What to do if the child does not obey you. What can not be done. Development of thought processes

As you know, a person is formed in childhood, from where later in adult life transferred habits, habits, character, affecting the state of his life. The formation and development of a personality is always a complex process, which is necessarily accompanied by a protest on the part of the child. Often one of the forms of children's protest is disobedience. In such situations or even periods, many parents do not know how to behave properly. As a result, there is a lack of understanding between generations, which grows more and more each time. To avoid such tragic consequences, it is advisable for parents to understand the reason for the child's disobedience. After all, the solution to any problem lies in its origins.

Does your little one not want to dress up? Does he refuse to wash his hands before eating? When you speak: "No you can not" throws things and gets angry. Pulling the cat's tail after you said it was hurting her. Licks the handrails on the bus. And then your patience comes to an end. You have already gone through the entire arsenal: banned, joked, distracted - nothing helps. What to do when the child behaves unbearably and does not obey ...

Causes of child disobedience

The main factors that can provoke a child to disobedience include:

1. Age crisis

There are several periods in psychological practice. age crisis: year, preschool, adolescence / transitional age.

Time frames can be set to individually. However, it is precisely at the onset of age-related crisis periods that significant changes occur in the life of a child. For example, in a year he begins to walk actively, learns independence and explores the world with interest. For reasons of children's safety, parents introduce various restrictions into the exciting process, thus provoking protest from the child.

We also read: How to go through the crisis periods of childhood and adolescence and instill confidence and independence in a child.

2. A large number of requirements and restrictions

Restrictions and prohibitions are of maximum benefit only in moderation. When everything is always forbidden to a child, he begins to rebel. If very often a child hears “NO”, this causes him to protest and disobedience. For an experiment, you can count the amount of the word “no” said for an hour or a whole day. If the indicators go off scale, then it makes sense to extend the restrictions only to those activities of the child that may be potentially dangerous for him: playing on the road, pampering with medicines, or electrical appliances. But you should not constantly forbid the baby to play noisily, run, or even scatter toys.

3. No Parent Consistency

When parents turn a blind eye to the petty pranks of children, the children consider this behavior to be normal. But if you suddenly got a headache, for example, some troubles and problems at work, it was a hard day, stressful situations, the mood is gone - parents punish the child for behavior that has always been considered "normal". Then the child is at a loss, there is a conflict arising from a misunderstanding of the reason for the punishment. With the regular repetition of such situations, the internal conflict begins to be expressed by disobedience.

4. Permissiveness

IN this case all restrictions and prohibitions are removed, and the child is absolutely free in his actions and words. Parents are happy, because everything is allowed for the child, every whim is satisfied and the child means “ happy childhood". But such an idyll continues until a certain moment, when it becomes clear that the child is out of control. Then all attempts to instill in him the norms of correct and respectful attitude come down to his disobedience, because the child is already spoiled.

5. Inconsistency of words and deeds

On a subconscious level, children always repeat the behavior of their parents, the features of which can be the main reason childish disobedience, because it is hidden precisely in the peculiarities of the behavior of the parents. A vivid example is the lack of fulfillment of promises, in particular, punishments, which results in ignoring parental words due to frivolous attitude to them. Or you can promise to reward the child with something for good behavior but you don't keep your promises. That's why then listen to you, because you still deceive.

6. Different requirements of family members

When one of the parents makes high demands on the child, and the other slowly pities and spoils him, one of them loses authority in the eyes of children, which is expressed in a lack of obedience. Such a conflict is typical between parents (mom and dad: for example, dad makes more severe demands on the child, and mom secretly regrets and sympathizes with the baby, pampers him. In such cases, at least for appearances, they can listen and respect dad, but it’s not necessary to listen to mom. Or vice versa, you need to obey your mother, she will always protect, but not necessarily your father. In any case, a compassionate mother will intercede before this tyrant.) And grandparents, for the latter of whom it is common to pamper their beloved grandchildren and then parents suffer.

7. Lack of respect for the child

In this case, disobedience is more of a protest against injustice and your disrespect. If parents are unwilling to listen and hear their child, as well as their full confidence that the child should not have their own opinion, a protest arises from the children's side. It is important to remember that a child is a person, and he always has an opinion about everything in the world, even the most insignificant. In this case, at least it is necessary to pay attention to this.

8. Frequent family conflicts, divorce

Many parents in clarifying their attitudes and deciding various problems forget to give the child enough attention. As a rule, switching to a child occurs due to his pranks and pranks only in order to punish, after which the baby again fades into the background. Over time, this all leads to childish disobedience, as a way to attract attention.

When it comes to divorce, every child is stressful. It comes to the realization that now communication with parents will take place separately. Then the child begins to practice a defiant demeanor, because when he does something, parents can temporarily combine their educational efforts, just what he needs.

Video consultation: What to do when the child does not obey?

The teacher of the Voronezh Waldorf school "Rainbow", the teacher of the 7th grade Anastasia Vladimirovna Eliseeva, answers the parents' questions.

How to achieve obedience?

Whatever the cause of children's disobedience, it is important to deal with it. Namely:

Match the number of punishments and praises: for a serious misconduct, the child must necessarily be punished, but also do not forget about praise.
Watch how you express your prohibition and how you respond to the misbehavior of the child. It is more correct to replace shouting and categoricalness with a calm tone. At the same time, you should not be ashamed of your feelings, frankly telling the child what exactly and to what extent upsets. "Son, I'm so upset with your behavior"- Believe me, the child will behave in a completely different way.
Use alternative ways attract children's attention to their words. When a child is strongly addicted to any activity, it can be difficult to get him to switch to something else. Alternatively, you can turn to him in a whisper (also use facial expressions and gestures). The child will immediately notice a change in the volume of speech and will begin to listen - what happened.
Do not voice your requests many times , because the child will get used to repeated repetitions, and the reaction on his part will begin only after the repetition, followed by the punishment. To avoid this, it is advisable to develop a certain algorithm of actions: the first warning should be aimed at stimulating the child to stop his actions without punishment; second - if he ignored the remark, punishment should follow; after punishment, it is important to explain to the child the reason why he was punished. With strict adherence to this algorithm, the child's subconscious will begin to respond to the first remark made.
When communicating with a child, it is necessary to refuse to use the “NOT” particle: Often in response to your requests: "don't run", "don't jump", "don't scream" the child does the opposite. Do not think and do not worry about what your child does to spite you, just the human psyche, and especially children's, is arranged in such a way that phrases with a negative semantic color are omitted during perception. For this reason, it is advisable to replace negative particle alternative phrases.
When a child protests in the form of a tantrum, try to calm down and ignore it. When the child calms down, you should once again explain your request or requirements, using a calm tone. A great option is a distraction when children's attention switches to a more entertaining business or subject. For example, a child expresses a desire to eat independently, but all his attempts end in failure, since most of the food ends up on the floor. When adults try to feed the baby, protests, tantrums and disobedience begin. Then you can switch the children's attention to the doll that the child must feed. He will surely like this idea. And at this time it becomes possible to feed the baby.
You must always follow the sequence in words, actions, demands and deeds. In the event of the slightest discrepancy, the child will stop obeying, but not out of harm, as it may seem, but his confusion will become the cause of disobedience. To achieve maximum positive result all family members must agree on the sequence.
Give your child enough attention despite the busyness and various problems. In this case, we are not talking about the amount of time spent together. Its quality matters. Even half an hour of interesting joint pastime with a child cannot be compared with a whole day of unproductive communication.
Treat children with understanding. It is the period of growing up that most often causes disobedience. Often under the influence of friends, a growing teenager shows his "coolness". Thus, the child tries to express himself and prove his independence. Here it is important to choose the right approach to the child, without losing authority and trust in his eyes.
With the loss of children's trust and respect, you should try to return them. There is no need to climb into the soul of the child, it is enough to show interest in his life. It may turn out that the music he listens to is not as terrible as it seems, and modern literature can also have a deep philosophical meaning. In the process of communication, it will become clear that there are many topics for conversation where tastes and opinions converge.

Consultation by Yana Kataeva (specialist in relation to the family after the birth of children): what to do if the child does not obey - 5 tips for parents. Strengthen your bond with your child

How can I reconnect with my child?

Continuing the theme of parental rapprochement with the child, several important points, thanks to which mutual spiritual and emotional contact with baby:

play an important role in child obedience trusting relationship, the result of which is the understanding by the child that parents are better at coping with problems. The advantage of such a relationship, in contrast to unconditional submission, is the ability of the baby to ask questions of interest to him without fear of angering his parents. Parents, in turn, should ask counter questions, making it clear that the problem can be solved in several ways: “What do you think is the best thing to do? Can I count on your help? May I ask you to do this?"
If you want to ask a child for an important request, you should not forget about physical contact with him: you can hug him, kiss him, stroke him. It will be better than repeatedly shouting your request to him across the room. Through touch, the child is aware of the mutual interest in fulfilling the request. This is the way to say: “We are together, and this is the main thing. What I tell you will not break our contact. I only hope to strengthen it. The most important thing is the relationship, not the desire of each of us.
It is equally important to observe confidential eye contact with the child. In the presence of sharp movements and a stern look, the child on the subconscious begins to defend himself, perceiving any request as a threat and the desire to put psychological pressure on him, and he will perceive the request to do something as an ultimatum.
If you want the child to constantly and obediently fulfill your requests, it is extremely important to thank him for the next completed task or rendered service. Words of gratitude will strengthen the child's belief that he is loved and that it is up to him to improve relationships. Moral, psychological encouragement is valued by children much more than sweets. Thus, an incentive to work will be developed. We also read:
The child must understand that in especially urgent cases, when there is a threat to the safety of the family, all its members must unquestioningly obey the elder. To do this, the child must be aware of possible problems. He should delicately explain that strict observance of the rules is the basis for saving the lives and health of people. At the same time, one can mention the possibility of negotiating with parents. It will not be superfluous if the child is convinced of the readiness of the parents to obey him in special cases.

situations

Any theory must always be supported by practice. In this case, for clarity and peculiar " practical guide» It makes sense for parents to consider and analyze the following situations:

Situation 1. What age is most characteristic of children's disobedience? When is the so-called starting point expected? Is disobedience typical for a one-year-old child?

In this case, everything is purely individual, and the “starting points” for everyone can begin in a different age period. Toddlers can throw tantrums even at 2 years old, or even at 5 years old they may not know that there is such a way to achieve their goal. The environment and people with whom the baby is surrounded have a great influence. He may imitate cartoon character or a peer who orders tantrums to parents, after which he will begin to experiment on his own. In such a situation, the main rule is the absence of indulgence in whims. Otherwise, such behavior will become a habit in the child.

Another thing is when disobedience is manifested in the validity of the requirements of the baby. For example, he expresses a desire to dress himself, put on shoes or eat. As a result of the fact that he is not allowed to do this, the child begins to hysteria. And in this he is right. But if the hysteria has already begun, then whether he is right or not, show firmness anyway, he will have to come to terms with the fact that nothing can be achieved with shouting and tears. And you draw a conclusion for the future and do not provoke more similar situations.

Situation 2. Disobedience and behavioral problems can also occur in children of 2 years old. What causes disobedience at this age? Why does the child not respond to the requests of adults? And what to do in such cases?

According to experts, it is in 2 summer age in children, a personality begins to form, and by the age of 3 it is already almost fully formed. For this reason, at this age, as mentioned above, one should not indulge children's whims, otherwise it will be too late later.

It is also worth considering that the same child may behave differently with different caregivers. It's all about the right presentation and communication with the baby. You may have noticed this in your family too - the child does not obey the mother, but the navel - unquestioningly.

Situation 3. Most often, the peak of disobedience falls on 2-4 years and manifests itself in frequent or even regular tantrums. What is the right thing to do if a child of 2-4 years old does not obey?

The age period in children, it is marked by checking the parents for strength and “probing” the boundaries of what is permitted. Here it is especially important to stock up on patience and perseverance. Missing this period in education means dooming yourself to big problems in the future with character, obedience, and family relationships in general.

You can also practice soulful conversations with a child who at this age becomes quite reasonable and understanding. Talk to your child, become an authority for him, and not just a parent.

Situation 4. At the age of 6-7 years, the child already knows the value of his actions, distinguishing between good and bad behavior how to behave and how not to. However, even at this age, some children show disobedience, only already deliberate "for evil." What are the recommendations for this age?

7 years is a kind of milestone, one of the turning points in a child's life, when he begins to rethink and change his life views. And it has to do with the beginning. school period when certain loads and requirements begin. In such a situation, praise is the best parental tactic. And nice words it is necessary to talk even about insignificant moments. It is praise that will become a powerful incentive for which the child will try.

Situation 5. A naughty child knows perfectly well the reaction of all family members to his misdeeds. You can often encounter a lack of understanding between them, when one parent scolds and punishes, and the other regrets or cancels the punishment. How should the right upbringing be built in the family? How to achieve unanimous resolution of conflicts?

The main thing that all family members should understand is that the child turns all the disagreements that occur in his favor. It is important to avoid such situations, since there is a high probability of losing credibility. The child's knowledge of the reactions of all family members allows him to manipulate them. Very often in such families spoiled children grow up, who later become uncontrollable.

During the absence of the child, it is advisable to organize family council for a detailed discussion of the current situation. It is important to come to a common denominator in the matter of raising a child. It is also necessary to take into account some of the tricks that children resort to: they can ask permission from one adult, but not get consent. Then they immediately go to another - and he allows. The result is disobedience and disrespect for mom today, which can result in the same thing for dad tomorrow.

We also read: Friendly family will turn the mountain, or how to overcome disagreements in the upbringing of a child -

You need to understand that there are no trifles in the matter of raising a child. Kindergarten teachers or elementary school, also discuss any little things for themselves, starting from where to change clothes for children, how to put a table and chairs in class, in which sink the boys wash their hands, and in which girls, and other seemingly insignificant issues for upbringing. But this is necessary so that the children do not later say that we sit wrong with Maria Ivanovna or that we stand wrong with Natalya Petrovna. There is no need to give children a reason to doubt the correctness of our requirements, because everything starts with small things. To begin with, the child simply does not understand why one says, do this, and the other - that way. There are questions, then a protest, and then a banal manipulation and refusal to obey at the first shaky situation.

Be sure to pay attention to children's tricks and manipulation by adults. For example, when a baby tries to take time off to take a walk with his mother and receives a response like: “First do your homework, and then you go for a walk”, then goes to his father with the same request and receives permission. Today, using his father's thoughtless permission, he shows disobedience and disrespect for the opinion of his mother, tomorrow he will do the same in relation to his father, and the day after tomorrow he will not ask his parents at all. Stop such manipulations and provocations of conflict in the family. Agree among yourself that for any requests, both of you are first interested in the opinion of the other parent, you can simply ask the child: “What did dad (/ mom) say (/ a)?” and then give an answer. If there are differences of opinion, discuss them among yourselves, but always in such a way that the child does not hear. In general, try not to sort things out in front of the child, no matter what issue your dispute concerns.

Situation 6. All mothers, without exception, are familiar with the situation when, when visiting a store together, a child asks to buy another toy or sweet. However, always please favorite child shopping is not possible. And then, on refusing to buy the required thing, the child throws a tantrum and falls on the floor in a hysterics in the store. How to behave in such a situation?

There's nothing to be done, children always want something. They want the same hare as Masha's, or the same car as Igor's - this is normal. Agree, and we are far from all and do not always agree to understand what to buy a new bag should not, because at home there are already 33 bags in the closet, and in normal condition. What do you want from a child?! So he fell to the floor, sobs and screams, rolls around the store - quite a common situation, natural, I would say. And if you buy everything that the child asks for now, tomorrow he will do the same and get what he wants again. Why not? It worked once!

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The child's desire for sweets or new toy it is quite natural: he does not have this or he has not tried this yet. You can't blame him for that. The best way out of the situation will be a serious and calm conversation with the child before visiting the store, in which it is important for him to make it clear the reason for the impossibility of buying, but do not lisp, speak like with an adult: “There is no money, you still need to earn it. And you already bought a toy this month, ”and so on, calmly and confidently. If the conversation did not lead to desired results, and the child still threw a tantrum in the store, pick it up and calmly, without screaming and spanking, bring it home. Do not pay attention to passers-by, believe me, they see this quite often, you will not surprise them with anything.

Situation 7. Requests, persuasion, arguments and arguments do not have the desired effect on the child - the child does not obey. What is the reason for this behaviour? What mistakes do parents make?

There are three most important, most common, most pernicious mistakes of parents:

Go to the child on about. Yes, of course, every child is an individual, but you need to understand the limits of what is permitted, you need to be aware of what this will lead to later.
Discussing various moments and behavior with a child. If you are discussing, then there are disagreements - the child should not even suspect about them!
Scream at a child. Scream is not only stupid, ugly, bad example for imitation, but it is also inefficient.

Disobedience and punishment

In matters of punishment for misbehavior, it is important to consider two rules:

It is necessary to give an account of their actions, their causes, and also to think about the thoughts of the child, who must feel the justice of the punishment. In similar situations, one cannot act in two ways, relying only on mood or other factors (for example, today you good mood and you did not pay attention to the misconduct of the baby, and tomorrow you were punished for the same misconduct).
In serious situations, the child must clearly understand the validity of the actions of the parents. If the baby does not obey, punishment is a completely natural result. It will be exactly as the parents said (preferably in a calm tone).

If the child does not obey the punishment for him should be natural. This is what is important to teach the baby - the understanding of the naturalness and inevitability of punishment. Life itself shows examples of this. Running a red light can lead to an accident. You can catch a cold if you don't wear a hat. Indulging in a cup of tea, you can spill hot on yourself and so on.

Before punishing a child, it is necessary to explain what his pampering is fraught with. You should speak in a calm, confident tone that does not tolerate objections.
Proper upbringing and the formation of the character of the child is possible subject to the following principles :

The main purpose of punishment is to deprive the child of some significant pleasure for him;
The restriction must be implemented immediately, and not delayed for more late time. In children, the sense of time is developed differently, and the punishment, executed after a certain interval, may cause bewilderment in the child, as a result of which the resentment is likely to be harbored;
The word “no” should be categorical and firm, not tolerating compromises, persuasion and discussion, you do not need to negotiate with the child and cancel your decision. If you go on about and succumb to persuasion, you can become an object of manipulation. Therefore, think before making decisions, so that later you do not regret what has been said and do not change your decisions on the go. Children immediately understand that it is possible to negotiate with you, and then you yourself will not notice how your child begins to set the limits of behavior, and not you.
Whatever the offense, do not raise a hand against a child. Thus, aggression and complexes can be provoked;
You should give up constant external control over the child. This is fraught with a lack of children's independence, determination, responsibility, such children easily give in to other people's opinions and are not able to make any serious decisions. All this then develops into adulthood (among drug addicts, most of these people are those who are easily influenced by others).

A child cannot be punished in the following cases:

while eating;
during the period of illness;
after or before bedtime;
when the child is very passionate about independent play;
when a child wanted to please or help you, but accidentally spoiled something;
It is categorically not necessary to punish the child in front of outsiders.

Be logical, consistent in your behavior when you punish a child, it should not change depending on your mood. The child must clearly understand that if he commits this misconduct, he will be punished. If you let him get away with bad behavior today because you're in a good mood and don't want to ruin it, be prepared for him to do it again tomorrow. But if this time you punish him, then he will either not understand what happened, why you are doing this, or he will draw the wrong conclusions. That is why children often do not admit to their deeds, waiting for an opportunity when you are in a good mood to avoid punishment. Don't teach your kids to lie to you.

We read materials on the topic of punishment:

Punish or not punish a child for random misconduct —

8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience —

To beat or not to beat a child - the consequences physical punishment children —

Why you can not spank a child - 6 reasons —

Childish caprice or selfishness: how does one differ from the other? —

How to punish children for disobedience

8 parenting mistakes

Often the causes of child disobedience are certain mistakes of parents:

Lack of eye contact. When a child is addicted (to a game or watching cartoons), it is difficult to switch his attention. However, looking into the eyes of a child and voicing a request can work wonders.
You set difficult tasks for the child. Don't ask your child to do more than one task at once. Thus, he will only get confused and end up doing nothing. It is advisable to divide your request into simple and small steps.
You are unclear about your thoughts. Seeing that the child is playing around (scattering toys), do not ask him about how long he will scatter his toys! The kid will understand everything literally, so it’s better to say, for example, like this: “Stop throwing toys!”
you talk a lot. All requirements should be concise using simple and short sentences. If the child is indulging, you need to say “You can’t do this!”, And then try to distract the child.
Don't raise your voice. Yelling will only make things worse. The child will continue to mischief on the sly due to fear of screaming. Be consistent in your decisions and behave calmly!
You are expecting a quick response. Children under the age of 6 need time to realize (in order to hear and fulfill the request) and complete the task.
You repeat like a parrot over and over again. The child must independently acquire some skills. And the constant repetition of what he needs to do will turn him into a non-initiative person. Children are well developed visual memory, so various reminder pictures will help a lot!
Simultaneous demand and denial. Do not use the particle "not". Requests with the prefix “not” act on the child in the opposite way, because the “not” perception of the baby skips. It is best to replace it with alternative phrases. For example: "Do not get into a puddle" on alternatives, for example: "Let's go around this puddle on the grass!"

Stories

The personality of the child, as well as the degree of his obedience, are determined by the parenting style that is practiced in the family:

Authoritarian (active suppression of the will of the child). It consists in the suppression of children's will, when the child does and thinks only in accordance with parental wishes. The child is literally "trained"
Democratic. Assumes the child's right to vote, as well as his involvement in various activities associated with the family. although some things are not discussed, since they are not within the scope of the child's responsibility, the main format of communication between the parent and the child is not orders, but a meeting.
Mixed. It is characterized by the "carrot and stick" method. parents sometimes tighten the "nuts" and sometimes loosen them. Children adapt to him too, living their carefree lives from “whipping” to “whipping”. We also read:

The results of some of these parenting styles are the following stories:

1. Too smart

7-year-old Denis - middle child in family. Parents are worried about his lack of response to their requests. Hearing problems were suspected, but everything turned out to be normal. Denis is the reason for the untimely seating of all family members at the table, the crush in the bathroom in the morning, and also the brothers and sisters being late for school. Even if he speaks sternly and loudly, he can calmly go about his own. Authorities have no effect on him. Never on his face did not see strong emotions, neither fear nor joy. His parents began to suspect that he had serious internal disorders associated with mental and neurological problems.

According to the results of the surveys, it was revealed that Denis has a fairly high and lively intellect. He carried on conversations with enthusiasm, said that chess was his favorite game, and with pleasure and sensibly told what he had recently read. The conversation lasted more than two hours, during which Denis was not only not tired, but his interest in everything that was happening was growing. Disobedience was the result high activity brain and focusing on the internal solution of more complex problems. Denisov's parents were upset, because the only desire was “so that he listens and, together with other children, fulfills my requests.”

Very often, our beloved children become demanding, capricious, arrange violent tantrums and scandals. If the right actions are not taken in time, this can develop into chronic form, and peace in the family will be disturbed for a long time. In this article, we will help you understand the causes of this behavior and ways to restore balance at home.

Why does a child at 7 years old constantly freak out and act up?

First important reason is the lack of coordination in the actions of parents in relation to the child. For example, mom does not allow watching cartoons before going to bed, and dad agrees to this; one adult forbids jumping on the couch and the other does not. There are too many conventions, and the child insistently begins to demand what he can from time to time. In this scenario, it is difficult for the baby to understand whether there are specific rules or not.
The second mistake of upbringing is the inconsistency and uncertainty of parents in their actions. So, one day you strictly forbid touching your phone, and the next you let your child play with it. One time, sweets are allowed to be eaten only after dinner, and the other time, you can intercept the candy before meals. Such seemingly trifles are easily fixed by children, and subsequently they begin to demand more, expanding the boundaries of what is permitted.
Some parents are afraid of children's whims, especially in public, and at this moment they are ready to allow the child anything, if only he would be silent. Such things are also clearly noticed by children, and then these techniques are used consciously. And the reason for this is the wrong reaction of adults to the sabotage of a small person.
A tense situation within the family can also cause increased moodiness of the child. If adults often swear and communicate in raised tones, the baby also learns this behavior model. Besides, frequent quarrels in front of children, they instill fear in them, insecurity in their parents, and with their psychotic and nervous behavior they show their excitement.
It happens that demonstrative whims are a consequence unmet need in attention. When a child is left to himself most of the time, the tension inside him grows and finds a way out through negative actions. After all, it is in response to them that the violent reaction of the parents follows. Well, this is also coveted attention, albeit with a negative sign.
The lack of a clear daily routine and firm rules within the family also serve great occasion start a scandal. In this case, the child's psyches speak of a loss of confidence, internal tension associated with a lack of understanding of the boundaries and limits of permissibility.
And, of course, illiterately built parental authority or its absence in itself serve as a reason for the child to try to take a place in the sun. If there is no one to obey in the house, then it is quite possible to claim the position of the main person in the family.

A child at 7 years old constantly throws tantrums: what to do?

If the hysterics of the seven-year-old became frequent need to determine their cause. By listening in time to the requests of the child, expressed in whining and whims, you can safely avoid further consequences. It is impossible to interact with a child in hysterics, so forget about threats, slaps and exhortations. All this will only inflame the baby even more. If your child is seven years old Once again threw a tantrum, go up to him and hold him tightly, preventing him from escaping. Stroke the baby on the head or back, monotonously whisper soothing words. When the tantrum begins to subside, you can let go of the baby, sit next to him, look into his eyes, take his hand - in a word, it is important to continue to maintain bodily contact. When the little person finally calms down, gently start the conversation with the words "I understand that you are sad / hurt / hurt." This way you will make it clear that you are on the same wavelength and do not judge him. Gradually, the baby will be drawn into the conversation, and you will have the opportunity to learn about the cause of the tantrum in more detail. At the end, invite the child to think about what can be done next time so that this does not happen. Suggest suitable alternatives and discuss them with him.
Of course, it is best not to allow such a development of events and not to allow the tantrums of a 7-year-old child to become permanent. To do this, you should be sensitive to his condition and mood, build good and trusting relationships, work on your authority and in no case criticize, humiliate or call the baby names. Taking into account these nuances, you will very soon notice that the child's behavior has improved, and there is no trace of tantrums left.

Seven years is a special age, behind kindergarten and, the child goes to school, becomes more independent. It seems that parents can relax a little.

However, right now they are waiting for the crisis of seven years - one of milestones growing up. This transition period opens the child A New Look on the world, allows it to move to another level of development.

Often these positive changes are accompanied by negative changes in character: a surge of stubbornness, irritability,. A well-known psychologist explains that by this age the child has formed an “inner parent”: this is the “imprint” of you in the mind of the child, which tells him how to behave in different life circumstances. This means that the child no longer needs to constantly hear the external voice of the parent, he remembers all your settings and can model your reaction to his own behavior or the behavior of others.

But not all of us are perfect parents, and sometimes it is difficult for us to behave correctly with a child. Crises arise and certain periods they escalate. How to survive the crisis of seven years with the least losses?

Child development at 7 years old

A child at the age of seven is already a mature personality. He goes to the first grade and is already able to systematically receive and assimilate a significant amount of knowledge. At the same time, he is still a child and needs free time to play. He also needs the love and recognition of his parents, by the age of seven the baby becomes very vulnerable, he painfully perceives his failures and disapproval from adults.

Usually by the age of seven, a child already knows how to:

retelling or telling long connected stories;
divide words into syllables;
draw correctly geometric figures, carefully paint over them, be able to handle scissors;
count up to 20, and vice versa;
memorize up to ten named words;
draw plot drawings;
dress;
solve logical problems.

Causes of the crisis of seven years

From the works of well-known Western and domestic, we know that the crisis of seven years is associated with the transition from direct "childish" behavior to a conscious "adult". The kid begins to copy the adults around him. It is from here that the “mannering”, “antics”, “mocking” that irritates parents so much arises: the child tries new social roles for himself. Therefore, he suffers from mood swings and frequent bouts of irritation. From the crisis of three years, this behavior differs in the “intellectual” component: the baby already wants not just autonomy and independence, but an equal position with an adult, the opportunity to make important decisions for him. And in view of the fact that seven years is still very young age, parents continue to act on old scheme. This is where conflicts arise.

How to cope with the crisis 7 years: 8 rules

1. Set rules for everyone in the family, involving the child in the formation of the final list

7. Be an example for the child and watch the environment

Inspire your child with your behavior, not just words. At seven years old, babies “mirror” your behavior, so at this age it is important positive example parents or other adults. For example, if mom or dad themselves sit at the computer for hours, and the child is not allowed to do this, it is unlikely that he will listen to their arguments. Also make sure that there are no "negative" examples of behavior in the environment of the child.

8. Play with your child

The game is the natural language of the child, says Elena Piotrovskaya, an expert on the site “I am a Parent”, a game psychotherapist. Pay attention to those who are relaxed, because now the baby really lacks them. The child will "lose" some crisis scenarios in life, and the problems will go away by themselves.

Proper parental behavior crisis period plays very important role- it contributes to the formation of correct self-esteem, as well as attitudes towards learning. The healthy psychological development of a young student depends on how attentive adults will be.

Do you devote enough time to the seven-year period?

Ekaterina Kushnir

The development of a child of 7 years from birth undergoes many changes. From a little peanut, he turns into a schoolboy. The ratios between body parts are approaching the proportions of adults. He speaks well, expresses his thoughts logically, can read and is learning to write in cursive. At the same time, children are going through a difficult transition period. Their life circumstances change, not everyone can easily adapt to schoolwork, the new team. Therefore, parents should be especially attentive to their babies at this age.

Physical development of children at 7 years old

The proportions of the body in children of the seventh year of life approach those of adults. Their arms and legs are strongly extended, the torso, relative to other parts of the body, becomes shorter. The skeleton is growing rapidly, and the muscles are still poorly developed. Therefore, prolonged static loads lead to posture disorders. Children need to organize workplace take breaks during lessons. Great importance have physical exercise at recess. Not bad if the child goes to the sports section.

Seven-year-olds endure intense physical exercise. They walk several kilometers, you can safely take them on one-day trips. A child can run at a fast pace for about 30-40 meters. Jumps from a place to 40 cm, and from a run - to a meter. Easily bounces on the right and left foot. Plays with the ball, can easily hit the target from a few meters. Children can jump rope, ride a two-wheeled bicycle, swim. Nervous system and reflexes are still poorly developed, they do not yet control all movements. Therefore, children cannot quickly perform exercises, start on a signal.

Fine motor skills of the hands are intensively developing, but not yet perfect. Therefore, during the lessons, the hands of the children get tired. It is easier for a child to write and draw in a notebook large letters and figures. Parallel and straight lines are not very accurate. It is sometimes difficult for children to correctly determine and display the slope of a letter on paper, write out complex elements. But modeling, applique, stringing beads, puzzles, folding construction sets for kids are much better than before. Pay as much attention to practical exercises as possible. They will help develop fine motor skills and improve writing in children.

The development of speech and thinking in a child of 7 years

The seventh year of life is the time of the final formation of literary speech. Children already pronounce all the letters, they can express themselves in complex sentences. They clearly and logically express their thoughts, they know how to conduct dialogues. The vocabulary of a younger student is large, reaching several thousand words. Children should be taught to pronounce long monologues, retell learned material, read texts. Speech should be formed according to the laws of a literary, and not a simple spoken language.

In the seventh year, the child continues to actively perceive new information. He quickly memorizes and analyzes the material, learns well. In the process of mental activity, seven-year-olds use different types thinking:

Visual and effective
Visual-figurative
Visual-schematic
Verbal logical.

The main type of thinking continues to be visual-figurative, which gradually replaces the visual-active, characteristic of younger age. Children perceive information better when they see specific objects in front of them, visual aids. They are able to perceive them as a whole, orient themselves in schematic representations(visual-schematic thinking). They are able to identify the main properties of objects, group them together according to these characteristics. The child is able to perceive the conditions of the task better if he sees an image in front of him, controls the result of his work with the help of a visual demonstration. Verbal-logical thinking is found only in initial stage development, it is finally formed only in adolescence.

memory and attention

Children at the age of 7 remember best the material that interested or aroused them. emotional response. After a year, they improve their arbitrary memory, and they will be able to learn even what they do not really like. In junior preschool age mechanical memory functions well. It helps children quickly learn new material. But one should not rely heavily on mechanical memory. If the kid gets used to cramming without understanding the material, it will be difficult for him to learn in the future. Explain to the student what he is learning. Then the memory will become better, and the ability to assimilate large amounts of information will increase.

Young children have attention problems. They are easily distracted by stimuli. It is still difficult for children to concentrate on one lesson, they have enough minutes for ten or twenty. A child can carefully engage in a matter that is far from learning, but interesting to him personally. For example, a boy or a girl in a lesson draws in a notebook or on a desk instead of reading. Attention in children develops in different ways. Some people concentrate on something for longer, but it is more difficult to switch. For others, the function of switching from one task to another works well, but there are difficulties with concentration. This function will be fully formed in the baby in a year or two.

So, in the seventh year of life, the intellect of a schoolboy is already well developed. Here are the skills he should have in first grade:

Be able to read (at least in syllables)
Be able to count up to 100, know simple arithmetic functions within 20
Write in cursive
Be able to establish logical connections between the main features of objects, reproduce them according to the model
Be able to use logic in thought processes
Correctly assess the actions of people and their own
Have good coordination and fine motor skills
Understand and retell children's stories, fairy tales
Have a desire to acquire new knowledge, be ready to make efforts for this.

A psychologist will help to correctly assess the level of development of the student, a good school teacher. It is important for parents to understand that all children develop according to their own plan, each with their own abilities and characteristics. Do not put too much pressure on children in the first year of school. It is better to use positive motivations for learning than punishments.

Emotional development and social connections

Age-related features of the development of the psyche and emotions in children at the age of 7 are associated with another change in the circumstances of their lives. This year they have:

Own worldview
Ethical and aesthetic standards
Personal motivation
Ability to adhere to generally accepted rules and norms
Self-Esteem and Personal Consciousness

Emotions of children in the seventh year of life begins to control the intellect. They begin to understand the motives own behavior, the state of his psyche. The information received in the learning process greatly helps in this difficult matter.

A seven-year-old child continues to spend a lot of time role-playing games. This is not only a method of development, but also a way of communicating with peers. Children have a highly developed imagination, but they no longer fully identify themselves with fictional characters. Rather children in the seventh year of life, they embody films, play roles like actors. Gradually, lessons, gaining new knowledge will replace the game. Communication between children will turn into verbal, and interaction - into solving common problems.

School lessons, mastering new knowledge, strongly influence the formation of personality. The child compares his current amount of knowledge and skills with what he could do a year ago. Parents need to emphasize these positive changes, create a positive motivation for the student to further education. School performance can greatly affect a child's self-esteem. Successful study raises self-esteem, causes pleasure from their own successes. Bad marks school makes children depressed. No need to swear if the child does not study well. Emphasize in communication with the baby that you love him. And you can achieve success with a little more effort.

Send

The crisis of seven years in children is associated with the realization of their social role. They begin to understand own place in society, they form new relationships with adults and peers. The experiences and feelings of the student become deeper than those of the baby. He develops his own inner world based on worldview, external circumstances and personal emotions. Often the behavior of children becomes strange, strained, "artificial". They are not very good at hiding their feelings. Children again act up, become quick-tempered, take a position of denial. Mood swings will soon subside as the child becomes aware of their new self and learns to deal with new emotions. For some children, the crisis period lasts several months, while for others it will take a year or two to establish emotional stability.

Seven year old mode

Provide proper development a child at 7 years old will help the regimen and normal attitude in family. Children need time to rest and exercise. The student should sleep at about 10 o'clock, go to bed no later than nine in the evening. After school, you should rest for a few hours. It is best to sit down for lessons at 16 o'clock. Do not do homework more than an hour. Every 25-30 minutes you should make a change. For a better understanding of the material, visual materials are needed. A table with examples of addition and subtraction will help, a colorful alphabet on the wall.

The baby should have a personal space in the house. Even if the apartment is small, try to give him a corner with a desk or desk, curbstone. The child should have a place where he will hide his notebooks, books, coloring books, cars and dolls. After all, for a seven-year-old, toys and study guides equally important. In his cognitive activity play and learning are still very closely intertwined. In order to develop attentiveness and perseverance in a student, try to properly equip his workplace. During the lessons, children should not be distracted by anything. Do not place a table in front of the window so that the baby is not distracted. Light should fall from the left side. Buy table lamp, install it so that it does not interfere and its light falls on the workplace.

Don't ignore childhood experiences. Listen to everything that the kid tells about school, about his friends. Communicate with him "in an adult way", talk about friendship, responsibilities, plans for the future. Praise your little student often for all his achievements. Children develop and learn well if they feel comfortable and cozy at home. On weekends, it is advisable to spend more time with the baby, plan a country trip in the summer, go to the cinema together or watch interesting video. Do not spare your time for your children, because every minute invested in them will return later and become a support in their adult life.

The second pitfall, oddly enough, is permissiveness. Some parents, having read the recommendations, allow their child to make decisions in all areas of activity.

Remember - this is just a child, he does not yet have a clear understanding of good and evil. Give him carte blanche - he will find himself another authority.

How to help your child overcome a crisis

Separate areas of activity six-year-olds. Determine what is dangerous for him.

This is a taboo area. Here prohibitions and restrictions are not discussed. In all other respects, a small person can have his own opinion.

For example, strangers should not open the door. But to congratulate your grandmother on her birthday is not “necessary”, but “let's congratulate, because she will be pleased.”

And do not insist if the child refuses to do this, no matter how shocking the decision may be for you.

Give him freedom of choice where he already has some experience: choose clothes for a trip to the park, come up with a menu for dinner from his favorite dishes.

But if you take it to shopping mall and offer to choose a wardrobe for yourself, the child, on the contrary, will feel small and insecure, since the difference between the task and his experience is significant.

Remember: the ability to make independent decisions is being laid now. Do you want him to be afraid to take on new things in the future? Set him impossible tasks for a six-year-old.

Your ally is the school

A great help in overcoming the crisis is the school. In it, the child realizes his craving for knowledge.

He gets mass new information and greedily absorbs it. That's why in primary school children learn better than in subsequent ones.