s not really possible to blame him for this very much - any man will seek calmness, support and understanding somewhere on the side, if at home any action is perceived with hostility and leads to a scandal.

But if you like to manipulate a man with the help of sex, or rather the lack of it, then you can safely assume that you are preparing an unenviable fate for yourself.

Appearance

One of the very common reasons why a man gets a mistress is the unwillingness of the second half to take care of himself. You create a family when you are young, beautiful, plus most often you are madly in love and do not notice each other's shortcomings. But after a while, you begin to notice each other's shortcomings. More time passes, you relax and stop looking after yourself.

Remember, on all dates you gathered with all care, dressed, painted, kept yourself in shape with constant training and diets, so that “your favorite dress fits perfectly!” and the man appreciated it.

Of course, you love each other in any way, but every time it’s more pleasant and interesting to look at fit, elegant girls, with beautiful hairstyles, makeup, developing and extraordinary. If you, as a woman, think that since he loves you, then he will not go anywhere and anyone will love, then, unfortunately, you are most likely mistaken. He will love you, however, for the sake of variety and aesthetic pleasure, trips to the side will also quite possibly coexist with your relationship.

Misunderstanding

Despite the fact that it sounds strange, but many men commit adultery only for the reason that they consider their women incapable of understanding all their subtle mental organization, the real depth of problems, and so on ... As well as the real unwillingness to understand their own man - his hobbies, desires, requests. It is absolutely normal that any person will seek understanding at least somewhere, and it is quite possible that the only person who understands will be some kind of local cook - even if not model appearance but still with a big heart and good heart. So be vigilant, treat with understanding the wishes and hobbies of your man.

Cheating for a man: what can it really mean

Suppose we have dealt with the main causes of male infidelity, which lie in the very relationships in the family. However, this is not complete list reasons that lead to such a phenomenon as treason. Therefore, let's figure out why men need it at all ...

Thirst for thrills

This is very similar to primitive hunting: he is a strong earner, hunter, goes in search of a new "victim". The process of flirting, attraction new girl into their networks, for such males it is a powerful adrenaline stimulant, akin to extreme sports. The process is important here, the emotions that it evokes, and it doesn’t always come to bed, and if it does, then it’s just a beautiful “point” in the hunt.

Sharpening of the senses

Many men admit that going to the side for them is like a pill that can rekindle a fading passion in a relationship with their wife or beloved woman. That is, the very fact of doing something not entirely right, the fear of being caught red-handed, the very process of conspiracy - already exacerbate all feelings to the limit, exciting, like well-aged wine. And the experience gained with another woman allows you to compare sensations, bring new experience into existing relationship and for a long time gives brighter feelings in a relationship with his woman. In addition, it often happens that on the other hand it is worse for him, and the man begins to appreciate the current relationship.

Different perception

There are men who absolutely distinguish directly between sex, flirting, feelings of love and affection. That is, they do not tritely consider it a betrayal of relations with other women - they still love you! Well, what else do you need, because of what you are upset?

A funny fact - many women believe that marital dishonesty in a relationship on the part of a man is an axiom, which in any case will be present in the process of living together. Even before the wedding, many wives are instructed by older relatives: give freedom to your husband, work up - he will return. But what do all these trips to the side really mean for men? Let's figure it out:

• Tired of routine
• Lack of attention from wife
• Excessive attention or unreasonable suspicion from the wife,
• Thirst for new or just "sharp" sensations,
• Feeling of loneliness, uselessness in your family,
• The desire to realize their sexual desires and fantasies,
• Lack of sex
• Increase self-esteem,
• Increasing "coolness" among friends.

That is, we see that in some cases, one way or another, both parties are to blame - both the cheating husband and his woman. This is not an attempt to shift the blame, But serious occasion think - is your couple at risk?

How do I know if my husband is cheating on me?

Having dealt with all the reasons, it's time to think: what to do if the fact of infidelity is not proven, but "all men cheat!"? How can you find out if your husband is really cheating?

There are a number of signs that may indicate the fact of marital dishonesty. However, do not rush to immediately rush at your man with claims! Unproven accusations can not only offend and offend your man, but also push him to commit such an act.

Why should you be careful? The fact is that a man can think like this: “Okay, she thinks that I'm cheating on her and makes scandals. Let this at least be true.” And then they go to change for real.

So, the signs when a man found another:

• Suddenly appeared rush at work, overtime and extra working days;
• New telephone contacts who need communication at a later time;
• Phone, computer, tablet and other equipment acquired passwords, becoming controlled no worse than classified objects;
• Many telephone conversations they began to demand an urgent exit “to the air” or to the farthest room, and when reading some messages, the facial expression changes unpredictably;
• Business trips, meetings with friends, trips to bars, matches or fishing trips appeared or became more frequent;
• The choice of clothes, shoes, perfume, as well as appearance in general, has become too much time;
• Alien hair on clothes / in the car;
• Traces of cosmetics, the smell of someone else's perfume;
• Appeared coldness towards you, irritability, alienation;
• There was a sudden craving for taking care of your figure and health;
• More rare sex or less attention to you.

Remember that all of these points can have a logical, and most importantly, truthful explanation. Don't go overboard looking for what isn't there, but be alert to clear changes in behavior. Indeed, sometimes, jealousy scenes based on unverified facts spoil some unusual surprises and relationships. So weigh everything well before making a claim.

How not to give rise to betrayal?

It is very important to always remain desirable and beautiful so that your man admires you every second. Do not believe the man on duty: "Yes, dear, you are my best." Firstly, slow changes are not particularly noticeable, and secondly, what kind of man wants to create a quarrel out of nothing? Here are a few points to never forget:

• Look after yourself. Behind your figure, weight, clothes, hygiene. And, keep an eye on it all the time. Many women think that since you are already living together, everything is fine in your couple, then you can relax. That is, do not do your hair, walk in pajamas or home stretched sweatpants and a T-shirt, gain a few pounds, and so on. This position is unacceptable! Do not neglect the comb, beautiful home clothes, healthy eating, otherwise there is a risk one day to see some pretty and well-groomed lady in the arms of her beloved husband.
• Develop. If you got married or moved in with a young man, this does not mean that now your only area of ​​\u200b\u200binterest is cooking and cleaning. Remember: a good life partner must be good friend And interesting interlocutor. Any man will appreciate it. It is not necessary to share all the interests of your chosen one, but you should not forget about your own hobbies either. Learn something new, discuss it with your man, and you will always remain interesting.
• Experiment. And in everything. Variety is needed not only in nutrition and appearance but especially in bed. It is not necessary to come up with a daily show program, but from time to time it is not only possible, but even necessary, to arrange surprises.
• Be restrained. Of course women more emotional than men and more susceptible to mood swings. However, this does not mean that absolutely all emotions should always be dumped on a partner. Learn tact, always find out the details before drawing conclusions, do not be a "saw" for your husband.
• Create comfort, warmth, care. That's what a man needs when he comes home. Provide him with all this, be attentive to your loved one, create a stronghold of calm for him. Many men see in a woman, among other things, the keeper of the hearth.

By following all these simple rules, you will significantly reduce the likelihood that one day your man, the earner, will want to turn his eyes to someone else. Thus, you will always remain in the center of his attention, and he will already be extremely attentive and careful, otherwise you never know ...

Summing up, I want to say a little about the "mistakes". These are the very cases when your beloved man gets drunk somewhere, waking up in bed with an unfamiliar beauty. Or he gives in to a sudden outburst of passion for a colleague, and then he himself does not understand what happened and why this is necessary. In such cases, all of them themselves go to confession, swearing that they were beguiled and they will never do this again. Forgive them or not - the choice is yours. However, if a person cannot control his instincts, then it is worth considering ...

Another common type of marital dishonesty is the popular chat roulette, in which many are engaged in far from communicating on different topics. How to respond to this, again, is up to you. Most "real men" do not see anything wrong with this, and technically this is not even cheating, but it still leaves an extremely unpleasant aftertaste. If talking does not help, do not be afraid to contact psychologists and psychotherapists. That's much better constant quarrels and scandals that will exhaust not only your husband, but also your nerves.

Remember that the most important thing is to love, appreciate and respect yourself first of all. After all, the fear of losing a man can lead to a complete loss of your personality, your own boundaries and interests. In many ways, it depends on your attitude towards yourself how a man will treat you. You should not forgive something or agree to something if it is unacceptable for you, but in the name of love you can. It's not worth it. Take care of yourself and be happy!

In our society, many men do not feel self-sufficient always and everywhere.

At the first time of family relations, the inner emptiness of the husband is closed by his wife. They think they will love each other forever.

A wife for him is a woman who will always be with him.

Now he feels self-sufficient and safe.

In your family, you yourself can deprive each other of that what you then start looking for in other people:

• The wife may begin to deprive the husband of his sense of self-sufficiency and confidence. during frequent scandals, domestic problems or misunderstandings. This happens when spouses are together for a very long time.
• Time passes, the wife no longer gives that love that she gave before. And the husband is looking for her in the arms of his mistress.
• The wife no longer gives this feeling of fullness and harmony, the husband begins to look for this feeling on the side.

If this is exactly what happens in your relationship, then that is why a married man will take a mistress.

This is a problem not only for the wife, but also for the husband. He had to raise his level of awareness, work on himself and be self-sufficient on his own, without relying on external factors.

2. He found a mistress who is just cool

With a wife, often the husband does not feel cool. With a wife - this is a family, this is love, an idyll and children.

And there is another girl with whom it's cool!

We will reveal in more detail the question of why men have mistresses and the psychology of their thinking, why do they secretly spend time with them:

1. The mistress helps her husband mentally get away from family and domestic problems.
2. He has a mistress with whom he wants intimacy and who is very turns on.
3. He gets himself a girl who fascinates him.
4. The mistress gives those new emotions and sensations that the wife does not give.
5. With this new woman he can talk about things he would never talk to his wife about.

3. Routine, addiction and monotony in the family

Husbands cheat on wives because they want variety. They want adventure, something new.

The family should not have a routine life.

A person cannot eat the same yogurt in the morning, afternoon, evening and night. You won't be able to eat this yogurt for two weeks every day because it's not normal and you'll get tired of it.

The same thing can happen in your family.

4. Lost attraction and chemistry between you

Attraction and chemistry in a relationship lasts 0.5 - 2 years maximum. Then everything ends.

The opinion of scientists about why husbands cheat on their wives is getting used to the partner's pheromones. Because of this addiction, you are already fed up with each other.

These are the realities of life. Everything can get fed up.

5. The spouse is polygamous and before that he lived an open relationship

On the topic of what his psychology is and why men cheat on girls, it would be correct to mention the following facts:

• Your spouse can't immediately suppress their instincts, if before he gave them full will. He can't stop and look at other women no more.
• No matter how much you feed the wolf, it still looks into the forest.
• If a man is an alpha male in life, a hunter and a lover, then it will be difficult for him to suppress it in himself.
• The guy wants to live according to his intentions and desires but he can't do it openly and cheats.

Therefore, he secretly gets cool mistresses, with whom it’s cool and with whom you can temporarily forget about family life and all the problems arising from it.

6. She gives all her time to the child

If a child has appeared in your family, then the mother will spend a lot of time at first only with him.

How does a baby affect your sex life?:

• These are constant screams at night that will not let you rest together.
• This is baby care, diapers, breastfeeding.
• A woman after childbirth cannot make love.
• Sometimes, when a baby sucks milk from a mother, some women find breastfeeding a lot of fun. And the wife no longer wants to spend time in bed with her husband.

From here, as a rule, life in bed in your family fades into the background.

The husband does not find any other way out, how to extinguish his passion with his mistress.

IN this case psychology is that husbands cheat on their wives and want more at night, but they do not want to leave their family and child.

7. Everything is bad in bed, dissatisfaction

Some women are not yet fully aware of their femininity and attractiveness.

Your mating games in bed may not satisfy your partner.

Not all women are skilled in bed for the following reasons.:

• Wife is very young and not so experienced.
• Some girls are very tight, do not know how to express their passion and love at night.
• Ignorance and knowledge limitations.
• Not all wives want to accept the fantasies of their men. A man by nature loves to turn his extreme fantasies into reality. Some refuse to experiment at all.

If a man has tried this way and that, but it does not change and does not bring diversity in bed, out of desperation, he can find himself a mistress.

Or even just find a walking girl for one night.

After all, if the wife is very bad in bed, a man can find a girl who is simply better in many ways.

A husband can find that girl on the side who makes him just endure the brain in bed. He will secretly admire her and not tell you.

About a different smell

Not all men know that the wife always recognizes the smell of another woman.. Even if the spouse went to the shower or perfumed herself, she intuitively understands and feels everything. The man does not suspect anything, and the woman delves into her head and keeps wondering: “Why do guys cheat on their girls?”.

And the husband may still naively believe that everything is under control, and he owns the situation. He does not even suspect that his wife recognized the smell of another.

8. Because of the perception "You can change, as long as no one knows"

From television and mass media to the brain young man from birth lay the idea that married men are required to change.

Guys cheat, even though they love their girlfriend, because for them it is considered the norm and commonplace, as if in the order of things.

In some families, wives directly make it clear to their partner: “ If you're cheating on me, then so that I don't know».

They really voice it and say it, and the spouse remembers and draws conclusions.

Of course, then the wife will regret what she said if the betrayal comes up.

9. To create jealousy or revenge

Some men are very jealous. They may be driven by selfish motives for treason.

That is, even for a simple feelings of envy or feelings of inferiority The husband wants to make his wife jealous.

Also, the reason may be that the wife spent time with the wrong people or cheated on him once.

Then the man will want to fill the hole in his self-esteem and amuse his pride on the side by taking revenge on his wife.

For example, he sees how at some holiday his wife communicates and flirts with other men.

Her husband is often jealous of her for all the men in a row.

He remembers all this, and is looking for a mistress in order to to be jealous now.

10 Male Patriarchy

Subconsciously, the man has this belief: “ I can do it with whoever I want, but the girl can't". Maybe for girls this will be a shocking answer to the question of why men cheat. But that's how our society works.

That is, in this case, the husband puts his interests above his wife and allows himself to go to the left.

The man thinks he has some kind of privilege because of the patriarchy in the family.

Also, the cause of treason may be that as a child, the husband's father also cheated on his wife.

Now an adult repeats the mistakes of parents.

11. Selfish motives

The desire to prove to yourself and friends "what a cool lover I am"

The following selfish motives may be the reasons for a husband’s infidelity:

1. To indulge your ego, feel superior.
   Read more about ego and selfishness here.
2. Satisfy your libido.
3. From early childhood there was a lack of female attention. And now, when a man has learned that one could always have attention, one has only to do something, the man embarks on the unknown.
4. Because of the desire to assert themselves in front of friends, to get their approval, so that they would say to him: “Wow! Probably fried? Wow, man!"
5. He wants to prove to himself that he is capable of owning other women.
   After all, he had never been able to do this before.
6. Her husband's friends are bachelors and they always have something to tell about their adventures. The husband also decided that it was time to brag about something and went to the left.
   That is the reason for showing off to friends.

12. The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself.

Because the husband has already conquered his wife and won her heart. Now there is no one to conquer.

The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:

1. Years later, the wife ceases to follow her figure, she is already satisfied with a fat belly.
2. Now she does not dress as beautifully as before, she wears a dressing gown and curlers in her hair.
3. She lost the spark in her eyes, zest and femininity.
4. The woman is no longer attractive.

If all this is happening, then it is not surprising that a hot beauty from work replaced his wife in bed.

Of course, a woman does not always have to be beautiful, but she must be conscious and self-confident, radiate love.

For more information on how to become more self-confident for a woman, we.

13. By an alcoholic accident

There is one expression that sounds like "we saw the night, walked all night until the morning."

And if the men walked all night until the morning, along with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women , then a drunken husband may forget about his wife by the end of the evening.

After all, an appetizing beauty sits on it and there is a lot of alcohol around. Then a man cheats because male look he sees only girls with a good figure nearby, who, moreover, breathe very unevenly towards him.

Because of alcohol, he forgets about that one.

He no longer has much control over his speech and actions.

Change happens unconsciously.

It happens both in clubs and on noisy parties, holidays and other drunk places.

Video from guru

IN next video understands the dilemma about why the husband cheats and does not leave the family and his wife. In his opinion, this is due to the lack of love. About all the pitfalls, see this video.

Why does the husband say nothing and stay in the family

Let's close once and for all the question of why men cheat on their wives, but do not leave them. The most common are the following reasons:

1. He doesn't need all this property division mess.
2. He does not want to pay child support all his life if he has a child.
3. He does not want to go to court and fill out all these papers.
4. He does not want to disturb the family idyll.
5. The husband wants the child to grow up with the father.
6. He does not need quarrels and scandals.
7. He has a family hearth where there is security, harmony, food and sleep. Why break it?
8. He is so good and cool when you can sleep with two girls.
9. He is satisfied with the current state of affairs.

Whose fault is this and how to solve the problem

It should be understood that both partners are to blame for the betrayal. You decide what to do with it next.

But in order to prevent adultery, the wife should realize the following things:

1. She can be both a lover and a wife at the same time..
2. A wife can play several roles at the same time and there will be no change.
3. Wives just don't get enough correct model behavior mistress, where she will delight her husband.

All this will help to avoid betrayal and have a happy and harmonious family.

Each of us, one way or another, faced betrayal. Even if not in their own relationships, then on the example of close relatives or girlfriends. Adultery is a constant attribute of romance novels, feature films, interviews about the life of stars and TV shows. We come into contact with this phenomenon so often that we consider it a part of life. And when someone Once again says that “all men cheat”, we are not trying to dispute this statement, but we nod our heads knowingly, somewhere in our heads convincing ourselves that “my man is not like that.”

Is a man really polygamous and cannot exist in a relationship?

What generally pushes the representatives of the stronger sex into the arms of another woman?

And is there insurance against treason?

Polls show that more than a third of men cheat. Let's try to understand their motives.

1. "The body demands"

Lack or lack of sex in a relationship. I will write this reason first, although this is one of those aspects that a man is able to put up with for a while. But with the imposition of other factors or if there is an opportunity, this one will “work” very quickly.

Sex is a natural basic need of the body. Compare - if your man wants to eat, he comes home and waits for dinner, but instead he gets an empty table and a refrigerator. The situation repeats itself for a month, and at first you try to find the reasons for the lack of food, and then you just say “no dinner!”.

How long a man stays on a diet is an individual question. It is only important to understand that as soon as someone beckons him with a full table of food, he will go. And not because the “bad” or “wants to destroy the relationship”, but because the body requires.

1. "This is fine"

These are “womanizers” who are not capable of deep relationships, and those whose fathers were not faithful, and such a model of behavior is considered “normal” for them.

These are also those men in whose head there lives a pattern that the presence of a mistress is an indicator of success and status: the director has a secretary-lover, a millionaire has a young mistress, successful man basically a lot of women.

These stereotypes are brought up by the society and sometimes they are not even realized. These men do not feel guilty or are not tormented by remorse, they consider such a model of behavior to be absolutely natural.

1. "I'll prove"

Sometimes it is the woman herself who provokes men to cheat. claiming he has a "small dick"/"he can't satisfy her"/"can't do anything in bed, but her ex was...".

Often women say this in a fit of a quarrel, and after a while they forget, but for many men this is a blow below the belt. Then he looks for other women in order to prove to himself that he is a "hero-lover" and can please a woman.

The same thing happens when a woman humiliates her partner as a person: “You are not capable of anything! Who needs you anyway?!” You have to find someone who is "needed and dear" in order to dispel this myth.

1. "We live under the same roof"

Yes, and this is what happens: feelings faded, sex is long gone, children and habit hold together. For the relationship of a man and a woman, this is certain death: to live with a feeling of uselessness, hopelessness and, at the same time, hopelessness. A man is looking for someone who will give him emotions and passion to compensate for what he does not get at home.

When a crisis in a relationship lasts more than the first day, life seems gray, and the routine drives you into depression, betrayal becomes a way to break out of this vicious circle and bring something new to life!

1. "She's not like that"

Many men are afraid to share their erotic fantasies . After all, their woman is “not like that!”, she will say that it is dirty and immoral, she will classify her as a pervert. Therefore, he is looking for someone who will not be offended and will not condemn, but will share his fantasies with him. Similar situations far from uncommon, they occur in couples who "love and respect each other very much."

I faced similar cases in his practice: a man got a mistress in order to deal with her oral sex, because he was deeply convinced that such things "humiliate his wife as a person, and decent women they don't do that."

1. "Middle age crisis"

Yes it one of the stages in a man's life when he is most prone to cheating. After all, he has reached a certain stage in his life: his youth is behind him, and there are many questions in his head: “What is ahead? What have I achieved in this life? Is all the best already in the past?

At this moment, the man is trying to feel “young” again, trying to prove to himself that there is still gunpowder in the flask, that he is interesting to women and is able to win many.

1. "Diversity"

This is the main reason for male infidelity. They are looking for variety!

A new body, new emotions, risk - all this stimulates a powerful release of hormones. After all, in long relationship passion, as a rule, subsides, we get used to each other, and the proximity of bodies causes, rather, not lust, but love and tenderness. We know everything about each other, sex turns from a hurricane of passion into a ritual where words, actions, and positions are known in advance.

Change makes you feel "alive". Men are not only looking for a new partner, they are looking for variety in caresses, sensations, emotions.

It is clear that these are not all the reasons why men cheat, but definitely the main ones. Is there insurance against cheating? I think no!

But there are ways to minimize the risks as much as possible.

— Get rid of the "everyone changes" attitude - our worst expectations usually come true!

Where thoughts are, there is energy! Are you sure it's worth feeding this belief? The world is a mirror: having a clear belief in something in our head, we seem to ask our subconscious mind to confirm it. So only womanizers will meet on the way.

— Stop suspecting him!

The brain is a tricky thing, very often it helps us to see only what we want to see. You will start to think that your partner is cheating, and very soon you will find convincing evidence of this.

A couple came to counseling after an affair. When the question arose why this happened, the man answered simply and directly: “I would never cheat on her. And it wasn't in my mind! But she got so tired of her suspicions and constant attempts to convict her of treason, that I decided how to endure all this on empty place I'd rather "suffer for the cause"".

— Respect your man and listen to him- do not allow yourself to speak disparagingly about your partner either alone or, especially, in the presence of strangers.

Do not give an assessment of his "bed" exploits and "geometric" parameters - let it be taboo for you. Even if you don't like or don't like something!

Find a way to fix the situation without criticism and mutual reproaches, if the situation cannot be changed, then try to find positive sides rather than highlighting flaws. Listen to your partner: talking about your desires is great, but sometimes, just listening to your loved one, you will get much more useful information.

— Love yourself - many women in a relationship forget about themselves!

Stop being a free application for home and children, remember that you are young and beautiful. Take care of your health and beauty, find time for self-care - if you realize your worth, a man will feel it.

— Be different - arrange surprises for your man and get out of the usual image.

This also applies Everyday life! Used to walking around in jeans and a T-shirt - put on a dress and heels; go home with a bun and without makeup - do make-up and hair; used to being a business woman - put on shorts and a funny t-shirt, play teenage girl. A woman is able to change not only externally, but also internally. try on different images!

— Add extreme - most cheating attract men with their spontaneity.

But it will cease to be interesting if he can get an adrenaline rush and new emotions with his beloved woman. When you last time had sex outside the bedroom? What about outside the home? Try it! Most women enjoy fast sex just as much as men.

— Bring variety to sex life - sometimes we do not even think about how many caresses and manifestations of eroticism exist in the world.

Chosen women have been taught the "art of love" since ancient times, but our sex education culture certainly doesn't. Try to learn new skills by going to courses or training. Variety is what every man is looking for, but this does not necessarily mean changing partners. Now each of us has a chance to become a "chosen" and unique mistress.

Very soon I will launch the online course "Secrets of the marriage chambers", these are three trainings aimed at awaken in a woman the state of a mistress. After all, it is in this state of fire and passion that we, like a magnet, attract men, and make our beloved languish with desire. The ability to give the highest pleasure to a partner multiplies the value of a woman, encourages a man to protect, care, give gifts and cherish.

You will gain knowledge, techniques and skills that will help you build deep and sensual relationships, add variety to your sex life, and will also be invaluable when you cannot have vaginal sex, such as during pregnancy and the postpartum period.

The trainings will be held on September 16, 17, 19 from 20.00 to 21.30 in the format of a webinar, for those who cannot attend, a recording will be available.

Details and registration by phone in.

Editorial opinion may not reflect the views of the author.
In case of health problems, do not self-medicate, consult a doctor.

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Why does a man cheat on his beloved? After all, sometimes he cheats on the one he loves and with whom he has an excellent relationship. Changes with the one that means nothing to him. Why does he risk losing everything? Consequence adultery are the collapse of marital relations. According to statistics, cheating happens in our time very often. Moreover, men cheat five to six times more often than women. Cheating is a rather complex phenomenon, which is based on many reasons.

Reasons for cheating husband

The topic of male infidelity in marriage remains an eternal mystery. It survives centuries and goes through the entire history of marital relations. There are a lot of reasons for men to cheat, and often they are very absurd. They lie in the field of physiology and psychology, in education and in character. IN Lately a significant role was played by the sexual revolution of the middle of the last century and the obsessive propaganda of free sexual relations at the present time.

Physiology and love

Man's love has its own characteristics, according to psychologists. Yes, there is something in male passion that distinguishes it from the passion of a woman. A man's love is basically in the realm of physiology, while a woman's love is in the realm of psychology. Sexual need feeds all the feelings of a man. Having reached her satisfaction, passion gradually fades away. Women's love durable and a man needs to try very hard so that she stops loving him. Find out more on our website.

The next feature of men, according to experts, is their polygamy. What does it mean? Is it bad or good? Nature has made them so. Men have a desire for sexual diversity. They are biologically programmed to leave as many offspring as possible. To do this, you need to have many sexual relationships with many women. This postulate can be taken into account, but you can treat it skeptically.

Another reason that lies in the field of psychology is the difference in temperament. Pronounced extroverts do not tolerate routine and monotony family life. They, like air, need new impressions and experiences, relationships and new contacts.

Love, family, cheating

The reason for cheating on a husband often lies in family relationships. When marrying, young people dream of a lifelong romantic adventure. But six months later, dreams are shattered about family life, material problems and difficulties cohabitation. First, disappointment appears, and then boredom in the relationship, diluted with endless showdowns. Boredom and the monotonous course of life push men to infidelity. Most often, betrayal begins after 4 or 5 years spent together. Each person is a separate, unique and very complex world. Especially it concerns . According to psychologists, men who cheat on their wives because of their desire to add variety to gray, boring family everyday life, to avoid solving those problems that naturally arise in marital relations. Constant, dissatisfaction with sexual relations with his wife are also a source of male infidelity.

During the first years of marriage, it is very important to learn how to communicate with each other. On early stage relationship was mutual understanding and the desire to hear and understand your partner. Over the years, we seem to unlearn how to communicate with our loved ones. And men who cheat on their wives say that no one in their family understands that they are lonely. Are they able to understand their wives themselves? Love is a bonus given to us by nature to build relationships. But - this is work, and she does not accept "freebies". Unfortunately, modern man does not know how to work in love.

But they deceive not only the one from which they are tired, but also the beloved woman. Why do men cheat on their beloved wife, jeopardizing existing relationships? What are the reasons for this inconsistent behavior? This:

• the eternal desire of men for self-affirmation, including in the sexual sphere. Starting new relationships on the side, he increases his significance not only in the eyes of his friends, but also proves to himself that he is still good for something;
• inflated self-esteem pushes men to rash and often dangerous actions;
• the desire to feel at least sometimes free from the family and tired of its problems;
• monotony of family life. And a mistress is a real adventure, full of new experiences;
• indifference to female charm. Men have a pronounced desire for conquest. If he likes a woman, and she is not against a relationship with him, it is difficult for him to refuse another adventure, because not only women love with their ears, but also the stronger sex is greedy for flattery and compliments;
• banal alcohol intoxication;
• when his wife was for him random person. And this is already a question of a serious attitude of a man to the choice of a life partner;
• mental immaturity of a man who does not know how to control himself and his primitive complexes.

How do men explain their infidelity?

Why do husbands cheat on their wives male point vision? Their explanations about the novels on the side are astonishing. Everything is simple with them, and the adventure on the side has nothing to do with feelings. Think:

• a little romance with a woman with whom he had a relationship even before he met his wife. Well, met my ex-girlfriend, talked and just slept with her;
• an easy adventure that means nothing to him, since the woman was indifferent to him;
• there were several meetings and in general all these are temporary hobbies;
• professional activities associated with frequent business trips;
• features of male physiology and so on. And every unfaithful man has his excuses.

When explaining their adventure, most men say that there was nothing interesting there, that it was just a small adventure. It somehow came out by itself, it just happened that way. And their love affair had nothing to do with his wife at all. There was a situation where he just could not resist. What is going on? Are men just slaves to their physiology, their hormones? Or they like to feel like conquerors female hearts, confidently marching from one bed to another. And they, men, are sincerely surprised by the reaction of women to their deceit: after all, nothing serious has happened from their point of view, and her response seems inadequate to them.

What is the reaction of a woman who was cheated on by a man? This is depression and confusion, misunderstanding and resentment, a dead end in marital relations. The betrayal of her husband, among other things, is a powerful blow to her self-esteem for a woman. The woman feels humiliated and insulted in her trust. This causes aggression, which is followed by. What is worth experiencing? The woman is faced with the question: “What to do? Which path to choose to solve this most difficult problem? Psychologists offer the following solutions: forgive the deceit, accept the situation and leave everything as it is, develop a plan and act on it and not forgive, Which one is the best? It all depends on the state of family relations.

If the marriage has long existed on paper, then it is better to get a divorce and not torment each other. At least there is an opportunity to meet new love find new relationships. If this is the first crack in the relationship, then it should be understood that the partner’s infidelity is already the result of the existing marital relationship, that the time has come to change oneself and communication in the family. We need a cold analysis of the situation, a calm showdown and actions according to the developed plan.

Another option is to consider the reasons for the betrayal and forgive. Divorce is not always the best way out of a situation. Forgive and never remind your spouse about it. But this does not mean that everything should remain unchanged.

It's time to work on yourself. Or the next option: proudly and with dignity to wear branched horns on your head. Of course, every woman chooses her own model of responding to deceit. But whatever the way out of the situation, betrayal changes everything: the family, the relationship, and the spouses themselves.

Women's love is long and patient. The cure for female passion can only be the time that separates her from her lover. But her love is able to save the relationship. But for this, several rules must be observed from the very beginning of the relationship.

1. We are all selfish. If we do something for another, we do it, first of all, for ourselves. Therefore, you need to learn unconditional love and not demand a reward for it from your loved one.
2. Remembering what is good for us may be bad for the one we love. In a relationship, “good” should be for everyone. And forget about claims: they are the worst enemy of love relationships.
3. Never dissolve in love and in the beloved. In this case, we risk being left alone. They love interesting, strong, self-confident women. A well-worn and reread book. best case moves farther away.

Why do men cheat, but prefer to stay in the family?

When a husband cheats on his wife, he does not think about leaving for his mistress or casual girlfriend, and considers his wife's reaction to be excessive. Why does he stay in the family? There are reasons for this:

• passivity and male laziness to change anything. Everything is very good with him - he has a home, a family and a mistress. And if the wife does not even know about the presence of another warm nest, then this is just a miracle. Is it worth changing something, building new relationships;
• fear of the future. It is unknown. An unfaithful husband does not know what awaits him if he breaks up with his wife. It is difficult to predict the reaction of close and distant relatives, and even friends, set up by his wife against him, how to communicate with children later. The problems are quite serious. Why complicate life if everything is fine. Who knows what surprises await him in a new relationship.

Unfaithful husbands try to stay in the family, even when their deceit becomes known to everyone. A break with his wife, leaving the family is a very serious step in terms of psychology. It's easier to justify your behavior with a thousand reasons.

Kings or destroyers?

Men are like kings who often find themselves in the ruins of their kingdom. They are destroyers. That is their psychology.

It is no coincidence that the commandment “Do not commit adultery!” has existed since ancient times and remains relevant today. This is a serious warning to men: betrayal is the path to loss of health. Relentless statistics show that out of sixteen representatives of the stronger sex who received a heart attack, eleven are victims of campaigns on the side.

In general, betrayal remains betrayal, deceit and betrayal, no matter what verbal attire it is dressed up in. Not strength sexual desires men, and the weakness of his psyche leads to betrayal of his wife. And the glorified predisposition of men to polygamy is a mixture of infantility and cowardice, immaturity and weakness of personality. This is the inability to make serious and responsible decisions, the lack of readiness for independent action.

It's hard for men to accept that they're getting old and will die sooner or later, no matter how many lovers they've had and what kind of beds they've been in. And a family where you are needed, where you are believed and loved, probably means more than a series of sexual intrigues. So why do men cheat on their wives? Psychology does not give us an exact answer.