Typical reasons for adultery. Specifics of marital conflict. Causes of disruption of family interaction

Training “Family. Crises of family life. Conflicts in the family"

Goal: Expand the concepts of “family”, “conflict”, “crises of family life”. Formation and development of skills of constructive behavior in conflict situations.

Objectives: Learn to understand the causes of conflicts and crises in family life, their positive and negative consequences;

Determine your own style of behavior in conflict situations (“I am in conflict”);

Learn to resolve conflict constructively, in which both sides benefit;

Time:

Progress:

1 Ex. "Hand" (10 min.)

Goal: getting to know the participants, creating a friendly and working atmosphere in the group.

Handouts: sheets of paper, tape.

Introduction (5 min):

Since our professional activities are related to providing assistance, working with families and children, and we ourselves have families, it should be noted that the importance of family in the life of every person can hardly be overestimated. The family gives us support, support, warmth, communication skills, and the first lessons of love. It helps us develop character, teaches us to overcome difficulties, etc. And the more prosperous the family, the more attention it pays to each member of the family, including the child, the more more confident person will feel in life, the better our society will become. Certainly the most important role Parents play a role in every child's life. Children imitate them, they want to be like them. For the formation and development of a child’s personality, not only his relationship with his parents plays an important role, but also how the parents relate to each other. Since it is in childhood that the model of future family life is formed. Looking at the attitude of her parents towards each other, the girl creates an ideal model of her own future family. Of course, over time this ideal model will change, but only some of its features will change, and the essence will remain the same. An interesting fact is that quite often girls who grew up in prosperous families marry men similar to their fathers, not only in character, but also in appearance. That is why it is so important to learn to understand and maintain family relationships, to understand the causes of conflicts and crises in family life, and to learn to resolve conflict constructively. Happy is he who is happy at home.

Information block:

What do you think a family is? – discussion –

Family is one of the main institutions of people. In other words, a family is people united by family ties or marriage, living together. Also, family is the greatest value in the lives of most people. For a child, the family is precisely the environment in which his psychology, his character and at the same time his future are formed.

According to research by sociologists and family counselors and psychotherapists, each family goes through several stages of development, and the transition from one to another is usually accompanied bycrisis. It is generally accepted that complications in family life are primarily caused by everyday difficulties. But, besides everyday life, there are a lot of reasons that can provoke a crisis in a family at any stage of its existence. Firstly, problems in family life can begin when one of the spouses experiences his own psychological crisis, difficulties at work, problems in relationships with relatives, changes in financial situation (both for the worse and for the better), the family moving to another city or country. And, of course, more serious stress factors - serious illnesses, deaths, job loss, birth of defective children... Crises in family life are one of the components normal development families. Conventionally, all existing crises of family life are considered as two variants of crises:Development crisis . These are crises that predictably arise throughout life and at different stages of family development (the birth of a child, marriage, children growing up, etc.);

Crisis situation . Most crises fall into this category and are unpredictable stress factors (job loss, divorce, conflicts, etc.);

The emergence of a family is a stage conventionally called “pre-family”.

Formation of a family (formation of a single psychological and spiritual space).

The birth of the family itself in its branched structure (the union of two generations, older and younger).

Growing up children and the division of generations.

Separation of children from the parental family.

Repeating the cycle.

A family, like a living organism, has its own periods of childhood, adolescence, prosperity, illness, aging and withering. The transition from one period to another is often associated with the emergence of contradictions in the relationship between husband and wife and, as a result, can lead to crises in family life. The paradox is that crises in family life are more painful if the family arose on the basis of passionate love and, conversely, calmly and almost imperceptibly if the creation of a marriage was dictated by purely business considerations.

The first crisis period is associated with a change in the partner’s image, namely, with a decrease in his psychological status. If at the beginning of family life he or she seemed to be “the best,” then during the crisis there comes a moment when shortcomings come to the fore loved one. Family life, like a pendulum, at the beginning of life deviated towards the positive pole (positive exaggeration), and then sharply darted towards the negative pole (negative exaggeration).

Resolution: Couples experience crises in family life constructively, stop criticizing each other, and move to an average, balanced state, calmly highlighting both each other’s strengths and weaknesses. At the same time, they place the emphasis in their relationships on merits.

The second crisis period is psychological fatigue from each other, attraction to freshness and novelty in relationships. Men often experience this period especially acutely.

Resolution: This crisis of family life is experienced less painfully by those families in which the leash “looses” - the conditions for relative freedom and independence of each other are mutually recognized, and also where both begin to look for ways to renew their relationships.

The third crisis period is the birth of a child. It is usually difficult for both men and women to tolerate. But men suffer a lot in the first year after the birth of a child, and women in the second. Men often say that in the first year they have a lot of fear and anxiety for the family, the wife loses her ability to work and the entire financial burden of responsibility falls on the man, this is a very tense situation. At this moment, the woman is almost unable to provide support to her husband; she devotes herself entirely to the child. The second year of a child's life is very difficult for the wife. She was at home for a long time, her whole life was a feeding schedule. This is where a woman has doubts about whether her husband is still interested in her, and whether she is still worth anything as a specialist.

Resolution: Usually those families survive where the husband and wife do not stop talking to each other. During this period, husband and wife have very different tasks and they live, as they say, “about different things,” and are also completely absorbed in their business.

The fourth crisis period is usually identified by all psychologists and even non-psychologists. This family age is seven years. Usually the crisis of this period is associated with boredom in family life, but if you think about it, a young family still has nothing to be bored about. The husband is at the top of his career, the wife continues her professional path, the child is growing rapidly and delights the parents with daily “growth news.” The thing is that at the age of seven, children in families usually go to school. What does it mean? This means that for the first time the young family will have to show the world what they have raised. This is the time of the first exams for the child, and the child is the fruit of the union.

Resolution: Also remember about idealization/devaluation. Our child may not be better than others, but certainly not worse. Usually the world accepts children well, the main thing is that parents do not create additional stress.

The fifth crisis period is a crisis of family life, when a child turns into a teenager. The first stage of separating a child from the family, at first it is the separation of only opinions. For a teenager, authorities appear besides his parents. The family may perceive this period as the collapse of the family; for men and women this is something new - the child brings new opinions and views into the house.

Resolution: Paradoxically, the family will grow stronger if it loosens its boundaries a little. This is a wonderful period when you can test the strength of a family that it is not destroyed under the influence of something new that a child brings to the family.

The sixth crisis period is the moment when the family again becomes of two people, the children leave the house. It would be more correct to write about distance. The child does not leave the family, parental family always remains a refuge for him, he can always return there. Usually this is the most difficult period for family. Many couples break up when the spouses are forty years old. Usually difficult for both women and men. Life practically has to be redrawn, looking for new meanings in it. Men are attracted to young women in the hope of once again going through the cycle from starting a family to leaving children; women often pay more attention to their careers. Relationships at this stage are sometimes understood as exhausted, mission accomplished.

Resolution: Usually helps to learn again, have fun.

Exercise "Director"

Goal: reflection on the material covered.

Instructions: you need to make a film about a family that is going through one of the crises in their relationships. Screenwriters write a short script (scene), submit it to the Director, who distributes the roles and selects the actors. The actors act out the scene. Discussion (what is the conflict, what crisis period did you show)

Tools: paper pen

Exercise "KABUKA Theater"

Goal: uniting the team, setting up for further work.

Instructions: divided into 2 teams, the game is like Rock-Paper-Scissors, only here there is a princess - beats the samurai, a dragon - beats the princess and a samurai - beats the dragon; Participants confer on the count of three, and when clapping they show some role, we play until the count of 3.

Information block:

TO conflict [lat. conflictus - collision] - a collision of oppositely directed goals, interests, positions, opinions or views of opponents or subjects of interaction. The basis of any K. is a situation.

Exercise "Trait"

Goal: identifying types of conflict

The instruction draws an invisible line and asks the group the question: Is conflict good or bad? Discussion (we highlight constructive and destructive conflicts)

Exercise "Iceberg"

Goal: determining a way out of conflict situations through brainstorming

Tools: Whatman paper, marker

Instructions: You are a navigator, captain of a ship, and you encounter an iceberg on your way. What will you do? (write down - discuss)

Ways to resolve conflict situations

The basic methods of conflict resolution are not so complicated - and this, despite all their very high efficiency! And the most important thing (what a paradox!) is that most of them must be used when everything is calm and there is not even the smell of any quarrel. Simply put, these methods should become the norm of behavior. And then many conflicts in the family simply will not arise! So, let's take it in order: what should you do and how should you behave so that family storms do not disturb your home? And if a quarrel does happen, how to make sure it doesn’t harm your relationship? (methods of behavior in conflict situations)

Show interest in your spouse - Remember, it will be very difficult for someone who is only interested in their own problems to communicate with people, and with their spouse in the first place. Understanding another person significantly reduces the possibility of aggression on his part.

Learn to listen - Listen to each other, and then you will understand each other better. Then you will be able to avoid many conflicts, because mutual understanding is one of the most reliable ways to resolve conflicts.

Put yourself in your partner's shoes - Each of us sees one or another controversial issue from my point of view. And very often conflict arises precisely because we attribute our vision of the problem to our partner. Without taking into account that he may perceive what is happening differently.

Do not overuse criticism, do not remember the past - Conflicts in the family and ways to resolve them can be different, but only one thing is constant: during a quarrel, it is necessary to discuss only those things that are directly related to this problem. This will help you avoid even bigger problems.

Cool down! A few minutes of deep breathing can do wonders. -do not rush to give up or achieve victory at any cost, this will give you the opportunity to calm down and look at the problem differently.

Learn to admit mistakes and forgive - don’t drive yourself into a trap and forgive each other. Say goodbye and move on.

Make a compromise - It would be very wise on your part to take the first step towards finding a compromise. This will not humiliate you in the eyes of your spouse. On the contrary, such a step on your part may even encourage him to take the next step towards a compromise.

Smile! - The friendliness and goodwill of one person evokes a similar reaction from another, relieving tension. This will allow you to resolve the disagreement, avoiding a quarrel.

So, the main methods of conflict resolution:

- Avoid insults

- stay calm

- Get some privacy

- Speak one at a time

-Create a stop sign

- Take responsibility for the quarrel

- First feed your husband, and then sort things out

- Go visit

Exercise "Napkin"

Purpose: to show in practice destructive force conflicts in the family, and the main reason for their occurrence

Inventory: napkins

Instructions: We distribute napkins, fold them according to the instructions (like a snowflake), tear the edges, open the napkin, discuss the result: Is it possible to return the napkin to its previous form? Why did following the leader’s instructions turn out to be different? Conclusion - everyone sees the situation in their own way, it is necessary to adhere to the rules of behavior in conflict situations so as not to cause irreparable harm to relationships.

Conflicts in the family, although common, do not have a very good effect on relationships. Therefore, try to avoid them. And remember: your relationship can bring you more happiness than you think. Believe me, no matter how much your loved ones bother you and no matter what happens, they are the first people who will come to your aid, warm you up and share your failure. It is enough to ask one very clear question: “Who needs you on this earth besides your relatives ?. Always find common ground. And you will see how the family becomes stronger, united, especially since it is better to overcome all the troubles of life together. Love every person in the family. Appreciate the time you spend with them. Respect them for who they are. It is clear and understandable that ideal people can not be. But if you don’t concentrate on the negative character traits of your family members. You can find a lot of positive features

Exercise “Farewell”

-the soft toy is given to the team with wishes.

Extramarital affairs and adultery are a phenomenon that did not appear in our lives yesterday.
Why does a man or woman cheat on their partner? What are the main causes of adultery? What pushes one of the couple into the arms of the other person? The most interesting thing is that no one wants to commit treason just for the sake of treason. It’s just that in relationships people are looking for recognition, warmth, love. If the partner cannot give this, then someone third will definitely arise, but the fact that this third person can also give what is sought is far from a fact, and in most cases only the illusion of receiving what the partner lacks in the couple, and the husband or wife in an official marriage.

Let's try to understand the typical reasons for adultery, but let's make a reservation in advance that such reasons may still be different for men and women.

Typical reasons for adultery by men

In our society there are double standards when looking at adultery. A man’s infidelity is often perceived by others (but certainly not by his wife!) as a prank, as a man’s eternal desire for polygamy, as an opportunity to get rid of accumulated negative sexual energy with any partner who happens to be nearby, and not necessarily with his official spouse.

Other reasons for male infidelity include:

1. Strong sexual constitution. At the same time, sex with any special female is considered permissible, there is no need to talk about emotional or spiritual intimacy, physiology in pure form. Men of this type, as a rule, are not burdened by moral principles such as remaining faithful to their partner, and therefore do not disdain fleeting casual relationships, office romances, wives of friends, and so on.

2. Temporary separation from spouse. The wife may unexpectedly go on a business trip, go to the hospital, go to a sanatorium, and so on. A man often regards the absence of his wife as a reason to find a temporary replacement for her.

3. "Random" circumstances. “I don’t know how this happened!” - such a man may make excuses after uncontrolled alcoholic libations, for example, during New Year's corporate party. Alcohol takes the brakes off, and then an accidental extramarital affair is just around the corner.

4. New love . This is a more serious reason for adultery. Not only physiology is at work here, but also the mutual attraction of two people who feel sympathy for each other. Perhaps such betrayal is the most serious, because it affects not only physiology, but also the emotional sphere.

5. Persistence and initiative of a woman. A man simply cannot resist the pressure and “feminine charms.” He also does not want to offend the lady, who is sending him a very clear signal, by refusing. The situation is typical for large cities, where over 30% of women are not members permanent relationship, but any man you like, regardless of his marital status, considered their rightful prey.

6. Self-affirmation. A man must constantly prove to himself that he is a man. Many consider the number of sexual partners to be confirmation of their “male status.” It doesn’t matter whether such a man is married or not, he will still collect new women who have been in his bed.

7. Revenge (for betrayal or humiliation). Enough rare reason for male infidelity. Rather, it's main reason, according to which women cheat, but from time to time a man can cheat on his wife as a result of a quarrel, resentment towards her, or a desire to prove to himself and her that he is free to determine his own actions.

8. Desire to get out of routine. If you don't work on family relationships, they will very quickly become stale and predictable. Treason in this case is an attempt to “add pepper” to a dish that is too bland.

9. Mistress as a reward. Have you seen successful businessmen with young mistresses? This is exactly the case. The man worked hard, achieved success, the top of the career ladder, material wealth and decided to please himself with a young mistress, whom he considers a prize for his achievements.

Typical reasons for female infidelity

Women also cheat on their men, and wives cheat on their husbands. Modern world– this is equality, plus the absence of strict morality, plus freedom of morals, plus emancipation. Here's the result.
To be fair, it should be said that female infidelities slightly different reasons.

1. Revenge (husband for cheating)- the main reason that the wives themselves explain their own infidelities. A woman finds out about her husband’s infidelity and “takes revenge” on him in the same way, ending up in the arms of her lover.

2. The desire to increase one's self-esteem. The woman gets the impression that her husband does not appreciate her care, or her efforts to create comfort, or even the fact that she is generally with him. Everything becomes boring, and the words that her husband spoke to her when he was still in the status of a groom have long been forgotten. A woman requires admiration and worship. She is looking for what her husband cannot give from her lover.

3. The desire to experience strong feelings . This is also a kind of escape from the routine of family life. A lover does not need to wash his socks and iron his shirts; he does not need to see his lover every day and discuss what to dress the children in or what to cook for them for breakfast. A lover is a complete holiday, where feelings are present in their purest form and no daily worries and responsibilities!

4. Thirst for novelty. What happens if you change your “old” husband for a “new” one? Will much change? Some women allow themselves such an experiment.

5. Cheating for a career. A special type of betrayal that only prudent and pragmatic women agree to. As a rule, they are not particularly tormented by remorse or reflect on the committed betrayal. There are also slightly different situations when a woman realizes that she may be left without work and livelihood if she does not give in to the harassment of her boss, and therefore gives in, experiencing shame, depression and melancholy.

6. Sex as gratitude. A woman can feel gratitude for anything: for moral support, for real help, for a service rendered. She chooses sex as a reciprocal gratitude, especially if the man to whom she feels gratitude makes it clear that he would not mind.

7. Treason as a source of income. At first we did not want to consider this option of adultery, but we are forced to admit that in our difficult times, a number of women enter into extramarital affairs in order to improve their financial situation. However, in this case, we no longer need to talk about adultery, but about prostitution, if a woman does this more or less constantly, even with the same lover.

Summary

No one, neither men nor women, is consciously looking for options to change. Treason is preceded by many circumstances, small grievances, dissatisfaction, understatements, and incorrectness. If people could pay attention to them immediately after their occurrence, do correct conclusions and cope with these “little things,” then there would be much less betrayal in the lives of many couples or there would not be any at all.

We wish you a harmonious relationship, but if you are tormented by issues of betrayal, suspicion, or you cannot fully forgive your partner for betrayal, contact us at the Academy, we specialize in such cases!

1. Essence, causes, types of marital conflicts

2. Typical marital problems

3. Crisis periods marital relations

Conflict is a collision of opposing goals, interests, positions, opinions of the subjects of interaction.

The specificity of family conflicts is that their participants, as a rule, are not warring parties who have adequately realized their goals; rather, they are victims of their own unconscious personal characteristics and inadequate vision of the situation.

The structure of the conflict is characterized conflict situation(participants and object of the conflict) and incident (open clash between parties to the conflict).

Characteristics family conflict include the initiator (potential initiator) of the conflict, the participants in the conflict, whose composition may extend beyond the nuclear family, the method of resolving (processing) the conflict, the dynamics of its course and results.

In the dynamics of a conflict, the following stages are distinguished: the emergence of an objective pre-conflict situation; awareness of this situation as a conflict; incident; resolution (end of the conflict); post-conflict situation.

We can talk about the positive (constructive) and negative (destructive) functions of conflict.

Depending on the dynamics, actual conflicts are distinguished, i.e. currently being implemented and directly related to a specific problem, and progressing, in which the scale and intensity of the confrontation between the participants is increasingly increasing; habitual conflicts that arise for any reason and are characterized by emotional fatigue partners who make no real effort to resolve them. Behind habitual conflicts, as a rule, deep-seated contradictions are hidden, suppressed and repressed from consciousness.

In terms of severity, conflicts can be open, clearly manifested in behavior, or implicit, hidden.

The origin of a conflict is based on the reasons that determine its zone:

Inadequate motivation for marriage;

Violation of the family role structure due to inconsistency in the ideas of its members about the family structure and family values;

Unresolved problem of family leadership;

Inconsistency and contradictory ideas about values, goals and methods of raising children;

Disharmony sexual relations;

Violations and distortions of the feeling of love;

Limitation of opportunities for personal growth;

Complication of interpersonal communication;

Low level material well-being;

Cramped living conditions;

Ineffective budget planning and execution;

Financial disagreements related to the exaggerated material needs of one of the family members, with the issue of the contribution of each spouse to the family budget;

Low level of cooperation, mutual assistance and mutual support in solving household problems of the family, division of household labor, caring for children and the elderly;

Ineffective system of relations between the nuclear family and the extended family,
family due to excessive blurring or rigidity of boundaries;

The inability of the nuclear family to flexibly reconstruct the boundaries of the family system, especially at the transitional stages of its life cycle;

Ineffective system of interaction between the parent and child subsystems, excessive rigidity of their boundaries;

Jealousy, adultery;

Deviant behavior of one of the family members (alcoholism, aggression and violence, use of psychoactive substances, addiction to gambling, etc.);

Inconsistency between marital ideas about the optimal mode of leisure time, rest, the nature of relationships and communication with friends.

Reasons given identify areas of conflict that can be correlated with the basic functions of the family.

Typical problems underlying marital conflicts:

Lack of mutual understanding between spouses:

Inability of one or both spouses to understand each other, to accept each other's point of view

Failure of one or both spouses to prove St. being right in any matter of family life

Difficulties between spouses in reaching agreement on any issue of family life

Lack of desire of one or both spouses to meet with others when discussing and making decisions on any issue of family life.

Character incompatibility:

One or both spouses have character traits that are unacceptable in dealing with people;

Actions on the part of the spouse cause opposition, a negative reaction from the other spouse;

One or both spouses are unable to calmly talk to each other and often become irritated without sufficient reason.

Incompatibility of habits, actions, actions:

the habits of one of the spouses are unacceptable to the other and irritate him;

One or both spouses in various life situations behave in such a way that their behavior does not suit the other;

Actions taken by one of the spouses create problems for the other and prevent them from achieving their own goals;

One or both spouses at the same time have any bad habits, psychologically unacceptable for other people.

Differences in views on intra-family issues that require unity of opinion:

Distribution of roles and responsibilities in the family;

Distributions within the family budget;

Apartment equipment;

Intrafamily life regime;

Food;

Teaching and raising children;

Organization of family holidays;

Relationships with relatives.

Sexual relationship problems:

Low culture of sexual relations between spouses;

Problems of a psychophysiological nature;

Incompatibility of spouses;

Costs of raising one or both spouses

Conflicts and disagreements in the relationship of spouses can be caused by the emergence of normative and non-normative crises life together.

Regulatory crises in the development of the family system are associated with the transition from stage to stage of the family life cycle and consist in resolving contradictions between new tasks facing the family and the nature of interaction and communication between family members. P. Boss calls the difficulties experienced by most families at the time of change in their functions and structure normative stressors. Each transition poses new goals and objectives for the family and requires structural and functional restructuring, including changes in the hierarchy of family functions, resolving the issue of primacy and leadership, and distribution of roles. Successful resolution of transition crises ensures the effective functioning of the family and its harmonious development.

Abnormal family crises are caused by events such as divorce, adultery, changes in family composition not related to the birth of a child, adoption of adopted children, impossibility cohabitation spouses by virtue various reasons, teenage pregnancy, financial difficulties.

S. Kratochvil identifies the “standard” time for the onset of such crises depending on the length of marriage: in the intervals of 3-7 and 17-25 years of experience.

The 3-7 year crisis lasts about a year. It manifests itself in the loss of romantic moods, a decrease (loss) of mutual understanding, an increase in conflicts, emotional tension, a feeling of dissatisfaction with the marriage, and adultery.

The following factors contribute to its occurrence:

Disappearance of romantic moods, active rejection of contrast in the partner’s behavior during the period of love and in everyday life family life;

An increase in the number of situations in which spouses find different views on things and cannot come to an agreement;

More frequent manifestations of negative emotions, increased tension in relations between partners.

If we take into account that the birth of a child occurs in a family approximately in the 3-4th year of marriage, then it is easy to see that the chronological interval of 3-7 years of marriage is linked to the stage of a family with small children (infant and early age), i.e. with the period of the most severe restructuring of the family system - the beginning of parenthood, the forced alienation of the young mother from professional and educational activities, restriction of spouses in in the usual way life, communication, leisure, a decrease (as a rule) in the level of material well-being of the family. Thus, these recurring crises of the family are due to changes in its functions and structure.

The crisis of 17-25 years is not so pronounced, but is longer lasting (up to several years). Its symptoms are an increase in emotional instability, a feeling of loneliness associated with the departure of adult children from the family, and the experience of aging.

Its occurrence often coincides:

As the period of involution approaches, with increased emotional instability, fears, and the appearance of various somatic complaints;

With the emergence of a feeling of loneliness associated with the departure of children;

The second “standard” time interval for the onset of a crisis covers the period of “family with teenage children,” the special vulnerability of which we have already discussed above, and the period of separation of adult children associated with the completion of the function of raising them.

Thus, the most striking manifestations of crises in the life cycle of a family are associated with the beginning of the spouses’ exercise of the function of parenthood and raising children and with its termination.

Literature:

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Topic 9 Divorce as a socio-psychological phenomenon

1. The socio-psychological essence of divorce. Reasons and motives for divorce

2. The dynamics of divorce

3. Consequences of divorce

· Divorce is the dissolution of a marriage, i.e. legal termination during the lifetime of the spouses. Divorce is a non-normative family crisis, the main content of which is a state of disharmony caused by a violation of the homeostasis of the family system, requiring reorganization of the family as a system.

Reasons for divorce:

E. Tiit (1980) identifies three groups of risk factors for divorce:

1. Personal risk factors: individual psychological characteristics of the spouses, the experience of family life of the ancestral family, the state of neuropsychic and somatic health of the spouses, socio-demographic characteristics.

2. Risk factors determined by the history of family creation: dating conditions; features of the premarital period, motivation for marriage, primary compatibility of a married couple.

3. Unfavorable conditions for family functioning: unfavorable housing and material-economic conditions, low efficiency of the role behavior of family members, deprivation of significant needs of family members, deviant behavior spouses, high conflict, sexual disharmony.

Divorce is the result of destabilization of marital relations, which is preceded by a fairly long process in which stages and periods can be distinguished.

J. Lee's concept of the breakdown of emotional relationships:

1. Awareness of dissatisfaction.

2. Expression of dissatisfaction.

3. Negotiations.

4. Decision making.

5. Transformation of relationships.

Stephen Duck identified 4 phases of the breakdown of emotional relationships:

1. Intrapsychic (internal) One or both spouses develop a feeling of internal dissatisfaction. Possible outcomes of this phase:

· come to terms with this and express pleasure on the surface or not show your dissatisfaction in any way;

· decide to express your displeasure to your partner.

2. Interpsychic (between spouses), or dyadic - partners discuss their relationship. At this phase, self-disclosure increases, spouses try to experiment. This can last for years. The outcome is also possible in two options:

· restructuring of relations – their stabilization;

· acceptance of decay (if the experiment ended unsuccessfully)

3. Social phase - other people (relatives, friends) are involved in the process of family disintegration. The fact of disintegration must become “public property” and must be “sanctioned by others.” The environment ceases to perceive the spouses as a couple. The outcome of this phase: cessation of social relationships, family breakdown.

4. Finishing phase (as if again intrapsychic): ex-spouses process the experience gained within themselves and remain with their experiences and memories. The outcome of this phase is possible in two ways:

· reconciliation with the situation, with oneself;

· extracting positive moments, lessons, gaining personal experience;

· what happened is perceived as a failure attributed to oneself. This entails breakdowns, hysterics, and neuroses.

A. Maslow proposed a dialectical model of the divorce process, which includes seven stages and corresponding therapeutic methods of helping its participants:

1. Emotional divorce. Couples therapy or the couple's participation in group therapy is appropriate.

2. Time of reflection and desperation before divorce. Couples therapy, divorce therapy, or some form of group therapy may be available.

3. Legal divorce. At this stage in psychological assistance Children especially need it. Therapeutic intervention can be beneficial both for the whole family and for each individual.

4. Economic divorce Therapeutic intervention can be individual for adults and group for children.

5. Establishing a balance between parenting and the right to custody.

6. Time for self-exploration and return to balance after divorce. Individual therapy is available for adults and children and group therapy for singles.

7. Psychological divorce. Various types of therapy are possible.

Behavior strategies in a pre-divorce situation:

1. Militant-hating (return spouse at any cost).

2. Intensification of love - searching for any options on how to retain and attract a partner.

3. Accept reality as it is.

Post-divorce situation

The nature of the response to the termination of a relationship depends on the event of divorce itself (its form, depth, duration, number of participants involved), the attitude of the spouses towards it, and the resources available.

The end of a marital relationship is not just a change in a person’s family status, but a change in his entire way of life - economic, social, sexual. The depression experienced by a spouse after a divorce can be more severe and long-lasting than after the death of a spouse. People around you rarely provide support to a divorced spouse. Divorce gives rise to many problems, both conscious (where to live? How to live?) and unconscious (the depth of the crisis after the breakdown of the marital relationship).

Social and psychological consequences of divorce:

1. Declining birth rate;

2. Deterioration of the conditions of family education;

3. Decrease in human performance;

4. Deterioration in health indicators, increased morbidity and mortality (for divorced people, the risk of disease increases by 30% within a year after divorce);

5. Increase in alcoholism;

6. Increase in the number of suicidal outcomes;

7. Increased risk of mental illness.

Literature:

5. Karabanova O.A. Psychology family relations and the basics of family counseling. M., 2004.

6. Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling / Ed. N.N. Posysoeva. M., 2004

7. Prokhorova O.G. Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling. M., 2007.

8. Psychology of family relationships with the basics of family counseling. Ed. Silyaeva E.G. M., 2002

Definition of the concept of “treason”. In the dictionary of the Russian language by S. I. Ozhegov, the concept of “treason” is defined as “a violation of fidelity to someone or something.” The concept of “loyalty” in the same dictionary is considered as “perseverance and constancy in one’s feelings, relationships, in the performance of duties and duty.”

N. I. Oliferovich, T. A. Zinkevich-Kuzemkina, T. F. Velenta 1 believe that adultery(treason, adultery, adultery) can be considered as the entry of a married person into sexual intercourse with persons from other married couples or with single men and women. Treason, according to the authors, can be both episodic and systematic.

A. Lippius understands adultery as a voluntary relationship with an extramarital partner, into which one of the spouses enters secretly. The author also highlights the obligatory signs of betrayal: sex with another partner; meetings must be secret; a ban on this by the marriage partner; an emotional connection is not necessary.

In foreign psychology, betrayal is most often understood as the entry of two people into extramarital relationships that involve sexual intimacy and a mutual experience of deep love. According to W. Harley, relationships that include sex (usually very passionate) and true love threaten the foundations of marriage due to the fact that people who enter into extramarital affairs feel genuine intimacy and are less satisfied in their new relationships at least one of the marital needs that must be satisfied by the marriage partner.

It is important to note that some psychologists (I. N. Khmaruk, A. Lippius, V. M. Tseluiko and others) believe that such destructive forms of relationship between spouses as threesomes, group sex, swinging can be considered adultery.

Thus, adultery is one of the types of marital destruction, a violation of the normal, healthy functioning of the marital system, which is, as a rule, a sign of marital disharmony.

Prevalence of adultery among men and women in modern Russia. It is extremely difficult to provide exact data on this phenomenon, but some idea of ​​it can be obtained from the results of a study by Yu. A. Vasina (Sokolova), conducted in 2010-2011. under the guidance of the authors of this textbook in three age groups. Yes, in the group women 20-30 years old 6.7% of respondents have ever had extramarital affairs, and the vast majority - 93.3% - have always been faithful to their husbands. In addition, 56.7% of women have never had a desire to cheat on their spouse, and 83.3% would not have an extramarital affair, despite the confidence that their husband would not find out about it. Among men 20-30 years old 13.3% cheated on their wives, and 53.3% of respondents never felt the desire to be with another woman.

In Group women 30-40 years old 26.7% of respondents cheated on their husbands; 36.7% of women in this age group felt the desire and had the opportunity to engage in extramarital affairs. Among men aged 30-40 years 46.6% of respondents cheated on their wives. We identified 76.6% of husbands who have ever had a desire to engage in an extramarital affair.

In Group women aged 40-50 years, 40% admitted the fact of cheating on their husbands, the same number would admit cheating if they were sure that no one would find out about it. 30% of women would remain faithful to their husbands no matter what. Among men aged 40-50 years 60% cheated on their wives, while 23.3% of them do it quite often. 63.4% of men have experienced the desire to engage in extramarital sex at some time in their lives.

Typology of adultery. In domestic and foreign family psychology, many types and typologies of betrayal are presented.

So, M. Plzak and W. Muldworf allocate the following types adultery:

1) casual extramarital contact, representing an isolated incident with little connection to a specific person. It can be a consequence of a sexual need caused by forced sexual abstinence (separation or illness of one of the spouses), a manifestation of the need to prove to oneself one’s sexual capacity, or the result of the realization of a random opportunity. Casual contact is not a consequence of sensual relationships and does not lead to them; this is a purely sexual fact. The following extreme variants of casual extramarital contacts have been identified:

a single extramarital contact that took place completely by chance, under certain circumstances (meeting childhood friends, sex during a business trip or vacation at a resort, drinking alcohol together, which led to a loss of control over one’s behavior as a result alcohol intoxication and etc.);

frequent extramarital contacts among an individual of a promiscuous type, who easily changes sexual partners without having an erotic connection with them;

2) erotic-sexual adventures - extramarital sexual episodes in which sexual sophistication, a thirst for new sexual experiments and a desire for variety play a special role.

Tenderness plays a significant role here. Such contacts are built on the mutual provision of subtle experiences in which, among other things, the discovery of a new person is important. For a man we're talking about first of all, about the “discovery of the body” of the partner, for a woman, apparently, about the discovery of her body’s reaction to a new partner. Erotic-sexual adventures can be short, optional and leave memories of a certain episode and their own pleasure. They do not pose a threat to the marital union (which is respected) of each of the partners; rather, they are its addition.

Extramarital sexual contacts, single or repeated, and erotic-sexual adventures are sometimes referred to as “situational short-term infidelity.” One should distinguish from them prolonged infidelity, designated as “extramarital affair”;

3) fornication characterized by a long duration and the emergence of an emotional connection. Great importance have personal qualities and the emotionality of both partners. An extramarital affair can have the nature of a long-term, predominantly sexual or love relationship. "Adapting" to legal marriage, such a connection inevitably leads to the problems of the so-called double life.

Reasons for adultery. Adultery is usually associated with a variety of reasons of a psychological, social, everyday, neurophysiological, emotional, intellectual and moral nature. In each individual case similar reasons are subjective in nature, defined as various circumstances, and the personal characteristics of the partners.

In Russia, the first attempt to clarify the causes of adultery was a study by Z. A. Gurevich and F. I. Grosser, conducted in the 20s. XX century According to this study, men cited the following reasons for their extramarital affairs: separation from their wife (38%), infatuation (25%) and dissatisfaction. family life(14%). Among the reasons for their infidelity, women noted: separation from their husband (38%), dissatisfaction with family life (21%) and dissatisfaction with sexual relations with their husband (17%).

The famous sociologist S.I. Golod, describing the causes of adultery, noted that in the 60s. XX century, the overwhelming number of men motivated their extramarital sexual contacts randomness (67.6%) and sexual unresponsiveness of the wife (21.6%). The author notes that, in fact, there is no difference between the named motives; we are talking about the realization of the need for relaxation. Love for another woman was cited by 8.1% of men as the motive for their adultery.

By the end of the 80s. XX century The scale of motives for adultery has become not only more diverse, but also somewhat qualitatively different. Significantly decreased specific gravity casual contacts (43.8%), and, on the contrary, the number of references to love and erotica increased (14.6%). For example, among a certain part of mature (in the moral and aesthetic sense) men, emotional (erotic) values ​​began to dominate over the physical ones. In addition, there were such reasons for adultery as avoiding loneliness (31.2%), physical (24.0%) and emotional (1.8%) dissatisfaction with the spouse.

In women, over a 20-year period of study, no fundamental changes in the structure of motives for extramarital affairs were found. For example, although in the 1980s. “new” love was cited as the basis for adultery more often (29.1%) than before (1960s - 22.2%), but the fluctuations turned out to be statistically insignificant. References to physical dissatisfaction with the husband remained at the same level (1960s - 28.8%; 1980s - 29.4%). The number of casual relationships among women has noticeably decreased (1960s - 41.7%; 1980s - 30%).

Among the first socio-psychological studies of the causes of adultery is the work of A. N. Volkova. The author lists the following reasons for adultery.

• 1. New love- as a rule, this reason for betrayal is typical for marriages in which initially love was insignificant or completely absent: rational, rational or forced marriages based on profit, tradition, fear of loneliness or other motives.
• 2. Retribution- adultery, based on the desire to take revenge for the infidelity of a spouse in order to restore self-esteem.
• 3. Scolded love - cheating in marriages with non-reciprocal feelings. One of the spouses suffers from rejection of his love, unrequited feelings. This encourages him to satisfy it in another partnership where reciprocity is possible. Sometimes the cheater himself does not like the new partner, but responds to his feeling, compassionate to the person who unrequitedly loves him.
• 4. Finding new love experiences- this type of betrayal is typical for spouses with significant experience of living together, when feelings have already “faded,” as well as in families with hedonistic morality, when everything possible is taken from life. This type of betrayal can be observed under the influence of foreign models " beautiful life"as an imitation of sexual freedom.
• 5. Replenishment - with this type of betrayal, a person compensates for the lack of love relationships that arises due to long separations, illness of the spouse and other restrictions on the fullness of love in marriage.
• 6. Total family breakdown - in this case, treason is actually the creation new family, when the previous one is perceived as unviable for one reason or another.
• 7. Random connection - as a rule, it is not characterized by regularity, it is provoked by certain circumstances (intoxication, opportunity, persistence of a partner, etc.) 1.

We find another view on the reasons for adultery in A. Lipnius. The author identifies the following reasons:

• 1) physical dissatisfaction of family partners due to their differences sexual temperaments. This reason for adultery, according to A. Lippius, is the most common;
• 2) a coincidence of circumstances;
• 3) general fatigue from a marriage that is built on stereotypical relationships;
• 4) adultery out of a feeling of respect for the extramarital partner, admiration for him;
• 5) extramarital sex as a concession to business relations. This often happens between people working in the same institution and in a position of subordination;
• 6) search for an eternal ideal. A man outside the family is looking for what he does not get in the house. A woman also looks for her ideal in her lover;
• 7) sex in friendly relations. Friends of the opposite sex, communicating often and for a long time, begin to cross the boundaries initially established during contacts between people: they cease to be shy with each other, begin to exchange family secrets, indecent anecdotes, jokes;
• 8) sexual gratitude, for example, for a service rendered, help in a difficult situation life situation and so on.;
• 9) revenge for betrayal or bad attitude of a marriage partner;
• 10) emotional alienation of spouses;
• 11) extramarital sex as a way to earn money;
• 12) love for an extramarital partner.

N. I. Oliferovich, T. A. Zinkevich-Kuzemkina and T. F. Velenta propose to consider the causes of adultery at the sin levels of the functioning of the family system: individual, micro- and macro-systemic.

I. Individual characteristics marriage partners:

• - violation of the gender role identity of a marriage partner, forcing one to prove one’s masculinity (femininity) by engaging in as many sexual relationships as possible;
• - pathocharacterological personal characteristics of spouses (for example, the fear of being absorbed by a marriage partner with a schizoid organization, which encourages them to enter into extramarital affairs, thus regulating the psychological distance in the marital subsystem).
• 2. Microsystem factors:
  • - violation of marital relations;
  • - marital incompatibility (primarily sexual);
  • - lack of emotional intimacy between spouses;
  • - cooling of feelings in marriage;
  • - revenge of one partner on another for the suffering caused;
  • - absence mutual feelings in marriage (an attempt by a loving but rejected partner to compensate for the lack of love in marriage);
  • - disappointment of spouses in each other;

sexual abstinence of a marriage partner associated with the illness of the spouse, his long-term absence, etc.

• 3. Macrosystem factors:
  • - updating family scenarios;
  • - transgenerational messages (for example, a woman who remains faithful to her husband all her life and represses sexual desires in relation to other men can support infidelity or promiscuous behavior in her daughter in various ways).

There are also factors accompanying adultery: inadequate motivation for marriage; the ordinariness of marriage; chemical dependencies of one of the partners; a big difference aged spouses; low financial wealth of the family; lack of joint leisure; one of the partners has a large amount of free time.

In foreign psychology, of interest is a study conducted by the Czech sociologist, specialist in family and marriage problems K. Vitek 1 (1988), who identified the causes of adultery depending on the characteristics of the relationship in a married couple:

• 1) spouses various reasons are not suitable for each other (differences in temperament and sexual activity, discrepancy between ideas, views, needs, i.e. dissimilarity of personalities);
• 2) personal indiscipline, moral laxity, rudeness, selfishness, desire for change, dissatisfaction caused by the inability to cope with the everyday life of relationships;
• 3) temporary impossibility of intimate contacts with a spouse due to illness or long-term separation, if the partner lacks self-discipline;
• 4) the feelings of the spouses are not strong enough - in this regard, every meeting with a person of the opposite sex who is not connected by strong family ties or adheres to open views on sexual relationships becomes “dangerous”.

In addition, the scientist highlights the circumstances promoting adultery: meeting a person with whom mutual understanding is established that is missing in marriage; Team work, common interests men and women; Availability large quantity free time; alcohol; happening; an irresistible attraction that has arisen; orientation towards finding another partner.

Ultimately, K. Vitek notes that there are often several reasons for infidelity. Usually they pay attention to the obvious reason: alcoholism, rudeness, etc. However, according to the author, most often we are talking about hidden antagonism caused by certain discrepancies in the characters of people.

In addition to the reasons for betrayal, foreign psychology has identified typologies of individuals who have a tendency to have extramarital affairs. In particular, V. Muldworf 1(1973) suggests considering the following muds:

Men:

• 1. Don Juan: an immature personality who, above all, wants to be liked and experiences narcissistic satisfaction from cheating.
• 2. Libertine, or "catcher of women"": these are men of the promiscuous type, whose extramarital sexual activity stems either from the need for change, variety, or from the idea that masculinity is proven by a large number of sexual victories.
• 3. Forever unsatisfied', constantly looking for love, but has no permanent emotional connections with any woman.

Women:

• 1. Temptress", wants to love and have admirers, for which she also uses sex, but her actual desire for sexual relations is, as a rule, small.
• 2. Adventure Lover' seeks short-term sexual episodes with as little involvement of feelings as possible, and at home this good wife and mother. Loves her husband, but does not find sex with him common language. She chooses her adventure partner; strives for sexual experiences that she lacks in family life.
• 3. Defenseless: incapable of refusal, including for the reason that a man’s sexual passion immediately evokes a reciprocal feeling in her. Has a low threshold of sexual excitability, does not show initiative, finds satisfaction by submissively surrendering herself to the power of her partner; cannot offer resistance, since he is “stronger”.
• 4. Unsatisfied: cannot find satisfaction in anything - neither in her husband, nor in work, nor in friends. He doubts the correctness of his choice of a partner, even when he has had a fairly long relationship with him. Easily falls in love with someone else, whom he usually overestimates. In love affairs she often feels guilty and quickly becomes unbearable.

The impact of adultery on marriage. There are two points of view on the problem of the influence of adultery on marriage. Some psychologists note that adultery threatens the integrity of the family: it affects its important foundations - marital feelings; destroys everyday, economic, leisure and other relationships; accompanied by the experience of jealousy, which introduces deep affects into the family drama, destructive in themselves. The consequences of betrayal affect the entire family as a whole, despite the fact that it occurs in a marital dyad. Not only marital, but also child-parent relationships may be disrupted, which is manifested in the occurrence of various structural disturbances of the family, such as intergenerational coalitions, inverted hierarchy, and role inversions. Other scientists believe adultery may have some benefits marriage union, allows you to support dying marital relationships, “heals” them. By Sedlacek(1980), hidden casual adultery, erotic adventures or well-concealed extramarital affairs that are well thought out and proceed calmly should not harm the marriage in any way and may ultimately even contribute to its “relief” and maturity. However, keeping an extramarital affair a secret can sometimes be very difficult, and disclosing the affair often leads to complications 1 .

The problem of forgiveness in marital relationships. In Russian family psychology, the topic of forgiveness, as well as in psychological science in general, is not sufficiently developed.

L. B. Schneider notes that for the psychology of family relationships, solving this problem is very important. By forgiving, a person makes a decision:

• give up negative thoughts, emotions, and behavioral manifestations towards the offender;
• Encourage positive thoughts, emotions and behaviors towards the offender 2 .

In foreign psychology, more attention is paid to the study of this problem. So, R. Enright ( 1991) developed a theoretical model of forgiveness as a particular application to the phenomenon of mercy, based on the premise that there is no comprehensive certainty in the interpretation of justice in different people and their availability significant differences 3. In table 3.2 shows the stages of justice and forgiveness highlighted R.Enright.. Many of the provisions, especially those describing the stages of forgiveness, can also be applied in marital relationships.

Table 3.2

Stages of development of justice and forgiveness

Subsequence	Stages of Justice	Stages of Forgiveness
	Focus on punishment and submission.“I believe that justice should be established by authorities who can resort to punishment.”	Vengeful forgiveness. “I will forgive my offender if I take revenge on him equally”
	Relative justice.“I have a feeling of reciprocity for you. But based on my own understanding of justice, I believe that if you help me, then I will help you."	Compensating, or compensating, forgiveness.“If I get back what I lost, I will forgive. If I feel ashamed for not Can forgive, I will forgive so that shame does not torment me"
	Justice of a good boy/girl.“I believe that group agreement (consensus) should determine what is right and what is wrong. I will do what will be approved by others."	Forgiveness awaiting.“I can forgive if others put pressure on me. It's easier to forgive when other people expect it."

• 1 For more details see: Kratochvil S. Psychotherapy of family and sexual disharmonies.
• 2 Schneider L. B. Psychology of family relationships.
• 3 For more details see: Yanchuk V. A. Introduction to modern social psychology. Mi. : ASAR, 2005.

End of table. 3.2

Subsequence	Stages of Justice	Stages of Forgiveness
	Justice of law and order.“Social laws act as my criteria of justice. I support laws so that there can be an orderly society."	Expected legitimacy of forgiveness.“I forgive if my religion requires it.” This is not forgiveness, similar to the second stage: “I forgive so that shame does not torment me.”
	Focus on the social contract. "I I show interest in what society creates, but I understand that there are also unjust laws. Thus, I realize that to change the system we must act.”	Forgiveness as social harmony.“I forgive when it helps to establish harmony in relationships with society.” In this case, forgiveness is one of the ways of controlling society; this is the way to maintain peaceful relations
	Focus on universal ethical principles.“My sense of justice is based on preserving the individual rights of all people. Rather, it is my consciousness, and not the laws, that determines what I will do when in doubt.”	Forgiveness is like love. "I I forgive without any conditions, as this contributes to the true feeling of love. This type of relationship opens the possibility of reconciliation and closes the door to revenge." In this case, forgiveness does not depend on the social context, as in the fifth stage. The one who forgives does not control others; by forgiving, he sets them free

Marital dysfunction occurs when one or both spouses have emotional distress due to marital dissatisfaction. One or both partners do not receive intimate relationships what you would like. However, in most cases, the root cause of discord is emotions. Anger, malice, jealousy, depression, all these negative emotions get in your way when you try to improve your relationship with your partner. How to solve family problems using cognitive therapy.

The cognitive therapy technique itself is based on the theory that inappropriate emotions lead to problems in relationships. They, in turn, are the result of irrational or unrealistic thoughts that are based on obligation or submission. In contrast, rational thoughts have the form of sentences. Replacing types of thinking leads to the fact that everyone can receive adequate emotions and behavior as the end result.

In marital relationships, unrealistic expectations from a partner are fertile ground for problems to arise. The theory and practice of cognitive therapy confirms that if partners have mastered the necessary skills of constructive interaction, then they are able to solve problems of dissatisfaction in marriage themselves. At the time of discord, it is necessary to work out the emotional disturbances of the partners. Otherwise, problems in relationships will persist regardless of how much the partners have communication skills, finding a compromise and solving problems. It has been proven that emotional distress during conflict comes not so much from the event, but from evaluative thinking that is exaggerated - that is, irrational. The result of this is emotions rooted in thinking process. That is, one of the partners (and maybe both) form absolute requirements or rules for themselves or the other partner and/or the situation in the relationship.

If people believe that some event “should” happen and it doesn’t, then they think it is “terrible”, “nightmarish” and “scary” and they cannot stand it. And what prevented this event (they themselves, another person or other circumstances in general) is bad and disgusting. The result of this is that a person takes a “godlike” position, insisting that the world and the people in it should be the way he wants.

A rational alternative to the dysfunctional thinking process is as follows. Suggestion instead of desire. There is no need to feel dissatisfied if your desire is not fulfilled. You need to have an incentive to solve the problem. This position has a better chance of success. However, in the event that the partner is not subject to the philosophy of obligation.

“This is bad” or anti-dramatization. Cognitive therapists take the view that things shouldn't really be as bad as they are. If a partner does not get what he wants and does not insist on it, then he is inclined to assess the situation as “bad”, but not “terrible”. The more important an unfulfilled desire is for one of the partners, the more negatively the situation will be assessed if this desire is not realized. That is, only in exceptional conditions can this situation be 100% bad. A non-absolute assessment of the situation by partners (it is “bad”, but not terrible) helps partners improve their relationship.

Tolerance instead of “I won’t survive this.” Let’s think about the literal meaning of the phrase “I won’t survive this,” that is, the person must die on the spot. Even more literally, this means that a person is no longer capable of experiencing happiness under any circumstances and he really is left to die. But to endure or endure something means that an undesirable event has occurred and there is no law that prohibits it. Assess the situation as bad, but not terrible. Understand whether change is possible. If yes, then you need to make an attempt to make the desired changes, to accept the harsh reality - even if you definitely don’t like it. Tolerance towards unfavorable conditions is an attitude that promotes constructive changes, when “I won’t survive this” leads to destructive manipulative strategies.

Acceptance instead of judgment. This attitude can be applied to yourself, others and the world. If, for example, a woman accepts herself for who she is, she accepts that she is an imperfect human being who has the ability to make mistakes. This is not self-flagellation, she is simply stating the fact that she can and will make mistakes. If she is able to accept herself this way, then she is more likely to realize her mistakes and admit them. But this will not prevent her from achieving her life goals and realizing responsibility for them. Moreover, if she does not insist on her partner's impeccable behavior, it will be easier for her to accept him or her as an imperfect creature. But at the same time, she will not like her partner’s bad behavior. This initiates a constructive dialogue that will lead to improved relationships. The partner is imperfect, but he has his own merits and can be improved, but you cannot make him (the partner) perfect.

So, rational thinking in the area of ​​close relationships can lead to intense, adequate negative emotions. Such as concern, irritation, sadness, disappointment, regret or hostility. These emotions can motivate spouses to improve their relationship, if, of course, they want to save the marriage.

Cognitive therapy notes that there are two main factors in marital dissatisfaction: relationship myths and sexual incompatibility. important parameters. The unrealistic nature of myths lies in the fact that they idealize the state of relationships and contribute to partners’ overestimation of what they can actually get from their marriage. Examples of the most common myths that often accompany marital dissatisfaction:

• love is identical good sex
• romantic love will last forever
• my partner is able to understand what I want, even if I don’t say it
• I will not tolerate any deprivation or punishment that may accompany our relationship
• my partner can help me overcome feelings of inferiority
• my partner will make up for my past failures
• my partner will be lenient with my actions
• my partner will always be on my side, will always be tolerant and will always love me, no matter how bad my behavior is.

If partners do not modify these myths according to their experiences, they may experience dissatisfaction because the reality will differ from the assumptions of what their relationship should look like.

Marital dissatisfaction can manifest itself if partners are incompatible in one or more areas of the relationship. Especially if agreements and compromises do not solve problematic issues.

Marital incompatibility can be the result of a naive and superficial choice when the partners do not know each other well enough. Or the result of a change in the worldview of one or both partners. A common example of incompatibility is when a woman strives for a more independent lifestyle. If this goes beyond her partner's expectations, then she will not get the results she wants, either in an area that is meaningful to her or in the relationship. If she cannot realize the desire that has arisen, then most likely she will feel dissatisfied and will behave less responsibly towards her husband, which will cause dissatisfaction in him. An example is that a woman spends less time at home and, as a result, receives reproaches from her husband for an unsettled life or lack of comfort.